The Gap Year Programme
by lehayim
Summary: When the Final Battle leaves a year of students ungraduated, Minerva and Severus establish a gap year programme abroad for the students to finish their education. Can romance blossom between two unlikely people, both haunted by their pasts? HGSS
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

Minerva McGonagall and Severus Snape sat in the Headmistresses office sucking on lemon drops, which Minerva had kept as a fond memory of Albus Dumbledore's days in that very office.

Minerva had just finished putting forward her latest idea to Severus, and was waiting for his response.

"To be frank, I'm not sure if I'm up to it," he said at last. "You're right, there are so many bad memories here for me, I would welcome a break. But what you're suggesting sounds like harder work than teaching! It won't involve preventing dunderheads from blowing up the castle, that much is true. But while a good idea, I'm completely wrong for the job."

She smiled,

"Think of it as a paid holiday then. You won't be the only teacher there – Charlie Weasley and Hestia Jones will be joining you – that way we have all bases covered between the three of you. And I do believe you are missing the major point that this isn't teaching as you know it – all your pupils will be of age both in the wizarding world and in the muggle world. And you won't be responsible for them in the same way as the teachers at Hogwarts – there are some basic rules to follow, of course, but they are generally allowed a great deal of freedom."

Severus groaned, and looked up at the portrait of Albus, who was snoring conspicuously behind Minerva's desk, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Albus!" Severus growled. "Stop pretending to be asleep, and tell me what you think of this whole matter!"

Sitting at the kitchen table in the Burrow, sipping her coffee, Hermione unrolled the Daily Prophet, read the headline, and called out in surprise to Ron and Harry to read the front page.

HOGWARTS GAP YEAR PROGRAMME

For the first – and only – time, Hogwarts will be offering a gap year programme for students aged eighteen and nineteen. Created by Hogwarts headmistress Minerva McGonagall, the programme was designed with last year's ungraduated students specifically in mind.

The war regime's anti-muggle laws were cause for many students to leave Hogwarts and go into hiding, along with other students from so-called muggle-loving families, whilst other students left school because of the changes to the curriculum, and the reintroduction of corporal punishment. The final battle meant that the remainder of students were unable to take their NEWT exams and he graduate Hogwarts.

The gap year programme, based on the muggle idea of taking a year out of studies before university, aims to cover all aspects of the curriculum needed to take the NEWT exams, albeit not in a school environment – with other aims of enriching students' years with foreign culture and new experiences.

Current plans involve periods spent in the European cities of Majorca and Barcelona in Spain, and Warsaw in Poland. Accompanying the students as guides and teachers will be former headmaster Severus Snape, Magical Creature and Defence expert Charles Weasley, and renowned transfiguration instructor Hestia Jones.

Incidentally, Severus Snape was the cause of so many students leaving Hogwarts last year, but was proved to be double spy for the light, as reported by the _Prophet_ earlier this month.

When questioned, Minerva McGonagall said, "There is no question of Severus' loyalties, or his teaching abilities. He will be a useful asset to the team."

She went on to say about the programme, "it [the programme] will be spent entirely abroad. Spain has two vibrant magical communities, with whom the students will be able to learn much from. Warsaw has a growing magical community, and the students will be able to give much back to the community through volunteering programmes, as well as learning from the witches and wizard who live there.

"The programme will include the core subjects of herbology, transfiguration, defence against the dark arts, charms, potions, astronomy, and history of magic. There will be other options available for extra credit, including wizarding sports, care of magical creatures, arithmancy, and occlumency.

Lessons are the only elements of the course which are mandatory, although there are many other non-compulsory elements to the programme, including volunteering, hiking, and expeditions. The students are adults, and will be treated as such, with free time to travel and do as they please. Accommodation will be provided; the students will be living either in apartments or hostels, depending on location, and food is also provided.

The cost is part subsidised by the Ministry's department of education, and a provisional cost for the moment will be 7,500 galleons for the nine-month programme."

Critics of the programme ask whether the headmistress will be able to pull it all together in time, with the start date of September 21st just a month away. Information will be posted to all former students from the previous academic year.

_For more on the double-loyalties of Severus Snape see page seven, for more on has Hogwarts Lost it? See page nine_.

Hermione, Ron and Harry looked at each other questioningly.

"It sounds pretty amazing, although I want to know what rules there are before I sign up to anything." Ron said.

"Only what you would expect... nothing illegal, no drugs, must attend lessons and sit final exams, anything involving local police can results in being kicked off the programme. Nothing ridiculous. I've been involved in this from day one, and take it from me, it's an amazing opportunity."

The three turned to see the owner of the voice, Charlie Weasley, walk into the room grinning.

They leapt up, badgering him with questions – who were teaching what subjects, what the accommodation was like, what students were going on it, what were the trips like.

After he had answered their questions and promised to come back later with more information after a meeting a Hogwarts, Ron and Harry started talking excitedly, reading through the programme information packs.

Hermione sat quietly, mulling over all the facts. She had been planning to study independently for the next few months and then take her NEWTs. After that, she had no idea what she wanted to do. The programme sounded ideal, with the NEWT curriculum covered, and the teachers would be there for extra tutoring for other examinations, if wanted.

Charlie was to be teaching care of magical creatures, wizarding sport, astronomy, as well as the more practical elements of Defence against the Dark Arts. Hestia Jones was to teach transfiguration, charms and arithmancy. History of Magic was going to have teachers brought in from the local area, specialising on local European history, as well as an in depth look at Voldemort's rise and fall from power.

Snape was to teach, of course potions, as well as defence against the dark arts, herbology, and occumency. Hermione's mind lingered on Snape. He had been found in the Shrieking Shack, barely alive after Nagini's attack. Madam Pomfrey had worked night and day to save him, whilst Minerva had devoted herself to proving his innocence with Albus Dumbeldore's testimonies from his portrait, as well as his memories.

Hermione wondered what it would be like for him, and why on earth he wanted to come back to teaching! _Maybe he really enjoyed, despite appearances, _she mused thoughtfully. Most importantly, would his teaching style be the same in such a different environment and in such different circumstances?

With such good educational prospects, Hermione couldn't think of any reason not to go – it all sounded very exciting! The trips sounded amazing – overnight hikes and camping, sightseeing, education outings. And the accommodation sounded fairly decent – good quality youth hostels, or otherwise apartments which the students had to maintain for themselves on a stipend which would be provided. She smirked thinking of Harry and Ron and the other Gryffindor boys living together and cooking and cleaning for themselves.

No – not with the other Gryffindor boys, she corrected herself. There was to be no house segregation. Charlie has made this point strongly – it has been something they had all agreed on. The war had done enough to segregate people, it was time for unity.

Harry and Ron were still pouring over the information.

"No drugs Ron," Harry pointed out, smirking, and Ron snorted with laughter.

"Yes, because I really missed out on that this year when we were on the run!" The three of them were finally at a point where they could joke about the horrors of the past year, although they mainly kept it amongst themselves, as others were inclined to start asking questions and look upon them all as rather heroic. That idea made them crack up with laughter – although more disbelieving than humorous. There was nothing heroic about arguing and trying to survive for a year whilst looking for horcruxes.

The boys looked up at Hermione.

"Hermione, are you in? Are you going to sign up?"

She grinning. "Definitely!"

Ron patted her head affectionately. "Ah Hermione, we knew you wouldn't miss a chance for more studying!"

Two weeks later Minerva and Severus were back in her office, looking at the stack of forms that needed to be dealt with. Students that had signed up had had a book of declarations and health forms to sign and return within two weeks, and the programme was ready to run on schedule.

"How many students do we have, Minerva?"

"Almost all of them have signed up for it. There were a few casualties from the war – Lavender Brown, Vincent Crabbe. But the majority are with us.

Almost all your Slytherins will be there – Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, Gregory Goyle, Milicent Bulstrode. Miss Parkinson was wed over the summer and will not be joining you. _All _the Hufflepuffs are enrolling, and so are all my Gryffindors. And I do believe a few Ravenclaws undertook intensive study courses over the summer and have already completed their NEWTs, but most will be attending. It should be a group of approximately thirty students – the three of you will be able to handle that!"

"Merlin help us – thirty hormonal and rebellious teenagers, allowed to go wherever and do what they want for the first time in their lives! What have we let ourselves in for?!" Severus laughed.

And with that he got up to start packing – he was to leave the next morning for Barcelona and start making preparations for the students to arrive in just two weeks time.

Please R&R – I haven't written anything in a very long time, and would love to know what you think of this! It will be HGSS, although not for a while, as I will building the relationship.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter One

Mrs Granger sat on the end of Hermione's bed, trying to hide her awe as piles of clothes and books zoomed across the room, shrinking before diving into Hermione's suitcase. After seven years of knowing her daughter was a witch, the sight of magic still amazed her.

"Darling, it's not a holiday," she started to protest, as bikinis and tanning oil flew past her.

Hermione frowned in acknowledgement and waved her wand to send the bikinis soaring back into the cupboard, to be replaced by more books.

"And it's not school either! I don't want you to waste this opportunity by missing everything because your head is in a book. When I said it's not a holiday, I want you to realise that you are moving to another country- albeit for just a year. It won't be all sunbathing with the girls between lessons – you will have to shop for food and keep your apartments clean – you are **living **there. Think of it as a precursor to university – you aren't at school any more."

The bikinis returned to the suitcase.

At the Burrow, Harry and Ron were also having trouble packing. Their broomsticks had been shrunk and packed, along with swimming trunks, shorts and t-shirts.

"Underwear, boys?" Suggested Mrs Weasley. "It could be useful, despite what you think."

Ron blushed scarlet. "Mum!"

She ignored him. "And clothes for lessons? And for camping trips, when it gets cold? Don't expect to be apparating home every weekend because you've forgotten something important – I don't trust you yet with long-distance apparition. Your father was searching the Channel for two days before he found George's other ear. To lose one was bad enough – but this was just plain careless."

"I'm not sure he did it on purpose Mrs Weasley – and you can hardly compare cross-channel apparition to being chased by Deatheaters!"

Mrs Weasley didn't answer, preoccupied with enlarging the clothes in the boys' suitcases, refolding them with a twirl of her wand, and reshrinking them. She frowned, and turned to the boys, as if waiting for something. They looked at her questioningly, and then at each other.

"Books, boys?!"

They suddenly ducked and covered their heads as piles of books tumbled off the top of the cupboard, plummeting into the cases with a thud.

Waiting for Mrs Weasley to leave the room, Ron snorted with laughter.

"I don't know how much studying she expects us to do, this isn't school! We're living independently for the first time – it's going to be great! Beach parties every night and Spanish chicks!"

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On Sunday 20th September, the day before they were due to leave for Barcelona, Mrs Weasley put on a lavish afternoon tea for all the family, of course inviting Harry, Hermione, and Hermione's parents. Mr and Mrs Granger sat in amazement. They had seen their daughter do magic, and were well aware of all she was capable of, having been sent to Australia for nine months with no memory of even having a daughter. But to see magic as such a way of life was a completely new concept to them; the washing up was doing itself, cook books opened to the right page on request, and the mirror had complimented Mrs Granger when she reapplied her lipstick.

Mrs Weasley had put on a feast large enough to feed an army; cakes, scones, sandwiches, pastries and pies. And in case they weren't full after all that, there were platters of fruit, brownies and cupcakes.

Ginny clung to Harry's arm, smiling brightly through her tears. They had been dating since the end of the war, and she hated to see him leave again. Harry had promised to visit her every Hogsmeade weekend, after teasing about taking up a Spanish girl for during the week. She had punched his arm more than slightly roughly. They had sat down one day to tell each other their stories and the horrors of the past year, and after that they had never mentioned it again or told anyone else, and had grown all the more closer.

Ron and Charlie couldn't stop talking about the Spanish girls. Charlie was raving about the woman who was to teach History of magic – and Ron was close to drooling after his description of her. Charlie's eyes twinkled with laughter as he said how he thought it was just a clever ploy to get students interested in history of magic – the course content was irrelevant!

Hermione was very quiet, which was a first for her and everyone else. Over the past month she hadn't always been sure that the programme was right for her, sometimes she envied the Ravenclaws who had already graduated and were studying at university or looking for jobs. It had been a difficult reunion with her parents three months previously; at first they had been furious, then disbelieving when she had explained all that had gone on over the past year, and why it had been necessary for them to go into hiding. When they learnt the full extent of her escapades her father had insisted flat out that she give up magic and leave the wizarding world for good, declaring it one step too far for any sane person to deal with. Mr Weasley's gentle reassurances and explanations had satisfied the reluctant man, and he had spent the remainder of the summer treating Hermione like a frail doll, watching over her every move.

She found it hard to believe that the next day she would be leaving her parents all over again. Thinking about what they were about to embark on, Hermione was wondered what it would be like with the whole year group back together. Would the Slytherins be as unpleasant as ever? Malfoy had renounced the dark side, but he had never been friends with the three of them even when Voldemort **wasn't **involved.

On a more personal note, she wasn't sure what it would be like living with everyone in such a different environment to school. She had never been close to the Gryffindor girls, but a year spent with just Harry and Ron in a tent had made Hermione realised how much she craved female company sometimes!

She hadn't requested anyone to share a room with in the hostel, and had found out she was to be sharing with Milicent Bulstrode – the only Slytherin girl returning. She had her doubts as to how well they would get on with all the house differences over the past years. _Hermione! _She admonished herself. _This is exactly why there is no house segregation! We are all meant to get on with each other! _

And there was no evidence of her or her family ever being affiliated with the Dark Lord, which was as good a basis as any for not hating the girl!

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The next day all the students had been instructed to meet with their luggage at ten o clock in the morning in the Leaky Cauldron – which had been emptied of all customers so that the students could be registered and leave. Charlie Weasley was there with Minerva McGonagall, who was welcoming the students with tears in her eyes, overwhelmed to see how many had chosen to return to complete their education.

"Sign by your name on one of the lists and then stand by a portkey – there should be six students to a portkey, so please ensure you have shrunk your luggage and have it on you for safekeeping."

There were emotional goodbyes from the muggle parents of many students, who were unable to apparate to visit their children whenever they felt like it. Silence fell as Minerva cleared her throat to speak.

"Welcome back students – although it is a very different welcome back for you, as you will not be returning to Hogwarts. I don't know whether that is a good thing or not! I'm so proud of all of you, and I know if Professor Dumbledore were here he would be just as proud that you are all embarking on this adventure!

I don't have to tell you not to use magic in the corridors or smuggle firewhiskey into the common rooms – as I'm sure you will all be drinking more than I can stomach in a lifetime! But don't be reckless and forget where you are – you may be living in a wizard youth hostel, but it is still a muggle city.

But have a wonderful time, and I would love to hear from as many of my old students that can remember to write to me! Good luck, and grab hold of your portkeys!"

Hermione, Ron and Harry each took ahold of a leg of the dirty toy lobster, and everything went out of focus.

They came down with a thud on the white stone floors of a large reception area and looked up to see the three students they were sharing a portkey with. Draco Malfoy nodded his head slightly to them all, and held out his hand, which Harry shook after a moment's hesitation. The girl next to him held out her hand to Hermione.

"Millie Bulstrode." She introduced herself. Hermione's mouth almost fell open. Either she had grown an awful lot since second year, or Millicent had shrunk! Hermione remembered her as positively huge, yet here she was, tall and slim and almost pretty. She didn't look like a threatening Slytherin whatsoever. But it was a very small step to think of Slytherins with devil's horns and tail.

"And this is Blaise Zabini." She gestured to the boy on her left, who held out a hand for Hermione to shake. She looked into his dark eyes as she took his hand, and felt the electricity at his touch, her stomach doing a backflip. She remembered him from classes as one of the few decent Slytherins, very clever, and very good looking.

"I do believe this is the first time we have spoken in seven years, Miss Granger," he said smoothly.

"I-is it?" She stammered, and he chuckled deeply.

"Well it is for me, you seem to be left without words. It couldn't be _me_ making you speechless, could it?" He teased.

Hermione couldn't believe how forward he was being, and felt her cheeks redden.

"I need to go get my room key and –"

She was thankfully interrupted by the arrival of Severus Snape, who keep into the reception sans the usual billowing robes.

"Welcome students, we are so pleased to welcome back so many of you. You have already been briefed on the programme rules, so I only want to underpin that any rule-breaking will be taken very seriously. There aren't many restrictions, but they are there for a reason, and myself and Professor McGonagall will not tolerate any rule-breakers, and it could result in expulsion from the programme.

Bearing that in mind, I hope you have a wonderful time over the next nine months and soak up the beautiful culture here, as well as your formal studies. The next few days are an orientation, of sorts, in which you will be introduced to the subjects on offer. There is career counselling available for those of you unsure what subjects to take for your NEWTs, or for those of you with additional requests.

Mr Weasley has gone to a lot of trouble to set up an internal magical communication system for us here – somewhat similar to muggle mobile telephones. You need to sign for them after you have checked in. You now have time to meet your roommates and unpack, the first talk is in Seminar Room 2, and is at twelve o clock. Do not be late."

Harry and Ron exchanged mystified looks, unsure whether Snape had gone soft since no longer being a double agent, or whether he was still a snarky bastard underneath it all/

"I don't want him to catch me breaking any rules, that's for sure." Said Harry, "he seemed like the old Snape about that."

That, and he also didn't know if he could bear to face the man having been in his memories and seen his feelings for his mother.

Hermione and Millie got the keys for their room, and went to unpack. For a youth hostel, it was a surprisingly nice room – large and airy, with a balcony overlooking the gardens and swimming pool. There were two beds – not bunk beds Hermione noted with relief, desks for studying, a small two-seater couch at one side, and an en-suite bathroom.

"Very nice!" Millie approved, breaking the awkward silence that had been building.

"Look Hermione, let's get this out in the open. Because whatever they have said about there being no house divisions anymore, I know the old ones still exist. I was never a Deatheater. My family were never Deatheaters, and we never supported You-Know-Who. I can vouch for Draco and Blaise as well, Blaise has been my best friend for years, and his family has never been involved in anything. Draco has been my boyfriend for the past year, and I can swear that he never wanted to get dragged into any of what happened.

I know you suffered a lot last year, no one really knows what happened. But I promise, I don't believe any of that mudblood inferiority rubbish, and I don't want there to be any awkwardness. Okay?"

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. A lot of unanswered questions were suddenly off her chest, and she could feel herself warming to Millie already. She put down the clothes she was unpacking and smiled.

"Thank you, that meant a lot. Maybe one day I will tell you everything that happened last year. I haven't spoken of it to anyone yet."

They finished unpacking, with Millie adding homely touches such as cushions on the sofa, and a rug on the stone floor. A shout through the door from Draco told them that it was time to go to the first seminar.

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Snape introduced Charlie Weasley and Hestia Jones to the students, as well as the local History of Magic teacher, Katia Rueda. Dean Thomas wolf-whistled as she stood up, and most of the boys looked completely star-struck. Blaise Zabini rolled his eyes at Draco in amusement.

"You would think," he murmured, "that after what most people here have been through, they would realise that there are more important things in life."

Snape outlined the content of all the courses on offer, and warned the students to think carefully before choosing. He foresaw many of the boys selecting History of Magic without giving a moment's thought to how much work it involved or what they wanted to get out of it.

Hermione's thoughts wondered to what career path she wanted to follow after this year. She used to be entirely idealistic, and had wanted to change the wizarding world for the better, revolutionising the ministry for the better. It wasn't nice to take back ones ideas of changing the world, but she just wasn't sure if that was what she wanted anymore. Something in healing maybe? Was there a wizard equivalent to a paramedic? Or maybe brewing medical potions?

"... and if anyone wants career counselling, or just to talk about their subject options, we are available all afternoon after lunch in the seminar rooms."

Snape had finished his speech, and Hermione got up with Millie to go to lunch, which was served in the hostel's main dining room, with a buffet of cold meats and salads. Hermione filled her plate and sat down with Millie, Harry and Ron joining them. Moments later Draco and Blaise came to sit with Millie. The boys eyed each other warily, and Millie nudged Hermione under the table in amusement.

Blaise nodded formally at them, and then grinned at Hermione, his white teeth flashing against his olive skin.

"What did you think of the subject talks?" She asked everyone.

"More like what did you think of Snape?! Has he had a lobotomy, or is someone drinking polyjuice potion?!"

Draco looked vaguely surprised at Millie's exclamation.

"What do you mean? He only ever a snarky git in public, he wasn't half bad when he was addressing just us Slytherins. And in fact whenever he was at my house with father and relaxed with a drink or two, he was pretty decent. Well, as far as Snape goes. He's fine to have a conversation with, but I wouldn't take him out in public half the time!

"What do you think of him bringing in that History of Magic teacher? It was deliberate I'm sure of it – did you all see the reaction?"

He motioned towards Ron, who had started making lewd gestures and suggestions when Draco had mentioned the new teacher.

"What subjects are you going to take Hermione?" Millie asked.

"I'm not sure, I'm going to meet with the teachers later to discuss my options. I thought maybe something in healing, I like practical things."

"So you're good with your hands then?" Blaise raised an eyebrow at her suggestively, and Ron glowered at the Italian boy.

Hermione went beet red, and cursed herself inwardly. Why did she keep doing that around this boy?

"When I choose to be." She smiled cheekily, praying that the red in her cheeks had subsided.

"Oh? And when do you choose to?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

_Oh my God, am I flirting with him!_ Hermione thought suddenly. _I don't even know how to flirt!_

"I'm going to go see the Professor Snape and the other teachers now." She announced abruptly, getting up and leaving everyone else at the table wondering what was going on between her and Blaise.

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Hermione waited outside the Seminar Room for Hannah Abbot to come out.

"It's like a bloody interview process, they're terrifying!" Hannah hissed as she left the room and Hermione entered. The four teachers were sitting in a panel behind a table, with a chair for Hermione facing them. She sat down nervously.

"How can we help you Miss Granger?"

Hermione explained her concerns about not knowing what she wanted to do after her NEWTs, and her idea of going into something medical.

"There isn't exactly an equivalent to a magical paramedic, the vast majority of patients are apparated straight to hospital where they are met by the healers. There **is** pharmacy – creating medical potions, there is always a need for that, and it is a highly-specialised area of potion-making. Or there is medical research, developing new medical spells and potions. Or of course you can always study to be a healer, if that is what you desire. What do you think, Miss Granger?"

Hermione didn't answer for several minutes, mulling over all the options in her mind before replying.

"Medical research sounds brilliant. And spending my life studying and researching is something suited to me – I almost miss my title of Hogwarts resident know-it-all!"

To everyone's surprise Severus actually laughed; a deep bellow of laughter. Charlie looked as if he was about to fall off his chair, and his jaw dropped most unattractively.

"How fitting, Miss Granger! Well for the core subjects, you will absolutely need potions, herbology, defence against the dark arts and charms. I will be more than happy to run extra classes to teach you the basics of medical potions, which can get very complex. We can also look at occlumency and legilimency if you are interested in developing cures from injuries arising from those branches of magic. Hestia?"

"Yes, I completely agree with Severus. You will need to take my NEWT charms class, from what I hear you shouldn't have any problems with it. The module on the structure and development of charms will be of particular use to you. And if you are particularly interested in developing spells then my arithmancy class may also be of use."

Charlie continued where Hestia had left off.

"I won't have much chance of seeing you then Hermione. There are my Defence against the Dark Arts practical lessons, but I think you will be more concerned with the theory of defense magic. I do recommend my wizarding sports class purely for recreational reasons, however!"

Hermione grinned and thanked them all profusely, signing up for the classes they had suggested before going back to her room.

Hermione entered her room to find it distinctly more Slytherin than when she had last been there. A large Slytherin throw was on Millie's bed, on top of which sat Millie and Draco. Blaise was sitting on Hermione's bed, and all three were talking excitedly about the things they wanted to do their first night in Spain.

"Well Zabini, you're a fast mover! Are you aware that you are sitting on my bed?"

"I am indeed Granger, I was waiting for you. Come join me, won't you?" He flirted.

Hermione felt the butterflies in her stomach again. She knew it was silly to fancy him so much when she barely knew him, but it really seemed like he was flirting with her too!

She sat on the edge of the bed tentatively, relaxing a bit when they started talking about subject choices and her meeting with the teachers. All three Slytherins were more than a little surprised at her description of Snape. Who would have thought the greasy bat of the dungeons had a sense of humour?

Blaise got up.

"I'm going to go talk to the teachers now, I will see you all later. Hermione, are you going to come out with us tonight? Spread the word, we want as many of us as possible going to this awesome Spanish club tonight. See you at dinner."

He winked at Hermione and left.

Oh my God, she thought wildly! She liked him so much. She was surprised at how quickly and how comfortably she had settled in to Millie's little group. A lion in a pit of snakes, who would have thought it?

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Thank you everyone who reviewed, it really made my day! Please R&R and tell me what you think of this second chapter.

I am also looking for a Beta reader, if anyone is interested please let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

I know at the moment it seems more HGBZ than SS, but stick with it! Their relationship develops over time, although Hermione and Blaise do get together briefly.

I can't put into words how much your reviews mean to me! The fact that people like what I am writing is what makes me keep going. So thank you, and please review this chapter to let me know what you think.

Lehayim

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Chapter Two

Severus, Charlie, Hestia and Katia sat together for dinner and looked at the excited students.

"I don't know what to make of this, I never saw it in all my years at Hogwarts. Students from different houses sitting together, everyone is so friendly! Ron, Harry and Hermione are sitting with Malfoy and his cohorts. Now _**that**_ I never thought I would see."

Severus looked up at the students following Charlie's exclamation.

"I'm as surprised as you are. I had expected the students to get friendly to a certain extent, but certainly not so soon. It does help of course that the majority of my Slytherins who were affiliated with the Dark Lord are not here. I do believe the only true believers are Goyle and Nott, and they seem to be keeping to themselves. We shall have to keep an eye on those two. Or perhaps this programme will bring out the best in them. They're only eighteen, they have so much to learn still."

"Severus, I have to admit, you've surprised me. I was apprehensive at the thought of working with you, but you are completely different to the man I remember."

Severus looked at him thoughtfully. In some ways he missed the old him, the sarcastic exterior had served him well in masking his feelings over the years. That, and years leading a double life of teacher by day and tortured spy by night, had caused him to take out his anger with life on everyone else. It had taken a near death experience in the Shrieking Shack that night to bring him to his senses. When he had been discharged from hospital, the first place Severus had rushed to was the headteacher's office. Albus had not been surprised to see him, in fact he had been expecting him.

"I don't know what to do with my life now Albus. I have nothing left to live for; all these years you have given me a purpose, trying to make this world a safer place, and working to protect the students and doing your bidding. What is left for me now? What do you have planned for me?"

The old headmaster looked down upon him kindly, letting silence reign for several moments.

"Severus, I am so proud of you. You have done everything I have asked of you and more. I want you to live now, move on from all the ghosts haunting you and live your life. I have asked too much of you in the past. I know how badly you took my death, but you need to know that I do not blame you. On the contrary, I thank you. Severus, you need to get out of these walls that trap you here."

"Albus, I can't leave, this is all I know. Hogwarts' four walls are what keep me grounded, they remind me of all I have done in my past that I should never be allowed to forget."

"Severus, I am chaining you here!"

Severus broke down and cried unashamedly.

"It's all I deserve! I killed you God damn it, I deserve to die. I killed you, and it has haunted me ever since. I destroyed everything good that you represented when I killed you."

Tears streamed down his face, and he looked up to see tears spilling down Albus' face into his beard.

"Severus, my dear boy. It was my own foolishness which killed me. I was tempted by that which I knew to be impossible, and it was my undoing. You will never know the pain and humiliation you saved me, but killing me when you did was an act of good. And saving Draco's soul was an act of absolute good. I look into your eyes and see only the purest good, despite everything you have suffered and been forced to do at my bidding.

The rest is up to you now. But I implore you, leave this castle, at least temporarily. Minerva has been putting into motion a new scheme which you would be perfect for. It will give you a chance to get to know the real you again. I know I've told you this before, but I do believe we sort at Hogwarts too soon. Leave this castle and lower your defences, and perhaps you will find out who you really are.

This is the last thing I will ever ask of you Severus. It was my bidding that did this to you, follow my final request and let my undo all the damage I have done."

Severus sniffed and smiled through his tears.

"Well how can I say no to you after that impassioned speech, old man?"

Minerva poked her head around the door of her office.

"I don't suppose now would be a good time to discuss my latest project with you?"

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Severus blinked up at Charlie, entirely unaware of what they had just been talking about round the table. Had he done as Albus had asked? Was he discovering who he really was? If so, he had a long way to go. There were so many times that he wanted to hide under the safety net of his pain and aggression, snapping at anyone that got too close.

And he had his suspicions that Albus and Minerva were up to no good, there had been too many sudden silences when he entered Minerva's office. They had to have had more in mind for him than just teaching. Not that he wasn't looking forward to it. It was a pleasure to help the students who really wanted to learn. He was offering extra potions and defence against the dark arts even to those who didn't need it. He had grown to love teaching over the years, albeit trying to prevent Longbottoms from blowing up the castle wasn't his idea of fun. But after what had happened with Potter's occlumency lessons he could think of nothing worse than reliving that, and having his humiliating and fear-filled past revealed to all.

So why had he offered to teach Granger? It wasn't vital for her education, she would never even have considered it if he hadn't suggested she look into this highly specialised branch of medicine. What was it about her that had made him warm to the girl and so implicitly trust her?

He looked up at her, and saw her laughing with Zabini, who certainly knew how to turn on the charm when he wanted to. Draco and Millicent were nowhere to be seen, while Weasley was enjoying having the Patil twins draped over him, and Potter was looking distinctly uncomfortable with the attentions of Hannah Abbot. Ah yes, he was involved with the Weasley girl, wasn't he? Had the whole of Hogwarts' hormonally charged gap year students gone mad with their first experience of freedom?

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As soon as dinner was finished all the girls retired to their rooms to get ready for their first night out.

Hermione pulled on a brown dress, and then set to work with the arduous task of charming her thick hair into a sleek cascade of curls.

"Merlin, that seems like a lot of work. Doing it for anyone in particular?" Millie asked slyly, and then cut to the chase when Hermione didn't reply.

"Like Blaise, for instance?"

Hermione choked.

"Blaise? What makes you say that? Oh God, I'm so obvious! I've only know him a day, and I get butterflies in my stomach when I think of him! Did everyone notice?"

"Darling, everyone definitely noticed. With the exception of Weasley, who was too caught up in the Patil twins. But honestly, you and Blaise could have flirted for Great Britain! Your ovaries may have been on fire, but he was just as bad! I haven't seen him like this since Pansy."

"Parkinson?" Hermione questioned.

"Yes, they dated for close to eight months, but had to break it off when her father forced her into an arranged marriage. She was heartbroken, and I know that she still writes to him telling him she is in love with him and will be there when he gets back from this. I don't know if he replies to her though, there was that thing with Romilda Vane over the summer before we came here."

Hermione was shocked. Romilda Vane! But she was only entering her sixth year now – that was practically cradle snatching!

Millie laughed at the look on her face.

"Yeah, I thought the same. But they met in a club over the summer, and there was a bit of flirting and I think they hooked up a few times. She can be very persistent when it comes to men. Frightening really! But I they're nothing more than friends now, he's free for you Mione!"

Merlin, he sounded like a bit of a ladies' man to say the least. Was she better off not getting involved? But the way he made her melt when he smiled at her! Hermione was practically in a puddle on the floor just thinking about him.

Hermione wondered when this transition to teenage girl with crushes and ambitions had surfaced? She had gone from bookworm and know-it-all extraordinaire to spending a year on the run, fighting Voldemort. Surely this step was meant to have come somewhere in between? Better late than never, she supposed.

And what of Professor Snape? Was it possible for a grown man to change so much in a few months? Hermione understood the strains of life under Voldemort's reign, but when he had laughed earlier it had been like seeing a new man. Were potions lessons suddenly going to become a whole lot better this year?

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Draco and Blaise swept into the room and Draco caught Millie up in a hug.

"Girls you look lovely," Blaise said, his eyes lingering on Hermione's long legs under the short dress. She fought the urge to blush.

True it was only the first day, but why were Draco, Blaise and Millie paying her more attention than Harry and Ron? It was understandable that they were excited to be living away from home, but they had once been the Golden Trio, so why was she drifting away?

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Perhaps she had been more sheltered than the rest of them, but to Hermione, the first night out had been a shocking awakening to what everyone else had been getting up to. Harry and Ron in particular were looking very comfortable with several girls hanging over them, listening to Ron brag about stories from the past year searching for Horcruxes.

Hermione snorted in a rather unladylike manner. And thought, slightly bitterly, that maybe she should go and tell them about when he abandoned her and Harry to go home for Christmas. She sniggered as she heard him describe how he tamed the dragon and took on half a dozen Deatheaters single handed whilst on the dragon's back. Harry caught Hermione's eye and winked, as amused as she was.

All the other students looked more than a little inebriated by now; Ernie MacMillan and Hannah Abbot were drinking shots off each others' bodies, and several other couples had disappeared into dark corners a while ago.

"You're looking a little overwhelmed, Hermione." Blaise had appeared out of nowhere, and put his hands gently on her hips, pulling her towards him to dance.

After a few songs, and more than a few drinks, they were stumbling outside to get some fresh air, and apparated back to the hostel.

Charlie and Katia were sitting on the ground outside the building, talking and drinking coffee. They smothered their laughter at the steady income of drunk students. Charlie raised his eyebrow at Hermione and Blaise, laughing and holding each other up as they entered the hostel. There was a couple he had never expected.

They went out to her balcony, and Blaise sat down, pulling Hermione onto his lap. She stiffened, and he immediately let go, apologising. Hermione felt herself sobering instantaneously, and apologised to him.

"No, I'm sorry. It's just – a lot of things happened last year, and I can get a bit uncomfortable with – . I've never spoken about it with anyone, it's too painful."

"Tell me, let me be there for you."

Hermione's voice dropped to a whisper.

"Why do you help me?"

"Because of the way you are looking at me now, because of the pain in your eyes. And because you, Potter and Weasley achieved more than anyone dreamed was possible. And most of all because I have know you for just a day, and I am completely infatuated with you."

Hermione's heart stopped. Had he really just said that? He inclined his head, and brushed her lips lightly with his own. Hermione started, and then curled her arm around his neck, bringing him closer to her, and deepening the kiss.

With perfect timing, Draco and Millie burst out onto the balcony, and stopped dead when they saw Hermione and Blaise.

"Oh my God! Good night Draco, Blaise, it's time for you both to leave!"

Blaise chuckled and bid Hermione good night as Millie ushered him and Draco out the room.

"Hermione! What was **that**?"

Hermione laughed nervously.

"I don't really know, it just sort of happened."

"Do you like him?"

"Yes – No – I don't know. I do, but I don't know if I want anything else to happen, it just makes things complicated. And I barely know him! And besides, he can come out with some really cheesy lines."

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The next day Severus sniggered at the bleary-eyed and hung-over students as they struggled to focus on signing up for core classes and extra studies and volunteering and trips. Lessons were to begin in earnest the next day, with extra studies classes beginning that afternoon. There was only the rest of the morning to prepare for classes and make sure they had all the books and other essentials.

Hermione approached Blaise.

"Do you want to come into town with me to get some stationery and bits?"

He regarded her, a little coolly.

"Sure, but look, Hermione, about last night –"

"No Blaise, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you back. I like you, but I know you don't like me back that way, and I don't want to complicate things. Forget about it, okay?"

"Mione, listen. It's not that I don't like you, I do. But I don't want to find myself in a relationship when I want to be free and single. But yeah, I do like you, don't find it awkward, okay?"

"Yes, it's fine, forget about all of this." Hermione muttered.

"Baby, are you angry at me?"

Baby?! Why was he calling her that after one kiss? Talk about mixed signals! What was he playing at?

"No, of course I'm not. I agree, I don't want a relationship either. I just want to play it by ear because I want to settle down here and into lessons."

Blaise nodded in agreement, and walked off, turning around giving her a cheeky grin as he left. That boy was so exasperating! Hermione was fuming inside! She didn't know what to make of him. Was he saying he just wanted to hook up casually every now and then, or what?

Grow up, Hermione, she scolded herself! You've faced deatheaters and dragons and all sorts of unmentionable things, surely you can manage one boy! Can't you?

She went into town with Harry and Ron, and was pleasantly surprised at how happy they were to see her. It was strange, with such a small group of them living together as opposed to hundreds of people in Hogwarts castle, it made for a very intense environment. A day together felt like a week, which, as Hermione reflected, probably explained why she had been so forward with Blaise after one day. Despite how it had seemed, Harry and Ron had definitely noticed her and Blaise dancing last night, and Hermione proved very adept in hiding her feelings as she fielded off questions from them.

"So do you have any extra classes this afternoon," Hermione asked, attempting to change the subject.

"I will be working hard to improve my social skills, after spending last year in a tent with only you two!" Teased Ron.

"Yes, he will be having one-on-one tuition with Parvati Patil. Or is it Padma?"

Ron shrugged his shoulders, smiling broadly. He was, it seemed, enjoying his new-found hero status.

"I am doing some more specialised defence against the dark arts with Charlie. Although I'm not sure if I want to be an auror any more. My whole life was built around defeating Voldemort, and I know that there will be other dark wizards, but I sometimes think that I just want to settle down and have a normal life now." Harry shrugged his shoulders unhappily, before turning the same question to Hermione.

"Me? I have tutoring with Snape, although I'm not sure what yet – I'm doing extra potions with him, as well as occlumency."

Harry grimaced, remembering his own harrowing occlumency lessons with Snape, and looked upon her as if she had a death sentence, wishing her luck.

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As a result of Harry's ominous reaction, Hermione was more than a little apprehensive when she knocked on the door for her afternoon lesson.

Professor Snape's voice called out for her to enter, and she did so nervously, particularly when she saw that there were no cauldrons there or potions brewing.

"Good afternoon Miss Granger, I hope you've had a pleasant morning and are sufficiently prepared for your first lesson in occlumency and legilimency related injuries. There are two aspects to this which we shall explore – healing injuries as a result of legilimency, and also preventative measures – developing methods to prevent injuries occurring in the first place."

"Surely that is just occlumency, Sir? Sealing the mind against magical invasion?"

"That is the basic idea of occlumency, yes. But as I'm sure Mr Potter will have told you, it is easier said than done. At the hands of a skill legilimens, trained occlumens have been left in the permanent ward of St Mungos for life. This does of course depend on how deep the memories are buried, and if protective measures have been put in place. These can be overcome, and peoples' minds are never the same."

"So you are suggesting developing a spell to throw a legilimens out of one's mind, for if your mind is not strong enough to do it itself?"

"Not very eloquently put Miss Granger, but that is exactly what I am suggesting. I understand that it is not vital for your education, but as an area of specialisation, it is a particularly interesting one. I shall now attempt to break into your mind. We are going to see how well you resist, without any prior training."

He remembered saying the same words to Potter three years previously, and what the outcome had been then. He gripped his wand more tightly in determination.

Hermione sprang to her feet nervously. She hadn't been expecting this.

"Legilimens!" Professor Snape bellowed.

Images were surfacing to the front of her mind, and to Hermione's horror she was reliving the past year all over again.

Severus was frozen with fear. He was in Hermione's body, seeing events through her eyes, feeling her emotions. And right now she was kneeling over Weasley, who was bleeding profusely - what looked like a nasty splinch, hands shaking, Hermione poured dittany on the wound, and Severus breathed a sigh of relief with her as it started to heal.

And then he was feeling her anger, hurt and betrayal as she watched Ron storm off into the night. He felt a twinge then – Hermione had tried to defend herself, to throw him out of mind. He was too skilled a legilimens to let an amateur have any effect. He threw her attempts off casually, and continued perusing through her mind, totally engrossed.

Next he was looking through piles of old books for information. Where was the girl? There was a muffled thud from upstairs, and he heard Hermione's voice through what felt like his own lips, calling out to Harry. Then she was running up the stairs, breathless with heart racing, and she stopped dead for less than a second when she saw Harry on the floor, and the horrific sight of Nagini advancing. She grabbed her wand and spat out a curse, screaming as she missed the snake and it tried to strike. She fell to the floor and rolled out of the way, cursing the snake again as it loomed menacingly towards her.

Severus could feel Hermione's pain, her anger at him seeing these memories, for making her relive it all over again. And yet he couldn't stop, he had to see more.

He was in Malfoy Manor, and Hermione was struggling against Bellatrix Lestrange, and Weasley was calling out to her as Greyback forced him and the others into a dark passageway. Hermione was shaking with fear, as Bellatrix raised her wand and cast the Cruciatus cast on her. And Severus felt the pain with her, she was writhing on the floor, the pain was unbearable.

And then it suddenly stopped. Hermione was struggling for breath, tears streaming down her hot cheeks, throat hoarse from screaming.

"Now tell me mudblood, where did you get that sword?"

Hermione couldn't think straight, and in her mind Severus was screaming at Bellatrix,

'_It was me God damn it! Leave the girl alone, it was me!'_

"We – we found it. It's a cheap bit of rubbish, it's nothing!"

"Crucio!"

Hermione was screaming again, and she could just make out someone screaming her name from somewhere.

"I'm going to ask you again! Where did you get this sword? _Where_?"

Spittle was flying from Bellatrix's lips as she screamed at Hermione, and she didn't even listen to Hermione's answer of,

"We found it – we found it – PLEASE!"

as she cast sectumsempra, and Severus felt sick as he saw the results of his handiwork on Hermione, who screamed again as slashes appeared on her body, blood spurting from the wounds.

Bellatrix turned to one side and nodded at Greyback, who came forward with a vicious smile on his ravaged face. Hermione bit her lip and didn't say anything. He hooked a dirty finger nail around the top of her blouse, gently crooning to her as if she were a baby, and ripped open the front of blouse. He ran a finger gently down the skin he had exposed until he reached the top of her trousers, fingering the button there.

"No!" She cried out, unable to stay silent any longer. "I already told you, we found the sword! I don't know anything else!"

Bellatrix looked beside herself with fury as she thrust Greyback out the way and stood inches away from Hermione, her wand pressed to Hermione's forehead.

"You are a lying, filthy Mudbloood, and I know it! You have been inside my vault at Gringotts! Tell the truth, _tell the truth!_"

Greyback groped roughly at her breast, kneading it painfully, before ripping down her trousers, using a knife to tear through them. Hermione screamed, and Snape winced. He looked for a way out, but he was trapped in this memory, panicking, wanting to leave before he saw anymore.

Greyback grabbed her hair and pulled her face close to his, so that she could smell the foulness of his breath.

"What else did you take? What else have you got? Tell me the truth or, I swear, I shall run you through with this knife!"

He waved it threateningly, and Hermione closed her eyes, sucking in deep breaths of air. She felt the knife sliding through her skin like butter, in between her ribs, and at that point she wished only for death to come quickly.

"You shall have your fun Greyback, but I need my answers first. You will tell me where the sword is Mudblood, or suffer the consequences. Crucio!"

Hermione screamed again, wishing for the knife again, anything but this.

"How did you get into my vault? Did that dirty little goblin in the cellar help you?"

Hermione sobbed, not even aware of the words coming out her mouth as she struggled to answer.

Bellatrix and Lucius spoke, and Draco disappeared to do their bidding.

"Have her Greyback, but leave what's left for me to finish. I'm sure we will get answers after you've had your way with her."

Hermione shook as Greyback cupped her face with one hand almost lovingly, and licked down one side of her face, the other hand disappearing down her torso.

"NO!"

Severus found himself flung from Hermione's mind, and stumbled backwards, almost falling over the table behind him. He was shaking, and took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

Hermione was on the floor, her face white. She ignored the hand that Severus proffered, and reached for the table, unsteadily pulling herself up.

"Hermione – Miss Granger – I can't –"

Severus stopped, he didn't know what to say.

"Miss Granger, I can only apologise, I had no idea that –".

He stopped again. With trembling hands Hermione picked up her bag and walked out the room without looking at him or saying so much as a single word to him.

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Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Three

Hermione stumbled from the room, only allowing the sobs intermingled with gasps for air to come once she was as far from Severus Snape as possible. Her legs carried her out of the hostel, in the opposite direction to town, out into the wilderness.

She ran through the trees, with no idea where she was headed and what she wanted to do, only knowing that she had to get as far away from there as possible.

"Hermione?"

With a jolt she landed back in reality, and saw at Draco, who was reading a book under the shade of a tree. She stared into his eyes with a haunted expression, remembering him being there that night in Malfoy Manor, and seeing his father in his haughty face.

She bolted, running again, tripping over tree roots but springing up again to keep going. Eventually she stopped, when there was nothing left in her to keep going. Shaking like a leaf, Hermione leant heavily against a tree, trying to banish all thoughts of Malfoy Manor and clear her mind.

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A magnificent eagle glided through the trees and landed on a nearby branch, observing Hermione in silence with head cocked to one side. Hermione looked into its dark gaze and narrowed her eyes.

"Professor, I know that it's you," she commented.

Professor Snape materialised, frowning, and asked Hermione how she had known it was him. She laughed dryly, without the faintest hint of humour.

"A Philippine Eagle, Professor? It's hardly common, indeed I believe it is one of the most endangered eagle species. And it isn't exactly native to this areas. Besides, it had your eyes; so dark they seem to penetrate you. Or in my case, delve through all your secrets you keep hidden even from yourself."

She narrowed her eyes and stood with arms crossed protectively, her fingertips mere inches from her wand, which was hidden in her sleeve.

The girl didn't seem to be accusing him; her tone of voice was so languid that she seemed almost unconcerned, which Severus knew not to be true.

"Miss Granger, please. I'm sure you can't bear the sight of me right now, but please – sit down so that we can talk. I beg of you."

Hermione flicked her wand and conjured a comfortable armchair, which looked exceedingly out of place in its woodland surroundings. She sat down to show her acquiescence, and waited.

Severus was momentarily taken aback. Truth be told, he hadn't expected her to listen to him at all. He conjured a similar chair and sat down, taking his time as he struggled to compose what he was going to say. He looked at Hermione and instantly wished he hadn't as he saw the look of pain on her face, which she was attempting to hide as indifference.

"Miss Granger, what I did was beyond unforgiveable. What was meant to be a demonstration got completely out of control, at my hand. I never meant to cause you any pain, believe me. I have no excuse for why I did not leave your mind, especially after realising what I was seeing. I cannot even justify it to myself; I don't understand my own lack of judgement. I will never forgive myself, or forget what I saw,"

"Oh, neither will I Professor. Living it the first time was bad enough, but reliving it all over again was really the icing on the cook."

He winced at her cold words, and wondered if this was how his students had felt at the end of his sharp tongue.

"Miss Granger, don't expect me to apologise continuously. I have offered you my most heartfelt apologies, please accept them. There is another matter about which I sought you, regarding what I saw in your mind.

I was, concerned to say the least, at your ordeal. Partly because I know how adept Lestrange and Greyback are at torturing their victims for information. But also because I, nor anyone else, knew anything about it. I understand it is painful to talk about, particularly as I do not know what you suffered after I left your memory. I strongly advise you talk to someone about what happened, for your own peace of mind, and to help you deal with it.

Miss Granger, I am always here if you want to talk. I have suffered at the wand of Lestrange, and can understand some of what you suffered."

Hermione had paled even more if possible, and was curled up in her armchair close to hyperventilating. Her hand gripped her wand so tightly that it looked to be at point of breaking.

Severus knelt in front of her and took her hands in his, encouraging her to breathe slowly.

"I don't know what to say. I can't tell anyone what happened; I don't know how to say it. And I don't want people looking at me with _that _look. That awful sympathetic look, and they never treat you the same again. Ron was on tenterhooks around me for weeks after the torture, and he thought it was just the cruciatus curse. Draco _was_ there, and whenever I saw him around Diagon Alley over the summer he couldn't even bear to look me in the eye.

I couldn't bear to have people treat me like that, to have them look at me and know something was wrong, that I'm tainted somehow."

"Miss Granger, there is nothing wrong with you. It was not your fault what happened."

Severus wished that Albus was here to talk to Miss Granger. It wasn't that he was uncomfortable with such situations; he wanted to help, it was just that he had no idea what to say to make the situation any better.

"Greyback was worse than her, did you know that? He's sick in the head, and it makes me feel ill knowing that he's still out there somewhere, in hiding. Bellatrix was terrible, I've never felt pain like it. But after a while I almost got used to it. Not that the pain lessened, but more than I felt like my mind was going out of focus. I was losing my mind."

She laughed bitterly.

"But Greyback – oh God, how he was enjoying it! Watching her use that spell on me was his idea of good entertainment, and he got more and more excited as he knew his turn with me was growing closer. I can still smell his breath on me and feel him touching me."

Hermione shivered involuntarily, and roughly wiped away at a tear threatening to fall, angry with herself.

"I don't know why I speak of it to you now; I've never spoken of it before. But now, when I look at you, I feel like you understand. Like you have suffered too, and come out the other side stronger for it."

Severus rubbed subconsciously at where his dark mark had once stained his skin, and remembered the night when he had arrived in his chambers completely inebriated after being released from hospital and talking with Dumbledore, and had gouged out his dark mark with a knife from his potions cupboard, crying and laughing at the same time. Wisely, Albus' portrait had visited Poppy Pomfrey in the hospital wing, and advised her to check on Severus. Severus was still sometimes unsure as to whether this was lucky or not.

Severus looked at Hermione, trying to mask his concern, and wondering what he should say next. What were the boundaries in this sort of situation? She wasn't his pupil any more, but she was still a vulnerable young woman who had momentarily placed her trust in him, so what was the appropriate next move?

Hermione solved that problem by continuing talking, and it almost seemed as if she was unaware of Severus' presence. It was the first time she had spoken of her torture aloud, and it seemed as if she was telling herself more than anyone else.

"He – Greyback – he put one hand on my face, and I shut my eyes because I knew what was coming. God, I tried to block it out, but I could feel his every movement. I could feel his breath on my neck. He was salivating at the thought of taking me, and I kept thinking to myself,

'You are doing this for Harry, you have to protect him and his mission, whatever the cost.'

I kept saying it to myself over and over again, and in a way it helped get through everything. I could feel his hand going down my stomach, feeling every inch of me. And I squeezed my eyes closed even tighter, and tried to pretend it was a nightmare.

And he pulled my trousers down to my ankles, and I know I started shaking then, because Bellatrix was laughing, and goading him on, and I caught Lucius Malfoy's eye, and we just stared at each other for an eternity.

Greyback was getting excited, and I felt him pull down my underwear. But all I could see was Malfoy, he was all I was aware of, standing there and doing nothing. I don't know if he enjoyed watching it. I've heard of some of the horrendous things he has down for pleasure, but this time he looked like he would rather be anywhere else. And I hated him for it. I could feel Greyback's hands all over me, and hear Lestrange's laughter, but all I could think was that one day I was going to kill Malfoy.

And then he suddenly looked away, and turned around, as if he couldn't bear to see any more. But I didn't have that choice. Oh Merlin, I didn't have a choice. I should have struggled, or done something to resist him, but I had a wand pointed at my head, and his hands and tongue were all over me, and I was frozen with fear.

And as Malfoy turned away, I was suddenly all too aware of what was going on. Greyback's hands were on me – in me, and they were so rough. He knew it was my first time, and that only excited him more. He unzipped his trousers, and I went completely limp, I was so scared.

And it hurt so much, and I felt him inside me and felt the pain, and I started to struggle, but that only excited him more.

I should be grateful that he didn't bite me, although he did everything else possible to hurt me. When he was done there was blood everywhere, and he looked desperate to finish me off, but Lestrange wouldn't let him. Then it was Lestrange's turn again, and I only remember trying to pull up my underwear and trousers between curses, as if the most important thing at that moment was to cover myself up.

When Ron and Harry came bursting in, I remember holding my shirt together, and trying to stand up, so that they wouldn't figure out what happened, so that it wouldn't distract them from what was important."

Hermione's face was wet with tears, and she looked at Severus with horror, as she realised what she had told him.

Severus had been kneeling by her side the entire time, and the pain in his cramping legs suddenly felt like nothing in the face of this. He spoke quietly, almost scared of startling her.

"Thank you for telling me. It was the right thing to do. And know that I am always here for you, not just as a teacher, but if you want someone to talk to. Or I can arrange for you to talk to someone else, another woman perhaps?"

Hermione's eyes filled with fear at the thought of telling her story again, and having someone else know her dirty secret. Severus took that as a no.

He proffered his arm, and helped Hermione up. They walked back together in silence, and it felt as if all the tension from that fatal occlumency lesson had faded away, and they had now moved on from teacher and pupil, to contemporaries.

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At the hostel Hermione returned to her room, curling up on her bed with a book. Worn out from the emotional afternoon she soon nodded off, only waking when Millie, Draco and Blaise burst into the room laughing about something.

"Hermione! Potter and Weasley were looking for you just now; they want to know if you are coming out with us all tonight. Are you coming?"

"No, I think I want to stay in tonight?"

Blaise shot her a flirtatious smile.

"But I'll be lonely without you to keep me company."

"No thank you, I'm not coming out tonight. Maybe I'm coming down with something."

Blaise raised an eyebrow at her cold expression of indifference and shot a quizzical look at the other two, wondering what was going on.

Hermione meanwhile was maintaining her apathy, pretending she couldn't give a damn about what he wanted. Inwardly, her stomach was churning and she wondered what was going on with him, and if he was going to mess her around.

After the painful afternoon reliving her innermost secret, Hermione knew she wasn't ready to deal with any boy, especially one giving off such mixed signals, no matter how much she liked him. She declined Ron's offer to stay in with her, and breathed a sigh of relief when everyone finally left to go clubbing again.

Her head was swimming with thoughts, about what Blaise was up to and how he really felt, and about Professor Snape and how their relationship had changed. It felt as if their joint suffering had bonded them in some way, and Hermione wondered how this would affect her individual lessons with him. She shivered, remembering everything from earlier, and then froze as she heard a noise outside her room.

'Greyback.' She thought at once, and shrieked as whoever was outside knocked loudly on her door. She muffled the shriek quickly; Greyback certainly wouldn't have knocked. She opened the door to reveal Charlie who looked worried, and apologised profusely to him.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry. It's been a long day, and I'm a little jumpy."

"I know, Severus mentioned that your occlumency session was a bit of a walk down memory lane, for both of you I believe. And I noticed that you hadn't gone out, so I came to check that everything is okay."

"Yes I'm fine thank you. Do you want coffee or anything?"

Charlie sat down on the couch while Hermione prepared coffee. To the external viewer she seemed absolutely fine, her face a blank mask concealing her emotions.

It was only when she sat down nursing a steaming mug of coffee that she started to talk, not really knowing where she was going.

"Charlie, I know this may be a bit insensitive of me, but can I ask you about Fred?"

Charlie nodded affirmatively, his gaze fixed firmly on his coffee.

"How did you get over his death? I don't mean get over it, but come to terms with it?"

"To be honest, I don't know. I don't think I have. I miss him more than words can describe, and I think about him a lot, but I try to get on with things and not dwell on it. He died with his family around him, fighting for what he believed in. And I think that's how he would have wanted it. George is that one that isn't coping, he's working himself into the ground so as not to think about it.

Why do you ask anyway?"

Hermione shrugged uncomfortably.

"I was just wondering. I guess I'm having a hard time coming to terms with things myself, I don't know how people move on from all the terrible things that happened during the war.

And I guess I was wondering if all the sacrifices were really worth it. There are still Deatheaters out there, and no one knows what's waiting around the corner. And all the survivors are pretty messed up too. I mean, your family was torn apart; Harry is obsessed with finding Dark wizards, even with the war over; Dean Thomas is constantly looking over his shoulder, thinking that the Deatheaters are right behind him; Cho Chang is clinically depressed and on suicide watch half the time. It just seems that everyone is worse off than before."

Charlie looked at her shrewdly.

"And think of what we have done for mankind. We have made this world a safe place for us, and for our children. We all have a lot to face up to, and for some people it may take some time, but we will get there. You can't win a battle without some casualties.

And what of you, Hermione? You suffered more than most people. A year on the run, living in fear. Battling Deatheaters, snakes, all sorts of creatures. I don't know what else you have been through, but Bill told me that he thought they were close to losing you when Dobby rescued you. I don't pretend to know what happened, but we all have to face our demons, even you."

Hermione looked down into her lap sadly, and Charlie had to strain to hear what she was saying.

"I feel so guilty being like this when people have been through so much more, when people have died. I tell myself I need to keep on going, but I feel like there is something wrong with me, and if I don't keep going then people will know that I'm not right, that I'm dirty and defiled."

That Charlie didn't know what had happened didn't matter, Severus Snape had opened the flood gates, and Hermione could think of nothing else now.

Charlie quickly realised some of what had gone on that night in Malfoy Manor, and proved much more adept than Severus at providing words of comfort. Hermione knelt on the floor next to him with her head in his lap, whilst Charlie stroked her hair and murmured to her soothingly.

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Sometime later Hermione got up, and went to wash her face and brush her teeth, feeling much better in herself. She gently shook Charlie awake, feeling a little awkward after her outburst.

As Charlie opened the door to leave, Blaise came stumbling in, clutching at the door to remain upright. Charlie raised an eyebrow at the obviously extremely drunk boy, asking Hermione if she wanted him to get rid of him. Hermione rolled her eyes and shook her head, saying she would do it herself.

"Hermione! Draco and Millie are in my room, so I can't go in there for a while! So I thought where should I go, and then I thought, Hermione!"

He cracked up laughing, falling onto Hermione's bed. Suddenly serious, he looked up at Hermione.

"What was Weasley doing in here? Because I don't want to share you with anyone else, 'Mione. You're gorgeous, I'm crazy about you. You know that, right?"

All Hermione's anger with herself for falling for him melted away, and as he pulled her onto the bed and into a kiss she hesitated for just a moment, and then kissed him back. He started pulling off her clothes and caressing her skin, and she was awash on a sea of sensations.

Hermione's breath caught in her throat and she involuntarily stiffened as she felt his hands inside her knickers.

"Baby, are you sure?" He breathed.

Hermione could smell the alcohol on his breath, and knew she was making a big mistake. But at the same time she suddenly had to know what it felt like to be with a man who cared for you; to feel loved, and not to feel used and dirty from what happened.

Hermione nodded affirmatively, and gasped as she felt him enter her. She wrapped her arms around him, unsure of what she was supposed to do. She tried to enjoy it, but all she could think was that she couldn't disappoint Blaise, she couldn't let him find out what had happened to her.

And then it was over, quicker than she had expected, and Blaise was pulling up his trousers.

"Baby, you're incredible."

He kissed her on the forehead, and then left before she had time to blink.

Hermione watched him leave, shocked. Whatever she had been expecting, that wasn't it. It should have been perfect, but it felt all wrong afterwards. He had been drunk, and hadn't bothered undressing her properly. Perhaps she had a romanticised view of the world, and false ideas about what was the right thing to do, but as she watched him leave she was shocked. She had a room to herself, he had just come to her bed and slept with her for the first time – and then got up and left afterwards, not even bothering to stay the night.

She lay there afterwards wondering if all that had really just happened, and telling herself to stay emotionally detached, even though she knew it was too late for that. He was the first person to make her feel normal again, like it didn't matter what she had been though, and she was completely enraptured with him.

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As always, thank you every one who reviewed. Please review this chapter and let me know what you think!

Lehayim


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Four

Hermione opened her eyes the following morning, and was immediately aware of the stickiness between her thighs. She thought of Blaise and a wide smile spread across her cheeks, remembering his kisses, his caresses. And then she thought of when they had slept together, and there was nothing. She had worked it up into something so big, and now that she had finally let him a man past her barriers, she felt absolutely nothing. She was emotionless.

Hermione knew that she ought to feel something, that he was the man she had slept with, excluding her experience with Greyback. But apart from a slight disappointment at how he had acted, the sex itself was just something that had happened and finished, and that was it.

At breakfast Blaise sat next to her, and with a surreptitious glance at Ron, who was half asleep in his cornflakes, laced an arm around her neck, and whispered,

"I hope you and I are okay and last night wasn't a mistake because I had a good time with you."

A good time. Was that all she was? Obviously it meant nothing to him. Oh Merlin, why had she slept with him? What a stupid thing to do. Hermione shrugged his arm off her shoulder, and then in a sudden moment of panic that she was about to mess everything up with him, she cast a furtive glance at Ron and shrugged her shoulders, as if to blame him.

Hermione laughed bitterly at her own stupidity, telling herself angrily that sleeping with a man is a sure-fire way to fuck up any budding relationship.

She was oblivious to Harry watching her from the other side of the table. Hermione had undermined his powers of observation many months ago. When he and Ron had rescued her from Lestrange and Greyback, he had noticed the blood staining her trousers and obvious discomfort in walking – as well as the other more noticeable injuries. A quick word with Bill had confirmed his suspicions, and although he had never said a word to her, Harry had comprehended what had happened, and waited patiently for her to say something. So seeing her and Blaise so coupled up had his attention at once, and his anxiety.

"Hermione, are you coming to charms?"

Hermione shot Harry a grateful look for rescuing her, picked up her bag and walked off with him.

"What's going on with Granger, Blaise?" Draco asked, the moment they had left.

Blaise looked slightly bemused, not entirely sure what was going on.

"We slept together last night, although I don't remember that much of it – I blame you for that! I don't know what's happening with her, but I do know she is absolutely gorgeous. You would be surprised how sexy she is under those clothes."

Draco chuckled dryly.

"Charming, you sound like a real gentleman. Your mother would be so proud!"

Blaise hit him on the arm laughing.

On the other side of the large table, Parvati Patil nudged Ron awake.

"Ron! Did you hear that? Hermione slept with Blaise last night. Well, isn't she a dark horse, I never thought she had it in her!"

Ron jerked upright, his blue eyes flashing angrily. With some effort he kept his temper and restrained from saying anything, limiting himself to glaring menacingly at Blaise. To his infuriation, Blaise never once looked up at him.

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Blaise met up with Hermione after her charms class.

"Excuse me Potter, can I steal your lovely friend?"

He put his arm around her waist and they walked off.

"Baby, is everything okay between us? Because last night was really nice, and I don't want you to think anything different. But I can't be in a relationship right now, I've just gotten out of something really serious with Pansy, and I want to enjoy being free and single."

Hermione could feel her heart breaking, and to her astonishment she decided to lay down the line before it got too late, and told him exactly where he stood.

"Blaise, I know you don't want a relationship, and I'm not in the right place for one either. So I don't want you giving me your mixed signals. Don't tell me crap about liking me, just enjoy being single."

She waited in trepidation for his response. All he could say was sorry, which proved her right. Had he just admitted all he said about liking her was crap? Hermione knew it was the right thing to do, but truth be told was devastated.

Hermione wished she had just left things as they were, so that he would still be with her, even if it was on his terms. She wouldn't have slept with anyone else so wantonly, but with Blaise it was somehow different. She liked him so much, and it was something she had needed to do.

"Thanks Darling." He kissed her firmly on the lips and walked away, leaving Hermione weak at the knees and wondering what the hell was going on.

That evening Blaise came to her room, acting as though nothing had happened, and sat down on her bed, pulling her between his legs to sit back against his chest. He inclined his head slightly and captured her lips in the most perfect kiss. Hermione sighed, this was what she had wanted, not last night's drunken fumbling.

They talked for a long time about lessons and politics, and the state the wizarding world was currently in, and Hermione was surprised at what a deep thinker he was.

And then like a car crash, everything fell apart. There was a hammering at the door, and Harry didn't wait before bursting into Hermione's room.

"Ron knows about the two of you." He panted, out of breath. "You weren't exactly discreet."

Hermione was aghast.

"What? But it only happened the once. And we may be friendly in public, but we've never done anything to make anyone suspect, and I haven't told anyone."

"I told Draco."

"And you were overheard by Parvati, who told Ron, who told everyone because he's absolutely furious."

Finished Harry.

Hermione leapt to her feet.

"What right does he have to be angry? We dated for a few weeks, were obviously ill suited, and ended it on good terms. And half the time he acts like I'm his property."

"Hermione, he's still crazy about you. How could you not know? The thing is, it has got around the whole year group, and everyone is talking about it. He's trying to get people to take his side, saying it was disgusting of you. He is saying some pretty horrible things."

Hermione gave a cry of indignation. How dare he gossip about her private life. And how dare he try to turn people against her? She couldn't believe everyone knew that she had slept with him. It was so private, what could have been was so special to her; she was so caught up in it. And now everyone else was intruding in her private life, messing things up, humiliating her.

But what was bothering her almost as much as having everyone gossiping about her, was fear that Blaise would think it was turning into a relationship, and freak out. Her whole being was suddenly consumed with making it perfect for Blaise, so that he would have no need or want to end whatever it was that was budding between them.

"Hermione, I'm going to go out with Draco, I can't deal with an argument with Weasley right now, I'll talk to him in the morning. Do you want to come?"

When Hermione declined, he continued,

"Well I can stay with you if you want."

Hermione was silently begging him to stay, wishing she could send telepathic rays into his head. But after telling him to do what he wanted, Blaise went out with Draco.

"Hermione, what are you doing with him? He isn't right for you. He's a player, can't you see it? He doesn't think of you first, it's always number one with him."

"Harry, get out my room."

Harry was shocked, and didn't move.

"Get out! You have no idea what you are talking about, you don't know half of what I've been through, just let me have this without interfering for once in your life."

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Blaise got back to the hostel in the early hours of the morning, and it seemed perfectly natural to go to Hermione's bed rather than his own. Especially as Draco and Millie didn't want to be disturbed.

He slid under the covers next to Hermione, kissing her shoulder to wake her.

"I've missed you like crazy being apart for just one night. And what I said earlier was shit, I really do like you.'

He got undressed and pulled her close to him, so that she fit snugly into his body. As they lay cuddled up in bed kissing, Hermione kept mulling over what he has said to her. It was completely messing with her head, hearing so many different things – all from the same person! But right then, she just didn't care. Lying in his arms, after everything that has happened, felt just perfect.

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The following morning Hermione waited in trepidation for Blaise and Ron to finish talking. From her sheltered balcony she watched what looked like a fierce argument, with Ron growing redder and redder as he yelled at Blaise, and Blaise giving as good as he got.

It sounded like Ron was ordering Blaise to stay away from her, while Blaise returned that he could be with whoever he wanted, and it wasn't anyone else's business. Hermione grinned, not thinking about how this was going to affect her relationships with Ron, and even inadvertently, with Harry.

Building what wasn't even a proper relationship yet into something so big was bound to have its pitfalls, which came during herbology.

Hermione and Millie were working together, and Millie was obviously preoccupied, not speaking much and paying little attention to Hermione when she asked her what was wrong.

"Hermione! I feel terrible doing this, Blaise is one of my best friends. But you're my friend too now, and I can't not tell you what I saw. I was with Draco in his room, and I blame my insatiable curiosity, but Blaise had left out a letter he had been writing, and I couldn't help reading it. He was writing to Pansy, I don't know what she had said to him, but he was reassuring her that you and him were just hooking up, nothing more."

Hermione paled slightly, but didn't say anything, waiting for Millie to continue.

"And he said more than once that he still loves her, and can't wait for her to visit. I'm so sorry Mione, but it's better you found out now while it isn't serious with him."

Millie waited in trepidation for a response.

"Miss Granger, Miss Bulstrode. Something wrong?"

Severus had appeared behind them without either of the girls noticing.

"You're whole gender is disgusting!" Hissed Hermione, angry at how consumed her thoughts had been by Blaise, only to learn this.

"He could have said jump and I would have asked how high. Every time my phone beeps I jump because I think that it's him."

Millie suddenly nudged her violently and hissed her name, trying to get her to be quiet.

"That's quite enough Miss Granger. I sometimes regret not being able to take away house points here, as that was entirely inappropriate. See me after class."

At the end of the lesson Hermione walked up to Severus' desk, waiting for him to look up at her, to speak. The calm which she had worked so hard to achieve threatened to boil over.

"Well? You can't take away house points, you can't give me a detention, so I don't even need to be here."

Severus raised a sardonic eyebrow, and looked half-amused.

"Thank you for enlightening me Miss Granger. I only wanted to warn you that Mr Zabini has a reputation as a serial womaniser, a reputation he has justly earned. I thought it was in your best interest to know, do forgive me."

Hermione pulled out a chair and sat down, the wind knocked out her sails, and waited for Severus to finish.

"It may come as a shock to you Miss Granger, but I have been known to care about the well being of my students from time to time. With one or two exceptions."

There was a cough which sounded oddly like 'Potter'.

"You were like this when you walked me back from the forest. Almost human."

She smirked, testing her limits with him. Severus pursed her lips, but Hermione could tell that he wasn't angry.

"You know what I mean. Not treating me like a school child, acting like we were both just two people. And that's what it feels like now. Why are you helping me again? What concern is it of yours if two of your students have a relationship?"

"Miss Granger, I have known Blaise since he was just a boy and watched him learn to seduce woman after woman. And each time he said he wasn't going to do it again, he was going to commit next time. The usual lines. The only time he actually did was with Miss Parkinson, and then that ended anyway. I can even tell you his pattern to draw you hook, line and sinker. He will leave you notes on your bed saying he misses you. He will go out of his way to phone you just to say something charming. He will tell you that he's liked you since he first laid eyes on you, and he will defend you to everyone who questions your relationship.

Hermione, he is a serial charmer, and every time he convinces himself it's the real thing. But it never is, and he leaves a tail of girls behind him. Don't get in that position."

"You haven't answered my question, why are you helping me like this?"

Severus looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"I look out for all my students."

"Bullshit. We aren't even students in the sense that we were in Hogwarts, we are all adults now. And I hardly think we have a student teacher relationship after everything I told you."

Pink cheeked, Hermione looked away from him, as she dared to ask her next question.

"And what of you, Professor? What horrors did you suffer during the war?"

"Granger!" He growled. "I'm not an open person, I keep my feelings shut off from others. Would you know, I considered writing my experiences in a book. That's all the rage now; war heroes publishing their biographies so the wizarding world can know all their antics. And then I got waylaid with developing a new potion: A cure to the side effects of the cruciatus curse. Mr Longbottom has been most dedicated to helping me with the herbology side of it – the boy would spend his life trying to help his parents, if he knew the right path."

Hermione's face softened, as she remembered Neville's mindless parents in St Mungos, so happy and carefree, with their son falling apart at their feet.

"Can I help with your research, Sir? You are obviously open to having students help you! It will be a valuable learning tool. I can do anything, research or brewing, whatever you want."

"Or note taking, Miss Granger? You can record my results as I go along. Without your mindless chatter."

Hermione grinned. She didn't care what she was doing, she was just surprised that he had caved in that easily. She gushed her thanks as she picked up her bag to leave.

Severus watched her almost skip off in her excitement, and then she looked over her shoulder, called out,

"And at the same time you can tell me your war stories, Sir!"

Impertinent girl.

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Millie was waiting for Hermione in their room, and instantly brought Hermione down from her high. She told her that she had spoken to Blaise while Hermione had been with Severus, and had told him that he was messing with her head, and that he had to make up his mind about what he wanted, or finish it, because Hermione would get hurt.

Hermione would have been furious, but after what Professor Snape had said, she didn't know what to think. She was of course going to be cautious around Blaise, and wanted to talk to him about the situation with Pansy. But no one else understood how much she liked him, that it was to the point of lowering her standards to sleep with him without being in a relationship.

Hermione's thoughts were racing. With it put to him that bluntly, what would he decide? Did he like her enough to choose her over bachelorhood and flirtations with Pansy?

Speak of the devil , Blaise himself entered the room, and Millie slipped away quietly. He settled down on the snug little couch, looking a little overwhelmed, and at the same time rather smug. He told her that he had just returned from England, where he had been speaking with Pansy. He had asked her if she would be alright if he and Hermione started going out, and she had replied that she would be devastated. Blaise then assured Hermione that he had told Pansy that it was definitely on the cards.

Hermione could feel the happiness wash over her, and everything Professor Snape had said fled from her mind in an instant. Hermione knew that she was getting carried away – he hadn't even asked her out, just said it was on the cards. But should she let her hopes be raised by that fact that he asked? Probably not, no, then she wouldn't be disappointed. But what a turnaround!

For the remainder of the day Blaise kept throwing Hermione secret looks and grins across their classrooms. He came to her bed that night, and was so passionate, so affectionate. The memories of the previous night, their disastrous first night together, were still fresh in her mind, and to her gratification it wasn't like that at all. The only thing on her mind was what he might think of her for falling into bed with him every opportunity she got.

Hermione made it clear to Blaise that she would never normally be like this, and he sleepily agreed with her that he knew that. As Hermione's eyes began to close, a picture of Severus Snape came unbidden to her mind, and then she was asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Five

Sleep eluded Hermione. A notoriously restless sleeper since her year on the run with Harry and Ron, she tossed and turned, cramped by a bed mate.

She smoothed Blaise's dark curls off his face, and observed him silently. Pulling on a dressing gown and slippers, she softly padded out the room and down the hall to the kitchen, wondering if she could brew some tea. She could have magicked it in a trice, but there was nothing that could compare to freshly brewed tea.

"Miss Granger."

Severus had evidently had the same idea as her, he was searching through various cupboards to find a tea strainer.

"I was just thinking about you, Sir."

He raised an eyebrow, and Hermione choked.

"Nothing inappropriate, Sir, that's disgusting!"

"Really Miss Granger, stop, you flatter me."

Hermione grinned, coming to terms that her Professor had a sense of humour buried somewhere under the hard exterior.

"What I meant was that I was just watching Blaise sleep, and it made me think of what you were saying earlier, and whether or not it is true."

"I would rather not be privy to your sleeping arrangements, but thank you for sharing that lovely piece of information."

Hermione busied herself with preparing her tea, refusing to look at him because she knew she was about to burst into laughter at how entirely inappropriate their conversation was.

They sat down at a table, sipping their cups of tea in companionable silence.

"Professor, tell me about your research on reversing damage from Crucio. Please."

Severus seemed to move in slow motion, putting down his cup and resting his chin on his hands as he pondered her question.

His face suddenly brightened, and lit up as a smile spread across it. He looked almost handsome; young and carefree.

"Miss Granger, I must confess, it is the most exhilarating work I have ever undertaken."

He explained to her all the concepts he was exploring, and what he had learnt so far from his research. Hermione was amazed by how animated his face was as he described his work to her. And she was as enthralled as him, it was fascinating. She began suggesting ideas of her own; how to adapt his arithmancy calculations to determine the best time to pick ingredients in the context of this potion, rather than as generalised figures.

Severus was in his element, he had always been an academic at heart, and more often than not was frustrated when there was no one else that appreciated academia like he did.

And then Hermione asked him why he was researching this in particular. Severus visibly stiffened.

"If you had been listening earlier," he enunciated slowly and sharply.

"You would know that it is to help the Longbottom's."

"No, you didn't say that exactly. You only said that Neville is helping you because he wants this for his parents. What's the real reason?"

"You impertinent girl. Keep your nose out of other people's business."

"Like you did with me? Or should I say out of other people's minds." Hermione retorted, instantly regretting the words as they came out of her mouth.

Severus was on his feet, shouting at her.

"What do you want me to say to you Hermione? Do you want me to get down on my knees and beg your forgiveness? Do you want me to hunt down Greyback and rip him apart piece by piece? What do you want from me?!"

"Stop shouting at me!" Hermione yelled back. "I'm sorry, alright?! I didn't mean to throw that in your face, just open up for once, damn it! I can tell you're in as much pain as me, and if I'm not mistaken, it's physical as well as emotional."

She suddenly stopped shouting, and her voice resumed its normal calm.

"So, if I ask you again why you are researching this curse, what will you answer?"

"God, I feel like I'm a student being interrogated."

But he didn't look angry as he muttered that and sat down.

"Hermione, I'm sure you already knew the answer, didn't you? Yes, I suffer as a result of prolonged use of this curse, amongst other similar dark curses. Does that satisfy your insatiable curiosity, Miss Granger? But it isn't the main reason I am developing this cure, I am quite able to put up with the pain. No, it is for all the victims of the curse from my own wand. I did unspeakable things as a Deatheater, and if you knew the truth, Miss Granger, you wouldn't even be able to look me in the eye."

"I assure you that that isn't true. And I preferred it when you called me Hermione, Sir. 'Miss Granger' makes me feel like a pupil at school still."

Severus bowed his head in acquiescence and smirked.

"It's still fine for you to call me Professor, _Hermione_."

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Lessons, and in particular her research with Professor Snape were a blissful relief from the confusion of what was happening with Blaise, although Professor Snape was still an enigma to her. One moment he would be deep in discussion, not just about potions, but about politics and history. And it really felt like they were forming a relationship.

During their afternoons together Hermione got to know Severus as she had never known him before. He was relaxed, his conversation less angry and more introspective. He surprised Hermione when he displayed a sense of humour, and they laughed at his witticisms. Hermione looked forward to their research with suppressed excitement, not just in anticipation of their work, but also to spending time with him.

Sometimes the troubled man would be about to open up to her about his past, when Hermione carefully directed the conversation to his days as a Deatheater. And then he would realise what she was doing, and a shouting match would ensue, with one storming out of the potions lab, livid with the other.

Even when they were getting on like a house on fire, there was still often a clashing of minds, with her idealistic, and slightly socialist ideals incensing his conservative right-wing upbringing. All in all, it was an odd relationship, no longer teacher-pupil, but neither sure exactly what it was now. It seemed a deeper relationship than her ones with Harry and Ron, Blaise and Millie, and yet she knew nothing about the man's past, and he never asked her about hers.

Severus had taken her up on her idea to apply arithmancy to his research, and they were currently in the potions lab, Hermione scribbling furiously on parchment, while Severus waited impatiently for her to tell him the exact second he should add the next ingredient, for batch number six of the Crucio potion.

A paper aeroplane glided through the window and landed on her lap, unfolding into a note from Ron. He told her that he didn't understand how she could be with Blaise, but he apologised for acting like a child for the past few weeks, and could they meet that night to discuss everything? He went on to say that he hoped she was doing the right thing, as he had been under the impression that Blaise wanted to be single for his Gap Year.

Ron had touched a nerve, unintentionally hitting on exactly what had been bothering her, and what she had been letting build up in silence.

She knew that Blaise had reassured her that what he had said about relationships was shit, and he did want to be with her, but when it came down to it he _had_ wanted to be single, and they still weren't even in an official relationship, despite him spending most nights in her bed.

She knew that he would never intentionally hurt her, but what was going to happen when Pansy came to visit? He had been stressing so much about Pansy knowing that he and Hermione slept together, asking her what he should say to her, and how he can sort it out.

Honestly, how tactless was he? Hermione was fuming, half angry and half upset for not expecting this when she had already been warned by Professor Snape. Why on earth would Blaise ask her such a question, did he have no consideration for her feelings whatsoever? Perhaps it was better not to answer that. Sweet Merlin, why was he messing with her head so much? Obviously he liked Pansy still, so what's a girl to do?

"Miss Granger, do try not to let your mind wonder so, when you should be concentrating."

Hermione was aghast. Had he looked into her mind again? Of all the nerve...

"Hermione, do you honestly not think any better of me? Of course I haven't been using legilimency, but your emotions are as easy to read as an open book. He isn't worth your time. Now get on with your calculations, the aconite will need adding soon."

Hermione crumpled the letter in her hand, blasting it into the air with her wand where it burst into flames and fell to the floor as ashes. Severus raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

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Blaise rolled up the parchment he had been writing, and attached it to his owls foot, instructing the bird to take it to Pansy.

"Look, I don't get what's going on between us, and I don't get what's going on between you and Pansy, but I'd like to know, because I don't want to be messed around and have you sleep with me when you want to be with her."

Blaise looked at Hermione in surprise. He was well aware of the effect his charms had on most women, and thus hadn't been expecting someone so infatuated to be that easily-incensed and speak back to him. He had quite enjoyed her docility after Romilda Vane's fireworks over the summer.

It took him a while to reply,

"Okay, I don't want to be with her, if I did I would still be with her, and not sleep with you, or do anything with you, okay? I want you, and not her, I just don't want her to hate me."

Bullshit. But Hermione was too tired of it all to care. She just wanted to know what was going on, and end all this. And by this point she was starting to fear that he was going to think her clingy and slightly unhinged! She was sure that none of his other relationships had been this complicated.

Hermione started to worry when she saw Ron enter the dining room, clearly searching for her, fearing confrontation of any sort, particularly with one of her best friends.

They spoke for a while, but nothing got sorted. He said scathingly that friends don't keep secrets from one another, and don't run off with 'Slytherin Deatheaters'. He tolder her that she overstepped the mark by flaunting the relationship in his face. Choosing his final words carefully, he finished by telling her that she would feel the same if Blaise did that to her with Pansy, which was a distinct possibility.

"You're a right bastard Ron, you know that?" She hissed, storming off to find Blaise for comfort.

"Think about it Hermione," he yelled after her. "If I got together with Pansy, Blaise would be furious, even more than me. You know it's true!"

Hermione sought out Blaise and told him what had been said, needing to get it off her chest and hear a second opinion on whether she was reasonable in being so mad. And Blaise's response upset her more than anything else could have.

"What is the moron getting at? No, I wouldn't be the same if he did that with Pansy, because he would never get the chance do that with Pansy. Pansy would never stoop so low as to be with Ron, she would never lower herself to that level."

"Like I did, you mean?" Hermione asked sharply.

"Yes, _Pansy_would never do that; she's better than that – she's too good for him."

"Thanks a lot." She snapped. He didn't even notice how angry she was.

What was wrong with him?! She had never known someone to be so ambiguous, to give such mixed messages. One minute he was charming her into bed, and the next he made he feel lower than an abandoned house elf. Hermione know that she should heed Professor Snape's warning; if he was going to mess her around then she should end it now, because she was already emotionally involved. But Hermione knew that she could never bring herself to do that, she liked him too much.

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But Severus' words remained at the front of her mind, and when Blaise asked her if she wanted to go camping on the beach with him, Draco, Millie and a number of others, Hermione declined, falling back on the excuse of having too much homework to do.

Instead, Hermione planned a weekend of pure research, devoting the limited time she had to herself to completing her arithmancy calculations for the Crucio potions, as well as returning to the sensitive task of looking into a cure for legilimency-caused illnesses.

Severus hadn't mentioned it to her since that fateful morning, instead focusing on general basic medical potions in their private lessons, and research on the Crucio potion in all other spare moments. She had already read up on the effects of legilimency in every possible source, and jotted down a few ideas for preliminary testing.

Hermione had access to the potions lab, and on Saturday morning she went with her notes to begin brewing. Legilimency was an ancient spell, derived from a much more long-winded spell combined with a potion. Tracking the spell back to its origins, Hermione wanted to use the original components to brew a counter-potion, along with a counter-spell. But to be honest, it was all woolly guesswork for the most part, and she had no idea if she was following the right path, or instead making her way to a dead end.

Severus poked his head around the door cautiously, not wanting to disturb the girl. He had spotted her earlier and wondered what her reason was for staying in the hostel for the weekend, when everyone else either went travelling or returned home.

A large blackboard stood in the middle of the room, scrawled with calculations, ancient runes, a hypothesis on Shamanism, and several theories on the manipulation of energy, which astounded him. The girl was brilliant. As he observed her work, and the two bubbling cauldrons, Severus knew that he had underestimated her considerable genius, and realised how much she underplayed it. It was an unnervingly familiar situation to him.

Hermione sensed him come into the room even whilst she had her back turned to him as she hastily scribbled observations on the blackboard. He looked into both cauldron, and then came to stand beside her, also looking at the blackboard, hiding how impressed he was.

"Did you want something, Professor?"

He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it warmly.

"Why didn't you tell me you were starting this research? I want you to trust me Hermione, I would never do anything to hurt you."

Hermione swallowed dryly, accepting his hand of friendship.

"Thank you, Sir, that means a lot. These are my research notes for you to read."

She handed him a wad of notes, and gestured to the blackboard. Severus sat down at a desk and started to read.

Hermione turned back to her cauldrons, continuing to add ingredients and take notes of their effects. Occasionally she turned to observe Severus curiously, but he was totally engrossed in her notes, every so often writing his own comments in the margins.

"Miss Granger, I am astounded. It would be an absolute honour to aid you in your research, if you would allow me."

"Thank you, Sir", she said hesitatingly.

"Severus", he corrected her, with his face already turned back to the cauldrons, hidden in the clouds of smoke so that she wouldn't sense his confusion.

"What?"

Her surprised tone caused him to look at her, slightly shocked himself.

"Severus; the name I am refered to by every now and then."

Hermione chuckled dryly, confused over what had brought about this change.

"We are working together, are we not? As equals. You are not aiding me, on the contrary, I am aiding you. In this laboratory we are not student and teacher. Although I do not think we have been that for the past few weeks."

"No, Sir."

"No?" He questioned her demur.

"As you said, we are equals; colleagues. It is a partnership Sir, I would benefit greatly from your help and advice."

He mused this. She had gone extraordinarily quickly from a know-it-all pupil he had once detested, to a brilliant student and associate, who was quickly becoming someone he admired for her determination and strength of character.

But she was so keen to know about his life, to discover his secrets. If she learnt all he had done she would never look at him again, never speak to him. And Severus came to the sudden realisation that he would miss working with her, he would miss the loss of her companionship, and their lively debates whilst brewing together.

She had trusted him with her deepest secrets, but he could not yet bring himself to trust her. Did he even know how to be a friend to someone like her? She didn't compare to the likes of Malfoy, McNair, Avery, and all his other past acquaintances.

He wasn't an easy person to befriend, could he keep his sharp-tongue and quick-temper under control?

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Hermione attended lessons with a reluctance that amazed her friends. As she sat down and spread out her notes and books, there was no place she would rather have been than the potions lab with Severus. Indeed, between Severus and Blaise, Ron and Harry argued that they never saw her. In Ron's case, this was perhaps his own fault, as he refused to clear the air until Hermione broke up with Blaise.

Hermione reflected on how her life was now, thinking that Blaise had made things a lot easier for her to work with Severus than Harry and Ron had. In fact, they led lives more or less independent of each other, until the night, when Blaise knew Hermione would be in her room, and would come to her.

Harry had noticed this too, and commented on it in their charms lesson one afternoon, as they practised charms to manipulate the weather.

Harry waved his wand fiercely, causing a strong wind to rush through the open window, sending their notes flying.

"Be firmer with your wand-movement, not so random." Hermione commented, earning a glare from Harry, as he looked at the perfect icicles she had hanging from her table.

"You aren't my teacher!" He cried indignantly, bringing a laugh from Blaise across the room, who winked at Hermione.

Harry's glare held real malice this time, as he regarded Blaise with daggers in his eyes. He turned back to Hermione.

"Can't you see that he's using you?"

"Who is?"

"Zabini, of course."

"Not you as well. You don't know what you are talking about if you think that. I don't know what Ron has been saying, but – "

"Hermione, I didn't need Ron to tell me this, I have eyes you know. He doesn't pay you any attention, he hasn't even taken you out on a real date. You might as well be strangers, except for when he comes to your bed, because he knows that you will give him whatever he wants.

"And it's not just that. I'm in a lot of morning lessons with him, I've seen the whistles and cat-calls he gets when he comes in late wearing yesterday's clothes. And he encourages it, he likes it when all the boys make their stupid comments. How is that _not_ using you?"

Hermione counted to ten in her head, willing herself not to respond.

"It's a shame that you think that, I would hate for things to turn out the same way they have with Ron."

"Don't use our friendship as a bargaining device! I love you and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"We aren't discussing this now."

Hermione picked up her books, and moved to sit next to Blaise, deliberately refusing to look at Harry. Blaise kisses her lightly, and ran a suggestive hand along her thigh, before turning back to Draco and continuing his conversation as if she wasn't there. Hermione's mind instantly flew to what Harry and just said, and she obstinately shut him out of her head.

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Ignoring the fact that she was meant to be having a lesson with Severus on medical potions advances, Hermione went straight to their private lab and threw her belongings onto the bench, immersing herself in the Crucio research.

Together with Severus, she had successfully brewed the original Crucio potion, and they were now trying to work out the original spell. The words all seemed right, but something was missing. Severus suspected that as it was no ordinary spell, it may require effects other than words. Hermione was looking into pentagram formation for the spell, and use of various crystals and runes.

After fifteen minutes Severus came into the potions lab and sat down facing her, as Hermione had known he would.

"Is everything alright?" He asked at last.

"Fine." Hermione growled, throwing ingredients into the cauldron with unnecessary force.

Severus sighed and vanished the potion without a single thought.

"Well that's put us back a week. Don't use violence with such a delicate ingredient, it would have been rendered useless the second it hit the cauldron. I'll ask Neville to start growing some more. Now what's on your mind?"

Hermione shrugged, telling him what Harry had said.

"And I know that you've said stuff too, but I haven't seen anything to make me think badly of Blaise."

"Haven't you? Hermione you're one of the strongest people I know, the things you have seen would make anyone else unstable, and the things you have achieved can only be described as a miracle. But I'm concerned about you; you're not ready to be in a relationship, you're getting over Greyback by jumping into bed with a boy you don't even know all that well."

"Who are you to comment on who I do or don't 'jump into bed with', Severus? I don't see how it is any of your business, my Professor telling me who to have sex with. I'm sure that would go down really well."

"Can't you see what this wretched boy is doing to you? You have a warped idea of relationships, and your entire being revolves around Zabini and his little games!"

"My entire being revolves around this bloody potion! I don't even have time for Blaise."

"So make time. Don't shout at me about it. Leave the potion this evening, ask Zabini to take you out somewhere. Or better yet, ask him where your relationship stands. You're the one that's confused, not me."

Hermione didn't respond, but Severus knew by now that she was trying to control her temper, something she had struggled with her entire life. He had been surprised to learn that, he had always thought her the calm and collected one of the Golden Trio, the one with a level head in times of crisis. When Hermione didn't argue back and instead started asking about where they should form their pentagram for the spell, he knew that she had accepted his comments, and would not be brewing tonight.

To take her mind off their brief argument, and as a means of a silent apology, Severus apparated Hermione to Siberia, on a field trip of sorts, to visit some of the last living Shamans, the Nganasans.

"I thought there were no Shamans left here, not since the Russians."

Hermione shivered as she spoke, he hadn't told her where they were going until they appeared in the November snow. Severus conjured a winter coat for her before replying.

"You would be surprised at how many remain. I met one many years ago on one of Albus' ridiculous goose-chases, and have remained in contact with him over the years. He will be happy to help us explore how Shamanism may be integrated into our Crucio cure, if needs be."

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The Shaman's answers were vague at best. He told Hermione and Severus that it all depended on the type of injury sustained from Crucio. For physical injuries, he could not help. But for cases of mental injury, as with the Longbottoms, who Severus had used as an example, he did believe he could help.

But from there the answers got a little woolly. From what Hermione gathered, the Shaman thought that Shamanism was _required_, to contact their souls and return them to normal. But it was a complicated and long-winded process, not one a mere witch or wizard could perform. It also exposed the risk of the Shaman performing the ritual, or the wizard performing the rest of the spell, having his spirit taken in exchange.

"There are of course ways of getting around this." The Shaman said meaningfully, his eyes boring holes into Severus'. Severus shifted uncomfortably, feeling unnervingly like he was looking into his soul.

Hermione shivered as they left and apparated back to Spain. She was still shivering, arms wrapped around herself as she said,

"I didn't like that, I wouldn't go back there if I had a choice."

"Well you need to get used to it, we are moving to Poland in a month, it will be just as cold there."

Hermione hit Severus lightly on the arm.

"You know I didn't mean that! I meant _him_. He made me feel very uncomfortable. And what did he mean when he said there were ways to get around it?"

Severus was as perplexed as Hermione, and shrugged his shoulders.

"I have no idea, to be truthful. Now I'm going to see if dinner has begun. I suggest you find Mr Zabini, and tell him exactly how he should be treating you after over a month together."

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Thank you for reviewing, please keep them coming, it encourages me to keep writing!

And in answer to Sjell, no, there definitely won't be a pregnancy storyline!

Please R&R.

Lehayim.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Six

Hermione went to Blaise after leaving Severus, and asked him if he wanted to go out somewhere for dinner; rather a more timid confrontation than Severus had suggested; in fact not really a confrontation at all.

But Blaise was more than happy to spend the evening with Hermione, telling her to get dressed as up, as he wanted to take her to the nicest restaurant on the island. Hermione laughed at the irony of the situation as it occurred to her that this was their first proper date, after a month of sleeping together. But it was so nice being with him, to feel wanted. It made her forget all the bad things that had happened between them; his snide comments, the argument with Ron, even Harry getting involved.

But after talking animatedly about her research with Severus, the conversation was suddenly very stilted. Hermione wracked her brain for something to talk about after Blaise's one-line answers to her questions about how he was finding lessons; what career he wanted to go into; how his family was. So she went back to telling him about her research, asking him questions on what he thought and any suggestions he had.

She stopped at the darkening look on his face.

"You talk about Professor Snape more than we've spoken the entire time we've been together." He sounded like a petulant child.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Blaise shrugged, looking more infantile than ever.

"I don't know, I'm just saying that you spend all your time with him, and when you aren't with him, all you do is talk about him."

"About my research! I thought you understood how important this is to me! And what about you? All you ever talk about is how wonderful Pansy is, how much you miss her, what you should say to her to make her less angry with you, to make it up to her!

Are you cruel or just insensitive?"

Blaise hissed at her across the table.

"Keep your voice down! Everyone in the restaurant is looking at us. And I don't remember ever agreeing that was an exclusive deal. We aren't even in a relationship, as far as I'm aware."

Hermione stood up, placed her napkin carefully onto the table and walked out of the restaurant to apparate back to the hostel. She had known in her heart that it wasn't going to work out, if it wasn't even at a stage where he wanted to ask her out, but she had fallen head over heels for him – or at least the idea of him, and was devastated at this turn of events.

Hermione was changing into her pyjamas when there was a knock at the door. She knew at once that it was Blaise, seeing as she was barely speaking to Harry and Ron, and Millie had more or less moved in with Draco.

"I'm sorry."

He moved to stand behind Hermione and wrapped his arms around her, kissing along her neck and whispering,

"I'm sorry," between kisses.

Hermione didn't say anything, but Blaise assumed correctly that all was forgiven, and she was putty in his hands.

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Hermione woke unusually early and tossed and turned, unable to get back to sleep. She looked at Blaise's peaceful face as he slept, leant over and gently kissed him on his full lips. She was never normally the one to initiate anything between them, she always waited to see what _he _wanted. But she was fed up of it, she had argued with everyone over being with him, and now that he had cruelly confirmed that they weren't in any sort of a relationship, it didn't matter how much she tried to please him.

To Hermione's surprise he started kissing her back, and rolled on top of her. Hermione was so caught up in the whirlwind of emotions and passion that she barely noticed him removing her pyjamas as he covered her with kisses. Everything was wonderful, she savoured the moment while it lasted.

And then Hermione's bubble of happiness burst, as the reality of the situation hit her. At breakfast he was all over her, apparently liking this new, more feisty Hermione. But all she noticed were the snide comments from his friends about what they had been doing all morning, and the looks they gave her. She felt no better than a common whore. Hermione couldn't bear to look up at Harry and see his face, to know that he had been right. Despite knowing they weren't in a relationship, Hermione was too scared to risk losing him.

"You're pathetic." She muttered to herself.

When the comments and insinuations didn't stop throughout their morning charms class, Hermione knew that she couldn't stand her entire year group thinking like her about this.

She confided in Neville, who was the one friend who had stayed by her side when she had argued with Ron and Harry, that she thought she might have to end it with Blaise. She had made up her mind that she was going to tell him later that day that she couldn't do this anymore. She hoped that he would tell her that he wanted to be with her, but was kidding herself if she thought that would actually happen. It was time for this to come to an end. Neville hugged her, understanding how difficult this was after coming to blows with everyone else over it.

Hermione knew that Blaise had a free period after charms, and decided not to go to herbology, so that she could get it over and done with. As they walked out of the classroom together, a wolf-whistle from behind them confirmed in her mind what had to be done.

"I can't keep doing this. I can't sleep with someone I'm not in a relationship with."

Blaise asked her what she meant by that, and she replied that she didn't know. Come on Hermione, she scolded herself, you can do better than that! You took on Deatheaters, but you can't break up with a lowlife like this?

"I mean it, Blaise"

"I know," he said.

Why was he being so totally unresponsive?

"Seriously, I can't sleep with someone I'm not in a relationship with. And I know that's all this is to you, so I guess that that's it…"

"Why do you think that?"

"You're an eighteen year old boy. It's what you all want. So I guess that that's it."

The damage was done, she'd finally ended it. Hermione walked away, not daring to look back at him.

She was half expecting him to come after her, or at least to say something to try and stop her. She wished he would, but he didn't. What had she really expected?

Not even five minutes later there was a knock at her door, and she jumped up to answer it, quickly checking her reflection in the mirror and patting her hair into place. Except it wasn't Blaise, it was Draco. Blaise had told him to tell her that it was not just sex, she was more to him than that.

"If he cared enough to sort it out, he would come after me himself!"

Draco looked awkward.

"Hermione, I don't know what's happened, all I know is that you were together, and you wanted more, and he wants things to stay as they are. And now he's confused because he thought you were happy with how things were too."

"Then he's an idiot." She said acidy.

"Hermione – I'm his friend, and I feel bad about stirring things up, but do you know what you are getting into? He's left a trail of girls behind him, and the only one he truly loved broke his heart over the summer, and he never really got over her."

The door swung open, and Blaise stormed in.

"Why did you think it was just about sex? Because it wasn't just about that, that's why I didn't sleep with you every time I stayed here, I didn't want you to think that. And neither of us have been with any other people since this started, so it has felt like we are in a relationship anyway.'

"But you want to be single!" Hermione exclaimed,

"you made that clear."

"I don't, I want to be with you. What do _you _want? It's up to you now."

It took Hermione a long time to think about what he was offering. She had wanted to be with him in an official relationship for so long, she needed the security of it, to be secure in the knowledge that she was with him and he with her and no one else.

Carefully, she brought up Pansy, saying,

"It seems that you still like Pansy too. Nothing is really making sense to me at the moment."

"Look, I like you more than I like her, Okay?" he insisted,

"And yes I wanted to be single, but minds change, and I want to be with you."

Hermione knew that she should make him wait for an answer, because if actually liked her and wanted to be with her then he _would_ wait. It was all too convenient that she said to him she couldn't have sex with someone without being in a relationship, and next thing she knew, he wanted to be in a relationship.

"If we are together, as a proper couple, will you tell Pansy that? Because I don't want her to hate me, or you, when she finds out."

"Hermione – I don't want to upset her, it will only make things worse. I don't want to be with her anymore, but I still care about her."

Was he doing it on purpose? Could he not see that it hurt her that she wasn't good enough for him to be in a relationship with for all to see, for fear of upsetting his ex-girlfriend.

"Blaise, I don't know if I can do this, this whole thing has been such a mess from the start. I'll talk to you later, okay? My arithmancy class starts in five minutes."

Hermione left Blaise in her room, completely confused as to what had just happened.

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Skipping lunch, Hermione went straight to the potions lab, knowing that Severus would come to find her there.

Sure enough, after realising she wasn't at lunch, Severus came straight to the lab.

"So it didn't go so well with Zabini, then?"

Hermione looked at him, as if questioning how he knew.

"I've got to know you pretty well Hermione, and you are as easy to read as an open book. Speaking of, I was in a second hand book shop in town this morning, and saw something which made me think of you."

Severus went to his desk and pulled a brown paper bag from one of the drawers, giving it to her with a guarded look on his features. Hermione pulled three books out and looked at them with something close to reverence. They were the three volumes which made up a first edition of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. They had been beautifully restored, with the leather binding in pristine condition, and the slightly yellowing pages having the characteristic musty smell of books this old.

"I hope you like them." He said gruffly.

"Severus!" Hermione gasped.

"They're perfect. But I can't accept these; they must have cost a small fortune!"

"Nonsense, they are a gift."

"But Severus, really! I can't!"

"Don't you know it's rude to turn down a gift?" Severus said sternly, the twinkle in his eye letting her know that he was not serious.

Hermione thanked him, and stood up on tip-toe to press a light kiss on his cheek in thanks. Severus was at a loss for words, and hurriedly started asking her about their research.

Hermione began to answer, and then something occurred to her, and she asked what he had been looking for in the shop in the first place.

Severus mumbled something unintelligible, that Hermione accurately suspected translated to 'nothing', and he turned back to his work, embarrassed.

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Hermione and Severus worked in companionable silence, Severus leaving for an hour to teach a class, but that was their only interruption.

When neither turned up for dinner, Blaise appeared at the classroom door. He winked at Hermione, and nodded at the Professor, who stared frostily back.

"I've been waiting for you, 'Mione. Come, let's go to your room."

Hermione didn't think her cheeks could get any redder as he so obviously advertised what he wanted to do, and couldn't meet Severus' eye as she packed up her belongings.

Although she hadn't said so, Hermione decided to herself that she was going to make him wait and see what he did. She stopped Blaise as he started to slide his hands under her blouse, suggesting that they talk, or perhaps go out somewhere.

"Where?"

Hermione couldn't hide her exasperation.

"I don't know, I'm sure people have gone out before! Dinner, cinema, stuff like that."

"Cinema?"

Hermione remembered that he would never have heard of a cinema before, and explained the concept to him. It was like dealing with an excited child as he insisted they go at once, and had her explain it to him several more times on the way there. Hermione laughed fondly at his excitement. And she would never have said it aloud, but she breathed a sigh of relief that there wouldn't be any awkward silences like the previous night.

Blaise cuddled up with her in bed that night, but Hermione had too much on her mind, knowing that she couldn't do this with him again until she decided what she wanted. After she had tossed and turned, unable to get to sleep, Blaise sat up with a sleepy sigh.

"Do you have any baby oil or anything?"

"What for?" She was confused.

"I want to give you a massage, it will relax you."

Hermione found the oil and gave it to him, but inexplicably was suddenly extremely shy when it came to taking off her pyjama top, a massage felt so intimate for some reason.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." He teased, making her feel an iota more comfortable.

Hermione lay on her front, head resting on her hands, as Blaise kissed his way down her neck and back, before massaging in the oil, gently kneading her tense muscles.

As he stopped, he rolled Hermione onto her back, leant forward and kissed her. His hands stroked her hair off her forehead, and he kissed her again. As she wound a hand around his neck to pull him closer, Hermione knew deep down that she shouldn't be doing this, it would only complicate things. But she was caught up in a blur of sensations, his hands stroking down the sides of her body and his kisses on her neck, and a vague awareness of her pyjama bottoms being pulled off and discarded. With the knowledge that this was probably their last time together, she suddenly needed him desperately.

Hermione woke up to see Blaise at her desk, signing his name on a letter he was writing. He looked at her proudly, as if waiting for recognition. She returned his look with a blank one of her own, and got up to read over his shoulder. It was a letter to Pansy, telling her that she was married, and he was with Hermione now, so they both had to get on with their own lives.

With a feeling of disbelief, Hermione checked it again, seeing if she had read what she thought she had. How did this happen? It has been the most tumultuous relationship of her life, and she had been so ready to end it. And now this?

"It's what I want, but only if you want to be –"

Hermione ignored the niggling doubt in the back of her mind, threw her arms around his neck and assured him that yes, this was what she wanted. Her glance fell on the set of Pride and Prejudice books, and Severus' words about Blaise echoed in her mind.

"Yes," she said more firmly, disregarding everything else.

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Neville looked at Hermione's happy face questioningly in their herbology class. He didn't say any words of discouragement, knowing that she had heard them all before.

"I don't know what's happening with you and Blaise, but don't you think it's about time you sorted things out with Harry and Ron? Harry's really upset about all this."

"Neville, it doesn't matter, I'm just so happy! And I have news for you, I was going to tell you yesterday, but I was too caught up in what was happening with Blaise.

"Severus and I..."

"'Severus' " Neville raised an eyebrow questioningly, and then looked around to check if the man is question was nearby.

"Oh that's not important, what I was saying, is that we went to visit a Shaman, and told him about what we are trying to do, and about your parents, and he is going to help us!"

"Hermione, I don't know how I can thank you. What can I do to help? Say anything."

The expression on Neville's face suddenly put everything into perspective; it didn't matter about her and Blaise, it all seemed so irrelevant.

Hermione practically lived in the lab for the next few weeks, dreading the thought of uprooting and moving to Warsaw; having to regrow all their potion ingredients, and start brewing afresh. In an attempt to reconcile their friendship, Harry now joined her in the laboratory whenever he had time to spare, helping her where he could and offering suggestions.

Hermione welcomed his company; she had missed his friendship, but the backlash was that Severus was much more closed up around Harry, to the point where he hardly spoke to her. Even when Harry wasn't around, it seemed like there was a distance growing between them, and Severus' face darkened whenever she mentioned Blaise's name, or he caught sight of the boy.

For Severus, it was one of the hardest things to do; he would rather have faced Bellatrix, but he knew it had to be done. He didn't open up to people easily; Albus had been one, Lily Evans another. And Hermione's friendship had brought some warmth into his life, he felt himself looking forward to seeing her, watching the clock to see if he could spare a minute in the lab with her. Not quite understanding why, he had felt enraged as he learnt what was happening between her and Zabini, and that she had taken him back. He told himself that he was just protective of this witch who had seen so much and was mature beyond her years, but yet was so vulnerable.

But then he had seen the book store and for the first time, his mind had jumped to Hermione rather than himself, as he wondered what book he could get her that would be absolutely perfect. And then she had kissed him. That simple kiss on the cheek had sent a jolt of electricity and desire rushing through him, and he had realised that he had to distance himself from her; it was inappropriate, and entirely unfair on her.

So Severus was left longing for things to return to how they had been, while Hermione was confused and hurt, wondering what she had done to bring about this coldness.

_And that was how things had to stay, _Severus told himself firmly, as he observed the girl working in silence, and yearned to hold her in his arms, but knew he never could.

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Thank you again for reviewing, please keep them coming and let me know what you think, and what ideas you have for this.

I've written the epilogue, and do have a vague idea of where this is going, but for the most part the words just fly onto the page without me thinking about it! Hermione's story with Blaise is based on my own, so it's been very hard to put onto paper, but it just felt right somehow.

Anyway, please R&R.

Lehayim.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Seven

Severus felt only relief as he dressed in the morning and knew that he wasn't going to the laboratory to see Hermione. He now dreaded seeing her, which was ironic considering the reason he dreaded it was because of he couldn't help but look forward to seeing her.

He had tried to make her feel bad for skipping so many lessons to work on their research, but lessons weren't mandatory, and they both knew that she was more advanced than any NEWT class. So he then tried to revert to his former Hogwarts persona, snapping at her every breath. Hermione had taken it all in her stride, looking at Severus coolly, giving him the uncomfortable feeling that she could see right through him. And then, kudos to her, she would continue talking to him as if nothing was wrong. And Severus acknowledged her chatter with a grunt, secretly relishing it.

But that morning Severus was returning to Hogwarts to meet with Minerva and discuss how the past term had been going for the Gap Year students. He pulled his winter cloak out of the wardrobe and tucked it over one arm, before apparating to the gates of the castle in Scotland. The sharp winds instantly whipped at his face; he had forgotten the bitter weather with its unforgiving winds, that characterised Scottish winter.

Severus wrapped his cloak around himself and shivered, pushing open the gates and striding swiftly up the path to the school. He pushed open the main doors to the entrance hall, and stepped inside, stopping for a moment to observe the students on their way to classes, talking excitedly about the Christmas holidays. A few students noticed him standing there and hurried past, their eyes averted. Severus felt something like sadness, although he tried on the whole not to show succumb to everyday emotions. He loved teaching, and was now at the point where he had to decide if he wanted to come back to Hogwarts next year. But after opening up a little to his students, more so to Hermione, he didn't know if he wanted to return to Hogwarts, where it would be all too easy to fall back into old habits, snapping at students and favouring Slytherins.

Severus looked at his watch; he was early – he had twenty minutes before he needed to meet with the Headmistress. His feet automatically took up down the stone steps to the dungeons, and he stopped himself just as he was about to press his wand to the portrait guarding his chambers, as he remembered that Slughorn lived there now. Instead he made his way to his old classroom, watching Slughorn teach through the half open door.

He wasn't bad, Severus admitted to himself begrudgingly, thinking how nice it would be to interact with the students like that, to have them excited about potions making, enjoying the lessons. Severus remembered his own potions lessons with the Professor, and remembered how students worked hard to either earn a place in the Slug Club, or to earn whatever prize Professor Slughorn was offering for the best potion.

Severus wouldn't resort to bribery for hard work, he expected it at the very least. His harsh methods had arisen partly out of anger when he was first forced into the job by Professor Dumbledore, when he agreed to spy for the Light, and partly because he took out his hatred for the Gryffindors who had tormented him, by picking on those who now attended his class. Anger had turned into habit, and when Severus had seen how effective his methods were; good grades and few accidents, he felt little need or want to change them.

"Professor Snape, do come in!"

Damn it, the man had seen him. Severus reluctantly pushed the door open fully and entered the classroom, looking to see what the students were brewing. Polyjuice potion from the looks of it, so they must be sixth years, although Severus couldn't recall a single face. The students nudged each other and whispered conspicuously.

"Students, you remember Professor Snape, he was your potions teacher and then Defence against the Dark Arts Teacher."

Severus rolled his eyes. He had only been gone since the summer, it was hardly likely that had forgotten him. His lips curled into a half smile, half sneer; old habits died hard, and it was easy to fall back into routine in this familiar environment.

"I only dropped by to see how your class is progressing, Professor, I'm due in a meeting with the headmistress in fifteen minutes."

"Excellent!" Slughorn beamed.

"We are brewing polyjuice potion, it should be ready in ten days. If the students are lucky, I will let them try the best one."

Severus coughed loudly to hide a snigger – they wouldn't consider themselves lucky once they had had a taste of it, and murmured his approval.

He walked around the classroom, noticing how the students immediately stiffened and focused all their attention on their cauldrons when they sensed that he was behind them. Honestly, it wasn't like he could take points away.

"Very good, make sure you watch to do perfectly symmetrical figure-of-eight stirs at the next stage."

The student he was talking to jumped, and then looked shocked as she absorbed his words.

"Thank you Professor, I will." It was little more than a whisper.

Severus looked into the remaining cauldrons, offering words of encouragement, and warning when necessary. The students weren't quite sure what to make of him. It wasn't that he was being over-the-top nice to; it was more that he wasn't being a rude, sarcastic bastard that shocked them.

Severus checked the time, and bid his old Professor goodbye, a small smile curving his lips at the reactions of the students. It was only when he had closed the classroom door behind him and taken about ten paces that Severus stopped dead, and starting laughing. Tears welled in the corners of his eyes as he bellowed with laughter, the expressions of his dumbstruck students in the forefront of his mind.

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Severus and Minerva laughed as he recapped in her office what had occurred in the potions room. Minerva noted with approval that she had never seen him this relaxed; his new position obviously agreed with him.

"Tell me about how the first term has gone. How are lessons working out?"

"Everything is going well, Hestia, Charlie and Katia are excellent teachers, as you knew when you appointed them. And the students all appear to be enjoying the lessons. It makes a huge difference when the students chose to be there rather than being forced to. And of course being so free helps, it doesn't feel like school to them."

"Well it isn't. Perhaps I should let the seventh years here have more free time in Hogsmeade." Minerva mused. Severus rolled his eyes, knowing it would never happen in a million years.

"And how is your research going?"

"It's – going." Severus paused, not sure how to explain the numerous ups and downs they were occurring with it.

"Sometimes we think we are on to something, but then the arithmancy calculations don't add up, or the runes have a hidden double meaning we didn't spot at first. It's very tempting to give up sometimes."

"And how is Miss Granger enjoying it?"

"More than lessons, apparently. But then, you and I both knew that she could have passed in the summer with no preparation whatsoever. I think she jumped at the chance for more studying without thinking about the reality of the situation."

Minerva eyed him curiously. She had spotted the almost imperceptible stiffening of his spine as she had said Hermione's name.

"And how are you and Miss Granger getting on?" She pushed.

"Fine. She adjusted to discovering that I'm a human being quicker than the students in the dungeons.

"Where is Albus? I would like to see him."

Minerva didn't comment on his rapidity in changing the subject, instead rapping sharply on the frame of Albus' empty portrait.

The man peered around the frame into his old office.

"Is everything alright, Minerva? I was having a lovely chat with Poppy about the use of – Severus!" Albus' eyes lit up, as he gazed fondly at the man he taken under his wing so many years ago, and who had grown to be almost a son to him.

"I've missed you, and our little chats about battle strategies and the like."

Minerva and Severus simultaneously snorted. Little chats indeed.

"Now Severus, we must finish evaluating the past term and then I'll leave you and Albus to catch up in peace."

Minerva probed Severus on all the various lessons, the teachers and students. She was pleased to hear that they were ahead in the curriculum, although perhaps not so pleased when he revealed the drunken antics of the students let loose on the Spanish island.

When Minerva finally left, Albus only had ears for Severus' research, beaming with excitement at the prospect of a cure finally being developed for the unforgiveable.

"And how are you and Miss Granger getting along?"

Severus sighed, knowing that he could not lie to Albus.

"I don't know. I didn't think I would be able to open up to her, but I have – sort of. And she has to me. And to be honest, I loved being free to be myself, not scared about what people would think of me, enjoying the girl's conversation."

" 'loved?'" Albus questioned his use of the past tense.

"I can't do it anymore, it's not right – she's a student, I'm her Professor. It's past all appropriate boundaries."

"Severus, this is an entirely new situation. Yes you are the teacher, and she the student, but not in the context you try to box the relationship away in. She is an adult, more mature than many adults I knew in my lifetime, and a pleasure to be around. What is so wrong if you enjoy her company?"

"It's not just that." Severus struggled to put his feelings into words, and Albus raised an eyebrow.

"Or more than enjoy?" he suggested to the younger man.

"Albus!" Severus vehemently denied what Albus had been hinting at, saying that this was why the relationship was wrong; it wasn't fair on the girl to be subject to false accusations for spending so much time with her former teacher.

"Severus, open your heart and your mind a little. So she's nineteen. She's old enough to make up her own mind about what's right for her."

Severus nodded his head in acknowledgement, knowing it was useless to argue.

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In Barcelona, Hermione was in the potions lab, feeling the acute solitude which accompanied Severus' absence.

"Hermione?"

Blaise came into the lab, grinning.

"I heard that the old bat is gone for the day. Think about all the opportunities we have for this lab, let's make some memories to make you blush every time you're working in here."

Hermione looked suitably scandalised.

"Blaise! This is my research, it's very important!"

Blaise swept her up into his arms, placing her on an empty table. Hermione laughed, remembering to cast a stasis spell on her potion, as she forgot her protestations in anticipation for what he had planned.

Blaise laid her down gently on the table, lifting her arms over her head and pulling her sweater off and unfastening her bra. He kissed her neck, and then down her chest to her breast, taking her nipple into his mouth.

Hermione moaned in pleasure, and then suddenly yelled, grabbing her sweater to her chest, trying to cover herself.

"Harry! What are you doing in here?"

"Oh God, I'm blind, I never want to see that again. Are you decent?"

Hermione hurriedly fastening her bra with shaking fingers and pulled her sweater back on, whilst scolding Blaise for laughing at the situation.

"Yes, it's fine, you can open your eyes. What are you doing in here?"

"Ginny is here. She got permission to visit as she has no lessons all afternoon, and she wanted to see you. Shall I tell her you're busy?"

"Harry! Of course not, I've been dying to see Ginny. Where is she?"

Hermione said a hurried goodbye to Blaise, and went off with Harry, excited to see her friend after so long.

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"Hermione!"

"Ginny!"

The girls threw themselves on each other excitedly, and went to Hermione's room arm-in-arm to catch up on the last few months.

Ginny told Hermione about life as Head Girl, and how much she had been missing Harry, and how NEWTs were going.

"And how is your research going? Your letters are very vague, I don't really know what you have been doing."

Hermione briefly explaining what she and Severus had been aiming to do, and what they had achieved so far.

"What's it like working with Professor Snape?"

Hermione shrugged unhappily.

"I don't know. You will think this sounds crazy, but we got quite close at one point, we talked about everything and I really got to him under that snarky exterior. We even argued – like you argue with friends. But then it suddenly go really weird, and now he's really off with me all the time. I act like nothing's changed, I suppose I hope that if I do that then it will go back to how it was."

Ginny listened quietly.

"Are you sure that that's what you want? This is the greasy git of the dungeons – even if you do make it up then he can just as easily do it again."

"You don't understand, I miss his friendship. I know that he's your brother, and don't take it personally, but when Ron and I argued over Blaise, I didn't even notice when we stopped talking. Severus and I stop talking and I can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop hoping that things will go back to how they were."

Ginny raised an eyebrow.

"And Blaise? How are things with him?"

Hermione got up and walked to stare out the window, avoiding Ginny's gaze. She had been giving the impression that everything was fine with Blaise, writing to Ginny telling her how happy she was, always making sure that she was on her best form when she was with him. She had thought that once they started going out, everything would be just as she had hoped. The reality couldn't have been more different.

Hermione couldn't have been more relieved when everyone stopped gossiping about her, when they stopped saying what a whore she was, whilst Ron glared on in silence, not once defending her.

But then when that stopped, everything else had started to go wrong. While Blaise kept telling her how much he liked her, Hermione had discovered that he was still telling Pansy that he was in love with her, and at the same time flirting with Romilda Vane, sending her letters saying he couldn't wait to see her again. Hermione hadn't had the courage to bring it up, especially when he told her how much better Pansy was than her, treating her like next-to-nothing when he didn't have the time of day for her. She just wanted to be perfect for him, so that he would like her more than Pansy. It didn't occur to Hermione how much she was letting him demean her.

But what hurt the most were the nights he came to her room, not even bothering to undress her properly, pulling down her trousers to have sex with her, and then leaving as soon as he was done without saying a word the entire time.

Hermione knew that it wasn't right, how she was letting him treat her, but she felt almost as if he had some sort of hold over her, preventing her from letting him go.

"It's fine!" She said brightly, plastering a smile on her face as she turned to look at Ginny.

"Everything's great."

Ginny looked at her doubtfully.

"You could have fooled me. What's really going on?"

"Nothing! Honestly. I'm just being silly."

Ginny raised an eyebrow in expectation, waiting for Hermione to continue.

Hermione admitted what she had learnt about his communications with Pansy and with Romilda. Ginny looked more concerned now.

"Hermione, you have to talk to him about it, it's not fair on you. Whatever his explanation is, it doesn't exactly sound innocent."

"That's why I can't talk to him, I don't want him to know that it upsets me, I don't want him to end it. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't there."

"I don't think he is there for you, from the sounds of it."

Ginny had a lot more that she wanted to say, but restrained herself, knowing that it wouldn't help, shocked at the neediness of her once so independent friend.

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"Professor, can I speak to you?"

Severus looked up to find the body belonging to the voice. Ginevra Weasley. What was she doing here?

He pulled off his travelling coat.

"Certainly Miss Weasley, I'll be with you in ten minutes. I have just arrived from Hogwarts, and would like to freshen up."

Ginny nodded. So he _was_ human. That was news.

Severus returned precisely ten minutes later, and led her to the wide balcony just off the reception, overlooking the hills. They could talk in privacy there.

"What is this about, Miss Weasley?"

"It's about Hermione. I wouldn't normally come to you, but she really needs a friend right now, and she said that you were friends, or you were anyway."

Severus waited expectantly.

"Blaise really isn't treating her well, and she's really unhappy. I know she hasn't told me everything, and I haven't been here to see what's been going on. But it's like he has got some sort of hold over her, and it's not healthy. Harry and Ron don't really want to know as far as this relationship is concerned, but I know you will be there for her when she finally sees sense."

"I understand, Miss Weasley. Thank you for coming to me with this."

Ginny got up.

"I know you are my Professor, and this is a slightly strange situation, but please swear that you will be there for her. She's your friend as well as mine, and I've never been more sure that something's not right."

Severus nodded his acquiescence.

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After Ginny had gone, Hermione went to Blaise's room to see if he was there. She didn't know if she was going to confront him, but she had to see him, to confirm that she was doing the right thing by being with him.

He was lying in bed, languidly reading a book.

"Oh, so you've decided to return I see." He drawled.

"Don't be like that, it was only because I hadn't seen Ginny for months."

"Whatever."

He reached out an arm to signal for her to join him in bed, and she did so, cuddling in to him.

He started to caress her through her sweater, and Hermione shrugged off his hand uncomfortably. He put it back, and Hermione shrugged it off again, moving away from him slightly.

Blaise then slid his hand up under her sweater, along her bare skin. Making sure she was clear in what she wanted, Hermione grasped his wrist, and removed his hand. He immediately replaced it.

"Blaise, stop it. I don't want to right now."

"Come on Hermione." He cajoled, moving his hand lower to this time stroke her through her trousers.

"Blaise, I'm serious, can't we talk or something?"

She removed his hand again.

Blaise rolled on to his side to look at her more closely.

"Come on babe, what's wrong with you?"

"I don't want to, just stop it."

Blaise slipped his hand underneath Hermione's trousers and cupped her between her thighs. Hermione jerked away, memories assaulting her.

"Don't force me to have sex with you." She hissed, jumping out of his bed.

"I'm not! What's wrong with you today?" Blaise called after her as she stormed out the room.

Hermione went to the first place she thought of – the potions lab.

Severus was already there, and observed her stonily emotionless face in silence. Questioning whether if he was a fool to be risking this, he wondered if she was preoccupied enough not to sense his invasion of her mind.

He slipped in undetected, waiting for the memories to surface, unwilling to risk searching for them himself and risk her sensing his presence.

The next thing Hermione knew, Severus was filled with rage.

"I'm going to kill him," he ranted, leaving before Hermione had realised what had just happened.

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"Severus!"

Severus turned around to see Hermione running after him, breathless.

"Stop it! This is my problem, I don't see how it's any of your business. And I can't even begin to understand why you did what you just did after what happened last time you went anywhere near my mind."

"You said no, Hermione, and he kept going. That counts as attempted rape. Thank Merlin you stopped him when you did."

"When did you start caring?! The last I remember you were barely speaking to me."

"Of course I care! How could I not? You mean more to me than anyway has before, I've never let myself get so close to anyone. And then you came into my life, and everything changed."

Hermione was at a loss for words.

"Is that why you suddenly stopped talking to me?"

"Yes, of course! This is entirely inappropriate, and it's not fair on you if people start making assumptions about all the time we spend together."

"I'm the boss of me; let me decide what's inappropriate as far as I'm concerned. Now come back to the lab and let me sort out my own problems."

Severus paused, raring to beat the living daylights out of Zabini. But he realised that Hermione would never trust him if he didn't obey her, and so he reluctantly followed.

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Sorry about how long it has taken to update, I've been ridiculously busy with university work. Hope you like the latest chapter, please review – it only takes a minute!

Lehayim


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Eight

Hermione and Millie packed their last things in their suitcases, and looked around the empty room sadly. Apart from a few essentials, there was now no evidence that anyone had been living there for the past few months. The next day they were to return home to Britain for Christmas and New Year, and in January they were to move to Warsaw, and live in apartments interspersed with the magical community there.

"I'll miss you. I never thought I would like a Gryffindor, but you're not so bad!" Millie smiled sweetly, but Hermione know that it was true. Who would have thought that a Gryffindor and a Slytherin, supposedly sworn enemies, would get on like a house in fire? Well stranger things _had_ happened. Like **dating** a Slytherin, for one thing.

"I'm just going to check on how Severus is getting on with clearing out the lab, I'll be back soon."

Hermione made her way to the lab, where Severus was bottling samples of the potions they had made so far, labelling them to show the stages of research they represented.

"Severus, I appreciate all this, but how on Earth is anyone going to be able to read those labels?" Hermione laughed.

Severus gave her a mock-stern look.

"_I'll_ be able to." He regarded his illegible scrawl with pride. "It means no one else can raid my supplies."

Hermione snatched up a few bottles, mixed them up in her hands behind her back, and then proffered them to the man.

"What do these say?" She challenged, half-laughing.

Severus looked at them, and his brows knitted together as he tried to read the label.

"Fourth brewing; simmered at midnight, addition of boomslang skin."

Then he frowned.

"We haven't used boomslang skin."

Hermione laughed at the priceless expression on the stubborn man's face.

"That's because it's the fifth brewing, with burlap essence."

Severus was impressed.

"Did you manage to read that scribble I call handwriting?"

"No, the turquoise colour is a shade more translucent than when we brewed at midnight without simmering."

Severus hid his admiration, with a gruff, "Either you're a secret artist, or you need a life."

Hermione laughed out loud, accepting that was the closest he would come to giving her a compliment. She looked at the blackboard, which was now so covered with observations and theories that they had conjured up another one.

"What are we doing with that?" She gestured to the blackboard. "I don't want to shrink it in case the chalk gets wiped off."

"Perhaps we should start using a whiteboard which we can use permanent marker on," he suggested.

Hermione chuckled wryly, "That would have been more sensible, but I liked the quintessential image of doing research with a blackboard full of notes. You wouldn't get it, it's a muggle thing."

"It reminds me of the Dead Poets Society." Severus spoke quietly, more to himself than to her.

Hermione gaped at him, and Severus jumped, noticing her presence.

"I had a muggle father; I will always have one foot in the muggle world, no matter how much I pretend otherwise."

"Pretend otherwise?" the words came out before she had had time to connect her mouth to her brain, and Hermione waited for him to suddenly snap at her and give her the cold shoulder for bringing up his past.

"I hated having a muggle father, being in Slytherin didn't help. My housemates would ask me what noble bloodline the Snape's came from, and I dug up an old royal European wizarding line called Snape, and told anyone that asked that he was descended from them. I was ashamed. When I began calling myself the Half-blood Prince, everyone assumed that that was why. I didn't correct them."

Severus sighed, and for a moment he felt very lonely as memories filled his being.

"Father hated magic, at first he said it was abnormal, but I think ultimately he was jealous that mother and I wielded so much power, and he felt weak and helpless in comparison. I'm sure it didn't help that despite all our magic, we lived in poverty, in little more than slums.

At school I was ashamed to have any muggle blood, and at home I was too scared to show any signs of magic and Hogwarts, and was too ashamed to invite any friends over in the holidays, lest they discover my lies. So I would live two half-lives, one in the muggle world, and one in the magical world, and all the time I wanted to fit into just one of them.

When I finished Hogwarts I left home and renounced all ties with my father, and didn't see him again until I got word that he was dying. It took death for us to make our peace and accept each other for who we were."

Severus sighed again, sounding very melancholy. Hermione started to feel awkward hearing such personal information, and shifted from one foot to another, unsure of what to reply.

Severus suddenly snapped out of it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bore you with the past."

"You weren't boring me." Hermione said softly. "Thank you for sharing it with me."

Severus shifted his focus back to the supply of ingredients.

"We can take the ingredients already processed in jars, but the fresh ones we will have to re-grow. Longbottom is coming with me later to lay the foundations for our new herb garden."

"I'm impressed. A few months ago Neville wouldn't have dared breathe near you, never mind spend an afternoon with you. You've both changed."

"Thank you."

No more was said, and Hermione wondered if his disclosure of his past had made things awkward again, or if this was a companionable silence.

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Meanwhile, Millie was half-asleep on Draco's bed as the boys languidly packed their cases.

"What are your plans for Christmas break?" Draco asked his friend.

Blaise shrugged. "Catch up on some work I suppose, I seem to spend more time in bed than in class."

Draco waggled an eyebrow.

"In Hermione's bed?"

"Nah, she's always busy with her blasted research. Maybe she'll have time for me over Christmas. If she doesn't then it's only right she should know how in demand I am. Take Romilda Vane for instance. Now there's a girl who knows exactly what a guy likes."

"She's also a girl with extremely large breasts and no brain. I assume that that's where the interest lies? But you wouldn't actually cheat on Hermione, would you?"

Blaise shrugged his shoulders indifferently.

Millie lay absolutely still on the bed, keeping her breathing steady and making sure it looked like she was asleep.

"And Pansy?"

"Well, I did promise I would go see her, she needs cheering up. Her husband is in his fifties, that's practically paedophilia!"

Draco snorted. "Hardly, she's nineteen. But I know you, and a visit to Pansy means sex, however much you try to deny it. And it's unfair, I would never even think about doing anything like that to Millie. You don't even tell Hermione how you feel about her. And if I asked you to pick between Hermione, Pansy and Romilda, who would you chose?"

"Hermione of course." He said automatically.

"Then go tell her how much she means to you."

Draco shooed Blaise out the door, then sat down on the bed next to Millie.

"I know you're awake."

"How did you know?"

"Because you snore quietly when you're sleeping"

Millie sat up, looking outraged. "I do not!"

She then realised how off topic she was getting.

"Draco, why did you tell him to go tell Hermione that he loves her, when we both know he doesn't?"

Draco looked bewildered. "I thought girls want to hear that."

"Only when the man means it! Draco, he's using her for sex, he just proved all my suspicions right. And I don't know what to tell her, she's so happy with him. Even when he makes her unhappy, she still always wants to be with him, I don't get it."

Draco looked sufficiently uncomfortable, and Millie latched onto it instantly.

"Draco, what's going on?"

"I think I know why she's like that. I'm no psychiatrist or anything, but some pretty bad stuff happened to her when the Dark Lord was using my family home as a base last year."

Draco seemed extremely unnerved, and Millie normally didn't ask him to talk about the past year.

"What happened to her?"

"A combination of my Aunt Bellatrix, and Fenrir Greyback. I'm sure you've heard stories about Greyback, I don't need to spell it out to you."

Millie gasped. "You mean -?" She let the open-ended question trail off, suddenly comprehending what had happened to her friend.

"It was horrible. She doesn't know that I was there for some of it, but I can't ever wipe those memories from my mind. So Merlin knows how she's coping."

"She never said a word. And I'm sure Blaise doesn't know. Even he isn't that insensitive to other people's feelings. You need to talk to him, don't tell him what happened to Hermione, just tell him to make his mind up about what he wants or end it now."

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Blaise had gone from his room to see Hermione, convinced that if he told her he loved her then she would suddenly cater to his every whim.

Hermione had longed for him to say those three words to her, but as he pushed up her skirt and thrust roughly into her, and panted out those three magic words, Hermione felt nothing. She was suddenly acutely aware that he hadn't meant it in the slightest. She suddenly tensed, all her muscles tightening. Blaise grunted in pleasure, and thrust into her harder.

"Blaise, stop."

He ignored her, too close to his release.

"Stop, please, it's hurting me, I'm too tense."

"Then relax babe," he panted.

"Please, stop!"

Blaise thrust into her a few more times, and then collapsed on top of her as he finally got his release. Hermione shoved him angrily.

"I asked you to stop, God damn it! You were hurting me."

"Sorry babe."

"You aren't sorry, so don't pretend you are just so you can get in my pants this evening. Get out my room and leave me alone for a bit."

Bewildered, Blaise fastened his trousers.

"Jesus, sometimes I don't know what's wrong with you. What do you want from me?"

"Imagine all the worst things you think about yourself and are trying to forget. And the person you love makes you think every one of those feelings about yourself every time they look at you and seem to look right through you."

"Hermione, stop talking in riddles, what are you saying?"

"It's not a riddle! This is how you make me feel; like I'm lower than dirt, and you're only with me for the sex and nothing else."

"We went through this ages ago! I don't know what you want from me, I tell you I love you so that you don't think I'm using you, and now you start this again."

Hermione regarded him very coolly, keeping her anger so under control that she seemed almost serene.

"That's the difference between you and I Blaise. When I say I love you I want it to be because I mean it. You say it because you want to keep me happy so that I keep sleeping with you.

I don't know what to say to you right now, I think you should leave now and we will talk tomorrow before we go home, okay?"

"Fine." Blaise looked surly as he spat out his answer, and left her staring after him in disbelief.

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"Hermione!"

Harry and Ron burst into her room, laden with Christmas gifts.

Harry grasped Ron's shoulder firmly, as if he feared he was going to make a bolt for freedom.

"We have come to beg your forgiveness oh magnificent one, for not being there for you and for arguing. When we realised that actually after all we have been through, none of it matters. If our friendship can survive Voldemort it can certainly survive this. What do you say?"

Hermione was startled by the abruptness of it, but then again, that was how the boys had always done it.

She smiled. "Yes, of course I do. Now come give me a hug!"

Harry stepped back so that Ron could give her a bone crushing hug.

"I'm so sorry," he mumbled with his face pressed into her tangled hair. "I always want to be here for you, even if that means supporting you being with Blaise."

Hermione laughed bitterly.

"I don't know if that's going to be an issue any more. We are on a break, of sorts. I don't really know what is going on. But he isn't who I thought he was."

Harry and Ron were shocked.

"Do you want me to beat him up?" Ron proposed, cracking his knuckles suggestively.

Hermione laughed faintly, and refused his offer, tempting as it was.

"Changing the subject, we would love it if you would come spend Christmas at the Burrows? Harry is coming too, and Mum and Ginny would love to see you."

"I would love to. Thank you."

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Dinner was a subdued affair, students and teachers alike were sad to be leaving Barcelona, and settle down in a new country, in new apartments. It would be much more independent living; cooking and cleaning for themselves, as well as volunteering in the community to get extra credit.

Holiday coursework was set during final lessons the next day, and arrangements made for the start of the following term. Hermione sought out Blaise minutes before they were due to go home via portkey.

"I'm sorry about everything's that has happened. Let's have some time apart over the holiday, and then we will see how thing stand when we come back, alright?"

Blaise nodded his agreement and kissed her on the cheek gently as means of an apology, before turning to pick up his bags. Hermione hugged Millie, promising that she would write over the holidays, and that they had to arrange to be in the same apartment next term, and awkwardly hugged Draco, not sure if they had ever made the transition from mere acquaintances to friends. It was more a case of having a friend in common than actually being friends.

Hermione watched Harry and Ron being smothered by a horde of adoring fans, mainly the Hufflepuffs.

Charlie Weasley came into the reception area to announce that the portkeys were departing in a minute exactly, and Hermione grabbed the nearest one, finding herself opposite Blaise. She thought of how she had met him in this manner at the beginning of the term, and how much had changed in that time. He caught her eye and nodded slightly before looking away quickly.

Hermione suddenly thought of Severus, and looked around frantically, needing to say goodbye to him. He was standing alone to one side, watching her intently. Hermione smiled at him in relief, and was about to let go of the portkey to run to him to say goodbye, when she felt the familiar swirling in her stomach, and then she was landing in the Leaky Cauldron in London.

Mr and Mrs Weasley had been sitting with her parents in a corner booth enjoying butterbeers when the students arrived. They all jumped up to greet their respective children, overwhelming them with hugs and with questions. Hermione hurried her parents out of the pub and into their car, desperately wanting to get away from everyone and forget all about Blaise and the drama of the past term.

"Don't forget about Christmas!" Ron called after her, as she waved a gloved hand in farewell.

Hermione settled down in her lounge in front of the blazing fire, and turned on the TV, flicking through the channels distractedly.

She pulled her books onto her lap and made a half attempt at starting to catch up on all the work she hadn't bothered with over the last month.

She didn't want to think about Blaise, and she didn't want to think about her research, because that automatically redirected her thoughts to Severus, and then her rigidly-maintained self-control started to crumple. The blasted man was forever in her head, and she wondered if he missed her company as much as she missed his, and if she was imagining things when he looked at her no longer as a student, but as much more.

No, it was much safer to stick to work and away from men.

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I know it's a fairly short update, but it would have been a bit much to have the Christmas holidays here as well. Let me know what you think – please review!

Lehayim


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Nine

Five days into the Christmas holiday, Hermione had already done her Christmas shopping, had gone ice skating in London, and had been to the theatre and the ballet. And felt absolutely smothered by her very overbearing parents.

She was having a blissful day of peace with Millie, at her home in Cambridgeshire. When she had arrived, and surveyed the stone manor befitting a pureblood family of the Bulstrode's status, Hermione was more than a little anxious about what her parents would think of Millie's _mudblood_ friend. Yes, the war was over, but the time-old prejudices couldn't disappear that quickly for many of the old wizarding families.

Hermione needn't have been worried; Millie's parents were charming, albeit a little distant. Her mother swept through the house in a cloud of perfume and hairspray, blowing a perfunctory kiss to her daughter,

"I'm going to Florence for coffee with Princess Stéphanie of Monaco, and then I might do a spot of shopping. Is there anything you want from Florence while I'm out? And keep an eye on your father, he's in the library stoking the fire. I've told him time and time again to leave it the house elves."

She noticed Hermione sitting on Millie's bed.

"Won't you introduce me to your friend, Millicent?"

"Mother, this is Hermione Granger, my roommate in Barcelona. Hermione, this is my Mother."

"Charmed, Miss Granger. I've read about you in _High Society_, and my daughter has been singing your praises. It's a pleasure to meet you. Now I really must be off."

Millie laughed at Hermione's bemused expression.

"Jeez, I thought only muggle aristocracy was like that! I didn't think the wizarding world was the same."

Millie laughed some more. "Subtlety isn't your strong point, 'Mione! Yes, I suppose they are part of the aristocracy of our world. It isn't all good though, Mother is always lunching with royalty, and Father is wining and dining politicians. It gets a bit much sometimes, Barcelona was a nice escape."

"And what is '_High Society_'?"

Millie was surprised that Hermione didn't know. "It's a magazine. And I don't want to sound snobbish and very un-PC, but it's sort of the social magazine for my parents circle in society. It's horribly embarrassing, my friends read it to see the latest gossip surrounding the high-fliers, and they see my parent's in it!

I'm surprised you didn't know you were in it, it's a very pureblood affair, you should have been honoured! Not that there's anything wrong with being muggleborn! There's no difference, I just meant -. Oh Merlin, now I've put my foot in it!"

Hermione chuckled. "Don't worry, I know what you meant. Do you think you have a copy of the one with me in it? I want to know what they wrote."

Millie went to look for it, and although unable to find it, came back with the latest copy that had been published that day.

"I couldn't find it, but thought you might want to see this one."

She unrolled the magazine, revealing the headline,

**Gap Year Students return to party in London's most exclusive clubs.**

The girls flicked to the article, where they were greeted with a picture of Draco, Blaise, Pansy Parkinson and Theodore Nott sitting around a table in a club, surrounded by girls giggling for the camera. Nott had his hand up one of the girls' skirts, and Blaise was enjoying having a barely-dressed blonde drape herself over him. Pansy was scowling at the girl on Blaise's lap.

Hermione was fixating on the image of Blaise, winking cheekily at the camera, and then brushing his dark curls out of his eyes, over and over again. She loved that smile. And his hair. She suddenly turned to Millie.

"I'm sure Draco wasn't doing anything wrong, he would never do that to you."

Millie snorted, "I know he wouldn't. And he knows that I would curse his bits off if he did! I'm sorry about Blaise though. I know you and he are on a break – of sorts – over Christmas, but I didn't think he would be doing this so soon."

Hermione shrugged. Yes she was hurt, but by now she didn't expect anything more from him. She pushed her hair off her face and picked up the magazine to read the article.

**Gap Year Students return to party in London's most exclusive clubs.**

_Hogwarts' Gap Year Students were enjoying their return home with a night on the town, in Mayfair; London's most exclusive Wizard's Club. Theodore Nott Jr is the heir of his father's fortune after his mysterious death in Azkaban, seen here with an unidentified brunette, who clearly recognised the young heir of the Nott fortune and estate. The pair were seen dancing 'all night', according to a bystander, before apparating to one of the Nott estates in Vienna. _

_Draco Malfoy was seen brushing of the attention of more than one girl. He is currently dating social butterfly Millicent Bulstrode, daughter of socialite Veronica Bulstrode, and politician Winston Bulstrode._

Millie pulled a face as she read the line about herself, but was quietly pleased as she read the paragraph.

_Draco, voted second in Witch Weekly's greatest torso competition, and currently signed up to __**Lightning Modeling Agency, **__looked bemused at the attention he was receiving, warning disappointed admirers that he 'is taken'._

_Pansy Parkinson, only now breaking out into society's most privileged circles after her marriage to political advisor Ronald Krostikoff earlier this year, seemed to have forgotten about her husband as she tried in vain to win the attentions of Blaise Zabini, who has been prominent in fashionable society for several years now, when he first broke out onto the London clubbing scene at the age of sixteen._

_Zabini has now earned a name for himself apart from that as son of model Bianca Ferrara, and looks to be taking over his late father's many business ventures after graduating this summer. Previously involved with witches including Pansy Parkinson, and Miss Hermione Granger, he now appears to be enjoying the single life. Being shortlisted for most eligible bachelor of the year surely helps, we look forward to seeing the results in February of next year._

Hermione laughed mirthlessly. Well that had told her. And how had she never know this life existed! She had known of course that many families ran only in pureblood circles, but she hadn't realised the similarities with muggle London, and it's young, rich and famous.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders. "Let him have his fun, I'll have mine. Now, Miss 'Social Butterfly' Bulstrode, I think you will have to take me to one of those exclusive clubs! I think with a face as unfortunately recognisable as mine, I won't have any problems getting in, pureblood or not."

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Hermione felt a pang of guilt as she packed her bag the next morning to spend a few nights at Millie's. Her parents tried so hard to make everything perfect for her, fearing that they were losing their only child to this unknown world for good. Hermione feared that they were probably right; they were her only ties to the muggle world.

As the two girls dressed, Hermione suddenly thought that she was no longer a schoolgirl. She knew that Millie had been going to these sorts of places for the past year, but to Hermione it was entirely new to her.

It wasn't like a muggle club, it was much more civilized somehow. There were witches and wizards of all ages, all dressed beautifully, all holding cocktails and looking oh-so-sophisticated. Hermione tugged at her short, black cocktail dress, and felt very underdressed. Remembering after a moment of stupidity that she was actually a witch, Hermione subtly waved her wand, transfiguring her flats into dramatic high heels, and her necklace into a long string of pearls.

Millie steered her towards the bar.

"You look lovely, now lets get a drink. But don't get too drunk just yet, this is the best place to make contacts."

They ordered cocktails, ignoring the photographer who came up to take their picture for _Witch_ _Weekly_. A man probably in his mid twenties came up to give Millie air-kisses on both cheeks.

"Millicent, darling! Where have you been? Your boyfriend has been looking like a lost puppy dog without you by his side! And you are Hermione Granger of course, I recognise your face from countless pictures. You're looking ravishing, you should honour us with your presence more often."

He finally paused for breath, and Millie took the opportunity to introduce him.

"Hermione, this is Andrew Mayfair, a family friend, and owner of this club."

He held out his hand, and Hermione was about to shake it, when he took her hand and raised it to his lips. There was a lot she didn't know about pureblood customs, it seemed.

"Please excuse me, I must say hello to the Wild Cats. I will talk to you properly later girls."

"He is divine," Hermione muttered to Millie, looking at the impossibly beautiful man as he left them to greet a gaggle of girls she recognised as the latest girl group to hit the magical music scene.

"And unfortunately for the entire single female population, he is also gay. Oh God, hide! The editor of _High Society_ had just spotted us. She has been trying to get an interview and photoshoot with me for months, it's ridiculous! I'm only famous because of my parents, but you're famous in your own right Hermione, but for the rest of our crowd, it's all because of our families."

Hermione blushed, bringing a pretty flush to her cheeks.

"Thank you, but I shouldn't be famous for what I did! It was mostly Harry anyway. Although I can't see him and Ron fitting in here!" She and Millie laughed, although not cruelly.

The woman Millie had been trying to hide from approached them swiftly.

"Millicent, my dear! I was just speaking to your other half, I want a joint interview with the hottest new couple on the scene, but he said I should speak to you about it."

"Hardly a new couple, we have been together for a year. And you know how I feel about interviews, when I have done something worthwhile I will give you an interview. Go interview my mother about her lunch date with Princess Stéphanie of Monaco."

The woman's face lit up. "Excellent, is she here then?"

"Yes, upstairs." Millie lied, trying to hold back the laughter until the woman had gone.

"Now, let me introduce to the Chair of St Mungo's hospital, a very useful person to know if you want to start research for them one day."

Hermione met the Chairperson of the Hospital, a very intimidating experience, and was just about to meet the head of research and development, when the woman from _High Society_ returned.

"Millie, you must have been mistaken, your mother is nowhere to be found."

Millie shrugged, regretting it when the woman then pounced on Hermione instead.

"Miss Granger, I haven't introduced myself. Elizabeth Black, editor of _High Society_ magazine. How would you like to give us an interview? The life of Hermione Granger; heroine of the Second War. Now dear, you know it's true. Our readers would love to know the inner workings of one of the most famous people of the moment. Your relationship with Viktor Krum, your crush on Harry Potter, how it felt to save the wizarding world."

"I didn't have a crush on Harry!" Hermione blurted out, but Elizabeth ignored her.

"And of course your recent failed romance with Blaise Zabini. How _did_ you manage to snag one of the most sought after men around? He refused to give us a statement on what happened, but we would love to hear your side of the story."

"I'll think about it," Hermione said, looking around urgently for Millie, who was talking to Draco and hadn't noticed Hermione's silent plea for her to come and intervene.

"Excuse me, Miss Black, but I have something I need to discuss with Miss Granger."

Hermione looked up at her rescuer, a tall, blonde man, very good looking, dressed impeccably in a grey suit from Savile Row. He took her hand and kissed it.

"Paul Armitage, head of research and development at St Mungos. I hear you are interested in a job when you graduate."

Hermione talked with Paul, telling him about her studies and her interest in potions development. She briefly mentioned her research to him, unsure whether Severus would want her discussing it with it.

Paul gently steered the conversation away from work, and Hermione realised with a slight twinge in her stomach that he was flirting with her. After being treated so horribly by Blaise, it came as a shock that this sophisticated, pureblood business man could be interested in her.

No sooner had she thought that than Blaise appeared, looking almost too handsome to be possible, a girl on either arm. He caught her eye and they both froze, staring at each other. She felt sick to her stomach seeing him with girls all over him.

"Have I interrupted something?" Paul asked, his smile faltering as he saw the icy glares between the two students.

"No, you definitely haven't I'm just going to say hi, and I will be right back."

Hermione strode over to Blaise, trying to look calm and collected. He didn't say anything to her, and she felt her heart breaking all over again. So was this it then? This is what it had come to in a matter of five days apart. How many times was it possible for one person's heart to break, even if it was metaphorical?

Blaise didn't say anything to her, just staring at her in disbelief.

Hermione kissed him in the cheek. "Hello, Blaise." She said cooly, determined to be the bigger person and not show how hurt she was.

"What are you doing here?"

"Excuse me?"

"This isn't your scene, these aren't your sorts of people. This is a pureblood club."

Hermione struggled to limit her voice to a quiet growl, so that not even the girls next to Blaise could hear her.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but if you think I don't fit into your world then you are mistaken. I understand I was nothing more than a quick mudblood fuck to you, but as far as I am concerned, I spent all of last year fighting to make this one united world, and I'm a part of it. Grow up Blaise, the world isn't black and white."

Quickly picking up on her body language, Paul came over to take Hermione's arm, and smile condescendingly at Blaise.

"Come Hermione, let's go upstairs where the real party is."

They went upstairs to the dance floor, and Paul pulled her hips close to his to dance. Blaise, who had come up not long after, glowered at them from across the room.

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Hermione and Millie were woken the next morning by the House elf drawing back the curtains to let in the bright winter sunshine.

They groaned, pulling the covers over their heads, only coming out with the offer of freshly brewed coffee and croissants.

"Your mother says you is to get up, Miss Millie, you has a dress fitting for the Ministry Winter Ball at midday, and it is now eleven o clock. And she says for you to look in the social pages of the Daily Prophet, and that next you is to go for _High Society._"

Hermione and Millie exchanged looks, and quickly opened the newspaper to the social pages, where the previous night was the big feature.

There were photos of many of the pureblood celebrities, and with a groan, Hermione saw her own image in more than one photo, and her eyes quickly focused on her name in the article accompanying the photos.

'_... amongst models, singers and politicians, the name on everyone's lips last that was that of Hermione Granger. Bursting onto the social scene, Miss Granger was seen socialising with some of the biggest names of the wizarding world, whilst equally famous ex-boyfriend Blaise Zabini was left watching from the sidelines._

_Above, dancing with Paul Armitage. Above left with Millicent Bulstrode and Andrew Mayfair. Above far left, posing with international Quidditch Star, Viktor Krum.'_

Hermione grimaced. "I don't even remember talking to Viktor!" her face suddenly spread into a wide smile. "I could definitely get used to the high life though! I didn't think I would fit into your world, but I felt like I really belonged there. Is that stupid?"

"Nonsense, of course you belong. So will you be coming to the Ministry Winter Ball then?"

Hermione scoffed at the idea, reminding Millie that it was invitation only.

"Invitation only, with a plus one. You'll be my plus one; Draco has his own invitation. Think about it, it's a really fabulous night, all the Wizarding aristocracy come out to party, and all the paparazzi are there. It will be like last night, but more formal, and a lot more glamorous. Let me know."

Hermione wondered if she was kidding herself that she fit in with Millie's crowd. Surely there would always be people like Blaise who thought she didn't belong. And she didn't want to change who she was to fit in. She suddenly become conscious that her gradual move away from her muggle heritage and towards the magical world was exactly that.

Hermione retreated to the library while Millie had her dress fitting, hiding herself away in a comfortable corner with a large book on the magic of animagi. Totally engrossed in her reading, Hermione barely noticed Mr Bulstrode enter the library, until the sound of the floo alerted her to someone else's presence.

"This is very unexpected Minister, what can I help you with?"

The deep reassuring baritone of Minister for Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt came back.

"I'm keeping it very hush hush Winston, but I'm sure you know that Ministry agents were at Mayfair's last night, after intelligence received about a possible low level Deatheater attack. Thankfully, there was no attack, but there was evidence for a Deatheater gathering of sorts; mainly the Deatheaters who managed to avoid Azkaban with claims of Imperius. Ronald Krostikoff, Lucius Malfoy, Avery, McNair, Nott Jr. No hard proof, but enough Deatheaters together in one place to make it suspicious.

Therefore, I want to step up security at the Ministry Ball, with an increased Auror presence. I will authorise the confiscation of wands in controversial circumstances if necessary. I don't care how politically correct it is, after everything that has happened there cannot be an attack under any circumstances.

I hear that Greyback has surfaced from his underground network, and if he starts biting people it will cause havoc. I need the situation under control. I have of course spoken to the Auror office, and trust that with your help everything will run smoothly."

"Of course Minister." Mr Bulstrode hadn't said a word until now. "I will start coordinating the different departments at once, and will make sure there is a final guest list well in advance, so that checks may be run. May I also suggest checking for glamours and concealment charms?"

"I leave it in your capable hands Winston."

Kingsley threw his cloak around his shoulders and left through the fireplace, while Mr Bulstrode heaved the sigh of a man who had already seen too much in his lifetime, and pulled on his cloak and bowler hat to floo to the Ministry.

Hermione was sat with her hand clapped to her mouth to prevent herself from gasping, her book long forgotten on her lap. Without the regular Order meetings, it was easy to forget that there were still Deatheaters out there, with crises happening all the time. The news that Greyback had surfaced filled her with fear and sent her pulse racing.

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George's twenty-first birthday party at the Burrows served as a reminder of all they had lost in the War that summer. The table in the Burrows was missing faces, and there was a void that no one could fill yet. Fred's absence was glaringly obvious, and George's red eyes and solemn face reminded them how fresh the loss was. It was easier to forget when they were away in Barcelona.

Harry bounced baby Teddy Lupin on his lap, and no one dared mention the loss of Remus and Tonk's, which Harry had taken very badly. Still, he was determined that Teddy would have a better upbringing than he had had as an orphan, and was planning to adopt him once he had graduated. For now Mrs Weasley was raising the boy, using him to forget her grief over Fred.

And with so many Order members present, it just emphasised those that were missing, most noticeably Dumbledore, Moody and Sirius, as well as Tonks and Remus.

The food was carved with falsely bright faces and stilted conversation. Arthur Weasley was absent, claiming a crisis at work. Hermione wondered if it was the Deatheater threat, or if perhaps it was an excuse to get away from his unhappy home.

After lunch, Harry, Ron, Ginny and George went to Grimmauld Place to escape from the gloom overhanging the Burrow, and Hermione apparated home, telling her parents gloomily what had happened.

"It's going to be hard; the first birthday after a death in the family, especially over the Christmas period." Mrs Granger reasoned.

"Mum, it's not that simple. There was a war, the entire Ministry was taken over. A lot of our friends and allies were murdered. It just seems wrong to celebrate when they aren't here."

Once they were home Hermione quickly tried to change the subject, not wanting her parents to dwell on the fact that their daughter had altered their minds and moved them to Australia, while she was fighting a war. Hermione didn't think they could ever truly forgive her for that, for as long as they didn't understand the true nature of the war, and the risk they had faced for being her parents.

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The following day, Hermione went to Grimmauld Place to see how Harry was holding up after such a dismal day. He, Ginny and Ron had been hard at work renovated and redecorating the tired house, in order to make it a home fit for Harry to live in when he moved back to England permanently.

They were all looking particularly glum as they sat around the kitchen table nursing steaming cups of tea, reminiscing about old times. George was slumped with his head on the table, not talking at all. Kreacher was humming merrily as he baked scones, oblivious to the misery all around him.

"Come on, drink your tea!" Hermione said brightly, struggling to motivate them. "At least the bedrooms and kitchen were sorted when everyone was last living here. Shall we start on the lounge?"

There was a grunt from Ron, and no one else bothered responding.

"Guys!" She banged her fist down on the table, and they all jumped. "I know it isn't easy, but if you wallow in your misery then it will all go downhill from there, and there's no coming back. Look, a lot of people died, I know. But they died for the noblest cause, and now babies like Teddy can grow up, and have normal lives, not living in fear. We did that for the rest of the magical world, that's got to be something to be proud of."

"You should have gone into motivational speaking," Ron muttered, semi-sarcastically, but they all got up anyway and trooped into the lounge to begin decontaminating it.

When Ginny had cheered up a little, and it didn't take long for her to put on a bright face, she asked Hermione about the photos she had seen of her in the Daily Prophet.

"Making quite a name for yourself," she teased. "You'll be appearing in _High Society_ next, then you'll know you've really made it. Actually, when you get an invite to the Ministry Ball, then you'll definitely know you've made it."

"Actually I am going, Millie invited me."

Ginny looked at her enviously.

"I am so jealous! Weasley's have never received invitations to anything as prestigious as that, or even gone along as guests. Dad often receives a perfunctory invitation for being a fairly high-ranking Ministry employee, but he never goes. He's not into all the glitz and glamour. It's not even for Ministry employees, it's a Ministry-hosted ball to entertain the rich and famous."

"I didn't realise you wanted to go." Harry observed. "Come with me, I received an invite, but wasn't planning on going as I didn't think I would know anyone."

Ginny looked horrified, and Harry thought that he must have made a terrible mistake.

"But Harry, the Ball is tonight! I need to get a dress, and you need a Tux!"

Harry shrugged. "Kreacher will sort that out."

Kreacher appeared at the sounds of his name, bowing to Harry. "What can Kreacher do for Master Harry?"

Harry asked the house elf to get him a tux, Kreacher bowed and responded affirmatively, and that was that sorted.

Hermione and Ginny looked on incredulously, amazed and more that a little jealous that boys had it that easy!

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Hermione dressed at Millie's, enjoying having a maid to do her hair and make-up.

Millie wore a long black silk dress, with her hair up to show off her slender neck. She looked the perfect pureblood princess, and society hostess, and Hermione suddenly feared that she would be terribly out of place.

She carefully pulled on her own dress; pistachio green satin, just skimming her ankles, and fastened a diamond necklace around her neck. The maid nodded approvingly, and ushered the two girls downstairs, where Mr Bulstrode had been calling for them to hurry up for ten minutes.

Hermione was surprised that they weren't flooing or apparating, but instead the Ministry sent a beautiful carriage, with horses, driver and footmen, to start off the night. It obviously had had some magical help, when they arrived in London from Cambridgeshire in less than fifteen minutes.

A doorman checked their names on a list, and guided them inside. Aurors checked their identities once more, and examined their wands, before waving them through a detector to expose any magical concealment.

And then they stepped into the ballroom, and Hermione was absolutely entranced. The room looked as though it had been frosted over, with icicles hanging from tables and from the windows, sparkling as they caught the light. A huge Christmas tree, covered in baubles, stood glinting in one corner, with the orchestra around it. On closer inspection Hermione realised that the glinting was actually small golden faeries, who covered the branches of the tree, and were talking quite merrily to each other.

The bar was made of pure ice, as were all the tables that surrounded the dance floor. Tiny crystals were scattered over the table, reflecting the light, and more golden faeries hovered quietly in the air. All in all, it made for a perfect fairytale.

She and Millie found Draco, and Harry and Ginny arrived soon after. They found a small table and sat down, marvelling at the snowflakes that decorated the empty plates. Hermione flicked through the set menu, feeling somewhat like a fifth wheel among the two couples, only to have it made worse when Blaise joined them at their table. He nodded at her, and the corners of his mouth lifted in what was almost a smile, before he turned his attention to Draco and Millie, ignoring the three Gryffindors.

When the tables had all filled up, a Waiter came to take their orders. The food was delicious, but all Hermione could think about was Blaise. Ginny had a strong urge to curse the boy, and she had Harry endeavoured to keep the conversation going.

As soon as main course was cleared, before desert was served, the orchestra began to play a Waltz, and a man appeared at Hermione's side. Andrew Mayfair grinned down at her, holding out his hand.

"May I have this dance?" he asked formally, whisking her onto the dance floor.

"I was sitting at the table next to yours, and couldn't help but notice how sad you looked, and that coincidentally, if the grapevine is correct, that Blaise Zabini is your ex-boyfriend. Being brilliant, I put two and two together, came up with five, and determined that you needed rescuing. Was I right?"

Hermione laughed at his quick wit and charm. "One hundred percent. Thank you for saving me!"

"And I get to dance with the most beautiful girl in the room, I should be thanking you!"

"Now, beautiful girl, who I barely know, what is happening between you and Paul Armitage? You've bagged yourself quite a catch there – he's lead contender to beat your ex-boyfriend to be crowned most eligible bachelor. He's dreadfully embarrassed about it though, which just adds to his charm. If only he weren't interested in women." Andrew sighed melodramatically.

As if he had heard them, Paul appeared at Hermione's side, as the music subsided and the band prepared to play another, and held out his hand for her to dance.

"I'm sorry, but Miss Granger has already promised this dance to me." Severus, looking very handsome in black tie, bowed to her and offered her his hand.

Hermione shot Paul an apologetic look, and let Severus lead her onto the dance floor. His hand on her bare skin sent electricity running through her, and she almost moaned at the sensation of his body pressed against hers, too close to be appropriate for this dance.

_Control yourself_, she told herself. _He is nearly twenty years your senior, and not interested in you!_

Severus wanted nothing more than to whisk her of the dance floor and back to his bed. _Control yourself old man! _He scolded himself sternly, while shutting his eyes and smelling her perfume. _She could never like someone like you, who has done the things you've done. She's young and vibrant, with plenty of young men after her._

"I see you've been having quite the time of it this Christmas. I saw your pictures in the Daily Prophet."

"Yes, Millie's been introducing me to how the elite like to party."

"I gather. Dessert is being served, shall we finish this dance later?"

Hermione nodded her agreement, and wanted to say something when he took his arms away from her.

"One more quick dance, Miss Granger, for an old friend."

Hermione was taken into the arms of an unfamiliar-looking gentleman before she had a chance to protest, and found herself being spun around the dance floor.

"I'm sorry, but do I know you?" She asked politely.

There was no reply.

There was something strange about him, something almost feral, despite his black tie and well groomed appearance. She strained her neck to look into his face, saw the wild gleam of Fenrir Greyback's eyes, and screamed.

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I'm sorry that it's taken so long to update, but I've had a ridiculously busy week! So here is an extra-long chapter to make up for it!

Please review, the button

Is right here!


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Ten

A hand clapped over Hermione's mouth as she started to scream, and Greyback fumbled for his wand to cast a silencing charm on her. He pulled her close to him, and Hermione struggled against the werewolf's strong arms that restrained her.

"I wouldn't try anything stupid mudblood, there are plenty of Ministry officials who know what is going down tonight, and they are all keeping an eye on you."

Another flick of his wand, and Hermione felt herself go limp in his arms. Not exactly a restraining spell, but sufficient to make her docile enough to handle.

Hermione's eyes flashed dangerously, calculating rapidly how to get out of this situation, and Greyback grinned at her helplessness.

"Now this feels familiar, wouldn't you say?"

The sensation of his hand splayed possessively over her stomach made Hermione start to struggle against the restraining spell. Her lifeless hand twitched slightly, and Greyback looked down in alarm as he felt her hand tighten slightly on his robe, and then looked across the room urgently.

Hermione followed his gaze, and saw Lucius' eyes narrow, and a wand from within his robes silently strengthened the spells on her. Everything went a little hazy, and Hermione felt her eyes start to roll back in her head. With great effort, she refocused on Lucius, and on the man he was talking to; Severus.

Severus must have felt her eyes boring holes into him, and looked up at her, nodding slightly before turning back to Lucius.

No! How could Severus not see that something was wrong? He off all people knew what Greyback had done to her.

_He doesn't know that it's Greyback._ Hermione reminded herself, all sense of logic starting to leave her as her mind began to turn to jelly.

_Severus, please look this way._ Nothing, no response.

Who else could help her? She looked around the room languidly, suddenly feeling very drowsy. Harry and Ginny were dancing, as were Draco and Millie, and Severus was still talking to Lucius, looking rather menacing.

Her head pounding with the exertion of staying alert, Hermione's gaze slid onto Andrew Mayfair and Paul Armitage, who were laughing together at a table next to the dance floor. Paul's focus switched Hermione as she and Greyback danced past the men, and she snapped to attention, trying to signal with her eyes that all was not right.

Paul didn't react at all, and as Greyback steered her so that they were out of her line of vision, Hermione was almost tempted to give in to the beckoning unconsciousness, so that she wouldn't have to experience Greyback a second time.

But as Paul watched Hermione, now on the other side of the room, something definitely seemed amiss. She seemed strangely absent and emotionless, and totally limp in the man's arms.

He turned to Andrew.

"Is it my imagination, or does Hermione Granger look very odd to you?"

Andrew frowned, seeing what Paul was seeing, but unable to put his finger on what it was. Paul's fingers curled around his wand, watching the dancing couple more closely.

Hermione stopped trying to fight the spells on her, her head feeling like it was about to explode. She felt her eyes start to close, shutting off the vision of Greyback's wild eyes, and excitement. Her foot caught in her dress, and she stumbled, falling in a graceful arc to the floor, as a stunning spell hit Greyback in the chest.

Paul was by Hermione's side, cradling her head as she succumbed to the spells she was under, as Millie, Harry and Ginny rushed to their friend. Ministry aurors jumped to attention, but Mayfair was already standing over Greyback, his wand poking his chest menacingly. He had gone from flamboyant party boy to a fearsome wizard in seconds, seeing Hermione's slack face and realising exactly what spell she was under.

Kingsley Shacklebolt was barking orders, as a crowd formed around the waking Hermione. Greyback had disappeared by this point, along with Severus and Mayfair.

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In Severus' family home, Greyback was shackled to a chair, his wand taken from him, and aurors either side of him. Severus had insisted on taking charge of interrogating the man, unaware of who he really was.

Andrew Mayfair was by his side, his eyes aflame with anger.

Severus handed one of the aurors a small potions vial.

"Give it to him." Severus ordered, and the auror obeyed without protesting.

"Who are you?" He demanded, once the Veritaserum had been administered.

"Fenrir Greyback."

Severus looked shocked, and quickly regained his composure.

"How did you get past the Ministry detectors? Why did your appearance not set the warnings off?"

"Muggle surgery."

"What surgery?" Severus prompted.

"Plastic surgery, to change my appearance."

The two aurors shared a look of surprise, and Severus bit his tongue in exasperation. The Ministry were imbeciles if they underestimated muggle ways of doing things.

"And what did you have planned for Hermione?"

"She was one of several mudblood targets we planned to take out tonight. I was granted permission to have Granger, to finish off what I started."

"Permission from whom?" Severus growled, desperate to return to see if Hermione was alright, but more determined to bring justice and punish Greyback for what he had done to Hermione months previously.

Greyback didn't answer, some deeper magic preventing him from doing so.

"Tell me!" Severus roared.

Silence met him.

Severus strode across to the shelves of potions decorating the walls, and calculatingly removed several bottles.

"Tell me," he said again. He tilted Greyback's head back, and poured in one of the potions.

Greyback moaned in pain, as blood bubbled from his nose and mouth. He started bucking against the chains restraining him, snarling at the Aurors.

"Keep your wands on him at all times," Mayfair warned the Aurors.

"Who else was involved?" Andrew asked, as Severus moved to Greyback's side, getting ready with another potion.

"I – can't say."

"Can't or won't?"

"I would never tell blood traitors like you, traitors to the noblest cause of the Dark Lord."

"Voldemort is dead, and so is your cause!" Mayfair yelled, nodding at Severus.

Severus tipped a few drops of the next potion down Greyback's throat. The werewolf arched his back, screaming in agony, his nerve endings on fire, along with muscle spasms running through him.

Mayfair took a deep breath, regaining his cool.

"Who else is on the run?"

There was no reply.

Mayfair looked at Severus, waiting for the master spy to instruct him on what to do next.

Andrew knew many of the crimes Greyback had committed in the war, having been working for the Order, and it was so tempting to blast the werewolf into oblivion.

The Aurors looked at each other, and one of them muttered something into a mouthpiece.

"We'll move him to the ministry for further questioning."

They strengthened the spells on him, and levitated the man out of the chair.

"Tell mudblood Granger I will see her next time. I've missed her body."

"Crucio!" Severus' wand was focused on Greyback, thinking only of punishing him.

"Severus, stop it!" Andrew shoved Severus, breaking the spell.

Greyback panted for breath, and then started laughing.

"Are you claiming her for your own then, Snape? Didn't think you had it in you."

"Sectumsempra!"

Gashes began appearing on Greyback's body, and this time Andrew tackled Severus to the floor, forcibly removing his wand from him.

"Severus, I know you, and you don't want to do this. Whatever he did to Hermione, he isn't worth this. Let the Wizengamot deal with him."

The aurors nodded their thanks, as more ministry officials began to turn up to escort Greyback to Azkaban.

Winston Bulstrode appeared to be overseeing everything, and Kingsley stayed behind to talk to Severus and Andrew.

Kingsley smiled humourlessly.

"Well Andrew, after being so keen to stop spying on purebloods and get back to normal life, you've certainly returned to your Order role very quickly. What happened here?"

He looked at the blood on the floor, and then back up at the two silent men, waiting for an answer.

Andrew explained what had just occurred, Kingsley listening with growing horror.

"There were other Deatheaters there tonight; this was part of some bigger plan. From the sounds of it, someone new has taken charge." Severus spoke for the first time.

"And if you don't mind, I would like to find out how Hermione is. Where is she now?"

"She was taken to St Mungos to be checked over, and then she went back to Grimmauld Place with Harry. Refused to go back to the Bulstrode's, or to her parents."

Severus nodded.

"The house elves will see you out; I must go to see if she is alright."

He disappeared with a pop.

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Severus apparated onto the doorstep of Potter's residence in Grimmauld Place, and let himself in.

Potter was standing at the foot of the stairs, looking up worriedly.

"You should be tighter with your security." Severus remarked.

Harry spun around, and Severus felt a wand poking menacingly into his throat. Harry saw who it was and relaxed slightly, removing his wand.

"Professor Snape. I would hardly think this the right time to sneak up on people. This residence is still under the protection of the Fidelius charm, not just anyone can walk in."

Severus ignored him, not really interested in what he had to say.

"How is Hermione?"

"She's okay, a little shaken up, but she'll be fine. Ginny is undressing her and putting her to bed, you can go up in a few minutes."

Severus waited impatiently on the landing upstairs, waiting for Ginny to come out of Hermione's room. How long did it take to get someone dressed?

Ginny came out, and didn't look the least bit surprised to see him there.

"You can go in. She's a little drowsy, the medics gave her something to make her sleep."

Severus pushed open the door, and sat down on the bed next to Hermione. She looked very vulnerable, lying in the bed, and Severus suddenly felt incredibly protective over her.

"Severus?"

"It's me. How are you holding up?"

"Why didn't you help me?"

Severus was at a loss for words.

"I kept looking over at you, and you didn't pay me any attention."

He felt a pang of guilt at her words. "Hermione, I didn't know. I wish I had, I wish I had noticed. But you're alright, Mayfair got to him before anything could happen."

"But _you_ weren't there."

Hermione's eyes were half closed, and her words were starting to slur. Severus wondered if she knew what she was saying.

"You knew what Greyback had done, and I _needed_ you."

Oh Merlin, should he say anything?

"Did Blaise ask after me?"

Severus felt a wrenching pain deep inside, and was unable to explain why.

"I don't know, I wasn't around afterwards."

"Where were you?"

Her questions had taken on a childlike quality, and her eyelashes fluttered against her flushed cheeks as she strained to stay awake.

"Go to sleep, Hermione, we can talk tomorrow."

Severus dropped a kiss on her forehead, and got up to leave. At the door, he turned around at the sound of her voice.

"Severus? He said that ministry officials were involved."

"I'll let the Minister know." His voice sounded foreign to him as he quietly closed the door, and sank to the floor outside her room.

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Harry and Ginny emerged from Harry's room the next morning to see Severus still slumped on the floor outside Hermione's door, fast asleep.

They tiptoed past the man and went downstairs to have breakfast.

"I should be getting back before Mum notices that I've been gone all night." Ginny yawned as she bit into a piece of toast.

"Take some coffee up to Professor Snape, and I've got breakfast on a tray for Hermione when she wakes up. Try to remember to take it to her."

"Yes dear!" Harry said teasingly, seeing elements of maternal Mrs Weasley coming out in her daughter.

Ron shuffled in to the kitchen.

"Harry! If you two have to be together, don't parade it around the house. I really don't want to know what my best friend and my baby sister have been up to. And more importantly, why was I greeted this morning with the sight of Snape asleep on the floor? Not something you see everyday."

"If you must know, I wanted to make sure that Hermione was safe. From what she told me, there are still others out there, and she may still be in danger."

Ron twirled around to gape at Severus, who was massaging his neck with a grimace of pain.

Ginny slid a mug of coffee over to her Professor, and he grunted in thanks.

"Right, I must be off, tell Hermione I will be back to see her later." Ginny swung her cloak over her pyjamas and left.

There was a minute of awkward silence, the two boys wondering if they should try to make small talk.

"Sleep well, Professor?"

Severus scowled at Harry, his expression saying it all.

"Did you want something Potter?"

"Yes, actually. I was thinking, do you think it's time to resurrect the Order of the Phoenix?"

Severus looked at him with interest.

"I mean, I know that Voldemort has gone, but there are still Deatheaters out there working Dark Magic in Voldemort's name, and the Ministry is totally inadequate."

Severus snorted, sharing Harry's view about the Ministry. After the fall of Voldemort, the public had wanted a strong figurehead in charge of the Ministry, someone experienced at fighting Dark Wizards, who hadn't surrendered during the War.

Kingsley Shacklebolt had had the job thrust upon him, and despite being a first rate head auror, the daunting task of rebuilding the magical community of England was a job beyond him. The ministry was corrupt and inefficient, and Kinglsey had no idea who he could trust, and who wasn't so trustworthy.

"Potter, I agree that the Ministry isn't up to the job right now, it's undergoing a total overhaul, and I'm positive that there will be internal investigations after what happened last night. Greyback wasn't the only one caught, you know.

But to bring back the Order of the Phoenix, of which Kingsley is a member, would be a direct snub to him."

"So you would rather put Hermione's life in danger, than snub Kingsley?"

Harry slammed his fist down on the table violently, and Ron looked like there was no place who would rather not be.

"Potter, calm down. I see your point, and I agree that something must be done to track down the remaining Deatheaters. But have some tact. I don't think we need to bring back the Order in its previous form. Besides, too many people are trying to rebuild their lives, it wouldn't be fair.

I propose a smaller group of hand-selected individuals from the old Order, ones we know we can trust, and who we know will want to be involved in this without having to put any pressure on them."

"Such as?"

"Myself, of course. I know that Charlie Weasley had expressed interest in pursuing Deatheaters on the run. Yourself and Mr Weasley will of course be invited, although I implore you not to let it take over your life once more. There are others who I would extend the invitation to.

And of course there are those whose use we underestimated last year, and who turned out to be of immense value. The rich and powerful purebloods, who can associate freely and without suspicion with those we suspect of being Deatheaters. You met two of them last night I believe; Andrew Mayfair and Paul Armitage."

Harry nodded in concordance.

"Thank you for listening to me Professor."

He got up to see if Hermione was up and to take her breakfast tray upstairs, when Mrs Weasley came bustling into the kitchen.

"Harry, let me. The poor girl will want a mother figure at a time like this." She took the tray from Harry's arms and hurried upstairs, before Harry had had time to comprehend her presence in the kitchen!

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At the ministry, Kingsley and Winston Bulstrode had been up all night, in talks with the various heads of department, and the top aurors.

"We need a full investigation in the Ministry. Every person must be checked out, even the Arthur Weasley's and other well-known Order members must not be left out. No stone can be left unturned, this is a serious crisis, and last night should never have happened. It's all over the papers Goddammit!"

Winston spread the Daily Prophet across Kingsley's desk, where a picture of an unconscious Hermione flashed on the front page, whilst Severus and Andrew could clearly be seen removing Greyback.

Kingsley sighed. "I shall have to bring both of them in for questioning, merely a formality of course, but we can't be seen to have any Tom, Dick or Harry taking the law into their own hands.

What news of Greyback and the others?"

"They are all in top security cells in Azkaban, guarded by aurors around the clock, Minister."

"Good. And who has been assigned to interrogations?"

"Sturgis Podmore."

Kingsley grimaced involuntarily. He had worked with Podmore for years, and the cheerful Order member and auror was like a whole other person when confronted with Deatheaters. Brutal with both a wand and with potions, Kingsley didn't feel sorry for the captives, but was definitely glad he wasn't in their shoes. If they didn't give up any information quickly, they would be quivering wrecks when Podmore had finished with them.

He turned his attention back to the matter at hand.

"Right, we need to start calling in Ministry employees for examinations. Offices and homes need to be searched; we w ill root out the moles in the Ministry, whatever the cost. Start with the aurors; they are the most vital department to establish absolute loyalty in. I need to have a meeting with public relations to work on my statement to the press this afternoon. Alert me if you discover anything, no matter how insignificant it may seem."

The harassed and exhausted man ushered everyone out of his office, thought temptingly of going to Hogwarts to seek Albus Dumbledore's advice, before going down to the Public Relations Office.

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By lunchtime that day, Hermione was exasperated with the boys tiptoeing around her, making her tea and not letting her do anything for herself.

"Honestly," she said crossly. "I appreciate it, and normally I would love this, but I'm not an invalid! I had a nasty fright, it's over now and he's in custody."

"Sorry, sorry. Did you want coffee instead of tea?"

"Ron!"

Harry came into the room handing a letter to Hermione.

"This just arrived."

Hermione opened it, recognising the familiar italics at once.

_Darling Hermione,_

_I know I have behaved inexcusably, and am sure you never want to see me again. But seeing you in the arms of another man, and then after what happened to you at the Ball, I realised what a fool I have been._

_I don't know where you are staying, but if you would consider forgiving me, meet me outside Hyde Park tomorrow at noon, so that we can talk properly._

_Love, Blaise._

Hermione crumpled the letter in one hand, and Harry and Ron looked at her questioningly. Hermione explained what the letter had said.

"Hermione, perhaps he really does care for you, maybe seeing you with other men made him realise that. But that doesn't change the fact that he's a jerk and a womaniser."

"I know, I know." Hermione sighed. "But reading those words made me remember how much I liked him. Still like him, in fact. Maybe he just made a mistake, and we all make mistakes. It's our mistakes that shape our lives, that make us who we are."

"That was deep." Said Ron, uncomfortable with the serious turn the conversation had taken, not used to hearing Hermione speak like that.

Hermione shrugged apathetically. "It's true. And you know what, you can't help who you love, you're not supposed to."

Ron was silent, and looked at Harry for support. Harry sighed, lines furrowing his forehead as he thought about what his friend was saying.

"Hermione, believe me, I know how hard it can be to love someone when the fates seem set against the relationship. And I know that when it seems like your heart and your head are saying different things, it's easier to go with your head. Especially with you, Hermione.

But from the sounds of it, no matter how much you are telling yourself that this relationship is the right thing, in your heart I think you know that it isn't. And if you go to see Blaise tomorrow, listen to that instead of your head."

Ron whistled.

"Harry, I never knew you were that profound, mate."

Harry ignored Ron.

"Hermione, I know you don't want to listen, I know how much Blaise meant to you. But I've seen your relationship from start to finish, and I know a lot about him. And what I think, although I could be wrong, is that sometimes there is nothing harder in life than being happy for somebody else, and I think that's what he felt when he saw other men taking an interest in you."

Hermione exhaled slowly.

"I don't understand."

Harry was reluctant to explain, knowing it would only pain her.

"What I mean is, maybe the only reason Blaise wrote that letter was because he was jealous when he saw you happy with men other than him, not because he still has feelings for you."

"Harry, let me be the judge of that. I'll meet him tomorrow and see what he has to say for himself, and see where it goes from there."

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At the entrance to the park Hermione waited with trepidation.

A hand came down heavily on her shoulder, and she spun round in fright, feeling stupid when it was Blaise standing behind her.

He smiled broadly, his white teeth flashing against his olive skin.

"Hermione, how are you? Let's go for a walk."

They walked for close to an hour, Blaise doing most of the talking. He apologised for acting so terribly, for leading on both Pansy and Romilda, for not treating her properly.

However heartfelt his apologies were, Hermione had not only Severus' words ringing in her head, but now also Harry's.

"I don't know Blaise. You messed me around once, and I don't know if I can trust you again."

"Hermione, I can't apologise enough. Give me a second chance. Please."

"I don't know if this is right or not, but if we are going to give it a go again then we need to sort out everything that went wrong the first time. Otherwise it won't work."

Blaise beamed at her, and Hermione felt those familiar butterflies from when she had first fallen for him come back to her stomach.

"Hermione!"

Both Hermione and Blaise swivelled around.

Severus strode towards them, not exactly in a hurry, but not wasting any time either.

"Hermione, Potter told me I could find you here."

Severus eyed Blaise suspiciously and took a hold of Hermione's arm firmly, walking her a few metres away from Blaise.

"What are you doing?" Hermione was outraged. "I know you are only subhuman, but I thought you cared a little about me."

Severus didn't let the confusion show on his face; he had more important matters to attend to.

"Hermione, listen to me,"

"No." Hermione interrupted forcibly. "First I almost get captured by Greyback, and then when he is discovered, you just disappear! You alone know how scared I was, and you couldn't even be bothered to stay around to see if I was alright. I had thought you were a friend, how wrong I was."

Severus didn't waste time correcting the girl on the matter.

"Hermione, that isn't important right now. Don't panic, when I tell you this –"

The worst thing to say in a distressing situation is 'don't panic', which Severus soon discovered as a look of fear passed across Hermione's face, and she gripped his arm tightly.

"My parents?"

"Your parents are fine, but you need to come with me to my home for a while, I have your things already packed."

"How dare you tell me what to do? I'm a grown woman, I can make my own decisions, and as such, I don't take kindly to being ordered to do something without knowing why."

"Lower your voice." Severus hissed.

"I didn't want to worry you, but under torture Greyback somehow transformed into a werewolf, despite it not being a full moon. He attacked the aurors holding him and escaped. I'm taking you home with me, it's the safest place for you right now."

Hermione went white as a sheet.

"Hermione, I would protect you with my life. Say goodbye, I want to get you to safety as quickly as possible."

Hermione said a hasty goodbye to Blaise, and clutched on to Severus' arm as he apparated them away.

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Thank you so much everyone that reviewed! I hope you all like this chapter.

Please review,

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	12. Chapter 12

A/N: For everyone who can't stand Blaise (including myself!), he is finally out of the picture for good in this chapter.

Chapter Eleven

Severus apparated Hermione to his home in Derbyshire, a large and handsome estate, where two bowing house elves greeted them.

"I has made up the guest bed in the blue room, master, and Kara has lunch waiting for master and his guest." The elf, Triblen, squeaked.

"Shall I show Miss to her room?" piped up the female elf, Kara.

"No, I shall show her around the house. Thank you, that will be all."

Severus seemed altered here in his house. His presence was more commandeering and authoritative, and he was very attentive to his guest.

Severus first showed Hermione to her room, so that she could unpack, and then took her on a tour of the house. His home was beautiful, the rooms large, airy and elegant. Portraits hung on the walls, some moving and others clearly muggle.

She loitered in the library, which was warmed with a magnificent, inviting fire, and had to be cajoled into seeing the rest of the house. Hermione's mouth fell open when he showed her into the expansive ballroom.

"Severus, forgive me if I am being rude, but how did you come to own a property like this? I know that your family was not wealthy as you were growing up, and yet this home is incredible."

Severus' cheeks darkened slightly, and he did not take offence at her words.

"It will seem silly to you, with your high ideals and visions of democracy. But when I left school and joined the ranks of the Dark Lord's Deatheaters, I was desperate to shed my muggle background, and fit in with the purebloods, and their country manors and aristocratic lifestyle.

I tracked down the old Prince family properties, via my maternal grandparents, and bought this from a distant cousin. It took a huge loan from Gringott's, and twenty years to pay off the mortgage, but I can finally call it mine. It is easy to get a preposterous loan when you have the Dark Lord in your corner."

Severus sighed, and surveyed the beautiful room, remembering how proud he had been when he had hosted his first summer ball in that room, not feeling like an outsider anymore.

"I love this house, but when I look back it somehow doesn't seem worth it. All the efforts to fit in, to not reveal that I was a halfblood. When it comes down to it, Hogwarts will always be my true home."

Hermione treasured moments like this, when Severus gave her a glimpse of what lay beneath that hardened exterior, and what secrets he was hiding from his past.

"It's very lovely Severus. May I see the garden?"

"Of course. The grounds are what drew me to this property so many years ago."

Severus held out his arm for Hermione, and escorted her outside into the grounds behind the house.

"You have stables?" Hermione was incredulous. "May I ride?"

Severus seemed a little embarrassed, and more formal than usual.

"I will speak to the grooms this afternoon, and shall have it arranged for you for tomorrow."

"Will you join me?"

Severus hesitated. "Perhaps."

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Hermione and Severus talked warmly over lunch. Despite what Severus had said about belonging at Hogwarts, he was clearly very at home here also.

"Severus, I feel impertinent asking, and you can say no – it is your house. But may a friend come over tonight?"

"Zabini?"

"Yes."

"If he has too. It does not concern me what you do with yourself." Quick as a flash his tone had turned icy, and he looked at Hermione with indifference.

Blaise sauntered into Severus' home like he owned the place, dropping his cloak onto the house elf without a word.

"Zabini."

Blaise jumped, as Severus lounged lazily against the doorframe to the kitchen.

"Treat my home with some respect, for I will have no qualms in throwing you out."

Blaise regarded him arrogantly, refusing to reply. Hermione bounced down the stairs to hug Blaise, and the boy threw a smug look of superiority over Hermione's shoulder to Severus.

Severus raised an eyebrow and gave the boy his favourite glare; the one he used to scare the first years into quivering wrecks.

"Come up, I have one of the guest rooms."

Blaise followed Hermione upstairs, while Severus watched stonily, not able to explain why he wanted to punch Zabini's lights out, but wanting to all the same.

"Blaise, let's talk. We didn't really get a chance to finish our conversation earlier today."

"Hermione – I really want to work things out between us,"

She smiled at him brightly, waiting for him to continue.

Blaise went mute, knowing what he wanted to say, but unable to say it.

"Blaise?"

"I love you." He kissed Hermione fervently, and pushed her onto the bed underneath him.

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Hermione and Blaise fell asleep in her bed, neither of them giving a thought to Severus, and what he might expect of them in his house.

The next morning Blaise continued from last night, waking Hermione with a hand inside her pyjama top.

Afterwards, Hermione and Blaise lay side by side on the bed recovering their breath.

Blaise rolled onto his side to look at her.

"Hermione, this isn't going to work - you and I."

Hermione stiffened, and pulled the sheet up to cover her bare breasts.

"Excuse me?"

"This relationship isn't going to work, I'm so sorry."

Hermione wrapped the sheet around herself, and went into the bathroom to get dressed without saying a word.

When she came out again Blaise was also dressed, and Hermione sat on the bed next to him. The silence was horrible. Hermione curled her legs under her, wishing he would put his arms around her. After a few minutes of sitting stiffly in silence.

Hermione felt suddenly nauseous.

"So last night when you said you loved me, that was just to get me into bed? Or was it because you were too coward to end it then, so you thought you would have one last bit of fun with me?"

"Hermione, I'm sorry about last night, and I'm really sorry – I was going to tell you before, but I just couldn't – and I wanted to – but I didn't know what to say – but –"

And then she knew that it was definitely over.

"Look, I hope you're not too upset –"

God, he couldn't even say the words that he was ending it. Hermione was too angry with him for ending it in such a pathetic manner that she couldn't even take in what was happening.

"No, I'm not upset." Hermione replied, determined not to let her voice betray the hurt she felt.

"Look we had a bad week Hermione, and then we went on a break, and stuff just hasn't been good between us, I hope you understand."

"Yes, I understand perfectly; we had a bad week."

Blaise winced as she spat his pathetic words back at him.

"And we were going to sort it out tonight. That's what people do when they have problems."

"Look you're upset –"

"I'm not upset!" Hermione struggled to keep her voice calm and under control.

"I just don't understand why you ended it after a 'bad week', because that isn't a real reason to end things, and I can't believe you had the nerve to sleep with me one last time and then do it."

"I'm sorry, please don't be upset,"

"God, I'm not upset, I don't care! I just can't believe you were such a coward that you couldn't even tell me last night when I asked if we were okay. Look, I really don't care, it's fine."

"Hermione, I still want to be friends."

"I think you had better leave."

"Hermione –"

"Get out!"

Hermione's hands were shaking, her breathing erratic.

She walked out into the hall, not realising that she was crying. She stood still for a moment, not saying anything.

Something started stabbing at her chest. For a moment Hermione wasn't sure she could speak, for shock. Fresh tears were springing to her eyes and blocking her throat, and she looked around blindly, what for she didn't know.

Blaise followed her out of the room, and seeing the tears flooding down her face, he took her hand to lead her back into the room.

Hermione yanked her hand out of his with more than a little force.

"I said get out!" She was yelling now.

Hermione slid down the wall and buried her sobbing head in her arms. Why had she always made excuses for his behaviour? She thought back to how she had let him treat her, for once not making excuses, not being blinded by her feelings for him.

Assaulted by memories, she gasped and fresh tears slid down her cheeks. Everyone talking about her, gossiping about what a slut she was. Arguments with friends as the gossip spiralled out of control, Blaise only aggravating the situation.

But that was nothing. It was like a sharp blow as Hermione thought of how Blaise had lied to her and used her. Blaise telling her how much he liked her, whilst telling Pansy he was still in love with her, and at the same time flirting with Romilda. Telling Hermione how much better Pansy was than her. Blaise telling her one minute he didn't want a relationship, and the next insisting he did if it meant sex was on the agenda. Treating her like next to nothing when he was busy and didn't have the time of day for her. Blaise coming to her room, not even bothering to undress her properly, as he pulled down her trousers, had sex with her and then left again.

Hermione sprang to her feet and ran, finding herself outside in the garden in the pouring rain, not even noticing the freezing weather and blistering wind, the raindrops mingling with her tears as she gasped for breath. Great love stories are supposed to end with tragedy and tears, but not hers; she had really thought they were going to make it work.

"Hermione, stop!"

Blaise was running after her now.

"Blaise, I'm sick and tired of your lies and your bullshit. I'm not upset over you ending it, I'm upset and disgusted with myself for staying with you for so long. Now LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Blaise's hand encircled her arm, and then he was forcibly removed, as Severus threw him off her.

"I strongly recommend you leave my property at once, Zabini." Severus said icily.

He waited until Blaise had scampered, before escorting Hermione into the warm kitchen and handing her a towel.

"I really loved him at one point, I thought we would be together forever. Stupid, I know."

Severus observed her thoughtfully.

"A heart can be broken; but it keeps on beating. I'm not going to spout out all the clichés about there being plenty more fish in the sea. You already know that. And I think in your heart you knew that it wasn't right, it was just dealing with how he treated you."

Hermione's head shot up and she looked at Severus, shocked at the accuracy of his words. "What do you mean?"

"Hermione, I have eyes. I've seen what's been going on. But you've had warnings from more than one person, it was something you had to deal with on your own. No matter how much I hated seeing him treat you like shit."

It was the first time Hermione had heard the man swear, and it didn't suit him.

"I blamed myself – I thought I had done something wrong to deserve it. And then I thought it was a punishment for what something. I guess I told myself that it was all I was entitled to. You know, Amos Bronson Alcott said, 'A sip is the most that mortals are permitted from any goblet of delight.'"

Severus inclined his head slightly.

"Wise words. Fortunately, not usually entirely true. While we are quoting people in history, it was once said 'All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.'"

Hermione smiled. "I didn't take you for a Walt Disney fan," she teased, recognising the familiar quote. "I suppose Disney is right. But the thing preventing that with Blaise and I, was that I thought he loved me, and when two people love each other, but can't seem to get things right, how do you know when to say enough is enough?"

"I can kill him if you like? No one will ever find the body."

Hermione laughed broadly.

"Now I believe you wanted to go for a ride?"

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Triblen and Kara tutted as their Master's guest refused breakfast, instead gulping down coffee as the grooms saddled up one of the horses. The horse Severus has suggested for Hermione was a striking Golden Saddlebred, and the groom helped Hermione into the saddle, and adjusted the stirrups.

Hermione shifted in the saddle happily.

"The thing I missed most at Hogwarts, other than my parents, was riding. I've always been very at home on a horse."

The groom's smile was radiant, as he patted Hermione's horse affectionately.

"I understand. It's lovely to have someone here to ride the horses. You're on Apache, he's a real gentleman. Will do whatever is asked of him, so long as he's got an experienced rider."

"He's gorgeous. And I've had years of experience. Now, where is good to ride? These grounds are huge! I didn't realise how large they are."

"Just a minute, Hermione. I believed you asked me to join you."

Hermione gaped at Severus as he strode out of the house in a white shirt, jodhpurs and riding boots. His hair was plaited and tied with a ribbon, and he fastened on a velvet riding hat. He looked like a professional rider, or at least like someone who had grown up riding.

"Close your mouth, flies will come in."

Hermione obediently closed her mouth, still staring at her potions professor in disbelief.

The groom led out a huge chestnut Belgian Gelding, and Severus gracefully swung into the saddle and patted the horse lovingly.

"The General has been pining for you, Sir." Said the groom, checking Severus' saddle and stirrups before giving him a nod of approval.

"The General?" Hermione asked.

Severus indicated his horse. "This is Aragorn, but he prefers his full title of The General."

Hermione chortled. "Aragorn from Lord of the Rings fame?"

"Maybe," Severus said defensively, making Hermione laugh all the more, as they trotted off together.

Severus galloped through the trees, the General flying over fallen logs and narrow ravines.

"Watch out for the ditches." Severus called back to Hermione, as she and Apache strained to keep up.

She had never seen Severus like this, even in the few times he had let his guard down, and opened up to her. He was so light-hearted and carefree on horseback, soaring through the air without the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Severus slowed to a canter to allow Hermione to catch him up.

"How are you feeling?" He asked cautiously.

It took Hermione a moment to register what he was asking.

"Fine, actually." Hermione was surprised. "Oddly content, I'm not upset at all. Well I am about how he ended it, and I'm angry with myself for being so weak for so long, but apart from that, I don't feel a thing. I wasn't even thinking about it."

A pause, and then, "What does that say about me? That I'm emotionless; I have no heart."

"No. It says that you thought you had given your heart to someone, but you hadn't. You'll find the right man, he'll be waiting around the corner when you least expect it."

"Or waiting around a tree, on horseback." Hermione muttered to herself quietly. Emotion flooded her as she regarded Severus and felt a sudden longing.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing!" Hermione was horrified that she had just aired her feelings aloud, in front of the very man they were about. "Race you back to the house!"

She dug her heels into the Saddlebred, and took off at a gallop.

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Hermione was already off her horse when Severus arrived back at the stables.

"What was that about?"

"Oh, nothing, I just felt like racing, that's all."

Severus frowned, and slid off the General.

Hermione couldn't help but stare at his powerful thighs in the tight jodhpurs, her gaze turning guilty to his face as he turned around to look at her curiously.

Her eyes flicked to his muscles through his damp white shirt.

"I'll be inside doing some research on our potion." Hermione said hastily, marching into the house before her mind could wander any more.

Oh sweet Merlin, what _**was**_ she thinking?

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I hope you like it! Thank you everyone who reviewed the last chapter; please review this one and let me know what you thought!

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	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Twelve

"What were you saying to Malfoy, on the night of the Ministry Ball?"

Severus regarded Hermione across the breakfast table. After four days in the same house he was used to her blunt remarks, but had hoped she would never broach the subject of the Ball.

"It was unimportant, merely small talk."

"Severus I'm not stupid. When Greyback had control of me I kept looking over at you, and you would have noticed had you not been deep in conversation. What was it about?"

Severus eyebrows drew together as he frowned gently. "Hermione, had I realised sooner I would have come to your aid at once, of course I would."

"I know you would have, I have absolute trust in you. You've become a good friend to me, and I hope you trust me too. Enough to tell me what Malfoy was saying that had you so worried, I want to help."

Oh, she was good. Very adept at twisting the conversation to get what she wanted.

"Nice try Hermione, but I'm not falling for it. You don't tell Potter every conversation you have, so keep that pretty nose out of matters that don't concern you."

Hermione considered taking offence for a moment, before deciding it wasn't worth it; he wasn't going to satisfy her curiosity, no matter what she said to persuade him. But it was so frustrating! What could have been so important that he didn't notice her desperation, when he was normally so attuned to her emotions?

Severus could see the cogs whirring in her head, and swiftly changed the subject.

"What do you have planned for today? It's your last day of peace before Christmas tomorrow at the Weasley's."

Hermione heaved a great sigh of exasperation. "I think I will abandon our research for today; it seems that every day we think we are getting somewhere, and then nothing."

"Don't get too disheartened, we have formulated a suitable spell, we just need to work out the potion to accompany it. When we started this all those months ago I would never have dreamed we could achieve this much so quickly. Some potions take years to create and perfect."

"Perhaps. Even so, I think we should both leave it until after Christmas, when we are settled in Warsaw with our new greenhouse. And anyway, I have plans for today. Andrew Mayfair is insisting we go out for coffee; he has been very concerned since what happened at the Ball. He said you would be fine with him acting bodyguard for the day, he's really very sweet."

If only Hermione had seen him with Greyback, she wouldn't have called him sweet then. But it was better she never found out; no matter how much she had seen and experienced, let her keep her naive view of the goodness in people a little longer; humanity could only disappoint. That he had learnt from experience.

"Yes, he has already assured me he will guard you like the crown jewels. I assume he will be escorting you from here? It doesn't hurt to be too cautious."

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Once Hermione had left and Severus was sure she was in good hands, he collapsed in an armchair by the fire with a thick novel and a brandy. Every time Hermione expressed her disappointment in how little they had achieved in the Cruciatus research, he was spurred on to work harder than ever, to wrack his brain for whatever they were missing, just to keep her happy, and to see the smile at the corner of her lips. Between that and sorting his classes for the coming term, Severus had been longing for chance to wind down.

Severus looked up from his book when his stomach started to rumble. To his surprise it was getting dark outside; he had entirely missed lunch. A plate of sandwiches prepared by a house elf had gone unnoticed by his side. He looked up at the clock. Four o Clock. Severus knew that Hermione was safe under Mayfair's protection, but couldn't help but think back to how easily Greyback had slipped past Ministry security at the ball. With building anxiety, Severus summoned a bowl of water from the kitchen, and activated the tracing charm he had subtly put on her that morning as she swept out the house with Mayfair. Gazing intently into the water, he saw a clear image of the Leaky Cauldron in the water, but no Hermione. Severus was aware that this method of scrying wasn't the most reliable way of tracing a person, although it did ensure that Hermione did not know he was looking. She would be infuriated if she knew he was checking up on her all day.

Knowing that he was probably over-reacting, but doing it nevertheless, Severus apparated to an alley near the Leaky Cauldron and transformed into his eagle animagus, perching himself on a rafter inside the pub.

He cast his beady eye around until it settled on Hermione, who was laughing at a table with both Andrew Mayfair and Paul Armitage. He watched them drinking for a few moments, suddenly wishing he too was seated next to Hermione, and could be treated to her radiant smile like the two young men on either side of her.

Feeling foolish, Severus glided out of the Leaky Cauldron and transformed back to human form before apparating back to his home.

After enjoying the warmth of the fire and serenity of the morning, Severus suddenly couldn't stand still.

"Triblen." He barked. The house elf appeared at once, waiting for further instructions.

"See that my horse is saddled and ready for me in five minutes."

Severus rushed to his room and started pulling on layers of clothing and his riding boots. He strode down to the stables and leapt onto his horse with a gruff, "afternoon," to the groom, and raced off.

The wind was whistling through the trees and he could hear the crunch of the frosted leaves under the General's hooves, but it wasn't enough. Something in him desperately needed to escape, and Severus soared into the sky once more as an eagle. He could see his horse below him through the naked trees, still galloping onwards, and Severus followed his path. The wind was ruffling his feathers, and he pushed himself harder than he had ever flown before. It was like he was trying to fly off, and he was almost fast enough. He was almost fast enough.

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When Severus returned to the Stables, leading his horse on foot, Hermione was waiting for him in the stables.

She jumped up. "Where were you?" She demanded. "Your groom said you went out hours ago, its pitch black outside!"

Severus stood still, trying to regain his breath as the groom led the horse away to give the pair some space.

"I was worried." Hermione admitted.

"I had to get out of there, I felt like I was being suffocated by the house, by this never-ending war, by everything. I needed to escape, but whatever I did it wasn't enough."

Hermione was speechless. Despite all the occasions he had told her about his past, Severus had never spoken so honestly from the heart before. Standing in front of him, Hermione could feel the sincerity and the helplessness pouring off him.

"You're shivering. It's below freezing tonight, come inside with me."

Hermione held her hand out to the man who had turned into a little lost puppy, and gently escorted him back into the house.

She looked at the tray of uneaten sandwiches and reprimanded him softly.

"Severus, it's dinner time already, you should have eaten. I'll call for the elves to bring in something."

Hermione pushed Severus firmly onto the couch and tucked a blanket around him like one would do to a child. With his teeth chattering, and a bowl of steaming soup in front of him, Severus felt totally helpless.

Hermione picked up the upturned book that lay on the abandoned armchair to see the title.

"Anna Karenina, by Tolstoy. It's a beautiful book. Have you read it?"

Hermione shook her head negatively, and Severus didn't say anything else.

Hermione walked to the enormous wooden bookcase behind the armchair and read the titles of all her favourite classics which rested there.

As Severus ate dinner, Hermione picked out Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey with some deliberation, and brought it back to the couch where she sat down next the Severus to read.

Curling her feet under her, Hermione put down Northanger Abbey without getting past the first page and rested her head on Severus' shoulder to watch the fire crackle and spit.

She woke with a start, her breath catching in her throat for a split second until she realised where she was. She was lying curled up on the couch, her head on Severus' lap. A blanket had been thrown over her. Hermione looked up at Severus, who was gazing contemplatively into the fire. Severus looked down into Hermione's warm brown eyes and smiled affectionately.

"Read to me." Hermione commanded softly. Severus raised his eyebrow and flipped back to the first page.

" 'Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.'" He began, recalling his own family's unhappiness during his childhood, and how true that well-known statement. Hermione tucked the blanket round herself comfortably, listening to Severus' soothing baritone.

"Hot cider for Master and Miss on Christmas Eve." Piped up Triblen from the door, bearing a tray laden with cider and Christmas mince pies.

Severus looked at the clock which read quarter past eleven.

"We'll take it in the library." he said, looking at the elf intently. He pulled Hermione to her feet and wrapped gently the blanket around her shoulders. They walked though the cold halls of his manor in comfortable silence.

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At the doors to the library, Severus suddenly instructed her,

"Close your eyes." Hermione regarded him quizzically, but complied. Severus opened the doors and took Hermione's hands in his, leading her into the room.

"Can I look yet?"

"Not yet."

Hermione giggled, feeling a sudden déjà vu of the scene in the library in Beauty and the Beast.

"Now?"

"Now."

Hermione opened her eyes and gasped in delight. A huge Christmas tree stood in the corner near the fire, complete with twinkling lights and hand-painted baubles, filling the room with its deep fragrance. Crowded under the tree were beautifully wrapped gifts. A huge fire blazed in the fireplace, putting the one downstairs to shame.

Holly and candles adorned the ledge above the fire, with two stockings hanging above it. The tray of hot cider and mince pies stood on a small table between two leather armchairs.

"Severus! I can't believe it! Who knew you were so sentimental?"

Severus blushed slightly, glad that his work had paid off.

"I went to visit your parents, they told me that you do this at home every year – I would hate to break with tradition. I was going to wait until morning, but it's almost Christmas now."

"Thank you, it's perfect. And thank you for caring enough to check up on me this afternoon in the Leaky Cauldron."

Severus' head shot up in surprise, but Hermione wasn't looking at him, she was examining the tags on the presents under the tree.

"These were hidden in my room!" She exclaimed. "The house elves must have found them."

"It's not Christmas yet, we shall wait until midnight."

Hermione snorted as she sat down next to him, taking up a mug of steaming cider gratefully. "Still believe in Santa, Severus?" She teased.

Severus looked surprised. "You don't?"

Hermione snorted again. "Come on Severus, he's a made up character for children."

"There's no smoke without fire. Of course he is real, although not in the context you are thinking of. He's not fat and dimpled, with a white beard, and a belly like a bowl full of jelly.

But he is as real as you or I. He lives in Lapland with his house elves, which is where the rumour of him living in the North Pole with his helper elves originated. Papa Noel, Santa Claus, Father Christmas, they are all names for a Dutch wizard called Nicholas who mastered immortality and chose to do something for others by bringing gifts for children on Christmas eve.

As he became more well-known he moved to Lapland to hide in peace, and as the legend grew so did his work. He only became today's Father Christmas through trying to keep up with the legends and myths surrounding him."

Hermione's mouth fell open. "You're joking. You're mocking me."

"I most certainly am not! He's a real person, although he doesn't ride in a sleigh pulled by reindeer. He uses a specialised form of apparating to get the gifts to the children."

"Oh come on, that's probably wizard legend, just like the muggle one! There is no way that a wizard has devoted his life to making presents to distribute on one day of the year, and create a legend like that."

Severus shrugged. "Don't believe me then. You will be surprised when you meet him however. He's a member of the Alchemist's Society, and will be around for its annual meeting in February which I attend."

"Will he come here?"

"That was a swift turn around! No, you aren't a child!"

Hermione pouted. "Fine!"

She joined him in the armchairs and picked at a mince pie, feeling like a little girl again as she waited for the clock to strike twelve.

She started to jump up from her chair as the minute hand moved round to the twelve, but Severus stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"Wait." He warned.

Then they heard the Grandfather clock downstairs chime, and they both leapt to their feet like excited children, hugging each other enthusiastically. Hermione tilted her head back to kiss him on the cheek, and then his lips were on hers, lingering there for a few seconds.

Hermione and Severus both jumped back from each other, startled.

"Presents!" Severus said loudly to hide his confusion

Hermione turned away to the Christmas tree, grateful for the chance to hide her reddening cheeks.

"This is for you." She thrust a wrapped gift into his hands.

Severus unwrapped it slowly. "Hermione!" he exclaimed, examining the label on the 1958 Glen Garioch bottle of whiskey.

"How on earth did you manage to get hold of this?"

"Do you like it?" She sounded worried.

"Hermione, you know I love it. It's the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me. Although Albus' animated cauldron socks come in at a close second!"

Hermione chuckled. "I have something else for you as well. I finished it this afternoon."

Puzzled, Severus took the little package and carefully undid the wrapping. He pulled out a small vial with a clear liquid sloshing inside, with parchment wrapped around it. Bemused, Severus rolled out the parchment. In Hermione's neat writing, a list of potions ingredients were written out, along with a brewing method, and instructions concerning time of day and even wind direction.

Severus looked at Hermione in amazement. Her face was shining, her smile splitting her cheeks as he comprehended what she had given him.

"No!"

"Yes! I worked it out today, and added the final ingredients while I was waiting for you to return from your ride. No explosions, no inexplicable side-effects, and all the tests worked perfectly. All we need to do is find a location to perform it, and we are done."

"Hermione, you're a genius!" He picked her up off her feet and swung the excited girl around, narrowly missing knocking over the Christmas tree.

"I have something for you too. Although your potion rather puts it to shame!"

Severus knelt under the tree, looking through the various gifts until he found a small, gift-wrapped box.

"For you."

Hermione took the box he held out and gently undid the ribbon and wrapping paper. The royal blue box inside looked suspiciously like a jewellery box, and for a moment Hermione didn't want to see what it contained.

She opened the box, and gasped. Inside the box lay a magnificent white gold bracelet, made up of round brilliant cut diamonds.

"Oh, it's too much! I can't accept this."

Severus regarded her, his face suddenly serious.

"Hermione, you are worth every penny and more. Your friendship brought me step by step out of the darkness that clung to me. You mean more to me than anyone I have ever known."

Tears welled in Hermione's arms, as she stepped into Severus' enclosing arms, and they stood together in silence, basking in the warmth of the blaze.

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Thank you everyone that reviewed the last chapter, some of your comments were so lovely, it meant a lot.

Have almost finished the term at uni, so will hopefully update a bit more frequently.

Please review!

Lehayim.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Thirteen

Hermione opened her eyes on Christmas morning, and a smile spread over her face as she remembered the momentary kiss she had shared with Severus the previous night. She chose her clothes with careful deliberation for Christmas at the Weasley's. Putting aside the rich red skirt as too Gryffindor, Hermione pulled out a green dress, which was sufficiently Slytherin to satisfy Severus, but was Christmassy enough to get away with. She went downstairs for a quick cup of coffee before getting dressed.

Hermione admonished Severus when she saw him dressed in his customary black.

"Severus! Have some festive spirit, however hard it is to muster. The war is over, we should be celebrating. Severus?"

Severus looked at Hermione with red-ringed eyes, not hearing a word.

"Did you sleep at all?"

Hermione sat opposite Severus at the table and took his hands in hers. Severus shrugged them away, although not unkindly.

"I'm fine." He said abruptly, standing up as if to leave.

"Severus?"

Severus looked into Hermione's hurt expression, and his agitation melted away. "No, I'm not fine. Hermione, I feel terrible about last night. That kiss has been haunting me; you are a student in my protection, and I took advantage of you."

Hermione closed her eyes for a second, feeling an absolute fool for thinking it may have meant anything to him. Opening them again, she saw the anguish in Severus' face, and realised the truth at once.

"Severus, if you feel nothing for me then say so now. I thought you felt for me the same as I know I feel for you."

Severus smiled weakly. "Not very articulate. But whatever you think you feel for me, it doesn't change the fact that you are my student, and I took advantage of you."

"No you didn't! I wanted to be taken advantage of! Severus, I've had these feelings for you for months, it just took me a long time realise it. If you were still my teacher do you think we would ever have let this happen? I left Hogwarts over a year ago; that I don't have my NEWTs is of inconsequence. I am _not_ your student in the same sense of the word. Now tell me you don't feel for me and I will forget that this ever happened."

Hermione was breathing heavily after her long speech, waiting with fear for Severus' response. Had she been wrong?

Wordlessly, Severus wrapped his arms around Hermione, breathing in the heavenly scent of her hair.

"I knew from the moment you informed me that you were going to help with the research."

Hermione tilted her head to look up at him, barely daring to believe what she was hearing.

"What are you saying?" She breathed. "What about me being your student?"

"There are no rules concerning relationships on this Programme, you know that. You have been of age for more than two years. But how would it look, a nineteen year old with her former Professor, and a Deatheater to boot?"

"I don't care. After everything that has happened even a bitter War hero deserves some happiness. It is not unusual for there to be age gaps of several decades in the wizarding world."

"So I'm just a 'bitter war hero' now?" Severus teased.

"You're _my_ bitter war hero. Don't let the opinions of others bother you."

Severus hooked a finger under Hermione's chin, and tilted her face up towards his.

"I never thought –" He kissed her jawbone by her ear. "That I could ever find –" He kissed down her jawbone parallel to her lips. "- Someone like you in my life."

Hermione's lips parted slightly, her heart rate quickening.

Severus' pressed his mouth to her neck, feeling her rapid pulse beneath his lips. Hermione's head fell back, exposing her slender white throat to him.

"Hermione." It was barely a whisper, but their eyes met, and Hermione felt heat pooling in the pit of her stomach under his intense gaze. Severus' lips fell onto Hermione's, one hand twisting in her hair as the other held her firmly against him.

Hermione's lips parted slightly as she felt Severus' tongue gently seeking permission. Hermione felt her legs turn to jelly, and was speechless as Severus broke off the kiss, clutching her too him all the more tightly, not quite able to believe that Hermione was here, in his arms.

"Are you sure that this is what you want?" Severus asked, refusing to let her out of the protective grasp of his arms.

"I've never been more sure of anything."

A pop caused Severus and Hermione to jump apart guiltily. The House Elf Kara was looking at them, quite unperturbed.

"I is sorry Master and Miss, but I is here to do Miss Hermione's hair for Christmas dinner. Triblen has laid out clothes on Master's bed on Miss's orders."

Severus was entirely too happy to complain about Hermione enforcing the festive season upon him, and went upstairs quite cheerfully to get changed.

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Severus waited at the foot of the stairs for Hermione, anxiously checking the time.

"Hermione! Molly won't forgive us if we are late. What's taking so long?" He chuckled to himself at how like a married couple they suddenly sounded.

Hermione appeared at the top of the stairs, and the words died on Severus' lips.

"You look beautiful." He said, as she twirled for him, showing off both the dress and her figure to its full advantage.

"So do you." Hermione looked at Severus in amusement. He was wearing a white shirt, and maroon silk waistcoat, over his usual black trousers. "I'm surprised the elves manage to do this to you every year."

Severus grinned. "This is nothing, last year it was a yellow waistcoat."

Hermione held out the diamond bracelet which Severus had given her the night before, and offered Severus her slender wrist. Severus fastened it careful, his touch feeling like fire.

Hermione curled a hand around the back of Severus' head, and pulled him down to kiss her.

"Master and Miss are late." Rebuked Kara, ushering the couple out of the front door. Severus offered Hermione his arm, and apparated them both to the Burrow.

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"Hermione!" Harry, Ron and Ginny all fell on Hermione, dragging her away to play with baby Teddy, while Severus was steered into the kitchen by Charlie Weasley.

Severus and Charlie sat together with their drinks, discussing the move to Warsaw.

"I think we should arrange various tours of the city; there are so many beautiful sites, both muggle and magic."

"Mmmm." Severus grunted noncommittally, watching Hermione bounce Teddy up and down on her knee.

"Severus?"

"Yes? Oh, right, tours. Absolutely."

"And we need to send out information about the new form of accommodation in wizarding apartments."

Severus glanced back at Hermione, and felt warmth fill him from his core. Sensing his gaze, Hermione looked up at Severus and smiled warmly.

"Something you want to tell me?"

Severus swivelled around to look at Charlie guiltily. Charlie was grinning at him.

"It's okay; I know that you're a private man. I wondered how much longer it would take the two of you to overcome your stupidity and realise how you felt."

"Everyone please stand back!"

Molly Weasley was in the centre of the room, moving everyone to the sides as Bill enchanted the table to fill the entire space of the room. Dishes of turkey, roast potatoes, sprouts, parsnips and cranberries appeared amid exclamations from the guests as they sat down around the crowded table.

Severus looked sadly around the table at Harry and Teddy, both orphans, and at Mr and Mrs Weasley, who had lost their son, thanks to the war. _What have I done to deserve someone as good as Hermione?_ He thought, eyeing the young woman with baby on her lap.

After lunch, Hermione and Harry curled up on the couch to catch up on the last few days and quickly fell asleep.

"What are we going to do about you and Hermione?" Arthur asked, looking at the sleeping friends.

Severus looked at him in alarm. "Hermione and I?"

"Yes, her security arrangements. You can't watch over her night and day once you go to Poland. It is well known where the students will be, Greyback can easily find out."

Severus heaved a silent sigh of relief.

"Yes I quite agree. If necessary she will have a guard at all times, I will be happy to continue protecting her."

Charlie smothered a grin. "I'm sure you will even have her stay in your apartment in Poland if you feel the situation calls for it, right Severus?" Charlie said, quite innocently.

Severus glared at him, before turning back to Arthur and continuing smoothly, "If the situation calls for it, yes, I will be happy for the current arrangement to persist."

Charlie covered his laugh with a not-so-subtle cough.

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Hermione found herself being gently shaken awake by Harry, while Severus waited impatiently for her to get herself together.

"Don't dawdle, I want to get back as quickly as possible."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "How has it been living with him?" He murmured, as he helped Hermione into her coat.

Hermione gave a little half smile. "It's been just fine. We have kept out of each other's way mostly."

Harry rolled his eyes at the blatant lie. "Whatever you say 'Mione. It's not like he's been watching you all afternoon."

Hermione blushed prettily. "Thank you for getting my coat Harry!" She said brightly, brushing a kiss on his cheek whilst simultaneously shooting him a warning glare.

"Thank you Molly, Arthur. It was lovely, and the food was delicious."

Severus huffed impatiently, took hold of Hermione's arm and escorted her briskly out of the Burrow, and apparated her home.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Was he _apologising _to her? Well, pigs may fly.

"I was worried, I wanted to get you back where I know you are safe."

"Severus, you can't watch over my forever. I need to live my life, and you need to live yours. What will you do in Poland, when you are teaching again?"

"We were discussing about that earlier, actually." Severus took Hermione's hands in his. "Hermione, I know it all seems very hurried, but live with me in Poland. You can have your place in an apartment with your course mates, but stay with me, so that I know you are safe. I'm not trying to rush you into anything; you will have your own room, your own space. We know that we get along well living together, and I don't want to take any risks as far as your safety is concerned."

Hermione gaped at Severus. _Live with him?_ They had had their first proper kiss that morning, and now he was asking her to move in with him. Despite what he had said about it being for her safety, because they knew they both got on, being in a relationship changed everything.

"I don't know. I want to experience living in an apartment with the girls, and integrating into magical society in Poland. And how are we going to keep us a secret if we are living together? Harry already suspects something."

"Live with them, shower there, get dressed there, eat there. And at night come back to mine, so that I can watch over you while you are sleeping."

"If it was anyone else that would be a little bit creepy." Hermione laughed nervously. "To be honest, I don't know right now. Let's see if the situation changes before we move. Now I'm going to get changed out of my dress, and you should do the same."

"Get changed out of my dress?" Severus' deadpan tone belied the mirth in his eyes, and Hermione laughed again.

"That's better. I didn't mean to worry you. You get changed, and if you want we can play chess in the library before we turn in."

"That sounds perfect."

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Hermione shook out her blue wool pyjamas and shook her head in disapprovingly.

"He will think I am a child in these."

Rummaging in the wardrobe, she pulled out a satin nightdress that had been a present from Ginny.

"Or a wanton seductress in this."

Pulling on the original pyjamas, Hermione belted her dressing gown tightly around herself and pushed her feet into her slippers, making her way to the library.

Severus was kneeling in front of the fire, stoking it vigorously. He was still wearing his white shirt, although he had taken of the Christmas waistcoat, and had changed into comfortable linen trousers.

"You wear that for bed?"

"No, but I didn't think you would be comfortable with me playing chess in my underwear. I can remedy that if I was wrong."

Hermione laughed a little too loudly, still getting used to Severus' dry sense of humour. "No, trousers are fine thanks."

Severus pulled the chess set towards them, and proceeded to give Hermione a thorough thrashing.

"Okay, I've been beaten enough for one night." Hermione yawned, straining to keep her eyes open. "I'm going to bed."

Hermione got up, and then froze as there was a loud crash coming from downstairs. Severus was on his feet in an instant.

"Stay here." He warned. "I'm locking you in, so don't do any magic, and don't try anything stupid."

Hermione nodded her head forcefully, tightening her grip on her wand as Severus disappeared before she had a chance to take it in.

Hermione tried to settle in a chair, and then was on her feet again seconds later. First pacing nervously, and then as the silent went on for too long, she stood with her wand trained on the door.

Realising Severus had most probably put a silencing spell on the room so that she wouldn't be tempted to leave, Hermione ignored his instructions and removed the silencing spell. At once she wished she hadn't, as she heard thumps, and muffled cries from downstairs. Debating for a moment whether or not to disobey Severus' orders, Hermione prepared to take down the wards keeping her in the room, and everyone else out.

There was a sudden burst of purple flames in the fireplace, and Hermione screamed, until she saw Charlie Weasley step out.

Chest heaving, Hermione didn't say anything until she had gotten her breath back.

"What's going on?" She asked urgently.

"Greyback and several others attempted to break in, and in doing do triggered Severus' wards. The Order was alerted at once, I'm here to take you out of harms way."

"But I can fight!"

"I know you can, but this is about you, and if you were there it would only make the situation worse for all the Order members trying to get this under control."

"What are you talking about?" Hermione cried. "There is no Order! It was dismantled after the war."

"Not exactly, it has been resurrected, as of late, although not officially. And right now my job is to get you out of here."

"What do they want with me?"

Charlie shrugged. "I wish I could tell you. At first we thought it was vengeance on Greyback's part. But it may be more than that, they are targeting Severus also."

Charlie grasped Hermione's arm firmly, pulling her towards the fireplace; more aggressive than she had ever known the gentle redhead. Hermione struggled against his firm grip, trying to pull her arm away from him.

"Get off me! I have to fight, I need to help Severus."

Charlie's fingers suddenly dug into Hermione's arm.

"Severus can look after himself."

He forcibly pulled Hermione towards the fireplace, and pulled some of the mysterious powder from his cloak that generated the purple flames.

"How do I know you are Charlie Weasley?" Hermione suddenly cried.

"Hermione, this isn't the time!"

"HOW DO I KNOW I CAN TRUST YOU?" She bellowed.

"I'm Charlie, your friend and your teacher. You sat with me and cried when we talked about Fred and what happened to you at the Malfoy's. You play truant in all of your lessons to do some mysterious research with Severus, and you and Severus are together."

Hermione stopped struggling.

"I found out today." Charlie added, as he led the suddenly passive girl to the fireplace and threw the powder into the fire.

They stepped out into the drawing room in Grimmauld Place, to hear a portrait announce,

"Urgent reinforcements needed at the Snape Estate, all who are not fighting must relocate to the Snape Estate."

Hermione fell into a chair sobbing, and was restrained by Ginny and by Neville, while Charlie, Harry and Ron leapt into the fireplace and disappeared.

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Thank you all so much for your reviews, I was absolutely thrilled when I reached the one hundred mark. I hope you enjoyed the latest instalment, please review!

Lehayim.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fourteen

Harry, Ron and Charlie tumbled out onto the carpet in Severus' library, closely followed by Dedalus Diggle, Aberforth Dumbledore, and Hestia Jones.

"Downstairs!" Aberforth bellowed, charging out of the room, wand twirling dangerously.

The others quickly followed, dividing into the different rooms where they could hear fighting. Charlie halted for a moment, listening with a keen ear for what appeared to be the smashing of glass.

"The potions lab." He realised aloud, running as fast as he could, narrowly missing an Avada from a masked Deatheater.

"Charlie!" Severus said in relief, as Charlie darted into the lab, to find Severus taking on three Deatheaters at once. "Is Hermione alright?"

"She's fine, she's at Harry's. STUPEFY!" One of the Deatheaters slumped on a table as Charlie's spell found its target, most of the potion samples falling to the floor and smashing loudly. With the odds now even, it was quick work for an experienced spy as Severus to stun one of the approaching Deatheaters, and move on to help Charlie with the other.

"Remove their wands and bind their arms." Severus warned, whilst he removed the masks from the unconscious men.

He and Charlie regarded their captives. "Do you know who they are Severus?"

Severus shook his head negatively. "No. Although I'm sure that they were minor Deatheaters, not in the Dark Lord's inner circle, which is both why I don't recognise them, and why they were never arrested after the War."

Charlie turned to the door abruptly when a thump sounded above their heads. "We should go to help the others, I don't know how many there are."

"No, we have more important work to do here. We need to catalogue every potion here, including the ones that have smashed. And when that is done you need to incinerate every last drop of potion in this room."

Severus began gathering up sheaths of parchment hastily, checking the room for anything he may have missed. Charlie stared at him, stock-still.

"What are you doing?" He asked, suddenly grabbing a quill and jotting down the names of the potions, before throwing them into the fire.

"This is what they came for. They know about my research, and they want it, although Merlin knows what for. They are more interested in inflicting pain with the Cruciatus curse than in reversing its damage."

Severus swept out of the room, cursing a passing Deatheater with a swift "_Impediment_", before escaping to Grimmauld Place through the nearest fireplace.

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"Severus" Hermione fell on Severus as he climbed gracefully out of the fireplace. Severus kissed the top of her head before gently pushing her away from him.

"I must return Hermione, the others are still fighting. Take these papers and keep them safe. I then need Miss Weasley to alert Poppy Pomfrey to come here at once, and wait for the casualties to start arriving, we will floo them over as soon as possible."

Hermione gaped at him. "What's happening?" She asked urgently.

Severus grimaced. "I can't explain now, but there will be an emergency Order meeting tonight, and you will find out everything. My apologies for keeping you out of the loop, but the Deatheaters are more organised then we had thought possible."

Before Hermione could blink, Severus had disappeared, his cloak whipping up the dust particles in the room before she realised he had gone.

"Be safe." Hermione called softly after him.

Ginny hurried over from where she had been lingering in the doorway and immediately took charge.

"I'll floo over to Hogwarts and get Madam Pomfrey. You start setting up rooms with medical supplies."

Ginny disappeared through the fireplace, leaving Hermione and Neville to set up for patients with completely unknown injuries.

It was a relief when Madam Pomfrey and Minerva McGonagall came bustling through the fireplace, and immediately took over from the inexperienced students. But they still weren't prepared when bodies started coming through the fireplace, piling up on top of each other until Hermione and Neville saw sense and levitated them off to Madam Pomfrey.

Hermione gasped as she recognised some of the faces. Old Elphias Doge, surely too old to fight, but helping the Order nonetheless; Molly Weasley, who was bleeding profusely but still tried to insist that she needed to return to help her family; Amos Diggory, white and unconscious; Paul Armitage, not breathing and turning bluer by the minute.

"Paul!" She gasped, bypassing the others and taking him straight to Madam Pomfrey.

"I'm coming, Miss Granger." Snapped Madam Pomfrey, stressed from the growing number of patients and lack of response from St Mungos. "Bandage Molly while I see to Mr Armitage."

"Ferula!" Bandages flew out of Hermione's wand and deftly wound around Mrs Weasley's head. Hermione pressed a bar of Honeydukes chocolate into Mrs Weasley's hand, urging her to eat it, ignoring the woman's protestation.

"Mum!" Ginny flew past Hermione to her mother's side. Mrs Weasley exhaled loudly and clutched her daughter to her tightly.

"Ginny! Thank goodness you are alright. Are your brothers or father here?" Without waiting for an answer, she continued, "I was worried sick, you and Harry disappeared when everyone left, and when we received word of the fighting I thought the worst had happened."

Ginny bit her lip guiltily. "I went with Harry to his parents' graves. I'm sorry, I should have told you."

"Mum!" Charlie strode anxiously into the room and joined Ginny at Mrs Weasley's side. "It's over, the Deatheaters are all captured or killed, although a lot escaped towards the end."

He turned to Hermione, and said from the corner of his mouth so that the others did not hear,

"Severus is upstairs in the yellow bedroom, he asked me to tell you to join him there."

Hermione stood up slowly, unconsciously wiping her bloody hands on the makeshift apron she had tied around herself.

"I'll just go check on everyone else." She said awkwardly, stealing out the room and upstairs quietly.

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Hermione slipped quietly into the yellow bedroom, where Severus was standing with his back to her, gazing out of the frosted window. He turned around when he heard her quiet footsteps, and his gaze dropped to her bloody apron.

"Are you hurt?" He asked at once. Hermione looked down at herself, confused.

"Oh, no, this is from when I was helping Mrs Weasley. But you are hurt! Come here."

Severus was holding a wad of material to his arm, trying to stem to steady flow of blood.

"Why don't you go to see Madam Pomfrey?" Hermione questioned, as she held a clean wad of material to his wound.

Severus looked slightly ill at ease as he replied, "I don't like people seeing me vulnerable. I normally heal myself, but this is my wand arm so of course I can't. I want you to do it."

Hermione was instantly both terrified and touched at the same time.

"I can't heal you, I'm not a medi-Witch! I will fetch Charlie or someone else."

Severus touched her shoulder gently with his good hand. "I trust you."

Hermione took a deep breath. "Alright, but the only practise I've had is when we were on the run last year, I haven't had any training whatsoever."

"I know."

Hermione pointed her wand at the wound, and shut her eyes as she began to say the healing charm.

"Eyes open girl!" He barked, grimacing slightly.

Hermione opened her eyes, and said the charm as firmly as she could muster, trying to reinforce her self-belief in her abilities. She watched in awe as the edges of the wound began to knit together before her eyes, leaving the faintest silvery scar.

"Madam Pomfrey wouldn't have left a scar." She said ruefully, running her fingers along the slightly ridged scar.

Severus grinned at Hermione, and her heart sped up at the sight of the rare smile he bestowed upon her.

"It is my favourite scar." He assured her. "It reminds me of you and everything that is good, whereas the others remind me of everything bad I have done in the past."

"You will always be good to me." Hermione cupped his face in her hands and kissed him gently, feeling the butterflies in her stomach as he deepened the kiss.

After a minute Severus broke away from her at looked at his watch regretfully.

"There is an Order meeting downstairs now. If you are too tired you can stay with Miss Weasley and retire now."

Hermione looked at her watch, surprised to see that it was four in the morning. She suppressed a yawn, which did not go unnoticed by Severus, although he did not to say anything.

"A meeting at this hour?" Hermione was surprised. "But so many people are wounded, and surely everyone is shattered from the fighting."

Severus nodded solemnly. "I agree, it is madness. But Kingsley has arrived, and is insisting we have a meeting now or he will declare a state of emergency in the Ministry. Whereas we want to keep this as quiet as possible until we know what is going on, and this is the only time Kingsley can afford us."

"Let's go then." Severus squeezed Hermione's hand and they went downstairs to join the meeting.

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Kingsley was chairing the meeting, sitting slumped at the end of the table looking haggard. Arthur Weasley was on his right, deep in conversation with him. Everyone else sat for the most part in silence, nursing cups of coffee.

Severus and Hermione took two of the three remaining seats at the other end of the table. Andrew Mayfair lifted his head up from the table where he had been snoring gently, and gave Hermione a small smile; little more than a slight quirk of the lips.

"You alright, love?" He rubbed his eyes blearily, yawning.

Hermione immediately yawned in response. "I'm fine, I was kept locked up here, away from the fighting." She said, sounding petulant as it came out more of a whine than anything else.

"It was the right thing to do."

Hermione didn't respond, letting her head drop onto Andrew's shoulder, and she shut her eyes as they waited for the last person to arrive.

Aberforth limped into the room, leaning heavily on a wooden walking stick.

"Sorry I'm late." He said gruffly, taking his seat next to Severus, and the opposite end of the table to Kingsley.

"Let's begin." Kingsley said simply. Andrew nudged Hermione to wake her. "Severus?"

The attention switched to Severus, who cleared his throat.

"Just a moment!"

Mrs Weasley bustled in, undeterred by the bandages swathing her head. "It's quarter past four in the morning and none of you have slept. I have freshly brewed coffee and muffins."

She laid the trays on the table and returned to the kitchen. Andrew chuckled as he reached for a muffin. "She really gets a feel for the gravity of the situation."

Hermione also giggled as she poured herself coffee, and ripped off a corner of Andrew's muffin.

Severus' lips twitched as he successfully restrained a smile.

Everyone's focus turned back to Severus, as he briefly explained that it was no longer a simple situation of Greyback's obsession with Hermione. The Deatheaters wanted his and Hermione's potion, and all their research, for reasons unknown to him. The fight tonight showed how determined they were to lay their hands on it.

"Is it safe now?"Arthur asked.

"Yes, it is here in Grimmauld Place. The question is, should we destroy it before they have another opportunity to get at it? The Deatheaters successfully stole three samples, although fortunately not the completed version."

Kingsley and Severus shared a long look across the lengthy table. Hermione stared between them, aghast. Why hadn't Severus asked her first?

"No. All knowledge is valuable, and what you are doing is highly commendable." Hermione pulled a face at how politically correct Kingsley had become since becoming Minister.

"However, it must be kept safe, with all precautions taken to ensure it does not fall into the wrong hands. Meanwhile, we must divide our efforts between tracking down Deatheaters, and finding out what they want with your potion. Who wants to take charge of the first assignment?"

No one responded.

Aberforth rolled his eyes, Charlie Weasley immediately shut his eyes in an attempt to look asleep, and Hagrid let his head fall to the table with a bang which sent muffins flying.

"So this is really happening then?" Elphias Doge piped up for the first time. "We are bringing back the Order? I have been here for both of the wars, and I really thought that it was all over. And here we are, a mere six months later, back where we started."

Kingsley sighed. "I am afraid so. I will have my aurors on it of course, but I fear that if the Deatheaters are already this strong, they could have infiltrated the Ministry, just as happened last year. Is there anyone who will attempt to find out the Deatheaters' plans, and who is leading them?"

Andrew heaved a sigh. "I will do it. It's what I'm good at after all, it's what I did during the War. My club allows many opportunities both to listen in on private conversations, and to socialise with the purebloods. Oh, excuse me!"

Clutching his stomach, Andrew bolted from the room to the bathroom. Exchanging a look with Severus, Hermione followed Andrew and found him vomiting violently in the toilet.

Hermione silently handed him a glass of water when he was finished. Andrew rinsed his mouth thankfully, and then slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. Hermione sat opposite him, waiting for him to speak.

"It was nothing to worry about; a reaction to one of the potions Poppy had to give me." Andrew grimaced. "I shall have to talk to Severus about modifying it; I always have a terrible reaction to that one potion."

Hermione produced a muffin, and Andrew broke into laughter. "No thanks, I'm not really in the mood to eat anything. It's all very surreal, this. Having an Order meeting again."

"I wouldn't know, I was always underage, and then Harry, Ron and I were on the run for a year."

"You didn't miss out on anything. They are usually very long and drawn out, with too much shouting. I think everyone was too tired to argue tonight."

"I didn't know you spied in the last war." Hermione commented.

"It wasn't exactly spying. I never joined the ranks of You-Know-Who. I just used my position to get information for our side. I made it clear to the purebloods that I sympathised with their position, and got myself invited to many events where I found out a good deal. It was spying I suppose, but nothing as serious as what Severus was doing."

Andrew sighed heavily again. "This is horrible, being back here. Everything feels so wrong, like something is missing. I keep looking around for Remus to smile and make everyone feel better, and Tonks, Fred and George to do something ridiculous to make everyone laugh when we had lost all hope. I suppose it was fun in its own way, it was something to look forward to when I spent my days with Deatheaters, always fearing they would discover my true loyalties.

"And to this day it still doesn't seem right having Kingsley chair the meetings. I keep thinking Mad-Eye should be there, to take charge of all intelligence operations, whilst Albus oversaw everything. You know, I looked up at Aberforth earlier, and for a second I thought Albus was sitting there three seats away from me, and for a moment I stopped breathing. And then I realised that he's never coming back. I always had a foolish notion in the back of my mind that the great Albus Dumbledore would be the one to reverse death, and would be waiting for us when we got back from celebrating the end of the war."

Hermione was more than a little shocked as Andrew's words sunk in. She had never thought about how the Order's losses were affecting everyone so greatly.

"Even if he could have, Professor Dumbledore would never have done it. He looked upon death as his next great adventure. I think he looked forward to being reunited with his mother and sister."

The door swung open, and Simon peered down at the pair sitting on the bathroom floor.

"If you weren't the most rampant homosexual I know, we would all have thought you were taking advantage of Hermione!"

Hermione chuckled, and allowed Simon to pull first her, and then Andrew to their feet.

"Severus told me to give you this." Simon produced a bottle of anti-nausea potion.

Andrew groaned. "Because it would have been too much to give me that at the start of the meeting."

Nevertheless, he swiftly downed the potion, and followed Simon and Hermione to the hall, where everyone was leaving.

"We are continuing the meeting tomorrow. Madam Pomfrey has issued strict orders for everyone to go to bed and stay there until midday. I think the final straw was when Ron started snoring so loudly that Kingsley had to shout to be heard." Simon explained.

The Order members all slipped out in twos and threes to apparate from the front step, until it was just Mr and Mrs Weasley, Harry and Ginny, and Hermione and Severus left.

"I'm staying here tonight." Ginny declared to her parents. Harry's cheeks were instantly suffused with a scarlet blush, and he wished he could have been facing Deatheaters again, rather than his girlfriend's parents.

Mrs Weasley looked like she wanted to argue, but Mr Weasley ushered her out of the door quickly. Ginny shot her father a grateful look, and Mr Weasley smiled at her tentatively, clearly unhappy with the sleeping arrangements, but knowing it was useless to argue with an eighteen year old girl on the matter and five o clock in the morning.

"Are we going home now?" Hermione asked Severus.

"The house is – a little wrecked, to put it lightly. We are going to get some overnight things, and then we will return here." He turned to Harry and Ginny. "You don't need to wait up Potter, it wouldn't do to have you collapse with exhaustion. We won't be long. I'll use the direct floo we set up."

So that had been what the purple flames were; a direct floo between the two houses, with no other destinations possible.

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At Snape Manor Hermione gasped at the destruction, although Severus did not seem bothered. She hurriedly got together a few of her things, and met Severus in the library, along with the house elves.

Severus raised an eyebrow at Hermione's puzzlement.

"You can't expect me to let the elves stay here in this ruin? They will come to Grimmauld Place with us, and tomorrow we shall start to clear up."

Hermione started at Severus. "_You_ will clear up?" She said in disbelief. Severus shrugged.

"That is what a wand is for. That, and the elves and staff. It will be back to normal in no time. Now come on, I don't know about you, but I'm shattered."

Severus wrapped an arm around Hermione's waist, and stepped into the fireplace with her.

Severus saw Hermione to her old room in Grimmauld Place.

"Stay with me for a while." Hermione said, as she pulled off her sweatshirt to reveal her pyjamas underneath. She smiled. "At least I don't need to change for bed, I've been ready since before all this started!"

Severus smiled too, and waited for Hermione as she pulled back the sheets and climbed into the bed. He kissed her lightly on the forehead before conjuring a rocking chair which he sat in heavily. He strained to keep his eyes open until he heard Hermione's breathing even out as she fell asleep, and then he finally allowed himself to succumb to sleep, too tired to move from the chair to a bed.

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_First of all, I must apologise for taking so long to update! I haven't had any time to myself in weeks! Secondly, thank you all so much for your reviews. As always, keep them coming...please review this latest chapter._

_Lehayim._


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Fifteen

Severus was aware of a strong ache in his back, and uncomfortable crick in his neck. Where was he? Opening his eyes, Severus understood that he must have fallen asleep in the chair in Hermione's room. He contemplated the sleeping girl silently. She was still fast asleep, her cheeks lightly flushed and her hair in disarray. The bedcovers were twisted around her ankles at the end of the bed, and Severus smiled fondly as he straightened them and pulled them to cover her sleeping body.

Beautiful, he thought to himself, as he stole quietly from the room so as not to wake her. Charlie Weasley turned around from halfway down the stairs and stared at Severus, a grin spreading across his face.

"Still in last night's clothes?" Charlie observed. "And I can't remember that being your room."

"Why are you always around at the most inconvenient moments?" Severus grumbled, and Charlie's grin widened.

"Better me than someone that doesn't know about you and Hermione."

Severus silently agreed with him. How were he and Hermione to handle this? The relationship was barely in its infancy, it was too soon to tell anyone when they themselves didn't understand yet what was happening. He was still thanking the Gods for giving him such an amazing woman in his life.

"What are you doing here anyway, Charlie?"

"I came to tell Ginny that Mum is about to explode unless she gets home soon. But she and Harry aren't up yet, and no way am I going in there!" Charlie grimaced at the thought.

Severus looked at his watch. It was nearly two o clock in the afternoon. He hadn't realised they had been sleeping for so long.

"Would you like to stay for a late lunch?" Severus offered. "We can use the opportunity to go over next term's schedule."

Severus sent the house elves back to start working on the destruction that was his house, while he started to prepare lunch. The noise of a shower sounded upstairs.

"Well, someone is up."

There was a sudden yell upstairs, and the banging of a door, followed by quick footsteps on the stairs. Severus and Charlie looked towards the door curiously as Hermione hurried in to the kitchen.

"I think I will have to wait for a shower!" She exclaimed. Severus chuckled, although Charlie was bemused.

"I take it Potter and Miss Weasley are up then?" Severus asked. Hermione pulled a face and nodded.

Charlie still did not understand.

"Excellent, I'll go tell Ginny to get her butt back home."

"Charlie, you may want to wait until they are less _busy_."

"Less busy? Oh Merlin! The shower?" His face blanched as he shook his head, trying to get the thought out of it. Severus burst out laughing.

"I'm too young and naive to know about things like that." Charlie groaned.

Once Hermione and Severus were both dressed and had eaten, they returned to the Snape estate to assess the damage. Severus looked around suspiciously at the pristine house.

"Triblen, Kara." The two elves appeared at his side. "What has been going on here?"

The elves were befuddled, and Kara looked positively terrified that she had done something wrong.

"We has cleaned Master's house, as asked." Triblen explained. Severus' expression turned to one of understanding.

"Elf magic; never underestimate it." He muttered. "My potions lab?"

"We has not gone near it Sir, that is the only room we has not touched."

"Thank you." Severus turned to Hermione. "I need to take care of the lab; I can't risk anyone else handling the more volatile potions. Do you have the research papers?"

Hermione produced the papers and Severus tucked them into his robes. He brushed a kiss lightly on the top of her head and disappeared into his lab, telling Hermione to amuse herself until he was done.

Hermione stared at the closed door to the potions lab. True, it was early days in their relationship, if that was even what it was, but Severus was acting as if it were purely platonic. She touched the top of her head lightly where he had kissed it perfunctorily, and for a fleeting moment she wondered if she had imagined that brief kiss on Christmas Eve, and then that passionate kiss yesterday. Hermione started; had Christmas only been yesterday? So much had happened since then, it felt like weeks ago.

Amuse herself? How did Severus propose she do that? Hermione went upstairs to her room, and flung open the door in trepidation. Either to house elves were exceedingly good, and had replaced her clothes untidily on the floor where they had lain the previous day, or the Deatheaters had not been in here. She was willing to bet on the second one, and heaved a sigh of relief. Pulling on the new jodhpurs and riding boots that she had purchased after discovering Severus' stables, Hermione went out to the stables, relishing the sound of crisp icy leaves crunching under her firm stride, and the icy wind that whipped the loose strands of hair around her face.

"Good morning." Severus' groom appeared. "My apologies, none of the horses are saddled. I did not realise you would be riding today."

Hermione smiled at the man radiantly.

"That's quite alright. I'm more than happy to wait, it does not take long. I was thinking perhaps I could ride the General today." It was a statement, not a question, but the groom looked doubtful.

"Are you sure? He's a very powerful horse."

"I'm sure. I need a challenge today."

The groom went in to saddle up the General, and Hermione went to visit Apache, who whinnied as he recognised her.

Hermione looked up at the beautiful horse as the groom led him out. She had forgotten how huge he was; she wouldn't be able to get on him with a mere leg-up. Pulling out her wand, Hermione created a large block which she climbed up on so that she could get onto the horse. Realising that she had never seen the groom with a wand, Hermione turned to the man.

"I'm sorry, I feel extremely rude, but I don't know you're name."

"It's John."

"John. Are you a - " Hermione hesitated.

"I'm a squib. But horses are my calling, and I love what I do. There has never been a day where I have wished for anything else." He suddenly remembered where he was and turned professional again, adjusting the stirrups for Hermione.

"Are you sure you will be alright with the General? I can saddle up another and accompany you if you prefer." John suddenly found himself wanting to be in the company of this smiling, gentle witch a little longer.

"Thank you, that is very kind, but I will perfectly fine. I will be back in about an hour."

Hermione and the General left at a stately walk, only taking off into a canter when they were well away from the house. Severus watched Hermione from the library windows, having assumed she would be there when he had finished in the lab. He knelt to build up a fire for when Hermione returned, preferring to do this the non-magical way.

Severus got up, and backed up a few steps, not noticing the table behind him, which crashed to the floor. Severus picked up the table and replaced it, before looking keenly at the overturned chess set on the floor, its pieces scattered.

"Accio chess pieces." He said, waving the pieces to rearrange themselves in the correct positions on the board. Severus suddenly missed Hermione's constant presence, and returned to the window. There was no sight of her; she must be in the woods. Brushing aside the idea of going after her on another horse, Severus pushed open the window, shivering as a blast of freezing air rushed inside. He transformed into his eagle animagus, and took off.

Severus relished the sensation of flying against the wind, his wings working powerfully, his feathers ruffling. He navigated through the trees until he caught sight of Hermione, the General soaring gracefully over a ditch. Severus settled on a tree branch, enjoying watching the pair. Hermione was dwarfed by the huge horse, but they looked beautiful as they flew through the air together over fallen logs and ditches.

Severus flew to Hermione, and she stopped the General. He transformed back to human form, and the giant horse reared, startled. Hermione hung on firmly, reassuring the horse with a gentle word and firm grip. Severus cursed his thoughtlessness.

"Would you like to go for a walk for a little while?" He asked. "We can leave the General tied to a tree, he will be fine."

Hermione looked doubtfully at the long way down to the ground, and voiced as much. Severus walked around the horse and carefully removed Hermione's feet from the stirrups. Hermione sat very still, not even considering that she could easily have done that herself, her breath catching in her throat at the feel of Severus' firm grasp on her calf.

"Swing your leg over this way." Severus murmured, and Hermione did so.

"Well that was stupid." She said. "Now I'm facing the wrong way to get down."

Severus ignored her protests, and stepped closer to the horse.

"I know, I've got you."

Hermione slid down the horse and into Severus' waiting arms.

"You can put me down." She said after a few moments of being pressed tightly against Severus' hard chest, her back against the horse. Severus let her feet touch the ground, still holding her tightly to him.

"I believe this is long overdue." He whispered, lowering his face to hers as his lips met hers in a kiss that took Hermione's breath away. They drank each other up, Severus clutching Hermione to him as he forgot everything else except that he was with this amazing woman.

Hermione and Severus broke apart, Hermione's lips swollen and her face slightly flushed, Severus breathing heavily. Hermione shivered, breaking the moment.

"Come on, let's forget about the walk for today and get you back." Hermione looked at the horse, and a light laugh rang out.

"I just got off that beast!" She said. Severus cupped his hands for her to step into, easily lifting Hermione onto the horse. She shrieked slightly as she felt herself suddenly hoisted through the air onto the giant animal, stifling it quickly.

"Are you going to fly back?" She asked of Severus.

"I'm not letting you go off that easily! No, I'm coming with you." Severus looked at the horse affectionately and stroked his long face.

"You can easily carry two, can't you big boy?" He asked the horse rhetorically. Severus effortlessly leapt onto the horses back behind Hermione, his natural grace still surprising her.

Hermione settled against Severus' muscled chest, entirely forgetting where she was, only feeling that she could stay there all day.

"You have to take the reins." Severus whispered in her ear, and Hermione shivered slightly, and fumbled dazedly for them.

"Something distracting you, Hermione?" Severus said lowly, his warm breath caressing her cheek. Hermione's heart sped up, and she looked at him in mock anger.

"Oh, shut up! You know the effect you are having!" Severus chuckled, and wrapped his arms firmly around Hermione.

John smiled as he saw the pair returning on horseback. The change he had seen in Severus first when he went away to teach in Spain, and then further when he had brought Hermione back to his home, was unbelievable. He was certain that it had been Hermione that was responsible for cracking the man's hardened exterior over the past few months.

John looked away, returning to the stables to give Hermione and Severus their privacy as Severus tilted Hermione's face so that she was half-facing him, and softly kissed her, taking the reins as they fell from her hands.

As always, thank you everyone for reviewing, it means so much – especially when I read such lovely comments.

I hope you like this chapter, please review!

Happy New Year,

Lehayim


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Sixteen

"Did you have anything planned for New Years Eve?" Severus asked conversationally as he made coffee while Hermione ate breakfast. She smiled at him.

"So long as I get my kiss at midnight, I'm yours to do whatever you had in mind."

"How clichéd." But he smiled nevertheless, and leaned down to brush his lips against Hermione's as she offered her face up to him.

"I don't know if you wanted to go to a New Years Eve party, but if you have no other plans, I wanted to take you out for dinner."

"As in on a date?" Hermione was secretly thrilled; their first date.

"Perhaps. What do you say?"

"I would love to."

Hermione looked up at Severus in concern as he joined her at the table and slid her coffee across to her in silence. He opened a letter, and looked preoccupied, and she was certain he wasn't still thinking about New Years Eve.

"Severus? What's on your mind?"

His eyes flicked to hers guiltily.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking about our research. We are so close; the potion and the spell are complete, and all we need to do is find a suitable location. It was a fairly simple arithmancy calculation to determine that it needs to be performed at sundown on a new moon." Severus sighed.

"Is Neville still alright with us using his parents as guinea pigs?"

"I haven't informed Longbottom that it is almost done yet; I didn't want to get the boy's hopes up until we are one hundred percent complete. However, I do have news for you. I contacted our friend the Shaman, to ask of him exactly what he meant those months ago when he said there were ways of getting around the spell-caster losing their spirit in exchange for the Longbottom's."

Hermione stared at him in slight disbelief, trying not to get angry.

"Thanks for letting me know you did that." She snapped. "I'm assuming that is his reply in your hand?"

"You assume correctly. If I understand, what he is saying is also relevant to location. If we can find a location where a great evil has occurred; homicide or mass murder, where the spirits may still reside, he hopes that this will be enough to prevent it. I admit, I don't understand at all, and I don't enjoy not understanding. But he is the one that will be performing this part of the spell, so I'm sure that he is certain. Unfortunately, he was no more specific than that."

Severus could see the cogs turning in Hermione's mind. Eventually she sighed.

"When is the next new moon?"

"In three days time. And there is certainly no time to determine a location by then; we still need to go through the final aspects of the spell, and today I am going to Poland to check on the final arrangements for next term. It starts on the fifth of January, you know."

Hermione tried to hide her disappointment. At first she had been entirely excited for Neville, and what they could do for those injured. But although she tried to hide it, Hermione was also starting to see her name in potions journals, and become known as a great spell maker and healer. To her, this was entirely selfish in the face of what the potion was for, and she had not told Severus of her dreams.

"Can I come to Poland with you? It will be nice to do something different."

"Of course you can, but I would have thought it would have been boring for you. I need to check on the teaching facilities, and ensure the apartments are in good condition for the students. It won't be like the hostel; you will need to do everything for yourselves in Poland."

Hermione pulled a face, and Severus misinterpreted it.

"I'm sure you can manage cleaning spells, and you will learn to cook. It's a good experience for you. And we still need to discuss you staying at mine in the evenings. Charlie will be sharing my apartment, but you will have your own room."

"I still don't know about that, I'm hoping Greyback will have been caught by then."

Severus was doubtful, but did not say anything.

"Actually, I was worried about what will happen to us once you go back to teaching and I go back to lessons."

"Hermione, you never went to lessons in Barcelona. I don't feel bad about that, but I do feel guilty that I prevented you from interacting with the Spanish magical community there."

Hermione laughed. "I only wanted you. But you know what I mean. Here we have been in our own elittle world, and we haven't really bothered covering it up around people, but in Poland everything will be so different when for appearances sake I am still your student."

Severus inhaled deeply.

"I have a confession to make. I applied for you to take your NEWTs early at the Ministry; I was waiting for confirmation before I told you, and after that you would no longer be my student."

"And?" She waited nervously for his answer, not sure what she wanted to hear him say.

"You can do them the first week of February if you so desire. The week after our spell, if all goes as planned."

Hermione didn't answer, instead picking up her coffee and sipping it thoughtfully. Was she ready? She didn't know why she was asking herself that, it wasn't immodest to know that she had been ready for months. But did she want to take them early?

"I'll let you know soon." She replied at last. "Changing the subject, can we do some sightseeing in Poland this afternoon, after you have got your work out of the way?"

"I don't see why not. What did you have in mind?"

"Well I don't know that much, but the usual tourist sites I suppose. The Old Town, the Cathedral, the Castle. I would quite like to go to Krakow if we have time – I always wanted to visit Auschwitz, but never had the chance. It's not something I would want to do with friends."

"I understand. If we don't have time we can always stay overnight and do more tomorrow."

Hermione didn't know what to say. Hadn't he done enough for her already? She didn't like to ask about his finances, and didn't want to take his beautiful estate as a certainty of his wealth. He was just a teacher after all, and she didn't want him wasting his money on her.

"Or we can apparated back tomorrow morning?" Hermione suggested. "Or, if we are very adventurous, we can go sightseeing when we are living there."

Severus chuckled.

"Nonsense, I want to treat you."

"We will see." Hermione smiled. "Should I get ready now then?"

"Yes. It is in the minus temperatures there, bundle up warmly. I promise to try not to laugh at you! And pack a small overnight bag and shrink it."

Hermione opened her mouth to argue, but Severus waved her protests aside.

"Just in case." He insisted.

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Hermione pulled on several layers, and transfigured an old sweater into a woolly hat, which she pulled down firmly over her wild hair. Severus couldn't help but smile when he saw Hermione.

"How do you manage to look good when you are wearing so many layers?" Hermione asked, annoyed. Severus smiled smugly.

"Magic." He said, infuriatingly. "Are you ready to go?"

Severus held out a portkey, which Hermione grasped with one hand, tucking her other arm into Severus'. She felt the uncomfortable sensation in her stomach as the portkey was activated, and for the first time she found herself still upright as the portkey dumped them in an unfamiliar kitchen, held up by Severus' strong hold.

"This is to be mine and Charlie's apartment." Severus explained. "Have a look around and make yourself comfortable whilst I check on the other apartments. I shouldn't be longer than twenty minutes."

Severus disapparated with a pop, and Hermione immediately put a kettle on, shivering slightly despite her many layers. She cast a heating charm before peeling off her coat, hat, scarf and gloves.

"I feel like an oompa loompa." Hermione muttered to herself, as she caught a glimpse of her many-layered reflection in the mirror in the hall. She examined the apartment keenly; after all, she may end up living here.

It was simple, but beautifully furnished, to Severus' own style. He had evidently been here before, as one of the bedrooms was done up to Severus' tastes, whilst the other had lavish Gryffindor red sheets on the bed, and a large moving picture of Charlie riding a magnificent dragon stuck to one wall.

Hermione looked into the third bedroom, which was empty except for a narrow bed against the cold white walls, and a wooden chest of drawers. It was not a room that begged to be lived in. She poked her head back into Severus' room, and looked at it again. If she honestly thought about living here, Hermione could see herself in this room with Severus, not the pokey little guest room like an unwanted visitor.

"Hermione?" She jumped as she heard Severus calling her name, not knowing why she should feel guilty for looking around his room.

"That was quick. What are the other apartments like?"

"Very similar to this one. There are two boys apartments, and to girls'. Three bedrooms to an apartment, two to a room. Same style kitchen and living room, although only basic furniture and no decorations. Did you have a look around?"

"Yes. It's very nice, albeit very simple compared to your home in England."

Severus smiled. "That's true, but I can still see us here, reading together in front of a blazing fire."

Hermione smiled at the image. It did sound nice.

"Now, do you want to visit the teaching facilities with me, or wait here?" Hermione said she would come, and Severus apparated them both to a very plain, and very cold building. Hermione looked out of the window, and was astonished to see people up to their knees in snow. She grinned, imagining the boys' excitement and the snow fights she was sure were to come.

The new teaching building had several simple classrooms, a heated outdoor greenhouse, and a potions lab. Hermione was certain that Severus had fixed it to suit his tastes, because it looked just like the dungeons at Hogwarts, although there were certainly no dungeons in this building.

"Was that it?" Hermione asked when Severus had checked that everything was ready for the students' arrival in just over a weeks time.

"That was all I needed to do. Now, shall we do lunch, or sight-seeing first?"

They decided on lunch, and braved the snow to find a small, intimate cafe where they ordered lunch. Afterwards Severus and Hermione spent about an hour looking around the Old Town, enjoying walking around openly hand-in-hand in public, but eventually the snow and the cold became too much.

"I feel bad Severus, as I'm the one that wanted to do this, but can we do this in the morning." Hermione shivered violently, accompanying her request.

"Heating charm?" Severus cast one, but Hermione shook her head.

"No, I really don't feel like it anymore. I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologise." Severus led Hermione into a back alley, glanced around, and apparated them both back to his Warsaw apartment. Hermione sat on the couch and Severus draped a thick blanket over her before getting to work on the fire.

It was soon blazing away comfortably, it's heat licking at them comfortingly. Severus joined Hermione on the couch, and she curled up into his body warmth, even though she wasn't really cold any more.

"When you said that you could see us in front of the fire together, I didn't think it would be so soon!"

Severus chortled quietly, as he completely the picture by summoning a book from the bookcase in his bedroom.

"I told you, there is no point in returning home tonight if we are going to spend tomorrow here."

"Severus, I absolutely refuse to let you spend money on a hotel when there is a perfectly good apartment here."

Severus was slightly surprised, but didn't say anything. He shifted slightly, wrapping his arms comfortable around Hermione as his book fell to the floor, and they both found themselves falling asleep in front of the fire.

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Severus only awoke when the fire was starting to die down, and it was dark outside. He looked at his watch; quarter past five. He stroked Hermione's hair off of her forehead, knowing that he should wake her, but not wanting to disturb her all the same.

He got up, careful not to move the sleeping girl too much, and switched on some lights to lift the apartment from its gloominess, and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. A mug with a teabag lay abandoned next to the kettle; the tea Hermione was going to make herself that morning before she was distracted looking around the apartment.

Severus made her the tea, and left the steaming mug on the coffee table next to her with a hastily scrawled note, before he left to hunt down a supermarket.

When he returned with two bags of groceries, Hermione was still asleep. He made her a fresh cup of tea, and then sat on the couch next to her, waking her up.

"It's nearly six, you should get up or you won't sleep tonight."

Hermione yawned, and stretched her body, looking remarkably cat-like. She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and held the cup of tea in her chilled fingers as she watched Severus in the kitchen, chopping vegetables and chicken.

"I would come and help, but I am entirely too comfortable." Hermione said cheerily. Severus spun around, and Hermione laughed aloud at the picture of him with his hair tied back, and an apron on.

"I quite enjoy cooking. It is exceedingly similar to brewing potions. Dinner won't be ready for a while, feel free to shower and get in your pyjamas, or whatever you want to do. Unless you want to go out tonight?"

Hermione shook her head vehemently.

"Definitely not. I will take a very long, hot bath, and read my book in it. Don't expect to see me for the next half hour at least!"

Hermione disappeared into the bathroom and ran herself a steaming bubble bath, sinking into it with a groan of pleasure. Hermione let her muscles unwind and she relaxed in the bath, and reached for her book to read.

Hermione was totally engrossed in her book when she heard the quiet baritone of Severus singing something in the kitchen. She was suddenly aware that she must have been reading for a while, as the bath water was starting to cool down. Listening to Severus, a sudden, unexpected feeling of loneliness hit her, although Hermione couldn't tell why. She so desperately wanted to have this perfect life with Severus, but after everything that had happened with Blaise, she wasn't sure if Severus would want her if he knew the truth.

Throwing the book carelessly to the floor, Hermione dunked her hair under the water and laboriously washed the thick mane. Getting out, she dressed swiftly in the pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers she had packed, and went into the kitchen, her sopping hair dripping down her back.

"Hermione!" Severus scolded, walking towards her and wrapping his arms around her.

"You'll get all wet." She protested, wriggling away.

"Accio towel." The damp towel flew into his hands, and Severus began rubbing her head vigorously. "Better?" He asked.

"A little." Hermione acknowledged.

Severus swung her into his arms, and carried her to the couch and sat her down near the fire, still rubbing her hair dry. She flung her arms around him, and pressed her lips to his, trying to convey her feelings for him with that one, passionate kiss.

Picking her up again, Severus and Hermione tumbled to the rug next the fireplace, lying on the rug as Hermione desperately ripped off his shirt, running her hand over his smooth muscles, whilst Severus pushed her dressing gown off her.

He cupped her face with one hand, covering her eyes and lips with kisses, and the other hand clumsily unbuttoned her pyjama jacket. Hermione gasped as she felt his hand on her bare breast, caressing it and kneading it gently, his fingers twisting the nipple as Hermione arched her back in pleasure, pressing herself into his hand more firmly.

Her hands moved gently across his back, exploring the scars lovingly, kissing the ones she could see on his chest. Severus shifted slightly, his tongue finding her nipple, his lips closing around it as Hermione cried out in pleasure. His hands ran down her gentle curves to the top of her pyjama bottoms, fingering the elastic edge of them before he started to slide them down her hips.

"Wait!" Hermione suddenly cried, sitting up, not caring about her nakedness. Severus stopped at once, both of them breathing heavily. Hermione shimmied the pyjama trousers back up her hips and did up the pyjama jacket with trembling fingers.

Severus gave her some space to get herself back together, and then wrapped heavy arm around her, holding the girl to him tightly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked gently.

"You will hate me." Hermione said quietly, and Severus was shocked to see how white her face was.

"I could never hate you." He assured her. "What has got you so upset?"

"It's Blaise." Severus stiffened slightly, and waited.

"You don't know the truth of what really happened; how I acted, and what I let him do. You will think I am disgusting, and pathetic, and weak."

"I could never think any of those things about you." Severus held her to him even more tightly, trying to emphasis his point.

"Even if you knew that I slept with him when we weren't even going out? And I let him use me for sex? I watched him lead other girls on, and I didn't care that I was being used and lied to?"

"Hermione, whatever you think of yourself, you were not the one in the wrong. Come in to the kitchen, and you can tell me everything over dinner."

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Hermione poured her heart out to Severus that evening, desperately needing him to reassure her that she hadn't been wrong; that she hadn't been the one to blame for Blaise's treatment of her; that she could still love and be loved.

"You and I are such similar creatures." He murmured to the woman in his arms, pushing the plates to one side. "I had thought I were impossible of loving anyone again, after everything I did, and you taught me how wrong I was. I hope I can do the same for you."

Hermione offered her face to him for a kiss, and Severus was struck by her absolute trust in him.

_I love you_, he realised with shock, unable to say it aloud.

"I think it's time for bed." Severus said, looking at his watch and sniggering as he registered that it was only nine o clock.

"Charlie's bed is ready if you want to sleep in there, or if you prefer I can make up the bed in the guest room."

"I won't need either." Hermione said softly, leading Severus into his bedroom. She disappeared into the bathroom to get ready for bed, and Severus undressed. He usually slept naked, or in his underwear, but as Hermione was with him, he swiftly transfigured his underwear into simple pyjama trousers, which hung from his narrow hips.

He joined Hermione in the bathroom to brush his teeth, and then slipped into bed before she did, giving her the chance to make her mind up what she wanted to do.

Hermione came into the room and smiled at Severus reading his book in bed.

"Shall we light a fire in here?" She suggested. Severus flicked his wand at the grate opposite the bed, and flames instantly sprang up. He extinguished the other lights in the room, so that only the firelight illuminated the room, casting soft shadows in the corners.

Hermione slipped beneath the covers and nestled into Severus, her body moulding to his.

"Good night." She yawned, already tired, straining to keep her eyes open.

"Good night." Severus said, his tone neutral, as he waited for the girl in his arms to drift off to sleep. He relaxed when he heard her slow, even breathing that signified that she was asleep. He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you." He whispered aloud to the quiet room, before he too drifted off to sleep.

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I have abandoned an essay to write this chapter for you, my kind reviewers. I hope you enjoy it, please review!

Lehayim.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Seventeen

Hermione woke to find herself firmly tucked against Severus, his arm wrapped around her, her head resting under his chin.

"Are you awake?" She asked softly, wriggling slightly.

"Don't move an inch, this is perfection." Severus grumbled, his eyes remaining closed.

Hermione pushed aside his arm, and got out of bed.

"I'm just going to the bathroom, I will be right back." She assured him.

Severus lay in exactly the same position when Hermione returned from the bathroom, and she got back into bed, positioning herself exactly how she had lain before. Severus did not say a word, but his arm tightened around her almost imperceptibly.

"Waking up with you in my arms is waking in heaven. Don't ever change that."

Hermione smiled, biting back a comment at how cheesy that was, knowing that he did not usually lay his emotions out like that.

She quickly fell asleep again, waking to the sounds and smells of bacon sizzling.

"Severus?"

"Breakfast will be ready in five minutes." He called back. Hermione pulled on her dressing gown and went into the kitchen to lay the table for breakfast, smiling to herself at how domesticated they had become in the absence of house elves.

"Good morning." He greeted Hermione with a kiss on the lips, and a plate of bacon and eggs. They talked about their plans for the day over breakfast; going to Auschwitz in the morning, and perhaps some more sight-seeing in the afternoon.

This time, Hermione remembered to cast a heating charm on herself to keep out the cold, pulling on high boots to protect against the snow. They apparated to Krakow to visit the concentration camp, and Hermione shivered as she saw the infamous '_Arbeit macht Frei'_ sign looming ahead of them.

They looked around the museum and the camp in relative silence, trying to take in this muggle travesty.

"Where were the witches and wizards at this time?" Hermione asked, brushing a tear from her eyes.

"They left. Some of them tried to save people, but in the end most of them fled to avoid exposure." Hermione's jaw dropped, unable to take this in.

"They had the power to save these lives, and they did nothing? How can you stand there and not care!"

"I'm not saying I think it was right; I don't. But there are strict laws about the exposure of magic, and witches and wizards were already being hunted in Nazi Europe. Do you think Hitler did not know about the existence of magic? All Heads of Government learn the truth when they come into office; Hitler was no different. He tried to use magic to achieve immortality, not caring about the costs. That is why they fled."

Hermione suddenly halted.

"Listen," she breathed. Severus stopped too, listening as intently as Hermione.

"What? I don't hear anything." He was confused.

"Exactly. Nothing grows here, there are no animals, not even birds in the sky. _Why_?"

Severus could only speculate.

"I do not know. Perhaps because of what great evil happened here, all those years ago."

The look in Hermione's eyes changed, becoming almost calculating.

"How great an evil?"

Severus understood at once. "An evil great enough for the Shaman to work in. Hermione you're a genius!" His face split into a grin, and he would have kissed her had he not remembered where they were, instantly sobering up.

"Let's get out of here." He said. "I'm suddenly too excited, it's not the right frame of mind to be in this place."

Severus and Hermione apparated back to Warsaw; Severus unable to stop smiling.

"I'm as excited as you, but there is definitely something you are not telling me." Hermione said.

"Just think of it – we have a spell, a potion, a location! Think of all the things we can achieve! What we will do for the world. Longbottom can have his parents back, I can bring back Albus!"

"WHAT?" Hermione's eyes narrowed, praying that she had heard him wrong. Severus didn't say anything, just stared at her with those intense eyes.

"Tell me I misheard you, you can't be serious."

"Hermione, it is so simple to change the spell to reverse Avada – to return one's soul to their unharmed body. I've been looking into it for weeks, I know what I'm doing."

Hermione backed away from him, shaking her head slowly, not knowing who this man was that stood in front of her.

"Severus, you are insane. You can't do that; no magic can bring back the dead."

"But it can, we can do it!"

"I'm not doing anything. Even if it can, you shouldn't mess with life and death, it isn't the way things are meant to be."

"Was Albus meant to die?" He shouted, his cheek twitching.

"You can't reverse death! I know you feel guilty, but get this idea out of your head."

Hermione suddenly waved her wand violently at the bedroom, and their clothes folded into a bag, which flew into Hermione's hand.

"Where are you going?"

"_We_ are going to Hogwarts. You are going to face Dumbledore's portrait, and ask him yourself."

"Stop it, Hermione, this is absurd!"

Hermione threw down the bag, eyes blazing.

"It is only absurd because in your heart you know what he will say, and you don't want to hear it."

"I refuse to come anywhere with you while you are acting so childish." Severus regretted the words as soon as they left his lips, but did not take them back.

"If I'm so childish then I will leave you alone, so you can think about how injudicious this is without my childishness to get in your way!"

Hermione picked up the bag again, and strode to the door. Severus watched her, his dark eyes ablaze, a cutting retort on his lips. Hermione suddenly dropped the bag, standing absolutely still. Severus started at her inhuman motionlessness, forgetting his anger.

"Hermione?" He stared to walk to her, leaping over the bag as she began to fall in slow motion, just in time stopping her head from catching on the coffee table.

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Hermione wasn't sure where she was; it seemed to be a world made entirely of black, white and shades of grey. She looked down at herself and saw that she too was in black and white. Her muggle upbringing immediately made her think of the film Pleasantville. A more complete look around, and a gasp of comprehension made her realise that it was more Schindler's List than Pleasantville.

She was looking at the 'Arbeit Macht Frei' sign she and Severus had been observing that morning, and came down to earth with a thump as she realised that she was in a queue of emaciated and despondent people. Not the Jews and political prisoners of 1940s Europe, but the witches and wizards of today.

The prisoners were all wandless, and a few were magically handcuffed. A closer look revealed that the handcuffed were those capable of wandless magic; Hermione recognised a few; Kingsley Shacklebolt, Bill Weasley, amongst others. She assumed that the magical handcuffs prevented this.

"Bill!" Hermione cried out, desperate to know if he was alright, and to find out what was going on. Was she dreaming?

"Crucio!" Hermione fell to the floor, writhing in agony at the wand of Theodore Nott.

"Get into line, Mudblood."

Hermione stood up weakly, and got into line next to Dean Thomas.

"Why are they separating us?" She muttered. He looked at her is if she had lost her mind. Perhaps she had, she didn't know what was normal and what was in her head in this place.

"Mudbloods to the left, blood traitors in that line, and political prisoners on the far right. Are you okay 'Mione? That crucio didn't do anything to your head, did it?"

He looked concerned, but the sort of concern that said he had seen this a hundred times before.

"Fine." She muttered, in slight disbelief. Was this a Nazi concentration camp, of sorts? Muggleborns, blood traitors and political prisoners could easily equate to Hitler's Jews, partisans and communists. And with Lucius Malfoy at the front sending some to wooden huts, and others to what suspiciously looked like gas chambers, the two different times were merging into one ever more rapidly.

She got to the front of the queue, and Lucius eyed her up and down.

"Well well well, what have we here? Not just any mudblood, but Potter's best friend. What a delicious prize. The Dark Lord will want to be seeing you... and be assured that we will amuse you until then."

He looked at Greyback standing next to him with a lustful grin, and Greyback sniggered. Hermione felt sick, and looked down at her feet to avoid his gaze. Lucius waved her to the side of those who were to live, with a promise that he wouldn't be forgetting her. Hermione almost wished for death at that point, remembering her last meeting with Greyback. It felt like a lifetime ago.

After being divided into muggleborns, political prisoners and blood traitors, they were then further divided by gender. Hermione and the other muggleborn women walked in a line towards the wooden barracks in the distance. After marching for close to an hour, many of them were nearing exhaustion, and Hermione was not sure how much longer she could go on for.

"What are they going to do with us?" She asked the woman next to her.

"No one knows. I've heard rumours that You-Know-Who wants to use us as free labour to make his perfect world; getting rid of muggleborns, going back to high class pureblood society. I don't know how we come into it – all I'm sure of is that the end result will be our deaths."

Hermione was shocked at how matter of fact the woman was, and understood with a gasp of fear that this was more like a Nazi concentration camp than she had thought possible.

The women were ordered to remove their classes, which they did without question. It seemed that they had been encountering this treatment for a while. The male Deatheaters standing guard leered at the women, as junior female Deatheaters threw shapeless brown uniforms at them, barking orders for the women to get dressed quickly.

Tattoos were burned onto their forearms; eerily reminiscent of the Auschwitz of half a century earlier.

"M for mudblood," Hermione whispered, as she regarded her number of M/2045. Once the ordeal was over, they were at last herded into a wooden barrack,

"You've got to be kidding." Hermione muttered, as she eyed the familiar wooden barracks with their three-tiered bunks that she had seen just the morning with Severus.

The woman next to her eyed her curiously, as if questioning her statement.

"This is Auschwitz! It's where countless numbers of Jews were murdered in the Holocaust! This is practically the same thing happening all over again, it's bizarre!"

The women's expression of disbelief made Hermione question her sanity not for the first time.

"Of course I know this is Auschwitz, where have you been? You-know-who modelled this world on Hitler's concentration camps. After that potion brought him back in this very place, he was a man possessed, and there was nothing stopping him."

Hermione blanched. A potion? It couldn't be.

"Where are the men's barracks?" She asked urgently, desperate to see Severus.

"The other side of the camp, across the fence."

Hermione ran out, not caring if a guard saw her, or what the consequences would be if that did happen. At the fence she identified Arthur Weasley, and panted out a plea for him to fetch Severus.

Some minutes later Severus appeared, and Hermione's questions left her, as she gazed at him in shock.

He clung to her fingers through the holes in the fence, and pressed his lips to her forehead through it.

"Hermione! Oh God, how did they find you? The last I heard you went into hiding in America, but then my contacts lost all word of you. Are you alright? Have they hurt you?"

Hermione shook her head mutely, unable to stop staring at him. His camp uniform hung loosely on his wasted frame, and his face was gaunt, with eyes sunken into the sockets. The handcuffs were causing him obvious distress, with open sores and blisters forming where they touched his skin.

"I'm so sorry for everything, for my stupid ambition, for not foreseeing this."

Hermione wished she knew what he was talking about, what had happened to him.

"Severus, you are going to think I've lost the plot, but I need you to tell me what caused this to happen, what caused the end of the war and the Gap Year to come to this second holocaust."

"It was our potion! That blasted potion which was meant only for good, and I let it come to this. I'm responsible for so many deaths, I can't apologise enough."

"Why are you apologising to me?" Hermione whispered.

"Because it's my entire fault! If I'd only listened to you in the first place. I know it's no good saying that retrospectively, but you warned me so many times, and I was too stubborn and too foolish. And now I've caused all this."

Hermione was at a complete loss, staring at Severus as a tear leaked from his eye down his cheek. She had never seen him cry before, never seen him so entirely lose all control.

"Severus, I can't explain why right now, but explain all the events from when we moved to Warsaw, to when this happened."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I seem to have amnesia! Complete memory loss from the day we visited Auschwitz together as tourists, to today! I don't remember a single thing that happened in between; how we got here, how the Dark Lord is alive! I must be dreaming." The last comment was muttered under her breath.

"Jesus. Hermione, I'll help you get those memories back, I don't know what has happened to you." Severus took a deep breath before explaining what had occurred.

"We finalised the potion, we worked out how to cure Longbottom's, and we did it, here in Auschwitz."

"Did it work?"

"Like a miracle." The cracked lips in Severus' skeletal face spread into something that might once have been a smile.

"And then I wanted to go back to my plan of taking it one step further than summoning back the spirits of those who lost their minds to an unforgivable; I wanted to summon the spirit of one who had lost their life to an unforgivable. More specifically, I wanted to bring back Albus, to undo what I had done."

"God, I thought we had agreed that we could never do that! You can't mess with life and death, Severus."

"I know! Do you think I don't regret it? Do you think I don't spend every waking minute wishing I could take it back?"

Hermione breathed in sharply. It wouldn't do to lose her temper in a situation like this.

"What happened then?"

"I did the spell, except it went horribly wrong. Whatever came back into Albus' body wasn't him; I had summoned a monster, a Deatheater. His spirit left Albus' body and returned to his own, clawing his way out of his grave and returning to the remaining Deatheaters to explain how he had returned.

Once they had their hands on our research, on the potion and the spell, there was nothing stopping them. They brought the Dark Lord's body here to Auschwitz and resurrected him. And he was somehow different; he couldn't stop talking about this place, about Hitler and the concentration camps.

It was easy for him to take control, and he modelled his society on Hitler's; wanting to bring about the Holocaust of mudbloods and blood-traitors. There are few muggles left now."

Severus' haunted eyes gave Hermione a quick look up and down.

"I think you should find Poppy Pomfrey; she is a prisoner here, and get her to check you over. I'm worried about you Hermione, about why you can't remember anything."

Hermione was silent, in shock over what she had just learnt. It couldn't be possible. Their research couldn't possibly have caused all this?

"Snape!"

It was Bellatrix. Hermione shuddered at the voice. Everything seemed so wrong, like she was in a topsy-turvy dream world, where the dead were alive and everything had gone wrong.

"What does she want with you?" Hermione asked urgently.

"Same as ever, a bit of torture – for her amusement, and then questioning by the Dark Lord. He wants me to develop the potion from one to bring back the dead to one which will turn him immortal, and is using me as general potion maker."

Hermione was aghast.

"You aren't helping them are you?"

"Hermione, you will quickly learn that compliance is the only alternative to death. But don't be stupid, of course my work for him isn't the slightest bit productive."

He then lowered his voice, even though no one was around.

"Hermione, I'm head of the resistance here, we're working on a plan to get some prisoners out. I want to get you out of here as soon as possible, Greyback is going to use you for his own personal plaything if we wait too long. I'll make contact soon."

He brushed another kiss on her forehead, and left as fast as he could; a living skeleton running jerkily on legs that refused to do as they were told.

Merlin, what _**had**_ they done?

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Severus paced the room, while Poppy Pomfrey checked Hermione's vitals.

"There's nothing wrong with her physically, but it's almost as if she's in a coma. She isn't responding to anything."

Severus stared into her glassy eyes, and then turned away, repulsed at their unresponsiveness; at how blank and expressionless she was.

"I'm going to Hogwarts, Albus will know what this is."

"Severus, I'm sorry but there's nothing anyone can do. Not even Albus. We just have to wait and see."

Severus sat down at his desk, his head resting in his hands.

"It's all my fault, we argued earlier this afternoon. Maybe I triggered something in her mind."

"Like what?" Poppy was gentle, but authoritative, demanding an answer.

"I don't know! She suffered a lot of terrible things in the war, maybe they are coming back to haunt her."

"Why would you have caused that?"

"I don't know why!" Severus at once felt bad for shouting at Poppy, when he knew she was just trying to help. He lowered his voice.

"I'm sorry, I just feel that it is my fault somehow."

Severus got up and paced the room again anxiously. Poppy sat passively in a chair close to Hermione, occasionally casting a quick spell to check on her condition.

More than an hour later they both jumped at a bloodcurdling scream, and turned to Hermione quickly.

Hermione was screaming, a never ending scream that sent shivers through Severus. Her eyes were like two dark holes in her face, haunted beyond comprehension.

Severus knelt beside her and wrapped his arms around her.

"What is it? What happened?"

She collapsed in his arms, weeping quietly.

"We have to get rid of the potion!"

"What happened?" He asked more urgently, oblivious to Poppy casting diagnostic spells over his shoulder.

"I saw what will happen if we complete that potion, we have to stop it."

"What are you talking about? Do you mean you had a vision?"

"A vision, a prophecy, I don't know. But I know without doubt that it's a future that will happen. It was a warning to stop what we are doing." Hermione was frantic now, hyperventilating, and shaking like a leaf.

Poppy firmly moved Severus out the day, and poured a calming potion down Hermione's throat, waiting for her breathing to settle and her tremors to subside before she let the girl explain what had happened.

Hermione raised her wand to her temple, and pulled away the silvery strand of a memory. Severus conjured a bowl for it, and the three of them gazed at the memory in silence.

"May I?"

Hermione nodded. "Yes. You have to see what I saw to understand."

Poppy and Hermione waited while Severus disappeared into the memory, Hermione still trembling.

"Hermione, my dear, it could have just been a terrible nightmare, brought on by whatever triggered your unconsciousness.

"No." Hermione was absolutely certain. "I can't explain it, you would have to see it for yourself, but I am sure, without a single doubt, that that is what the future holds." She suddenly grasped Poppy's arm firmly, and looked up at her with haunted, impassioned eyes.

"You have to help me stop it, please!"

Poppy looked awkwardly at the shaken up girl, unable to make any promises to help when she did not know what was going on. She was saved by Severus reappearing in the room, also visibly shaken by what he had witnessed.

He swept Poppy out of the way, and knelt before Hermione.

"I swear to you, I will never let that happen." He kissed Hermione's hand, which was clasped between his own two large hands, and then stood up.

"I need to go over our research, I'll be back soon." He told her.

"You promise that you will forget all your ideas about bringing back Dumbledore?" Hermione asked.

Severus couldn't quite meet Hermione's eyes, as he subtly twisted her words.

"I swear that what happened in your vision will never be allowed to transpire. You have my word." He darted from the room quickly, afraid to draw out the topic any longer.

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This chapter was quite different to usual – I hope you liked it!

Hopefully I will get the next one up soon. Please review!

Lehayim


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Eighteen

Hermione did not mention Severus' plans to resurrect Dumbledore again, taking him at his word. They spent New Years Eve having dinner in Paris, and the following day Hermione quietly moved her things into the spare room in Severus' Warsaw apartment.

The day before the students were to go to Poland, Hermione went to visit Millie, guilty that she had more or less abandoned her friend since the night of the Ministry Ball. So much had happened since then, it didn't feel like a mere two weeks had passed.

"Am I sharing a room with you again?" Millie demanded of Hermione, as she folded clothes by hand, packing them away neatly.

"We are in apartments this time; there's one apartment of Hufflepuff girls, and the other is you, Parvati and I, and the three Ravenclaw girls."

"I know, I know." Millie waved aside Hermione's comments impatiently. "But are we to share a room again? Parvati will be with her sister, and the other two Ravenclaws will also be together, so I would assume it is us again, partners in crime!" She grinned at Hermione, the smile fading as she saw the look on Hermione's face.

"Hermione?"

"You can't tell anyone this, but I am only having my things in the apartment for show. I'm staying in Professor Snape and Professor Weasley's apartment, so that I have round the clock protection from Greyback; they aren't taking any chances."

Millie's eyes narrowed. "What's going on? You have never called Weasley 'Professor' before, and when did you stop calling our dear potions master Severus?"

Hermione fielded off Millie's questions, making excuses that it was her nerves about Greyback. Millie didn't believe her for a second, and Hermione knew that. She realised that she had in fact being growing further and further away from her friends as her relationship with Severus strengthened, and she didn't know how to fix that, or if she even wanted to. Severus was the only person she wanted to spend her days with now. Had he seen how she treated her friends like passing distractions when she was with them, Severus would have at once urged her to spend more time with them. But he didn't see what was happening, too caught up in his own world of bringing back Albus, and keeping Hermione in the dark about it.

The move to Poland felt less distinct than the move to Spain had, Hermione already felt at home in Severus' apartment, happy to sit with him in front of the fire with a book, while Severus was clearly distracted. When she questioned him about it, he explained his absent-mindedness on the potion, and going over what was to happen with the Longbottom's in a few weeks. Hermione had no reason to suspect otherwise, and was as content as usual.

Severus was exhausted with keeping up his pretence with Hermione, frantic last minute research, and trying to find a way to steal Albus' body without Minerva noticing. She had an uncanny knack of knowing everything that went on in the castle, and Severus assumed that omniscience came as one of the perks of the top job. During his own brief stint as Headmaster, Severus had always just known when there was trouble brewing, although he usually did not deign to do anything unless he suspected the involvement of the Carrow's.

Severus felt momentary guilt as he urged Hermione to return to lessons, so that he could spend his free time mulling over reversing Avada Kedavra, once thought impossible. But, as he justified to himself, she had NEWT's in a few weeks, and didn't need any other distractions. He was kidding himself if he thought that was the real reason, but the little devil in his head had a way of overcoming his conscience.

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The night before they were due to carry out the spell, Hermione snuck into Severus' room, climbing into bed with him and warming her icy feet against his warm body. Until now she had stayed in her own room, uncomfortable going to Severus when Charlie slept next door, despite him knowing about them.

Severus woke with a start at the feel of her cold feet on him.

"What are you doing in here?"He murmured, wrapping an arm around her and bringing her closer to him. Her lips met his briefly in a kiss, and then she snuggled into him again, running her fingers softly through the hair on his chest. Severus stifled a groan at her soft touch on him.

"Is everything alright?" He asked, holding her tightly.

"I can't sleep, I'm worried about tomorrow." She admitted, kissing him again.

"You don't need to take any part in it, you know that? The Shaman and I are covering all parts of the spell, it does not need a third."

"I know, but I'm still worried."

"How can I make you forget about it?" He asked, inhaling the heavenly scent of her hair. Hermione rolled over and looked at him seriously.

"I'm sure we can find a way," she said, suggestively, and Severus raised an eyebrow, propping himself up with his elbow as he looked at her, not wanting to have interpreted her meaning wrongly.

Hermione curled an arm around his neck and brought his head down to join her in a kiss, pressing her lips against his passionately, and this time there was no mistaking what she wanted.

Severus fingers caressed Hermione through her pyjamas, running down the gentle curves of her waist, and then under her pyjamas to her breast. Hermione arched her back, pressing herself more firmly into his hands. Severus' hands went to bottom of the top, and she lifted herself slightly, raising her arms so that he could slide the top off her.

One hand caressed the soft skin at her hip bone, fingering the waist of her pyjama trousers, whilst the other stroked her firm breasts, lightly flicking the nipple until she cried out in the pleasure of it all.

"Shh!" He silenced her, and Hermione giggled, remembering Charlie next door. Severus lowered his head to her breast, sucking the nipple, feeling it harden in his mouth. Hermione clutched at his hair, holding his head to her.

His hands slid her pyjama trousers off her without her noticing, and then she was in just her knickers, his hard, lean body pressed firmly against her, his erection pressing into her.

"You're a bit over dressed." She whispered, pulling off the plain t-shirt he wore to bed, her hands hesitating at his boxers. She ran her hands softly over his back, tenderly caressing the ridged edges of his scars, and Severus moved to kiss her again, his tongue dancing with hers. Hermione moaned softly.

Severus' hands moved to her knickers, and he rubbed her through them, feeling her arousal. His fingers slipped inside her knickers, and he brushed his thumb against her hard clitoris, and then slid a finger inside her. He had to press his hand to her mouth to muffle the groan of pleasure.

And then Hermione sat up, feeling the sudden loss of him as he moved to the end of the bed, and picked up her leg in his firm grasp, and licked the crevice of her ankle, so erotic that Hermione had to press her face into the pillow to stop herself crying out.

He made his way slowly up her leg, taking his time, lingering at the bend of her knee, until he reached the top of her thigh, and slid her knickers down her legs, darting out his tongue to taste her sweetness. His tongue licked and sucked until she could take it no more, and then Severus was hovering over her, supporting his weight with his arms. Hermione pulled off his boxers, feeling his erection, and he entered her, watching her half-shut eyes and the look of pleasure on her face.

They moved together, their bodies fitting together like two pieces of a jigsaw, and Severus moved his hand down between them to click at her clitoris. Hermione felt the rush of ecstasy as her orgasm hit, and Severus joined her, kissing her fiercely.

Severus moved to lie next to Hermione, pulling her tightly towards him so that her body fit into his, not caring that they both needed showers, just wanting to be with her.

"I love you." Hermione whispered. Severus' arm that encircled her tightened.

"I love you too. More than life itself."

Hermione smiled, quickly falling asleep. Once Severus was sure she was in a deep sleep, he slipped from the bed, dropping a kiss on her head, and covering her up tenderly. He had a long shower, standing under the powerful shower, letting the pressure of the water beating down remove some of his tension.

He stood in his towel and watched Hermione sleep for a few minutes, wondering blithely if he should have told her what he was doing. No, he chided himself, she won't understand until it is done, and she sees Albus, back in all his former glory. And then Severus apparated back to Hogwarts, breaking into Albus' grave to steal the body. He looked at Albus' face, not the slightest bit changed even though he had been dead a year and a half. He could have been sleeping. If Severus had known the last person to break into this tomb he may have been more cautious. But he did not, and disappeared with the body.

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Hermione woke to find herself in an empty bed.

"Severus?" She called softly, suddenly fearing the worst.

"Yes?" he appeared in the doorway, his mind clearly on other things. "I'm sorry love, I was just making sure everything is ready for tonight. I dread to think what would happen if we overlooked one tiny detail."

Hermione shuddered. She knew that both Severus and the Shaman were at risk of losing their spirits and thus their lives if something went wrong. For a brief second Hermione thought that perhaps they would have been better off never getting involved in this kind of magic. But it was too late now, and Hermione refused to see all their work wasted.

Hermione's eyes suddenly rolled back in her head, and her eyelids closed.

"Hermione?" Severus shook her, trying to revive her with magic. He knew at once what was happening. "Shit!" He cursed loudly, not knowing how to get her out of what he was sure was another vision of a possible future.

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Lucius grabbed Hermione's arms and pulled her towards him.

"How is it possible that a mudblood can be so bewitching? I have wanted you willingly in my bed for so long, mudblood. That is my price for Snape's life."

Hermione could smell the firewhiskey on his breath and a fresh wave of panic washed over her. Tears spilled down her cheeks and she knew that all hope was lost. Lucius led her through the camp, other prisoners watching her pityingly, assuming that the girl was going to her death. She wanted to die.

Lucius took Hermione into his home which bordered the camp. The warmth flooded her system after months spent knee-deep in snow and she shivered violently.

Lucius took her to his bedroom and her face flooded with shame. Lucius' lips came crashing down on Hermione's, but she was unresponsive, cringing that she was whoring herself out to Malfoy

Lucius ripped through the sack-like dress Hermione was wearing, and she involuntarily crossed her arms over her chest, shivering violently.

"I want you in my bed willingly Granger, that was my price." Lucius warned.

Tears spilled down Hermione's cheeks as she unbuttoned his shirt with trembling fingers, and sank to her knees to undo his trousers. Her head was spinning. Was this really happening?

Lucius pulled Hermione to her feet forcefully and pulled the tattered remnants of her uniform over her head.

Hermione was malnourished and almost skeletal by this point, with frostbite taking over her toes on both feet. Yet Lucius gazed at her body lustfully, taking her breasts into his hands and kneading them painfully. She was a shadow of her former self, her once firm breasts reduced to little more than empty skin, and Hermione cried out in pain at his actions.

She suppressed the cry almost as soon as it had slipped out, but Lucius took a step back and glared at her.

"On your knees." He ordered. She knelt, wincing as she felt the stone floor on her battered, bony knees.

Shaking violently, Hermione released him from the confines of his pants.

"Tie your hair back." Lucius instructed, pulling a ribbon out of thin air. "I want to see you as you suck my cock."

Hermione flinched at his words and took the ribbon tentatively, tying back the bushy hair which was growing back after being shaved several months previously.

Gingerly she took him in her mouth, willing herself not to gag as he thrust deep into her throat, his hands clutching at her hair.

She could feel Lucius' eyes on her, and he suddenly sped up, becoming more aggressive in his movements. He was moving her head by her hair, tugging on it painfully.

Suddenly, panting, Lucius pulled out, and Hermione dropped to the floor, half-choking.

"On the bed."

Obediently she climbed up onto his magnificent four poster bed, and forgetting where she was for a moment, Hermione let out a sigh of pleasure as she sank into the plush mattress. Like all the prisoners, she had been sleeping on a wooden slat for months.

He pushed her legs apart and thrust into her hard, grinding against her.

When Lucius was done and had pulled out of her, Hermione lay frozen next to the man, balling the sheets in her fist and trying hard to keep her breathing under control.

Lucius quickly fell asleep and Hermione had a desperate urge to get out of there, but didn't know what she should do. What could she do that wouldn't end with her killed?

A house elf materialised at Hermione's side, and she quickly covered herself up with the sheet. The elf averted his eyes.

"This is for Miss. You should be leaving now."

The elf held out her filthy camp uniform to her; the shapeless brown garb that did little to keep out the cold. He had mended it, after Lucius had ripped it down the middle.

Hermione pulled it over her head, and felt a slight tingling. Had the elf done something to keep the warmth in? She sometimes underestimated elf magic, but at that moment she could have kissed him in thanks. The elf escorted the shaking girl to the front door, and slipped a piece of bread into her hand.

White bread! She couldn't remember when she had last seen bread. Hermione stuffed it into her mouth, gulping it down greedily, not bothering to chew it or take in the taste. It was lucky that she did, because a guard was waiting outside the front door, and the punishment for stealing food was death.

The guard smirked at Hermione, and prodded his wand into her bony side, forcing her back through the gates to the barracks.

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Severus jumped up as soon as Hermione opened her eyes, and like before they were dark and haunted.

"Are you alright?" He asked urgently, as the tears splashed down her cheeks. Hermione stood up, wiping them away furiously. She grabbed at her clothes, struggling to dress herself through her tears and her anger. Suddenly she whirled around.

"How dare you?" She screeched, and Severus knew at once that Hermione knew what he was doing. "You promised me you wouldn't, I had already shown you what I saw, and still you went ahead and lied to me!"

"Hermione – " Her eyes flashed dangerously.

"Don't you dare try to excuse yourself. You know what will happen, and you don't care for anyone or anything, except putting an end to your stupid guilt."

Severus reached out to her, and Hermione took a step back.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Severus stepped back, hurt.

"We slept together last night for the first time, I told you I _loved you_, and the whole time you lay there knowing that you were lying to me, knowing what you were planning to do. You disgust me. I'm leaving."

Hermione stormed to her room, grabbing handfuls of clothing, too caught up in her rage to think to use magic.

"I'm leaving. And I hope you realise what you are getting yourself into, because once you do this there is no going back." The words were spat at him with ice-cold fury.

She pressed her wand to her temple, drew out the memory and put it in a small bowl, thrusting it into Severus' hands.

"Here. Watch this. I hope you enjoy it as much as the first time you saw it happen to me."

And then she was gone.

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Thank you everyone that reviewed the last chapter, it brightened my day to see all the lovely things you wrote!

Hope you enjoyed this, things are getting serious now!

Please review!

Lehayim.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Nineteen

Hermione fled Severus' apartment to return to her own, although she was not sure if she could call it her own as she had not spent a single night there in the month they had been in Poland.

"Hermione?" Millie stirred and sat up drowsily as she heard Hermione's muffled sobs. She switched on a light, still inwardly marvelling at the brilliance of muggle electricity.

"Hermione, what's wrong?"

Hermione was face down on her bed, sobbing bitterly. Millie drew back her covers and moved to sit on Hermione's bed next to the distraught girl. She stroked her hair silently for a few minutes, trying to offer Hermione some wordless comfort. When the crying had died down to quiet sobs, accompanied by the odd hitch in her breath, Millie tried again.

"Hermione, what happened? Are you hurt?"

Hermione shook her head mutely.

"Did you argue with Professor Snape?" Millie guessed astutely. The lack of a reply confirmed this.

"Hermione, I don't know exactly what has been going on between you and him, although I think I have a pretty good idea. And I want to help you, if only you can tell me what has happened. Did he hurt you?"

Hermione sat up, scrubbing her wet cheeks roughly with her sleeve.

"I was an absolute fool. After everything that happened with Blaise you wouldn't think I would make the same mistake twice. Severus lied to me, he's never cared about me, he just wants to achieve the impossible with our stupid potion. I wish I had never asked to work with him, then none of this would ever have happened, and I wouldn't be sitting here now crying."

Millie looked at her shrewdly. "I thought you wanted this potion to work too? For Longbottom, and for everyone else that has been affected."

Hermione bit her lip, unsure what was appropriate to tell Millie about Severus' hidden plans.

"He wants to use it for other purposes." Hermione said slowly. "And I was so in love with him that I didn't notice anything, I didn't think he could ever hide anything as big as this."

Millie was desperately curious to know what he was up to, but for the moment Hermione was her first priority.

"I'm sure he loves you too, he probably didn't realise what he was doing was so bad. Men are stupid that way."

Hermione shook her head vehemently. "No, he definitely knew, which is why he hid it from me. And I need to stop him somehow, he's doing it at sundown tonight. Neville's parents are already here in Poland, and when the spell has cured them – if it cures them – I need to get the potion away from him before he can do anymore harm." _And get Dumbledore's body away from him too,_ she said to herself, careful not to voice her thoughts.

"Why can't you speak to him today?" Millie said cautiously. "I'm sure he will listen to you, when he sees how upset you are."

"No, he won't listen, I can guarantee that. Not after everything he has done to get this far. He's going to go to England to see if I have gone to my parent's, then he will see if I am with Andrew or Paul, next he will check Harry and Ron's apartment, and then he will come here." Hermione was absolutely certain, she knew the man well enough to predict his moves.

"And what will you do?"

"I'm going to go to Draco and Blaise's apartment, he won't in a million years think to look for me there. Draco will help, and Blaise still feels too guilty not to help me."

Millie hated to point out the flaw in Hermione's plan.

"Okay, so even if he doesn't find you, then what? You can't steal the potion from his hands tonight, he will be expecting that."

Hermione smiled humourlessly, her eyes harsh and calculating.

"I'm going to destroy all other samples of that potion and all of our research, so that it can never be recreated. And I'll go tonight before he starts and tell him that I forgive him, and I support him, and want to be there for him. So then after he cures the Longbottom's, he won't suspect a thing until I have the potion from him before he even realises it."

Millie gasped, unsure who this manipulative girl was, because she no longer spoke or acted like Hermione. Even her voice and features seemed harsher, more unforgiving. She hesitated to say anything to her friend.

"Hermione, I understand that you are hurt, but do you really want to manipulate him like this? Surely at least trying to talk to him is better? I know you love him, this must be killing you."

Hermione regarded Millie with ice-cold eyes, and an involuntary shiver ran down Millie's spine, despite knowing the look was intended for Severus, and not for her.

"If I try to talk him out of it, it will ruin everything. This is the only way, and I don't care what it does to him, he means nothing to me."

"If that was true, you wouldn't have been in such a state, crying your eyes out just five minutes ago." Hermione ignored her friend, and stood up.

"I'm going to the boy's apartment now. When Severus comes, tell him you haven't seen me. Or better yet, tell him I was here crying about how much I love him and would do anything for him."

Hermione disapparated with a pop, and Millie stared at the empty space where she had been standing in disbelief.

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Severus watched Hermione leave, feeling almost as if he was in a strange dream-world. He considered going after her, but then thought it was best to give her some time to cool down, and then when she was thinking rationally he would explain to her why he needed to bring Albus back, and she would come round to his way of thinking.

He looked at the cold stone bowl in his hands, the memory shimmering, taunting him. Sick with dread at what he was about to see, Severus pressed his finger to the memory, letting it draw him in to its horrific depths, trapping him there.

"How is it possible that a mudblood can be so bewitching? I have wanted you willingly in my bed for so long, mudblood. That is my price for Snape's life." Lucius' gaze ran over Hermione's body, his eyes filled with lust, his words slurring slightly from the alcohol.

Severus knew it was only a vision, and as such had not happened, but he couldn't help the gasp that escaped him as Hermione acquiesced. Why would she do that for him?

"No!" He ran after Lucius and Hermione, as the Deatheater escorted Hermione to his home. To his _bedroom_.

Lucius ripped Hermione's clothes off of her skeletal, trembling frame, and Severus jumped up, launching himself onto the man. Except he went right through him, landing on the floor with a heavy thump that would bruise. He was not a part of the memory, just an observer.

Severus watched, almost transfixed, as his nightmare played out before him, and he remembered the first time he had invaded Hermione's memory, and what she had suffered then. His breathing quickened, and he struggled to bring himself to his senses, to escape the horrific memory.

Severus landed back on the floor of his apartment, and lay there, deathly still, the vision of Lucius pounding painfully into Hermione seared onto the walls of his mind. He desperately needed Hermione, she would need comforting, and need to know how much he loved her. Where would she have gone?

She would go somewhere she felt safe and secure. He scribbled a note to Charlie, wondering how on earth the red-head had not woken with the shouting, and then apparated to England, to the Granger household.

Aware of how early it still was in England, he apparated straight to the door of Hermione's bedroom, knocking on it lightly. When there was no reply he pushed it open, and peered inside. She hadn't been here, it was untouched. He tiptoed downstairs, and checked the kitchen and other downstairs rooms, but she had evidently not come here.

So where else could she have gone? Who else did she feel comfortable enough with in England to show up unexpectedly? Moments later he was knocking furiously at the door to Andrew Mayfair's mansion, not caring if he woke the man. An elf answered, letting Severus in, but insisting he remain in the hall until his master had been informed.

"Then get him at once!" Severus snarled.

Andrew came down, holding a bathrobe around him, unusually disgruntled for someone always in such good spirits.

"Severus!" He hissed, angry. "I have company upstairs."

"Well, I'm so sorry to drag you away from your latest toy," Severus drawled, his eyes flashing dangerously. Andrew tensed, his voice remaining low and quiet.

"Keep your voice down. You told me to get information on the Deatheaters, and that's what I'm doing. They aren't all heterosexual, although for public appearances they all seem to be."

Severus' lip curled in a sneer. "How lovely. You're prostituting yourself for information."

He regretted it at once, and Andrew restrained himself from punching the older man, despite how tempting it was.

"Was there something you wanted, or is this why you came here?"Andrew demanded.

"I apologise, Mayfair, that was uncalled for. I'm looking for Hermione, we had an argument, and she has disappeared."

Andrew's expression changed at once, and he swore under his breath.

"Has she forgotten about Greyback? Idiot girl. Floo to Paul's and tell him to get a search started, I will be with you as soon as I can."

Severus flooed to Paul Armitage's, waking the man brusquely when it was clear that Hermione was not there either. He explained in brief terms that Hermione had disappeared after an argument, and that it was imperative that she be found urgently.

Paul was less visibly concerned than Severus and Andrew.

"Before you get half the Order searching, did you think to check with her friends? Potter, Weasley, and Bulstrode, for example. The likelihood is that she is with one of them."

Severus was gone before Paul could say anymore, hurrying into Potter and Weasley's apartment.

"Potter!" Harry jumped guiltily, thinking that he was in for a scolding for bunking his first lesson.

"Is Hermione here?"

"No, I thought she was with you. Is everything alright Professor?"

Severus cursed loudly. "Everything's fine," he muttered, no time for pleasantries as he went to Hermione's apartment.

It was empty except for Millie, who was waiting for him, seemingly expecting him.

"She's here, isn't she?" He asked the Slytherin.

"She was, she's gone now." Millie saw the expression of combined worry and fear on Severus' face, and remembered herself about Greyback, and the reason Hermione never slept in the apartment.

"She's safe Professor, I can assure you of that, but I can't tell you where she is." Millie almost felt guilty as she said the next bit, but Hermione was her friend and she would do as she asked.

"She was very upset when she came here. She said she loves you, and would do anything for you."

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Severus returned to his apartment, his mind ablaze. Hermione was safe, that was the most important thing. And she had said she would do anything for him; was that endorsement to go ahead with the Longbottom's and Dumbledore that evening?

He couldn't think straight to begin preparing for that evening, although he knew he couldn't _not _go ahead with it. And it wasn't long to prepare; dusk came in early in Krakow in January. He felt almost ashamed of himself, going ahead with this when he should be tending to Hermione, but he was a man possessed, his guilt over killing Albus building until it was stronger than his love for Hermione.

Severus went to his laboratory, to fetch the potion, and keep it tightly upon himself, so that he knew it was secure, and then apparated to get the Shaman and bring him to Poland.

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Hermione stayed in the boys' apartment for several hours, going over in her head what she thought Severus was doing and where he might be. Draco made her breakfast, whilst Blaise made awkward conversation with his ex-girlfriend, unsure why she was in his apartment, and what to say to her.

Millie came by an hour and a half later.

"Did he come?" Hermione asked, very calmly. Millie nodded.

"Yes, and I said what you wanted me to say, although I didn't like doing it. Don't ask me to lie for you again." Hermione shrugged off Millie's comments.

"Sorry." Although she wasn't.

"And don't you lie to me!" Millie cried, angry with her friend. "I lied for you, because you are a good friend. One of my best friends, in fact. And I don't expect to have you act like this with me, and treat me like I'm nothing. I don't know what's happened to you, but I've a good mind to go and tell Professor Snape what you are planning, because it isn't healthy."

Hermione was on her feet in an instant.

"Don't you dare!" Her voice came out a low growl. "Stay out of what isn't your business."

"I wish I had." Millie was also on her feet now, her eyes narrowed furiously.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." Hermione shrugged her shoulders offhandedly, and disapparated.

Draco whistled, long and low.

"What's up with her?"

Millie sighed, her legs unexpectedly unsteady after that. She looked at the clock and was surprised; the whole confrontation had taken a matter of minutes.

"I don't know. She's a bit of a mess right now."

Meanwhile, Hermione had returned to Severus' apartment to check that he was not there, although she was certain that he wouldn't be. He would be in the potions lab now. She went to his bedroom, and gathered the clothes she had not taken that morning, her toothbrush and other toiletries, inhumanly calm and detached from everything.

She came out of the en suite bathroom, and stared at the unmade bed, the indentation in the pillow from her head the night before. She straightened the bed covers and began to make the bed, tucking in the sheets and straightening the pillows. Her wand could not do this for her. Sitting down heavily on the bed, Hermione told herself firmly that she could not cry. No, crying would not do at all right now, there were more important things to do.

She sat awkwardly on the end of the bed for twenty minutes, before deciding that Severus had had plenty of time to go to the lab and retrieve the potion. She waited another fifteen minutes for good measure; she wouldn't be able to control herself if she ran into him right now.

And then she too went to the potions lab, and saw that he had indeed been here and taken the potion. Hand shaking slightly, Hermione found bottle after bottle, and destroyed everyone, glass shattering throughout the room. Taking a deep breath, Hermione retreated to the doorway, lifted her wand, and set the room on fire. She watched as months of research went up in smoke, ruined potions ingredients incinerated. The fire would not hurt her from the doorway, she had limited it to stay in the room. Smoke began to waft towards her, and choking slightly, Hermione shut the door and left behind everything that had brought her and Severus together.

Then she went back to England, to Andrew Mayfair's home, hours after Severus had been there searching for her.

"Was Severus here?" She asked Andrew coolly.

"He was." He looked at her emotionless face, and was unsure what to say. "He said that you had argued – he was worried about you – we all were, until he sent word that you were safe. How are you doing?"

Hermione knew at once that she must put on a false front, otherwise Andrew would see straight through her.

"I'm fine – now. I was upset earlier, that was probably when Severus came here. It's over now, we suffered from incompatibility in the severest form." Hermione smiled grimly. That was true at least; disagreement over whether or not to raise the dead was certainly an incompatibility.

Andrew's face softened. "Oh, Hermione, I'm so sorry." He came to hug her, his arms encircling the girl tightly, and Hermione let herself relax in his firm grasp.

"Can I stay here for a while?" She asked, making her voice soft and girly; innocent.

"Of course you can. Would you like a hot bath? That will make you feel better. The elves will make us lunch, whatever you feel like."

Hermione let Andrew run her a bath, complete with sweet-smelling bubbles, and if she was truthful with herself, it _did_ help, she wasn't as strong and emotionless as she was trying to make out. Severus' actions had hurt her to the core, and the only thing she knew how to do was to block it out and pretend it did not affect her in the slightest.

Andrew hesitated outside the bathroom door, about to knock and tell Hermione that lunch would be ready in twenty minutes. He could hear her sobbing, her breath coming in short, sharp rasps, and he wished that he could comfort her in some way.

Hermione came down a little while later in a white terry bathrobe, her damp curls pinned on top of her head. Her eyes were red from crying, but she smiled when she saw Andrew, telling him how lovely the food looked.

She looked at Andrew's earnest, open face, and was filled with a longing to tell him what had happened. She wondered briefly if she overreacting, and then remembered her first vision and Severus seeing that and still lying and going ahead with something that firstly he had promised never to do, and second, more importantly, would end the wizarding world as they knew it. It was unpardonable.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Andrew asked, uncannily attuned to her thoughts. Hermione shook her head violently.

"I can't. Tell me what's going on with you, anything to take my mind off Severus. How has your work been going for the Order?"

"Well, I've seduced a Deatheater into my bed." He couldn't have been more straight-to-the-point. Hermione was surprised.

"I thought all the Deatheaters were straight." Then she apologised profusely. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that to sound so – well, you know what I mean. The world of the Deatheaters seems so old-fashioned, almost Victorian."

Andrew grinned. "It is, but I happen to know that there are a couple of Deatheaters who secretly bat for the other side, so I went after one of them. What better way to find the Deatheater secrets than sleeping with one of them?"

Hermione was impressed. "I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, I'm obviously irrelevant as far as the Order goes, but thank you for what you are doing. It can't be easy, and I can't imagine the dedication it takes to keep up the facade the entire time. I just hope you don't get hurt. Promise me you will stay safe."

Andrew smiled at the girl tenderly.

"Thank you, I will. It's funny, you and Severus had such opposite reactions. You are so supportive, yet this morning his voice was dripping with judgement and disdain. Your boyfriend made me feel lower than an ant for what I am doing." Andrew frowned to himself, and watched Hermione's face fall at his words.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call him that."Hermione waved it off.

"It's fine. In fact, I think I will go back later this afternoon and talk to him. Make sure we can stay civilised around each other."

Andrew nodded. "That's the right thing to do. Now, I'm going to take you shopping for the afternoon to take your mind off it."

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Hermione was more than a little distracted in Diagon Alley that afternoon, continually glancing at her watch to check if it was time.

Andrew was paying for a dress for her in Madam Malkin's when it hit four o Clock.

"Andrew, I think I need to go talk to Severus. You take this dress back for me, and I'll come by later. Is it alright if I stay with you tonight?"

"Of course it is darling, I'll see you later."

Hermione smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you. When I get back I will tell you everything."

Hermione strode purposefully out of the shop, checking the time again even though she already knew what it was. Severus would have started with the Longbottom's now; it was a twenty minute spell, encompassing the Shaman's ritual and the potion. Too late for him to talk to her until it was over. Perfect.

Hermione apparated to Krakow, and felt that familiar shudder as she entered the foreboding concentration camp. There were no tourists today; Severus had taken care of that. She walked faster. Ah, there was Severus. Along with the Shaman, Neville, and Neville's parents.

She stopped, despite herself, fascinated by the spell, to see her work in action. He finished his part of the spell, and the Shaman began his incantation. Frank and Alice Longbottom cried out, and Neville had to restrain himself from going to their side.

Severus looked up and caught Hermione's eye. She smiled at him reassuringly, supportively, and Severus tentatively smiled back. The Shaman got louder, dark clouds of smoke billowing around him, and Hermione shivered. Neville looked positively terrified.

And then he was done, and Severus threw the potion down at the Longbottom's feet. Was that it? Hermione waited for something to happen, after the anti-climactic end to months of work.

"Neville?" A weak voice asked.

"Mum?" Neville was disbelieving, tears filling his eyes and making their way down his round cheeks. He couldn't move, staring at his parents as they looked at him with comprehension in their eyes for the first time.

Hermione was also transfixed, forgetting why she was there for a brief moment as she watched the heartfelt reunion.

"Hermione!" Severus was running towards her, beaming.

"Severus! I wanted to say I'm sorry, I'm here for you, no matter what." He threw his arms around her, hugging the girl to him tightly.

"I knew you would be, I knew you would understand."

He didn't notice the sneaking hand inside his robes, retrieving the remaining potion. Hermione broke away from him, backing up a few steps, her career as a pick-pocket over.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, pulling out her wand, and destroying the only remaining sample of the potion with one quick, final spell.

Severus fell to his knees, unable to breath, unable to take in her betrayal.

Hermione dropped a kiss to the top of his head.

"I'm so sorry." She repeated, and disapparated.

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Ahh so here it is – please review and let me know what you thought!

Lehayim


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty

Hermione apparated back to Andrew's, her body shaking violently, her trembling fingers unable to get a firm grasp on her wand. The image of Severus' stricken face seared on her memory. Suddenly she fell t o her knees outside the front door, vomiting violently in the flowerbeds. When she was finished throwing up she let herself collapse onto the ground, drawing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, rocking slightly. The rain spat down fiercely, not heavy, but fitting to her dark frame of mind.

Andrew opened the front door, and knelt next to her, taking in her pallid face and anguished expression.

"Scourgify." He cleared up the mess without a second thought, and helped Hermione to her feet, ushering her inside. She glanced at the clock in the hall and was shocked to see that she had been gone less than an hour. It felt a lifetime ago that she had left Severus' apartment after learning the truth, and yet it had only been that morning.

Andrew sat Hermione down at the kitchen table and began to brew a pot of tea. Hermione snorted; how quintessentially English; a cup of tea was the solution to everything – even the end of her life as she knew it.

She had thought they would grow old together, that their love was forever. And that was when the tears came, spilling down her face relentlessly. Andrew slid the tea across the table to her, and Hermione sipped it, not caring about the scalding heat that burned her tongue.

"Would you like something stronger?"

Hermione took the small glass of amber liquid and downed it. She put the glass down, spluttering slightly.

"Thanks." He filled up the glass without being asked.

"Do you want to talk?"

Hermione gulped down a second whiskey before answering.

"I don't think you want to hear this story."

"Try me."

Hermione hesitated, swirling the story over in her mind, the whiskey pleasantly dulling her thoughts.

"You know about the potion we were working on, right?" Andrew nodded affirmatively.

"To counteract the long term effects of the Cruciatus curse, yes?"

"Yes." Hermione agreed. "It worked; Severus cured the Longbottom's tonight at Auschwitz concentration camp."

Andrew's face instantly changed, a smile lighting up his handsome features.

"Congratulations! You must be thrilled, what a fantastic achievement. Is Neville with them now?"

Hermione shrugged almost imperceptibly. "I would assume so."

"So what went wrong? What happened today with you and Severus?"

"It goes back farther than today, but unfortunately today is the day I learnt the truth. Shit timing."

She knocked back a third whiskey, and Andrew refrained from pouring her another.

"You knew about my relationship with Severus, but there's some other stuff you should know, and I don't want any sympathy. It's in the past and I've put it behind me, alright?"

"Al – right." Andrew agreed slowly, not sure what he was agreeing to.

"When Harry, Ron and I were captured and taken to Malfoy Manor last year, I was raped by Greyback."

A strange light came into Andrew's eyes, almost murderous with rage. He had suspected this when he and Severus had interrogated Greyback the night of the Ministry Ball, but to hear her say it...

Hermione looked at him sharply, as if daring him to say anything. Andrew remained silent.

"And Severus found out in a pretty crappy way – he used legilimency on me and saw the whole thing. I'll be honest, when we went to Barcelona in September I was still really messed up about it, and my relationship with Blaise was me not dealing with it, and I let Blaise treat me like shit."

Andrew did not know what this had to do with her argument with Severus, but he let her story play out, unwilling to interrupt her. She either sensed what he was thinking, or had uncannily good timing.

"I know this isn't relevant to what happened today, but I thought you should know because it's part of why Severus and I were so close, why I had come to depend on him so entirely."

Andrew nodded. "I understand."

"So Severus knew about Greyback, and he had a pretty good idea about Blaise – he was the only one that knew both these things, I'm a fairly private person. And he was there for me the entire time, and then we started our research and started to spend all our time together. And over time we developed a really beautiful – albeit unlikely – friendship. It was all I looked forward to when everything else in my life was so crappy. And he knew that too. And he needed a friend as much as I did, after everything he had seen, and suffered and done. He too was in a state underneath his hard exterior."

Hermione sipped her tepid tea and grimaced, her mind trying to arrange her thoughts in some semblance of order.

"So those were the foundations of our friendship, and it was because of the circumstances that our friendship meant something much more than my friendships with Harry and Ron ever could. I'm not saying I don't love them, I do, and we went through unspeakable things last year. But this was different."

She smiled warmly, surprising Andrew. The girl was a bubbling assortment jumble of emotions.

"And then we fell for one another, and we both fell hard. I was so in love with him, he was my world. And I thought he loved me too – he sure acted like he did. And I know it hasn't even been two months since we got together, but remember, we were very close before that, and living together like we did creates such an intense environment."

Hermione cleared her throat loudly, wiping the tears that welled in the corners of her eyes.

"I don't know how well I expressed how intense our relationship was, but I wanted you to know because maybe you will get why I was so hurt by what happened next."

"I get it. Words can't really describe how the two of you felt, you could see it when you looked at each other."

Hermione smiled grimly at Andrew's words.

"Perhaps. I don't think it was like that for Severus. So, returning to the potion, we had everything finalised, and it was all getting really exciting. This was about a month ago. And out of the blue Severus says he can adapt the potion and the spell to counter Avada."

Andrew's mouth fell open. "You mean – reverse death? You can't be serious, that's impossible."

"He didn't think so, but we'll never know now. He wanted to bring Albus back , and no matter how amazing that would be, it isn't the way things are meant to be. And then I had a vision of sorts, about what would happen if he did it. It sounds crazy I know, but it wasn't a dream. The Deatheaters used the spell to bring back Voldemort, and they had complete control, using the Nazi concentration camps for muggleborns and traitors. That was why they wanted our research the night the Deatheaters came to Severus' home."

Andrew drew in a sharp breath. It was all slotting into place, and becoming so horrifyingly real.

"Did Severus know about this?"

"He saw the memory in a pensieve, and said he would stop his plans to bring back Dumbledore. It was all a lie, he just said it to shut me up, he didn't care about lying to me, or the consequences to the magical world. It all makes sense now, all those times he said he was just going over research, avoiding discussing it with me. He can't believe I didn't see it.

"And I had another vision last night, and I suddenly realised – just in time, what he was planning. We fought, and I left. And I went back this evening when he was doing the spell on the Longbottom's and pretended that I forgave him, and used that to steal the potion so he couldn't use it. I destroyed all our research. I was a heartless bitch, but I didn't know what else to do."

Andrew processed all this new information, this unbelievable tale was so far-fetched.

"Hermione, you did the right thing. So maybe you were manipulative in how you did it, but the dead can never be raised, Severus knows that. Perhaps it was a little unnecessary to destroy everything – it could still have been used for good, but I understand why you did it."

"I don't know what's right and wrong anymore. I hate Severus for doing this, but now I don't know if I'm overreacting."

"Honestly? I'm not really in a position to say. After everything you have been through, and what brought you together, it was disgusting for him to lie to you and use your research for his own purposes when he knew the consequences, and knew how much you disagreed."

"But?" She could sense there was a definite 'but' to his statement.

"But we only have one side of the story. You don't know that he doesn't love you – I highly doubt he would say that just to advance the research, or prevent you from discovering what he was doing. He needs to come to terms with killing Albus, and all the crimes he had to commit last year when he was undercover. That was something he should have done before he embarked on a relationship, instead of pushing it further down and pretending it wasn't there."

"Either you are very perceptive, or you are great at bullshitting."

Andrew laughed.

"Will you talk to him?"

"No." Andrew raised an eyebrow. "I know I seem stubborn and taking this too far, but I can't forgive him. I can't look at him, knowing what he did, and act like everything is fine. He needs to sort himself out, and I can't even think about doing anything until he does that."

Andrew grimaced. He understood that Hermione had suffered a great deal, and found it hard to forgive. But at the same time, surely all she had suffered and Severus had helped her through should be reason enough for her to want to help him through his own remorse. It wasn't his place to say so however.

"And what's more, I don't think he will forgive me for what I did either. I have no idea where he will have gone now."

What Severus really needed was to go to Hogwarts and speak to Albus in his portrait. But whether he had the strength to do that was another issue.

A knock at the door sounded, and Hermione and Andrew listened to the house elf answer.

"Professor McGonagall is here." Announced the elf. "She says it is urgent."

Hermione sighed, downing another whiskey before speaking.

"She knows that Albus' body has gone. And I'm pretty sure she knows I am here, which is why she has come."

Her words were starting to slur now with the effects of the alcohol, and Andrew asked hesitantly if he could tell Professor McGonagall what happened. Hermione nodded, now unscrewing the lid of the whiskey and drinking straight from the bottle.

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Severus couldn't move; couldn't think. He was vaguely aware of the Longbottom's huddled together, and hushed words spoken through tears. The Shaman came up behind him and dropped a hand heavily on Severus' shoulder.

"I need to get to my lab, to see if anything can be recovered or if she has taken the lot."

"No."

Severus stared at him, shocked.

"I cannot go through with what you have planned. Did you think I would not realise?"

"No – please – you don't understand."

"Mr Snape, I understand more than you realise. What you want is not the natural order of things, it is not the way the world intended it. Go home, see your girl."

"She hates me." Severus muttered, the truth hurting a lot more as he said the words aloud. "FUCK!"

He yelled at the top of his lungs, waiting for something to happen. Of course, nothing did.

"Are you upset that you lost your partner, or that you failed to bring back your mentor?" The Shaman asked astutely.

"None of your God damned business." Severus snarled. The Shaman regarded him silently, and Severus regretted his outburst. "I don't know. Both?" His answer was a question rather than a statement.

"When you realise the answer to that, then you can work through this and get on with your life."

Neville approached the pair nervously, aware that he was interrupting, and that something had devastated his Professor.

"Would you like me to apparated you home?" He asked the Shaman.

"That would be much appreciated, thank you." He said formally, nodding at Neville's sobbing, still shaken parents. He turned back to Severus, and softened slightly.

"Write to me when you are up to it. I will always be here if you ever wish to discuss what has happened."

Severus returned home to his estate in England, and was immediately overwhelmed by the little reminders of Hermione all over the house. He stormed into the library, igniting a blazing fire with his wand and striding to the drinks cabinet. He took out a bottle of vodka and began to pour it down his throat, drinking it straight. The burning it caused in his throat was a welcome relief from his numbness.

His gaze fell upon the rare bottle of whiskey Hermione had given him for Christmas, and he snatched it up and threw it into the fire. The glass shattered against the back of the fireplace, the alcohol causing a burst of flames which came out into the room, attacking Severus.

"You stupid bitch!" He roared, not noticing the flames, nor the pain of his pains when they subsided. He sank into the think carpet next to the fire, ignoring the flames licking the bottom of his shoe, and kept drinking until he could no longer if he was angry with Hermione or himself, and wasn't entirely sure what he was mad at anymore.

When Minerva flooed into the room, having spoken to Andrew Mayfair, Severus had drunk himself into a state of unconsciousness, slumped on the floor.

"Oh my!" She took in the strong smell of alcohol, and then saw the angry burns on his face, neck and arms. Sending a message to Poppy Pomfrey, Minerva gently moved Severus to the master bedroom, and got to work.

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This was a very difficult chapter to write, I was in two minds about how Severus would react. Anyway, I hope you liked it, please review!

Lehayim


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty One

Andrew received word from Minerva that Severus was at his home in Derbyshire, unconscious with second degree burns, having drunk himself into a stupor. Hermione took the news in silence, only a slight twitch of the muscle on her jaw showing that she had heard the news, otherwise she remained emotionless.

"Will you come with me to Poland, to pick up my things?" She asked the anxious man. He understood at once.

"You aren't returning to the programme." It was a statement, but Hermione shook her head in answer.

"No, this is it. I was going to take my NEWTs next week anyway, I don't see how this changes anything."

Her bottom lip trembled slightly, thinking of how they had planned this so that she would no longer be Severus' student, and they could have lived together without hiding the relationship from prying eyes.

"Are you going to talk to Severus?" Hermione stared at him, weighing up whether or not he was joking.

"I can't see him. I don't when I will be able to stand being in a room with him again, certainly not for a long time. It would be too hard seeing him and being reminded of how much I love him, and everything I lost." She stood up abruptly, afraid that she had opened up too much.

"Hermione, it's okay to cry. I'm sure you need it." Andrew said gently. When the girl tried to stammer out a comprehendible answer he took pity on her, standing up and taking her arm.

"Come on, let's get your things and get you back here."

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Hermione shut herself up in the guest room Andrew had put her in for the next week. Paul dropped in several times to see her, as did Harry, Ron and Charlie, but for the most part she holed herself up with her books, reverting to what she did best.

Andrew agreed that it was best she stay in her room, or at least consult him first when she wanted to leave. He was more than happy for her to stay, but the Deatheater he was seducing could not have any idea that she was there.

Paul escorted Hermione to the Ministry the morning of her NEWTs, Hermione quietly confident that she could easily pass after her week of non-stop cramming.

Paul's protective arm around her shoulders tightened slightly as they entered the education department, where she was to be sitting her exams.

"Hermione, Severus is here." He murmured in her ear, giving her a comforting squeeze. "Do you want me to get rid of him?"

Hermione looked around blankly for a moment, and then saw Severus pacing up and down a little further down the corridor, and she inhaled sharply.

"No, just ignore him." Her voice shook through the words, and she couldn't drag her eyes away from the man she loved. Severus, suddenly aware of their presence, looked up at the pair, calling out Hermione's name. Hermione immediately reverted her eyes to stare straight ahead of her, not responding to Severus' impassioned pleas for her to stop and talk to him.

Hermione and Paul walked right past Severus, both of them ignoring him.

"Hermione, stop! Please! I love you! You have to listen to me, I have to explain!" Hermione's knees shook slightly as she kept on walking, thankful for Paul's arm which held her up.

When they had entered the exam room, Hermione exhaled slowly and unsteadily.

"Well done." Paul encouraged. "The worst is over. What subjects do you have today?"

Hermione smiled grimly at the irony. "Potions."

Paul chuckled grimly.

"I know, how fitting. And this afternoon I have herbology. Tomorrow Defence Against the Dark Arts and charms, and the day after I have arithmancy and transfiguration."

Paul whistled lowly. "Six NEWTs!" He exclaimed. "Either you are a genius or you are crazy. I didn't realise you were studying transfiguration this year."

Hermione's lips curled in a slight smile. "I taught myself. I learnt a lot last year on the run, actually, and," But she was cut off by the examiner entering the room.

"I'll be waiting right outside," Paul promised, as Hermione took out her quill and sat down."Good luck."

Paul had a few sharp words with Severus that sent the latter sharply back to his home, but Hermione was unaware of this as she scribbled her potions answers and then started to brew the draught of living death.

She had thought it would be difficult sitting her potions NEWT first, assuming that it would remind her strongly of Severus. But it actually made it easier to separate Severus into two people; her potions master, and her lover. And right now she refused to think of him as anything other than her potions master.

When it was finished Paul took her to a small cafe round the corner from the Ministry for lunch.

"How was it?" He asked, as she consumed her lunch ravenously.

"It was fine. Severus was a good teacher." She was surprised at how easily she could say his name without her heart jumping into her chest.

"Hermione," Paul said gently, wanting her to stop the act she was putting up, and the wall she had erected.

"Oh, you're right, Professor Slughorn taught us that one actually."

Paul sighed in defeat. "Are you ready for herbology?" He asked, changing the subject.

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For Hermione, the exams passed in a flash; for Severus the three days they took was an eternity. In between bouts of drunkenness, he thought of nothing other than the girl who had stolen his heart. He reverted between cursing her name for what she had done, and crying out to empty walls for her to come back.

Eventually, unable to get through to the distressed man, by now beyond reason, Charlie Weasley and Hestia Jones called a meeting with Minerva to discuss the situation, as Severus was not fit to teach.

In the end, he was given indefinite leave, until he could sort himself out. A replacement teacher was to take over his classes for the time-being. And so Severus returned permanently to Derbyshire, where after a week of solid drinking, he eventually threw away the last bottle of alcohol after a well-worded scolding from both Minerva and from Albus' portrait, and set about trying to get himself back on track.

The man had a lot to work through; not just his break-up with Hermione, but also the residing guilt and shame over killing Albus, and the atrocious crimes he had committed during his time as a Deatheater.

His very public breakdown was splashed across the pages of the Daily Prophet, Witch Weekly, and other society magazines, and as a result Severus more or less disappeared from the public eye as he spent his days riding, or flying in eagle form. Most of the time he sat by the fire in his library, reading Hermione's favourite books, despairing over what he had done to her.

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Meanwhile, Hermione too struggled not to spend every waking hour thinking of Severus. It was enough that her dreams were plagued by him, she told herself firmly that she had to get on with her life, with the knowledge that he was no longer a part of it.

The week of exams, although so soon after what had happened, was the easiest to bear, as she was too busy to let her mind stray to Severus that often. It was the following week, as she waited for her results that Hermione realised how much her life had been tied up with the man. She had no idea what she wanted to do with herself.

"Hermione?"

She looked up as Andrew entered the kitchen one morning, about ten days after she had sat her exams. He was holding the post in trepidation, and she knew at once that her results had arrived.

"Oh God. The rest of my life is in this envelope." Andrew scoffed at her.

"Come on, you can't sit and stare at it all day! I'm going to take the day off work – one of the benefits of being my own boss, and take you out to celebrate."

Hermione sucked in a deep breath of air, and then held her breath as she tentatively ripped open the envelope. Her eyes scanned the results, unable to take them in.

"Well?" Andrew asked impatiently, almost bouncing off his seat in excitement. Wordlessly, she handed the results to him, still stunned. Andrew grabbed them, his eyes running over them eagerly. His mouth dropped open slightly.

"Fuck me with a rod!" Hermione giggled slightly at the obscenity, coming to her senses. "All Outstanding's, I'm so proud of you, you darling girl!" He caught her up in a hug. Then he picked up the letter again to read it properly, and started to laugh.

"What?" Hermione asked him defensively. He laughed all the more.

"Have you read your marks? And the extra note the chief examiner has written here? I hadn't realised you could get higher than 100% until I read this! You have the highest score recorded ever for the potions NEWT."

Her smile faded slightly, it was a bittersweet victory. "I had a good teacher." She murmured sadly.

Andrew jumped to his feet, either not hearing her, or choosing to distract her, she wasn't sure which.

"Right, we are going to get Paul out of St Mungo's – he never leaves that Goddamned place if he can help it, and we are going to celebrate!"

The pair dressed hurriedly, both laughing, as Hermione got caught up in his boyish excitement, and apparated to the research and development department of St Mungo's.

"Paul Armitage please!" Andrew bellowed at the reception desk to Paul's department. The medi-witch beamed, recognising the charming wizard in front of her.

"Of course, just a moment please Mr Mayfair."

A few minutes later Paul came out of his office. "Andrew?" He questioned.

"Hermione got six Outstanding's on her NEWT's!" Andrew announced, loud enough for the whole department to hear, and Paul's face broke into an easy smile. He lifted Hermione off her feet and swung her round.

"Well done!"

"Now you have to hire her to work in your department!" Andrew said impulsively, and the receptionist raised an eyebrow. Paul laughed.

"Let's discuss it over drinks, we are taking you out for champagne to celebrate!"

"But it's not even eleven in the morning" Hermione laughed.

"All the more reason to start early!" Andrew said, completely illogically, and the two men swept her out of the hospital, Paul completely abandoning his work for the day.

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After a morning of drunken revels, Paul decided that perhaps a sobering up potion was in order, so that they did not seem like three alcoholics when they went out to lunch. When they were sober, and sitting down in a restaurant reading their menus, Paul brought up what Andrew had already suggested.

"Hermione, I said it the night I met you, but now we can discuss it seriously. How would you feel about coming to work in my department in St Mungos? I'm asking this from the perspective of your future employer, not your friend; you would be an asset to the research team."

Hermione's face broke into a broad smile. "I would love to, I was hoping you would ask!"

They proceeded to batter out the contact over lunch, whilst Andrew sipped his wine looking bemused.

When they had a contract more or less drawn up, Hermione turned to Andrew.

"Andrew, I must offer my sincerest thanks for putting me up these past few weeks. But I have a job now, and I have been putting you at risk staying with you. I think it's best that I move out." She turned back to Paul.

"Do you know of any cheap apartments in the London area up for rent?"

"You can always stay with me." He offered at once. Hermione shook her head no.

"I can't. You may be a good friend, but as my employer it wouldn't be right. And I need my independence, I'm earning money now, I should be out living the high life as a singleton in London!" Hermione's smile didn't reach her eyes as she valiantly tried to project the image she wanted of her moving on.

"I know of one or two. But I have to warn you, judging by your salary and what you will have to spend, they won't be what you are used to." Paul warned. Andrew perked up.

"Paul, you should be ashamed! Starting a qualified young girl on minimum wage!"

Paul looked slightly offended. "As an intern fresh out of school, it is a pretty decent wage!" He protested. "It will start to go up after six months."

Now slightly guilty he looked at Hermione. "Are you sure you don't want to return home and live with your parents while you save?"

"Definitely not! I haven't lived with them properly for a year and a half, I can't go back now. A small, one-bedroom apartment would be perfect." She mollified Paul.

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Within a week Paul had found Hermione a small apartment in central London; one-bedroom, with a narrow kitchen and small living room, and little else. It was all she needed, and Hermione was thrilled with it. Andrew helped her to move her things in, and everything that couldn't fit she sent back to her parents' home.

Her parents successfully hid their shock when they saw where their only child was now living; luckily Hermione had already given it a thorough cleaning and fresh lick of paint with her wand.

After a weekend of putting up photographs and trying to decorate the blank canvas of her apartment, Hermione started at St Mungos on the Monday morning.

She went to the R&D department apprehensively, her nerves not about working there, but about how to approach Paul, in his work capacity as her boss. A woman in her forties lingering at the reception looked up as Hermione entered, recognition dawning on her plain face.

"Hermione Granger?"

"That's me. I'm not late, am I?"

"No, you're a little early actually. My name is Katherine, I lead the research project on foreign poisonous plants, you are to be interning with my team."

Hermione's face brightened considerably. She had been expecting the worst work to start with, as a new intern, but this sounded really interesting.

"I did herbology at NEWT level, but I have to confess that I know very little about foreign poisonous plants." She admitted, not used to not being top. The woman laughed, a light, tinkling laugh that lit up her lined face.

"Not to worry; no one knows much, that is why we are researching and developing cures to some of the more common ones. Come with me, I will show you to your work station and show you the ingredient supply room."

Hermione spent the day happily getting to know her new colleagues, most of them older than she with years of experience behind them. The only person near to Hermione in age was a twenty-two year old girl, Tanya Allenstein, fresh out of university with a degree in herbology. Hermione immediately felt hugely insignificant in comparison, with her lack of degree. Briefly, she wondered if she only had this job because she was friends with Paul, but was too nervous to bring it up in case her colleagues should resent her for it.

She did not realise that her six Outstanding NEWTs, which included potions and herbology, were more than adequate to start an internship, and when it came down to it, she had more research experience than Tanya did.

Paul emerged from his office around lunchtime for a meeting, and popped his head round the door to see how Hermione was getting on, whilst looking distractedly through the notes for his meeting. Hermione laughed and waved him off, assuring him that she was fine. Indeed, there was not much that could have caused any trouble at such an early stage, as she was still acquainting herself with what research the team had done in the past few weeks.

Tanya raised an eyebrow as Paul left.

"That's the first time he has ever done that. I've only ever seen him talk to Katherine about what progress we are making, he doesn't usually have time to talk to anyone individually. You must be very special!" She teased Hermione, not unkindly. Hermione blushed slightly.

"He is just a friend, I knew him before I started here. He actually offered me a job the first time I met him a few months ago."

Tanya laughed, tossing her lush blonde hair over her shoulder, and, with a hint of jealousy, said,

"Is that right? I saw a picture of you dancing with him in _High Society._"

Hermione's blush deepened, although not for the reason that Tanya and the other people listening in on the conversation thought. Hermione did not want them to get the wrong idea about why she had got this job, although of course her blush was not helping with that.

Paul, unknowingly, also did not help, when he returned at the end of the day, flashing Tanya and the others a dazzling smile, before turning to Hermione.

"So how was your first day? I hope Katherine wasn't too much of a slave-driver!"

Hermione chuckled shyly, and Katherine looked up, pretending to be offended.

"Me?! A slave-driver! What nerve!" Suddenly businesslike, she picked up a sheath of papers and tucked them into a folder. "Also, I have the new test results on the batch of Erythrina alkaloids." She could have been talking double Dutch for all Hermione understood.

"Leave them on my desk, I will take a look in the morning, thanks Katherine." He offered the team leader one of his dazzling smiles, and if a smile could melt, the older woman would have been in a puddle on the floor. Hermione had never realised what a charmer Paul was, and she suddenly understood the undertones of jealousy in Tanya's voice earlier.

Paul took Hermione's arm, and led her slightly away from everyone else so that they could not overhear, although they all looked on in interest, one or two of the men with knowing smirks. Hermione wished the floor would open her up and swallow her whole. Now they would all have the wrong idea!

"How would you like to come out for dinner with me tonight?" He asked quietly. "Celebrate your first day as a working woman."

"Will Andrew be coming?" Hermione asked stupidly, and an odd look passed across Paul's face fleetingly.

"No. Did you want him to?" His tone was hesitant, so unlike his usual confident timbre, and Hermione felt the blood rush to her face. Was he asking her out on a _date_?

"That would be lovely." She said after a moment. "Where will be going, so that I know what to wear?"

He named a very intimate, and very expensive restaurant, and Hermione blanched. That was more or less confirmation that it _was_ a date, she thought. Did he not realise that she was not ready to date? It hadn't even been a month since she and Severus had finished. But she couldn't back out now, she would just have to make it clear over dinner that this was strictly platonic, and nothing romantic could happen between them.

"If I pick you up at eight, will that be alright?"

"Perfect!" She smiled a little too brightly.

Hermione longed to sink into a boiling bath when she got home, partly because she was exhausted from work, but mostly because that was where she thought best. Unfortunately, her tiny apartment did not extend to a bath, and she had to make do with a long shower, letting the powerful jets pummel her shoulders comfortingly.

She chose her outfit with attention to detail, picking a black dress which she knew made her look good and high black pumps. Hermione surveyed herself critically in the mirror; she had lost too much weight in the past few weeks, and her slender frame now bordered on unattractively skinny, her dress hanging off her. A quick charm fixed that, and Hermione vowed to pay more attention to eating three meals a day.

She fished around for her diamonds; a belated eighteenth birthday present from her parents after they had returned from Australia and had their memories restored. Several attempts to fix her hair, and copious amounts of various hair products resulted in something fairly decent. Finally she applied her make-up carefully, anxious to look nice.

She couldn't understand why she was so anxious to look good tonight, when with Severus she had never felt the need to make an overt effort to look especially nice. But then, he had liked her when she hadn't made the slightest effort, calling her beautiful when she was half asleep in her pyjamas. It was different with Paul.

He appeared at her door at five past eight, and she let him in as she hopped around with one shoe on, trying to put the other on without falling over. He laughed at her. She was different to the girls he usually went for, the girls falling over themselves to land the eternal bachelor. He didn't see how coming to work made up to the dozens in short skirts would impress him, but they were good for a quick fling. He was unashamed of his track record; he was a man, and if girls were willing, then why not go for it? But Hermione was different; sweeter, shyer, and entirely unaware of how gorgeous she was. And of course, unthinkably intelligent, although she didn't broadcast her extraordinary brain. It would be a welcome change to have a date with a woman who did not spend half an hour looking for hidden photographers, and trying out different poses in case she was featured in _High Society_ with him.

He was dressed in a grey suit and periwinkle-blue shirt, looking even more handsome than usual. Hermione walked into the restaurant on his arm, both of them aware that everyone there recognised both of them. Hermione turned her face to his with a half-smile.

"Everyone is looking at you." She murmured. "They are wondering who this unknown girl is that you are taking to dinner!" Hermione was unashamed in saying it, she knew that he was open about how many girls he had been seen with. Perhaps that was why she wasn't overly concerned with him taking her on a date.

Paul looked at her, surprised. Did she not realise how famous she was in the magical world? He was aware of his looks, and knew without doubt that they were the most attractive couple in the room. Hermione clearly did not see this.

"They are looking at you." He replied, bringing her hand to his, and kissing the inside of her wrist. Hermione flushed with pleasure. After the aching loneliness she had suffered the past weeks, it was nice to feel wanted again.

"Don't you know you are beautiful?"

Hermione didn't know what to answer, she only willed her cheeks not to go any redder. It would be just her luck to appear in _High Society_ or _Witch Weekly_ looking like a beetroot.

"May I take your coats, Miss Granger, Mr Armitage?"

They were taken to their table, all eyes on the couple as the waiter held out Hermione's chair for her. She would never have had this almost reverent treatment had she been out with Severus. She wasn't sure if she liked that or not.

Despite her initial awkwardness, Paul was the same Paul she had known these past months, and as they chatted easily, it stopped feeling like a first date, and instead like two friends going out for dinner.

Although she refused desert, Paul insisted on ordering a chocolate soufflé for them to share.

"You need to put some weight on those skinny bones." He said, eyeing her up and down appraisingly. "You've lost too much weight."

Hermione looked uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."

"It's alright, I noticed it myself earlier. I've had a stressful few weeks."

Paul looked awkward as Hermione said that, and he took her hands in his across the table. Hermione wanted to look away, wishing she was anywhere else. But she was transfixed by his intense blue eyes.

"Hermione, I know we have been friends for a long time, so perhaps the time has long passed for me to be asking this, although I hope that that is not the case." He spoke smoothly, drawing out the inevitable as he tried to think of the perfect way to put what he wanted to ask her.

"You must have known the night I met you at Mayfair how attracted I was to you. I'm know you've seen me with a different girl every week in the gossip pages, but they were all flings. They knew that as well as I; they were using me for their five minutes of fame, not the other way around."

"Paul," Hermione said gently, before he got too sidetracked.

"What I meant is, before you, there was no one serious. A string of first dates. But now that I might have a chance with you, there's no one else. No other girl can hold a candle to you, Hermione."

Hermione blushed prettily, and Paul liked her all the more for it.

"Go out with me?" He suddenly broke into abrupt laughter. "I didn't mean to be so blunt, but that's not a question I ask very often."

Hermione paused, suddenly unsure what she wanted. Before the date she had been absolutely certain that they should remain friends. She had been hurt enough, and it was too soon after Severus. But then, she already knew Paul. He was a gentleman, he would respect her and care for her, and he wouldn't tell her the atrocious lies that Severus had.

No, she told herself firmly, it's too soon. But then again, what would she achieve by waiting? Severus wasn't coming back. And the longer she stayed alone, falling closer and closer to depression, the worse it would get. Perhaps she wasn't ready, but Paul was the perfect man, and she had nothing else to live for. Why not give it a go?

"Yes." She said quietly, and a camera flashed in their faces. Paul looked up, horrified; Hermione back to reality with a thump.

Severus saw the picture in _High Society_, and wept bitter tears.

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I hope you liked it!

Please review!

Lehayim


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty two

Hermione quickly fell into her new routine; working during the day, and going out with Paul, Andrew, or friends from work at the weekends. Her old life, and indeed her old friends, seemed a lifetime ago. Pansy kept up correspondence via owl, as did Ginny, but as far as Harry and Ron were concerned, Hermione felt like she had outgrown her old friends. They were partying away abroad, while she now worked for a living, and had her own apartment and life to support. Subconsciously, Hermione felt bad for letting her friendships slide, but she had been so hurt by what had happened that it was easier to cut off her old life from the new, pretending to herself that she had replaced her friends, not that she was running away.

It was hard to run away from something that wasn't a secret. The magical community was a small one, and there was no hiding the fact that she had abruptly left her study programme, and her famous friends behind. She had been shocked to discover that most of the Order had known about her relationship with Severus, quiet as they had striven to keep it, and indeed, many of them seemed to know the basic facts about what had happened in Poland.

But Dumbledore's body was back, and nothing bad had come out of that disastrous night, and so it was easier to ignore the Order almost entirely, pretending that she was entirely unaffected. The last she had heard of Severus was that he had disappeared off the map, reportedly living with the Druids in one of the remotest parts of Ireland.

Hermione had thought it would be hard going back to potions making after her time with Severus, but it was easy to immerse herself in the intoxicating art; the most muggle of all the magics. Although she wouldn't admit it to Paul, the research she was involved in was already boring her after just a month; her quick mind yearning more after the intense research she and Severus had spent months devoted to. And so Hermione found herself looking into her own research – steering clear of the unforgivable curses, but instead looking into more common medical potions that she hoped could be someday be of some use.

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Hermione looked eagerly around the apothecary with bright, calculating eyes, weighing up what she could afford versus what was most important to her current project; curing magically-induced paralysis. It was quarter past five on a Thursday afternoon, and she had hurried to the gloomy little shop as soon as she had finished work, flashing a brief smile at Paul as she left in a flurry of robes. She looked through her purse with a grimace, counting her money down to the last knut. She found one precious galleon, and with a hoot of triumph placed it on the counter, along with the rest of her change, and her list of potions ingredients.

"How much can I get today?" She asked the apothecary, a tall, stick-thin man, whose cold appearance hid a heart of gold. Usually abrupt with his customers, he had warmed to his best new customer, as she put in a regular appearance in his shop.

"Miss Granger, much as I hate throwing away business, surely it would be wise to eat? You can't spend everything and wait until your next pay cheque."

Normally Hermione would have bristled at anyone getting involved in her financial affairs, but now she just grinned.

"I've been dying to brew a new test batch of my potion all day!" She declared. "I had a sudden brainwave this morning, and it was torture having to be at work all day."

"And the issue of food?" His voice trailed off questioningly, his eyes smiling warmly at the enthusiastic girl. He enjoyed seeing her; most of the researchers or brewers that came in were too self-important to stay and chat to a lowly apothecary, and yet they did not take the same pleasure from their craft as Hermione.

Hermione replied airily, "Oh I'm sure I have some food lying around somewhere. And anyway, I'm going out tonight. Andrew Mayfair has _insisted_ that I come to his club, because he's turning it into a real muggle rave for the night, and he thinks I should come because I'm muggleborn." She grinned suddenly. "The purebloods will all be in for a real shock tonight!"

The old man raised an eyebrow. "But you don't want to go?"

Hermione shrugged. "Yes and no. I have to go because I'm on the VIP list, and Paul is going so I can't not. But at the same time I would rather be at home working. There are a lot of people I could do without seeing." Hermione was suddenly uncomfortable, aware that she had said more than she had meant to. She pushed her list towards him, abruptly changing the subject, not caring that she was being rude.

"I'm sorry, I'm actually in quite a rush. What ingredients can you start me off with?"

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Hermione apparated home, laden down with bags of potions ingredients. Awkwardly balancing the bags, she struggled to unlock her door and let herself in, walking straight into one of the large cauldrons that threatened to block her path. Cauldrons cluttered the small living space, the small table had been banished to one side, and now overflowed with papers. Even her bedroom was full of research, the only relief from it all was her immaculate bookshelf, her books carefully filed first by category, and then in alphabetical order. The work surfaces in the kitchen were covered in chopping boards, although had one eaten what lay on them they would have been dangerously ill, for the room was used for preparing potions ingredients.

Hermione pulled open the fridge door, rummaging through her carefully labelled potions ingredients. She pushed aside a small container of toad venom, and triumphantly pulled out half a cucumber and bit into it absentmindedly, as she cleared a space to lay out her new ingredients.

When there was a sharp knock at the door at half past eight, Hermione had been in front of her cauldron for two hours, blissfully unaware of all life outside her own little world. She glanced up, wondering who it could be, and carefully picked her way over the scattered parchment and journals, between the bubbling cauldrons. She inched the door open as far as it would go without knocking anything over, and squeezed through the gap.

Andrew looked at her with laughing eyes. "I knew you would forget about tonight!" He crowed. "And after you swore to me that you would come, and that you had written it down so that you wouldn't forget!"

Hermione was abashed. "I didn't forget!" She protested. "I mentioned it to someone just a few hours ago. And then I got caught up in a little project I'm doing..."

Andrew raised an eyebrow. "I know your 'little projects', and they are anything _but_ little. Which is why I came to remind you about tonight, and to get you ready, you hopeless girl!" Hermione grinned, not taking the slightest offence.

"Don't you need to be there before the night starts?" She enquired.

"No, I've been there most of the day, we can get there five minutes before we are due to open."

"We?"

"That was the second thing I came about. Paul has been caught up at work, and will be a little late, so I am to escort you tonight. I will have the most beautiful date in the club. And the thinnest." He looked her up and down appraisingly, and Hermione glowered at him. He had brought up her weight more than once, but, Hermione thought, as she wasn't anorexic, or even remotely near that, he was making a lot of fuss about nothing. Didn't he understand that all her money went on potions ingredients? That was what was important to her. And anyway, even if she did buy food, she never remembered meal times when she was occupied with a project.

Hermione ignored him, and pushed open the door as far as it would go for him to enter. Andrew eyed the gap doubtfully.

"I'm not skinny like you, I can't fit through that. I'll have to apparated in." He remarked.

"Apparate onto the bed, it's the only clear spot." Andrew chuckled at what he thought was her over-exaggeration. With a pop he disappeared, apparating accurately onto her bed. Hermione hurried in to her bedroom, where he was looking at the piles of work with a strange expression on his face.

"Hermione, this is bordering obsession. I'm going to have to make sure you come out more often! Why isn't Paul making sure you don't spend twenty four hours a day doing research?"

"He's a busy man, we only go out on weekends."

"And how are things going with him?" Andrew commented casually, restraining himself from telling Hermione what he really thought; that she wasn't ready for another relationship, and that Paul wasn't the right man for her. As he spoke he opened the wardrobe to look for something for Hermione to wear that night, and stacks more papers started to fall on him.

Hermione chuckled. "Good luck finding anything! You will have to wait for me, I'm the only one who can manage to find anything. I just need to bottle my potion, and then I'm all yours."

Andrew followed Hermione out of her bedroom, and his mouth fell open as he saw the state of her apartment. Wisely, he kept his mouth shut, knowing that he had to find the proper time, and work out what he was going to say to her, before he tackled the issue of how she was living. He squeezed into the kitchen as Hermione finished her work and opened the fridge.

"Hermione darling, I enjoy toad venom and centaur embryos as much as the next person, but do you have anything a little _lighter_ for a snack?"

"I think there's half a can of tuna," she replied, and Andrew realised with a jolt how bad she was letting her life get. Hermione Granger might be a workaholic, but the Hermione he had first known also had friends, and a life, and took pride in herself. She was kidding herself if she thought she was over Severus; this was definitely not being over him.

Hermione brought Andrew back into the bedroom, pulling out a short dress and boots from the cupboard.

"This alright?" She asked, holding out the outfit to show him. He nodded, and she said, "good, not get out for five minutes while I change."

Andrew looked at her as if she were crazy. "You're mad if you think I am taking my nice suit back into that zoo of disgusting ingredients! Anyway, I'm not what you would call the most hetero of men – you changing means nothing to me"

Slightly shyly, Hermione turned her back to him as she stripped to her underwear and pulled on the dress. Andrew ran quick eyes over her jutting pelvis, then turning his gaze to her face as he paid more attention to her sharp cheekbones and hollow eyes. She was working herself into the ground, there was no doubt about that, and he also knew that she would never listen to him if he tried to change her lifestyle. What's more, he didn't want an argument when she so clearly needed someone there for her. The one thing Andrew didn't understand, was why had Paul not said anything? He couldn't not have noticed her dramatic weight loss.

But surprisingly, Paul, for the first time in his life, was not living up to his playboy reputation. He and Hermione kept it professional in the workplace, and every weekend he would take her somewhere absolutely fabulous, and then politely escort her to her door. It was perhaps because he had been friends with her before they started dating, and because he had seen the state Severus had left her in, that he refused to rush her into anything.

Moreover, Hermione didn't quite realise what an important person Paul was, and what his family connections were. Unbeknownst to her, Paul had done a little digging into her history, curious about what had gone on in her past, and there he had discovered about Greyback, and Zabini, and the exact details of what had happened with Severus. Hermione would have been horrified at his snooping and ended the relationship at once, but all it served to do was to make Paul even more careful with her, treating Hermione like a delicate china doll that could easily break.

Hermione sometimes wished that the relationship would be more like how it was with Severus – more real, involving two real people; not a highly influential aristocrat and his china doll. It was all so different know compared to when they were friends. But then, Severus had been a disaster. Maybe this relationship was better? She didn't love Paul, she knew that much, but she liked him, and he adored her. Perhaps she could grow to love him?

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Hermione applied her make-up, and reluctantly let Andrew fix her tangled hair.

"What's the time?" She asked, as he checked his watch.

"It's quarter to ten, the club opens in fifteen minutes. We should leave now, if you're ready."

Andrew offered Hermione his arm, and apparated her to just outside the club, where queues of people were waiting. Hermione was surprised – she hadn't thought muggle night would be a success at this exclusive pureblood club, but then, she hadn't counted on Andrew's clever marketing.

"Smile for the cameras." He said brightly, wrapping an arm around Hermione's waist as they posed for a few photos. When they were finished, the bouncer let them in, and Hermione quite enjoyed the envious stares at her from the queuing young witches and wizards.

It was an eerie experience inside the almost empty club; a few of Andrew's friends on the VIP list were already milling around the bar, and they made their way to the bar too, Hermione spotting some of her new friends, to her relief.

"Free drinks all night for Miss Granger." He told the bar staff. "And get her some chocolate or something to eat, I don't want her falling over drunk after one drink."

Hermione scowled at Andrew, opening her mouth to scold him, but he cut in before she got the chance.

"Hermione, you haven't eaten, and you will get drunk quickly. This is purely for appearance's sake, so give it a rest." He was harsher than he had meant to be, and Hermione recoiled slightly, before plastering her over bright smile on her face as people began swarming into the club, and the _Daily Prophet_ and _High Society_ photographers began snapping away.

Paul arrived at eleven o clock, kissing Hermione lightly on the cheek apologetically.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't escort you myself, I hope Andrew was up to the job." He smiled at her warmly. "Have you been having fun?"

Hermione nodded, although the flashing lights and heavy beats weren't really her scene; she preferred _Mayfair_ in its usual state.

"Some of your old school friends have come over especially for tonight." He motioned towards the door, where Harry, Ron, Parvati, Millie, Draco and Blaise were milling, looking over at her uncertainly. Hermione smiled and beckoned them over, finding herself almost bowled over with hugs from Millie, Ron and Harry. She felt awkward standing with Paul, no longer part of her friends lives, and at the same time feeling as though she didn't belong in Paul's world, surrounded as she was with essentially a group of students.

Millie quickly seized the opportunity to pull Hermione into the Ladies' Room.

"We haven't spoken in ages, I have a lot to tell you." Hermione looked at her expectantly, and Millie hesitated momentarily.

"Well, my father has been keeping tabs on Professor Snape – they are old friends, you know. And he's back in the country, apparently he is going back to work in Hogwarts when the new term starts next month."

Hermione gaped at Millie, the tears swimming in her eyes threatening to spill over down her cheeks, as her suppressed emotions rose to the surface.

"You're sure?" She asked, her voice faint. Millie nodded in confirmation.

"I feel sick." She wasn't going to vomit, she knew that, but a sudden wave of nausea hit her, and she had to find somewhere quiet to go. "Millie, I'm going to sit in Andrew's office for a bit. If you see him, tell him where I am."

"And if I see Paul?"

Hermione shrugged uncomfortably. "Say you haven't seen me, I don't want to worry him."

Hermione retreated to Andrew's office, casting a silencing spell so that the pounding beat of the music was muted. Andrew appeared just five minutes later, Millie having sought him out, worried for her friend. She had been slightly hurt that Hermione had not wanted her with her, but she knew how close her friend now was with Andrew, and so she looked for him instead.

"Hermione? Are you alright?" He looked at the pale girl in concern, noting her quiet shaking.

"Severus is back." She stated softly, no other words necessary.

Andrew was inwardly relieved that Severus _was _back – he had managed to invoke a response in the otherwise entirely emotionless Hermione. She needed this, although Andrew prayed that Severus would leave Hermione alone. He was suddenly sure that this was the business that had held Paul up. Nothing escaped Paul's attention, and he seemed to have endless sources of knowledge to keep him updated with all the goings on in the wizard world.

"I don't know if I want to see him." Hermione admitted. "I had thought I hated him, but now that a couple of months have passed, I don't think that is true anymore."

"But if you are trying to get over him, surely now isn't the right time to see him."

"I _am_ over him," Hermione replied sharply, confirming Andrew's suspicions that she definitely wasn't. He would never voice his thoughts, but he harboured a secret desire for Hermione and Severus to get back together. But despite being the cause of the relationship breakup, Andrew was actually more concerned about Severus' state of mind. Only when Severus had dealt with all his issues would Andrew consider any matchmaking.

Andrew told Hermione to stay where she was, and slipped out to tell Paul that he was taking Hermione home. Paul confirmed his suspicions that he had known about Severus' return already, and Andrew wasn't sure if he wanted to hit the man for meddling, or thank him for his concern over Hermione. Andrew wondered what would have happened now if Hermione wasn't with Paul; for she certainly still loved Severus. Would she ever forgive Severus and give him another chance whilst she pretended to herself that she had feelings for Paul? Andrew didn't consider Paul's feelings in all this, too wrapped up in whether or not Hermione and Severus would be brought back together by fate.

Andrew escorted Hermione out of the club, and apparated her back to his house, tucking her up in bed in her old room, leaving her to her thoughts. A sudden thought striking him, Andrew flooed to the Daily Prophet offices, where the staff burned the midnight oil to get a paper out in the morning. He went to the editors office, who was an old friend of his.

"What's my latest headline going to be?" Andrew asked with a sharp grin, and the editor knew at once what he meant.

"Mayfair! Cut to the chase as ever. My writers are deciding between two: _Granger gives Armitage the slip with a secretly-straight Mayfair_, or _Reformed playboy Armitage's threesome with girlfriend and gay nightclub-owner._"

Andrew grinned. "Lucid as ever. When do I get to find out which lucky headline it is?"

The editor barked a laugh. "In the morning, along with every one else!"

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	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Three

Hermione had been awake for a few minutes when Andrew slipped through her bedroom door, chortling quietly as he sat on the end of the bed. He was holding the Daily Prophet, engrossed in the society pages.

"What's so funny?" She enquired, curiously. Still chuckling, Andrew handed over the newspaper, and Hermione's mouth fell open as she read the headline.

_Granger gives Armitage the slip with a secretly-straight Mayfair_.

The headline was accompanied by two photos which took up almost the entire page; the first of Hermione and Andrew smiling together as they arrived at _Mayfair_, the second of them disapparating, his arms tightly wrapped around Hermione.

"Keep reading." Andrew said, failing to keep a straight face at Hermione's expression.

_Last night was not just a big night for business reasons – as Andrew Mayfair did not even try to cover his relationship with Hermione Granger, girlfriend of Paul Armitage. The pair arrived at Mayfair's club arm in arm, and although Armitage did put in an appearance – Miss Granger and Mr Mayfair left not long after. It seems that Miss Granger has a penchant for famous wizards – as this newspaper first reported four years ago. Harry Potter, Victor Krum and Blaise Zabini initiated a liking for famous wizards, and now it seems, she has moved on from schoolboys to the rich and influential bachelors of wizarding society._

_Is Mr Armitage aware of his girlfriend's relationship with a gay nightclub owner? For the pair certainly were not subtle when they disapparated home together. As a newly-reformed former-playboy, has Mr Armitage put aside his former habits too soon? And more importantly, is Mr Mayfair now back 'in' the closet? If so, London may have found its new most eligible bachelor._

Hermione started to laugh as she finished the article. Glad to see her laughing, Andrew hated to be the bearer of bad news.

"Hermione, Severus is also in the paper. Turn to the fifth page, and there is a small article about his return to Hogwarts."

Gulping, Hermione turned to the aforementioned page, and stared at the picture of Severus and Minerva, transfixed on Severus' face, his slight frown, his intense eyes, the slight turn of his lips that meant he was repressing a smile. She scanned the article briefly – _'unexplained disappearance',_ _'not returning to the programme that he was instrumental in establishing'_,_ 'resuming his former role as Defence against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts.'_

"Are you alright?" Andrew asked, breaking the girl's stillness and glazed expression. Her fingers rested on the paper where his face was, and when the image of Severus turned his stern eyes to her, they seemed to be staring into her own startled gaze, although she knew that that could not be real.

She sighed. "Yes, I suppose I am."

"But?"He prompted, keen for her to realise her own feelings before she let things go too far with Paul.

Hermione frowned. "I can't really explain it. I love Paul," – that was a lie, she knew, and unbeknownst to her, Andrew knew it too – "But I can't just expect my feelings for Severus to disappear completely this quickly. I look at a photo of him, and it takes me back to when we together, and I swear, I can feel his kisses lingering on my lips and his words echoing in my ears, and his fingerprints on my skin."

Andrew shivered involuntarily at her words, wishing, not for the first time, that the man he felt that way about was not a Deatheater.

Hermione's eyes suddenly lit up with anger, and she crumpled the paper in her hand without realising she was doing it. "And then I remember what he did, and I hate him for it! I hate him for ruining my life, and messing with my head to the point that I still obsess on what happened that day.

"I know he's sorry." Andrew said scarcely louder than a whisper. "He went to the Druids for a complete detox, to sort out his head and deal with his guilt. I spoke with Minerva before you woke, and she told me that he has been with Albus' portrait for the last twenty-eight hours. All the other portraits have been banished from the office, and no one has been in or out – not even Minerva."

"Even so, he may be sorry, and be trying to fix his mistakes, but that doesn't reverse what he did."

"Hermione, after everything this world went through last year, don't let this get in the way if you truly love him. Forgive and forget."

Hermione's eyes narrowed, and Andrew knew he had pushed her too far.

"I _don't_ love him. I won't forgive, and I will never forget."

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Severus sat in a chair facing Albus's portrait, wishing the old man would stop looking at him with that kind, understanding look. He had been in the office for twenty-eight hours. At first he paced the room, unable to stand still as he argued with Albus. As he told Albus what he had tried to do, he had been unable to look the man in the eye, and when he finally let himself dissolve into tears, he collapsed into the chair opposite the grand portrait. He thought he had dozed off for a few hours, exhausted, and now he sat curled up in the chair like the schoolboy he felt.

The pair had battled out all Severus' pent up rage at what Albus had had him do; the torture he had endured, the murders he had been forced to commit to keep his cover, Albus' manipulation of him over the years. Neither minced their words, Albus even raising his voice on occasion, as they argued fiercely, both trying to justify their actions, Severus trying to seek validation for his. Severus told Albus about Hermione, and how their relationship had blossomed, and how she had saved him when he was almost dead inside. He wept bitterly about how he had betrayed her, and yet it was many hours before they touched upon the reason for his betrayal; his guilt, and later obsession over Albus' death.

They had discussed the topic once before, many months ago when Severus had been racked with guilt, and Albus had wrongly assumed then that he had resolved the issue. They talked the subject round and round, going in circles, Severus not listening to what Albus had to say. Severus had learnt a lot about himself and why he was the way he was when he was under self-imposed isolation with the Druids – that almost extinct sect of magical priests.

And yet, as he faced Albus, he could not bring himself to admit that he no longer felt guilt for causing Albus' death – he knew that it had not been his fault – and that he had prevented what would have been an otherwise drawn-out and painful death. What he could not yet admit to Albus was his guilt over betraying Hermione, for letting himself fall deeper and deeper into his obsession to the point of lying to her, and ignoring everything his brain was telling him.

And now, twenty-eight hours after they had begun, Severus let himself talk openly about how he felt about his betrayal of Hermione, and how much he still loved her.

"Have you seen her since you came back?" Asked Albus, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, although she didn't see me. I his myself under a disillusionment spell and went into St Mungo's at the end of the afternoon when she was about to finish working."

"What happened then?"

"First I followed Armitage into his office, I couldn't help it. I flooed his mother, to ask for the family engagement ring, and the thought of him proposing to my Hermione made me feel sick to my stomach. It took all my resolve not to punch his lights out. But, as I told myself, it is easy to love Hermione, she is perfect."

Albus wished more than anything that he could speak to Hermione about the situation, but his first priority was Severus.

"So I left his office, and stood near Hermione's desk. Just watching her. She was wearing that look of hers that means she has thought of something truly amazing. And I know she was thinking about Armitage, and I realised how much I love her, more than I had thought possible. And it is the worst love; the most painful kind, with me standing next to her, knowing that she does not love me back."

Severus shivered violently, remembering the pain of being so near her and not being able to hold her, not being able to bury his face in her hair and smell her wonderful scent.

"Severus. First of all, I can't begin to express how proud I am of you that you have your life back on track."

"But?" Severus knew there was a 'but' coming.

"But, and you will think me a meddling fool – and on this occasion I must blame Minerva, because I was silent in my portrait, not getting involved."

"Get to the point." Severus half-growled.

"Minerva and Andrew Mayfair have been in here discussing the situation between Hermione and Paul Armitage on more than one occasion. Andrew is absolutely convinced that Hermione does not love Paul, but won't admit that she is still in love with you."

Severus heaved a deep sigh, his eyes closed.

"And what would you have me do? She has made her choice, I will respect that."

"And let her live a life trapped in a loveless marriage, because she was too stubborn, and you too guilty to rectify past mistakes?"

"She may not love Armitage according to Mayfair, but when I saw her, she was definitely happy about something. And Albus, you haven't seen what I've done to her! She is little more than a skeleton now, and it's because of me."

Albus looked as though he was about to say something, and then thought the better of it. Eventually, he opened his mouth again to speak.

"Severus, even if you won't tell her how you feel, will you visit her and try to make amends? Make sure she knows how sorry you are. Everything you told me."

"Yes. I have known I must do that for a long time."

Albus nodded approvingly. He just hoped that the rest would follow.

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Hermione returned to her home later that morning, having called in sick at work. No one would believe it, having been clubbing the night before, and what was in the _Prophet_, but she didn't give a damn what anyone else thought.

Mid-afternoon a hesitant knock sounded at her door, and Hermione got up to answer, wondering who would visit at this time. Everyone was still at work. It hit her as she was opening the door, and Hermione knew who would be standing there before she looked into Severus' dark eyes.

For a moment her heart stopped, and words failed her as she was lost in the depths of his intense gaze, her whole body yearning for him. Finally, the connection between her brain and mouth was found.

"What do you want?" She asked quietly, struggling to maintain her self-control, and not let him past the walls she had erected around herself.

"Can we talk?"

"I have nothing to say to you, and nothing you have to say can change what you did. I would appreciate it if you returned to Hogwarts." Her icy manner was almost his undoing, but Severus stood firm.

"Hermione, I'm not asking for you to take me back. I know it is too late for that. But please, let me explain why I did what I did, and what has happened since that day."

Hermione shrugged.

"Fine. Talk."

"Can we go inside?" He asked, his eyes pleading.

Hermione pushed the door open as far as it would go, and Severus squeezed in to the apartment. He stared at the filthy, unkempt apartment, aghast. What had Hermione living in such conditions? Her starting salary was a pittance, it was clear she was struggling to survive on it. And why didn't Armitage take her home with him if she couldn't afford to live in human conditions? He couldn't stand the thought of her with Armitage, but he would rather that than this_ squalor._

"Hermione, what's happened to you? You're clothes are hanging off you, these living conditions aren't fit for a human being."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "You were what happened."

Severus looked as though he had been stung, the little colour draining from his face.

"Severus, I have my life back on track now. Is there are reason you are here, or did you just want to mess things up for me a little more?"

"Hermione-" Severus cleared the papers of the couch with a distracted wave of his wand, neatly piling them on the window ledge. He gestured for her to sit down, which she did with reluctance.

"Hermione, I'm not going to try to apologise, because I know you don't want to hear it. But I need to explain what happened over the past few months, why my obsession and guilt grew to border on the fanatical."

Hermione nodded for him to continue, her colourless lips pressed together tightly, as Severus regurgitated everything he had told Albus; all the issues he had spent the past month facing head on. Hermione had never seen him so nervous, so ineloquent, and she wanted to reach out and comfort him, tell him that she forgave him.

Severus wasn't sure what how he expected Hermione to react when he had finished. She had sat eerily emotionless the entire time he had been speaking, and he saw the faintest glimmer of pain in her eyes, before she quickly repressed it.

"What do you expect now?" Hermione asked impassively. "Do you think I am going to jump into your arms and forgive you, because you have got over what happened? I might understand what drove you to what I can only see as the brink of insanity, but it doesn't mean I can have you back in my life, or I can forget what you did to me, just because you have."

"Hermione, I know I ruined everything, but,"

"Severus, it's too late. I would have stood by you through anything, I loved you. But not what you did – not after you lied to me, and almost brought down the entire world _to make you feel better."_

"Hermione please – I was out of my mind! But I love you, you must see that."

"If you were out of your mind, then you couldn't have loved me." Hermione snapped bitterly, her anger failing to mask her distress. Her voice grew gentler. "Severus, after watching you nearly destroy yourself, and almost bring me down with you, I can't do this again."

"Nothing like this would ever happen again! There will be no more killings – there will be no one to make me feel the same guilt like I felt over Albus."

Hermione's voice was infinitely sorrowful now. "I never thought it would have happened a first time. And don't blame the war for your actions, we all suffered. You are the only one to blame for what you did; _you_ are the only one who couldn't forgive yourself when everyone else saw you as a war hero, not a murderer."

Severus was stricken. "Hermione, please – "

Hermione stood up, the conversation at an end. "I'm sorry, but I'm done with us. I need you to stay out of my life."

At the door Severus turned to look at her, one last time, his eyes welling with tears which he did not attempt to hide.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes, I do."

Severus inclined his head slightly. "I hope he is everything that I wasn't. You deserve more than what I gave you."

He disapparated with a pop, and only then did Hermione let her shaking knees give way, and she slid down the wall to rest on the dirty floor, her breath coming in short, sharp, sobbing gasps. When she had sufficient control over her legs, she stood up shakily and moved to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Then, still shaking, she curled up in her bed, pulling the covers right up to her chin.

She thought back to that fateful day, remembering how he had hurt her and made her cry, wishing that it would make her like him less. Make her stop loving him. And then other memories came unbidden; sitting in front of the fire together, kissing in the woods, smiling at each other over a cauldron. And she wished now that he had treated her badly, because then at least it would be easy to stop loving him. But all she could think of were all the times he had showed her how much he loved her.

"I hate you!" She screamed, hurling the empty glass of water where it smashed violently, and entirely unsatisfying.

There was another sharp rap at the door.

"What the fuck do you want?" Hermione called out angrily, not caring either about who it was, or about her crude language.

"Miss Granger, open the door." It was Professor McGonagall.

"Leave me alone."

There was silence, and then a weight on the end of the bed as Minerva apparated in. It was lucky that Andrew had warned her that the bed was the only safe place to apparated to in the filthy, cluttered apartment.

Minerva took in Hermione's scarlet cheeks, and the tear tracks down them.

"Hermione, I see this is not the best time, but Albus asked me to fetch you to come talk to him. He was very insistent that you come now."

"I don't want to see him. It's his fault that this happened."

"You don't really believe that." It was not a question. Hermione shrugged, slightly ashamed of herself for saying that in the first place.

"I can see that you're in a state over Severus."

"I'm not in a state!" Desperate to show that Severus had not had the slightest effect on her, Hermione got up, savagely pulling clothes out of her wardrobe and tossing them on to her bed, although what she was looking for Minerva did not know.

"I have to go out." Hermione announced. "I am seeing Paul." Too agitated to change, Hermione waved her wand, and her make-up and clothes were done.

Minerva heaved a small sigh, and then frowned. "Hermione, it's not five o clock yet – he won't even have finished work."

"He always takes Friday afternoon off." Hermione explained, although she had not thought about it herself until that second. "Excuse me, I must be off."

Hermione disapparated, leaving Minerva standing next to the bed, bemused. Hermione had scarcely bothered to pretend she was seeing Paul early in order to flee Minerva.

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Hermione plastered a smile on her face before she saw Paul; she didn't want him to see that she was upset and worry.

"Hermione! This is a lovely surprise. I didn't expect you here for hours." His face lit up as he saw her, and Hermione felt a sense of relief at seeing him. Here was someone who loved her, and would be there for her, and who she could trust never to lie to her or betray her. He was safe, which was what she needed.

He held the door wide for her to come in, and for a moment, Hermione turned and stared outside at the expensive cars racing down his exclusive London road, and beyond them at the rest of the city. In her mind, Hermione had told herself that if she came into Paul's house now, then everything in her past was forgotten. Severus would be forgotten; the only man in her life would be Paul.

She turned, and walked into the house.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Four

Hermione apparated home on Saturday morning with a silent sense of relief. She had left Paul in bed with a kiss, and a promise that she would be back as soon as she had changed into clean clothes and sorted herself out.

The previous night he had taken her to Venice for a private gondola ride, followed by dinner overlooking the majestic palazzos. The evening had been beautiful, and he clearly hadn't expected anything in return. But when they had returned to Paul's house, and he had gently taken Hermione in his arms and kissed her, Hermione knew what was to follow, and she was oddly emotionless about it. Paul had led her upstairs to his bedroom, quietly asking reaffirming that she wanted to do this, before undressing Hermione and laying her down on his bed.

It was eerily reminiscent of her first time with Blaise, and Hermione felt almost like a spectator, watching from above, completely detached from what was going on. Oh, she responded when she was meant to, returned Paul's kisses, teasingly stripped him of his clothing. But inside... nothing. He was an experienced lover, and easily brought Hermione to orgasm, but it could have been anyone doing that to her.

As Hermione stepped into the almost scalding shower in her apartment, she wondered if that was how it would always be. And then, scolding herself internally, Hermione reminded herself of how much Paul loved her, and that she would grow to return his feelings in time.

Hermione yelled as she stepped out of the shower, and picked her way over the clutter on the floor to her bedroom, for Andrew was waiting patiently on her bed. She clutched the towel around her tightly, waiting for him to explain his presence.

"For God's sake, put on some weight, girl!" He barked, sounding exasperated. Hermione rolled her eyes; she had heard this from him time and time again.

"Did Paul not tell you that last night?"

Hermione's eyes narrowed instantly. "How do you -?"

"I came here last night, but you never returned home from your Italian date. And I must have just missed you at Paul's this morning."

The colour rose to Hermione's cheeks.

"Can I help you with anything?" She asked coolly; in a tone that Andrew knew spelt trouble.

"How are Harry and Ron?" Andrew asked, and Hermione wasn't sure if he was changing the subject, or if that was what he had come to talk about.

"They're fine, why do you ask?"

"Oh, so you've spoken to them then?" The colour suffusing Hermione's cheeks darkened.

"Not recently, but I know they are fine."

"And Millie? And the young Miss Weasley?"

Hermione thought she realised what he was getting at.

"I've been busy!" She said defensively. "And so have they; I work now, and they are studying for their NEWTs."

"I see. So none of them have had time to be in touch with their old friend. That _is_ a shame."

Hermione thought guiltily of the piles of unanswered letters she had stashed somewhere.

"Is this all you wanted? To give me a bollocking for having a life?" Andrew raised an eyebrow at her language.

"When I first met you, you would never have thrust your friends to one side and forget about their existence. And Hermione, would you call this a life? This obsessive work?"

"I saw Paul last night!" She looked at him scathingly, although that expression quickly died as he turned his gaze onto her.

"Yes let's talk about Paul."

"Can I at least get dressed first?" She said cuttingly, although Andrew ignored it. He pulled out his wand and she found herself dressed in loose jeans and a thick sweater.

"I'm not having you worm your way out of this conversation. Merlin knows I've put it off myself for long enough. Now come with me, I can't talk in this _hovel._" He looked around the apartment in disdain, and then grabbed Hermione's arm and apparated her back to his home before she had a chance to argue.

"Sit." He pulled out a chair in the kitchen, and waited for her to sit before he took a chair himself.

"I'm not a dog!" Hermione tried to laugh, but Andrew didn't respond at her attempt of a joke.

"Hermione, listen to me, because I am your friend, and seemingly the only one left because you have cut all your other friends out of your life."

She opened her mouth to say something, and then thought better of it, and nodded her agreement.

"Are you over Severus?"

Whatever she had been expecting, that had not been it. She shrugged defiantly, knowing that she could not look him in the eye and tell him a blatant lie. He would see straight through that.

"Does it matter?"

"He's in love with you."

"That's irrelevant, I am – "

Andrew cut her off before she could complete her sentence. "Madly – can't think straight – would do anything for you – in love with you. For all eternity."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You are a hopeless romantic Andrew! Speaking of, how is it going with"

"Don't change the subject!" Andrew barked, unusually harsh. "That man would give his life for you, and you need to know that before you make the biggest mistake of your life."

Hermione glared daggers at Andrew, and took a deep breath to calm herself. Her voice was dangerously low and calm when she spoke. "That man would give his life for me? I would have given mine for him – my life was his, and look where it got me? And furthermore, explain why exactly I am making the biggest mistake of my life?"

"Do you love Paul?"

"It's complicated. Severus makes things complicated. But he loves me, and he makes me happy."

"No he doesn't. Let me tell you what he makes you feel, correct me if I am wrong. He is solid and stable, and can offer you security. He is romantic, and he treats you like a delicate ornament that can break at the slightest upset. And most of all he is predictable and trustworthy and unexciting – and makes you feel _safe._ Everything that Severus wasn't."

Hermione blanched as he said Severus' name.

"What is wrong with safety and stability? And anyway, I thought Paul was your friend?"

"He is my friend. He isn't my lover. And let me tell you what is wrong with safety and stability. They aren't what you are looking for – you need passion and excitement, someone who makes you come _alive_. Your soul mate."

Hermione looked at Andrew cruelly, and the words came to her mouth unbidden, before she had time to process what she was saying.

"And I suppose you know all about soul mates? You have found yours have you? In a _Deatheater_?"

All the colour drained from Andrew's face, and he inhaled sharply. With great effort he didn't rise to her barb, choosing not to react at all. Hermione had paled, cursing the lack of connection between her brain and her mouth, struggling to find words to correct what she had said.

"Of all your character traits, I had never thought cruelty was one of them." He remarked in barely more than a whisper.

"Andrew, I'm sorry, I - " He cut her off swiftly.

"Forget about it." The hurt was written all over his face, and at that moment Hermione hated herself.

Andrew stood up and busied himself with brewing a pot of tea, needing a moment away from Hermione before he could face her again. When he returned to the table he had regained at least a modicum of self control.

"Don't shut me out of your life and isolate yourself as you have done with your other friends."

Hermione felt terrible. How could he say that after what she had just told him? Either he was a saint, or he was a better friend than she had thought possible.

"Hermione, I'm not going to push you on the subject of Severus. But as far as Paul goes, are you willing to sacrifice love and passion for the sake of safety and stability? And while you're at it, think about whether this is fair to Paul? He's a good man, and he deserves someone who will return his love. Think about that."

He was dismissing her, and Hermione couldn't blame him after her sharp tongue. Only when Hermione had fled from his home did Andrew allow his head to drop to his folded arms on the table, his body wracked with dry, heaving sobs.

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Hermione returned to her apartment, slowly and methodically packing a small bag of clothes and toiletries to take to Paul's. She wasn't ready to give up her own apartment and her independence, but it made sense to leave some of her things there if staying the night was now to occur with increasing frequency. She steadfastly refused to consider what Andrew had said to her.

"Even someone like me deserves some happiness!" She yelled aloud, throwing an abandoned shoe at the wall, where it bounced off unsatisfyingly.

Meanwhile, speak of the devil, Howard, Andrew's Deatheater lover had appeared mere minutes after Hermione had left. He looked at Andrew with concern, wrapping his arms around the man.

"What's wrong?" He murmured in Andrew's ear, and Andrew's heart swelled with love – despite the circumstance in which the relationship had come about; despite Andrew using the man to spy on the Deatheaters – he knew now that he was in love with this man forever and all time.

Andrew swallowed his sobs, letting the other man take him by the hand and lead him to the bedroom.

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That night, Hermione again stayed at Paul's. She curled into his side as they went to sleep, drawing comfort from his strong presence next to her, inhaling his familiar scent with a smile. Andrew was wrong, she told herself. She _was_ falling in love with Paul; it was just one of those things that took its time. It wasn't about safety and security at all.

As she was drifting off to sleep, a crash from downstairs startled the pair into waking, and Paul fumbled for his wand as the distinct sound of quick footsteps could be heard downstairs.

"Stay here." Paul told Hermione warningly, even as she ignored him- grabbing her wand and following him through the door and downstairs.

It was Andrew; his cheek flushed scarlet but the rest of him so pale he looked grey, his chest heaving as he tried to regain his breath.

"They – are – attacking – Hogwarts tomorrow!" He gasped out. "I've called the Order here, it isn't safe at my house anymore."

Paul nodded, as Order members began appearing with soft pops in the hall. Harry raised an eyebrow at their state of undress; Paul in his underpants and Hermione in a silk nightdress. Hermione blushed, and made to go upstairs and put on something more suitable, but then Harry pulled her into a tight hug.

"It's good to see you," he said gruffly. Then he pulled back, and said with a grin, "You better put something over that before Ron gets here!"

Hermione nodded, and ran back up the stairs after Paul to get her dressing gown. As she returned and was making her way downstairs, she felt a firm gaze on her, and with a sharp shock, lifted her eyes to meet Severus'. She had forgotten entirely that he was part of the Order.

"Hermione." He nodded at her formally, his quick eyes taking in her and Paul's dressing gowns and similar states of dishevelment. Subconsciously he lifted a hand to touch Hermione's cheek, and she jerked away from his touch, startled by the bolt of electricity that ran through her at the feel of his fingertips on his skin.

Andrew, now having recovered himself, looked at her knowingly, although he did not say anything. When Severus had turned away Hermione pressed her fingers softly to her cheek, almost afraid to lose the memory of his touch.

At once she realised what Andrew had meant by her not loving Paul; not really. Her body needed to react to Paul like it did to Severus, but she feared that would never happen with anyone now. She could hear Andrew's words reverberating in her head that Severus still loved her, and although she tried to ignore it, Severus's earnest face as he told her he loved her – his expression turning to stricken as she refused him, telling him she loved Paul. A shiver ran down her spine, and Paul wrapped an arm around her shoulders, smiling down at her lovingly.

Oh God, what was she doing? Hermione's head was swimming with thoughts. She knew he still loved Severus, and that her actions were totally unfair on Paul. But her feelings for Paul were growing every day – so why couldn't she get Severus off her mind? It was Paul she wanted!

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All the members together, they crowded around the long dining room table to hear what the emergency news was. Andrew stood up.

"I have it on good authority – in fact I am absolutely certain, that the Deatheaters will attack Hogwarts tomorrow during dinner."

There were gasps around the table, although Minerva did not react except to rub her eyes tiredly.

"I have suspected it for some time." She admitted. "More than once I have felt attacks on the wards that protect the castle." An odd expression flitted across Severus' face, and he looked at Minerva with concern etched across his features.

"It's alright Severus," Minerva reassured him. "Filius has helped to shoulder the burden." Then she turned to explain to rest of the table. "It is a strain on whoever keeps up the wards in normal circumstances – especially when there are attempted attacks on them. Even Albus has to rely on Severus and myself."

"Why didn't you inform the Order earlier?" Kingsley asked sharply. Minerva turned her eyes to him impassively, the dark shadows under her eyes pronounced.

"Why would I have? It is nothing out of the ordinary – there have always been attacks on the wards for as long as there have been Deatheaters."

Andrew spoke over her, drawing the attention back to himself.

"Be that as it may, my source is absolutely certain that they have a way in which doesn't involve taking down the wards. And it gets worse." He exhaled loudly. "The Deatheaters have a spell-weaver working for them, and he has formulated a spell to divide purebloods from others. They want to destroy muggleborns and halfbloods – the thinking behind it being if a generation of non-purebloods are annihilated, that will put a massive dent in future non-purebloods."

There was absolute silence as the members of the Order absorbed this. Ron cleared his throat.

"I hate to point out the obvious, but have the Deatheaters realised that muggleborns aren't born from witches or wizards? That's sort of the point. What they are doing only wipes out one generation – it doesn't stop future muggleborns or halfbloods." Harry laughed nervously, and even Andrew let a small smile prick at the corners of his lips.

"I know, but when has it ever been logical? All I can tell you is that this is the plan. I have my suspicions, although I couldn't get it out of Howard without ringing warning bells, that it is the first step in a plan to take over the school entirely. If they are in charge, admissions policies can be changed, and if that happens then no more muggle-borns or halfbloods will be permitted entry to our world."

"So what do we do?" Paul turned to look at Minerva as he spoke.

"I can strengthen the wards, and also the protection on the secret passageways into the school. But if they have found a legal way in, then the first line of defence will have to be inside the school, waiting for the attack." She looked at Kingsley.

"Kingsley, be honest with me. We have two options: first, evacuate the school to avoid all casualties and avoid a battle. Except this will alert the Deatheaters that we have inside information and could put Andrew in danger, and secondly, we may not have warning for when they next plan to attack."

Kingsley nodded, frowning, his quick mind going over the options as Minerva continued.

"Or, we prepare as much as we can for tomorrow, and risk casualties from not being prepared enough."

"The first isn't an option, is it?" Kingsley sighed. "But at the same time we risk huge casualties tomorrow, with no battle plan and just us around this table to defend Hogwarts."

Ron and Harry glanced at each other, and then Ron piped up. "That's not exactly true. There are several people in Poland with us whose loyalties are unquestionable. They will fight. And then there are the seventh years who are of age – speak to my sister and she will rally people at Hogwarts."

Minerva nodded. "We are of course forgetting the most important thing. This small group is not the Order of old. We never officially resurrected the Order, and so many of our previous members are not here. The entirely Weasley clan – Molly, Arthur, Bill, Fleur, Percy and George will all come once alerted. And there are the others who will come too, Hagrid and all the others. We didn't win the war to lose in one little battle."

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When the meeting had been finished, with Minerva, Kingsley and a few others retiring to the kitchen to draw up battle plans, Andrew beckoned Hermione, Paul and Severus to stay. Hermione glared daggers at Andrew, while Severus merely looked bewildered. Paul glanced continuously over at Severus, keeping a protective arm slung around Hermione's neck.

"Severus – Hermione, I don't mean to make this uncomfortable, but there's something you should know that I didn't bring to the attention of the Order. Simultaneous to the attack at Hogwarts, the Deatheaters hope to kidnap Hermione and get her to recreate your old potion."

Severus instantly cringed at the mention of that potion, but said nothing, listening to Andrew continue.

"They know that it has been destroyed and so instead they need one of its creators – you or Hermione. And they know you won't crack under torture, so they are hoping Hermione will instead. They obviously don't know you very well." He smiled at Hermione fondly, and Hermione felt a pang of guilt at how quick he had been to forgive her for her barb earlier."

Severus and Paul both looked grim, although Hermione was oddly unworried. She nodded her head slowly in understanding.

"Thank you for not making it public to the Order." She said finally. "All their attention needs to be focused on protected the school and its students. Before we get into an argument about what to do now, I will make it clear that I want to fight, and I am fairly certain that the three of you won't allow it."

"Certainly not!" Said Paul hotly. "I'll stay with you, to protect you."

"I don't need protection!" Hermione cried out, and Andrew and Severus both muffled simultaneous grins. "Paul, you don't need to be my knight in shining armour, when there are hundreds of children that need your protection more than I do! I fought in the last war, I can take care of myself."

"Actually – if you listen to me for once, you won't be taking care of yourself alone. My fear, and it's a well-grounded fear, is that when they can't find you, they may try to take Severus anyway. Before you protest about being hidden away with him, think of this. Every witch and wizard available will be taking part in Battle – for the Deatheaters have swiftly rebuilt their numbers since the war. Even the mediwitches are needed. If two of you are better off not fighting – and the same two of you happen to both have basic medical training – is it not better to take up that role?"

Hermione could see the sense in what Andrew was saying, and she shrugged, feigning indifference over being locked up with Severus.

"If that is where I am needed then it is fine."

Severus avoided Hermione's keen gaze as he too agreed with Andrew. Paul watched Severus through heavily lidded, suspicious eyes, and when Severus was finished talking to Andrew, Paul took him out of the room.

Hermione and Andrew looked at each other, bemused, as they heard Paul's raised voice warning Severus not to lay a finger on Hermione or even so much as look at her. When the two men returned Paul was strangely calm and collected after his outburst, and a small smirk played at the corners of Severus' lips.

Paul strode over to Hermione, oblivious to Severus and Andrew's presence in the room. He took Hermione's hands in his.

"Hermione, I know we have been together for only a short time. But I love you, and now our world is at war again and your life is in danger. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you, or spending one minute of this lifetime without you."

He got down on one knee, and Severus stilled, not even able to breath as he took in the scene before him.

"Marry me, Hermione?"

Hermione bit her lip. Oh, but why had he asked that with _those_ two men in the room, of all men? She knew he hadn't meant anything by it, but Hermione caught Andrew's eye, and saw only an omniscient sadness there. Unable to help herself, she looked up at Severus, and was held captivated by his powerful gaze. His face was a mixture of unreadable emotions; anger, guilt, disbelief, and most of all, and absolute, gut-wrenching sorrow.

Hermione was drawn to him for a split second, and then remembered the circumstances that had led to this, and was suddenly filled with rage at Severus' brazenness in feeling any of those emotions. And then she looked down into Paul's open, honest face, filled with love and care for her.

"Yes." She said, smiling at him as he whooped and stood up, swinging her round in his arms, kissing her cheeks, her nose, her lips. There was a soft pop as Severus wordlessly disapparated. Paul put Hermione down as Andrew kissed her on the cheek and shook Paul's hand, offering the couple a subdued congratulations.

As he too disapparated, Hermione's eyes welled up with tears, although she could not tell if they were tears of sorrow or of joy.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty Five

Hermione and Severus were holed up in Grimmauld Place, the wards around the building so strong and reinforced that Hermione doubted the injured would be able to get through the wards. She paced the lounge anxiously, unable to stay still. Severus sat on the couch, watching amusedly. Hermione abruptly stopped, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.

"Why are we being forced to stay here? We should be helping!"

"We _are_ helping." Severus responded calmly, picking up a copy of the Daily Prophet and flicking through it absent-mindedly.

"How?" Hermione hissed. "The others are risking their lives for us, and we are taking it easy here. _Here!_ They won't even be able to get those that need help through to us!"

"Hogwarts and Grimmauld Place have been connected through Minerva. The magic that it required nearly knocked her unconscious, and Albus had to talk her through the spell step by step. You would have known that if you weren't so self-absorbed." He didn't look up from the newspaper once as he spoke, and Hermione saw red.

"SELF-ABSORBED? How in Merlin's name am I self-absorbed?" She shrieked, not even trying to regain some self-control.

"Let's see, you abandon your school friends, you almost drive away Mayfair, and you are using Armitage, and are so preoccupied in the pretence of a relationship that you haven't thought once of the preparations going on all day for battle."

He ticked off the list on his fingers casually, as if the topic under discussion was of no importance to him. Hermione had no idea of he was deliberately trying to provoke her, or whether he merely was unable to stop himself from taking things a step too far.

"My relationship is none of your business." She said, her voice low and dangerous. Severus shrugged his indifference.

"My apologies." He did not sound sorry at all, and Hermione could not correlate this new man to the one who had been offering up declarations of love just days previously.

"And it _isn't_ a pretence of a relationship!" She added sharply, angry when Severus just looked bored. But what reaction had she really wanted from him after telling him to stay out of her life?

"I thought it was none of my business." He drawled.

"Don't you act all superior with me." Hermione growled. "It's your fault that this happened."

Severus arched an eyebrow delicately, straining to keep up his apathy, it nearly killing him having his beautiful, passionate witch in the room and pretending he didn't care. But this was what she had asked for; this was what she would get.

"The break-down of our relationship was my fault. What you are doing to yourself, to your friends, and to Armitage. That is your own fault. There is no one to blame but yourself."

Hermione blanched. It was so different hearing what Andrew had been telling her again and again, but this time from Severus.

"It's too late." She didn't know why she was opening up to him as she paced around the room, but if she was to confess her mistakes to anyone, no one knew her better than Severus.

"I let things get worse and worse, and was too stubborn to think that they were my fault until it was too late to fix all the friendships I had ruined. Too late to fix my life. But then, you were right before. I am self-absorbed. I was so fixated on what happened with Greyback, and all its consequences, that I never once thought that _you_ also had problems."

Severus looked up at her sharply, words failing him, as he struggled to process her words. Was he reading too much into them? Or could that almost have been a confession of something close to forgiveness?

An unconscious body rushed out of the fireplace, and Severus cursed whoever had interrupted such a delicate moment, and then at once feeling terrible for thinking that. He and Hermione bent over the unconscious sixth year, their discussion and their disagreements forgotten as they got to work.

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Bodies; unconscious, moaning in pain, and dead, flooded Hermione and Severus as they worked tirelessly through the night, both of them desperate to know what was happening at Hogwarts as they worked to save their friends and the students.

It was a relief when Order members started to apparated into Grimmauld Place to help deal with the mounting injured.

"Hogwarts is safe." Minerva said sharply, barely able to remain standing, her face grey. Nevertheless, she bent over her students, anguish flitting across her face at the sight of the students under her care injured.

The dead were moved to another room, and Hermione cast a professional eye over the bodies, struggling not to react to so many familiar faces, now lifeless.

Professor Slughorn. Professor Sinistra. Madam Pince. Dedalus Diggle. Aberforth Dumbledore. And countless others whose faces she could not match to a name.

It was hours before the injured had been dispatched to St Mungo's, no longer critical, or had been sent home. Ron had been badly injured, hovering close to death at once point, and Severus had ordered Hermione to see to someone else at once while he and Harry worked long and hard on Ron until he was stable enough to be moved.

Most people apparated straight home from Grimmauld Place once the situation was under control; an Order meeting was out of the question, and Kingsley had the unfortunate task of returning to the Ministry with the surviving aurors for damage control. Hermione found Paul and told him she was going to stay in Grimmauld Place with Harry, and she was so preoccupied with Ron that she didn't even get a chance to see Andrew.

When everyone had gone, and the dead had been quietly removed by a St Mungo's official, Severus collapsed onto the couch, not quite unable to take in what had happened. The lack of notice, and not being at the battle had made the whole situation entirely surreal for both him and Hermione, existing almost on a dream plane – not quite in the real world.

Harry, dead on his feet, but wide awake still and jittery over Ron, sat down with Hermione and Severus to tell them everything about the battle.

The Deatheaters had come in through the Slytherin common room; one of the seventh years had rigged the fireplace to let in people from the outside, and it had been so obvious, so right-there-in-front-of-them that no one had thought of checking the floo until it was too late, and the castle was flooded with Deatheaters.

Everyone not of age, or anyone of age not wanting to fight were shepherded into the Room of Requirement and out of Hogwarts, in exactly the same manner that had been used the previous summer.

And then, using replicas of the enchanted coins used by Dumbledore's Army – Hermione smiled faintly at that – Kingsley and Minerva had given everyone instructions of where to go, and the Deatheaters had been attacked from all fronts.

Part of Hogwarts had been blown off, and there simply was no astronomy tower any more. But most of the students were safe, and Hogwarts was not in the hands of the Deatheaters. All in all, Hermione thought sadly, it was a happy ending with Hogwarts not falling into the hands of the Deatheaters. But it was a happy ending that should have finished the previous year. Would the war ever end?

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Harry stood up, and Hermione followed Hermione into the hall, as he fetched his cloak, wrapping it around himself tightly although it did not stop him shivering.

"You're not staying here tonight?" Hermione enquired of Harry, taking in his exhausted expression and almost grey features. "I hadn't thought you would return to Poland, being so tired. And Ron won't be going back for a while."

Harry rubbed his bleary eyes and grinned a tired smile.

"One of the advantages of Ginny being head girl is that she has her own quarters. McGonagall more or less said is absolutely shattered, and will turn a blind eye to any 'inappropriate goings on' tonight."

Hermione grinned. "You're shameless!" She scolded, laughing at him. Harry laughed with her.

"Not that shameless. She's a mess after what she saw tonight and seeing Ron like that, but she didn't want to go back to the Burrows, because Mrs Weasley is being a little – overprotective – because of nearly losing Ron." He chose his words carefully.

"Are you going back to Paul's now?" Hermione's eyes clouded over.

"Maybe not, I was thinking I would stay here with you, but maybe I will return to my place."

"You should stay here tonight, you're too tired to go back to your apartment, and I don't want you being on your own."

"Oh – who else is staying here then?" She knew the answer as soon as she had asked the question, and saw the shifty expression in Harry's eyes.

"Professor Snape is – but only because he also shouldn't be in his house with Deatheaters still on the loose. Don't shout at me!" He protested, as Hermione started to splutter her indignation.

"I've been locked in a room with him for hours!"

"And was it really that bad?" He asked with honest curiosity. Hermione smiled a secret little smile, which gave her away at once, although Harry pretended not to know what it meant.

"Hermione, I'm sorry, but I would feel much better if you stayed here tonight, where you are safe." Hermione opened her mouth to protest, but had nothing to protest about.

"No arguments!" Said Harry with a stern twinkle in his eye, and he disapparated without a further word.

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Hermione re-entered the lounge, where Severus was now standing up, his features bright and alert despite the hour.

"How are you?" He asked her awkwardly, as Hermione twisted the corners of her top between her fingers nervously.

The diamond that glinted on the ring finger of Hermione's left hand twinkled at Severus precociously; taunting him, and Hermione fidgeting with it, twisting it round her finger.

"We never got to finish our earlier discussion." Severus said, still looking at the ring. "So you're happy with Armitage?" He was abrupt, cold.

Hermione avoided Severus' eye, trying to formulate an answer that wouldn't give her away. The trouble was, Severus knew her too well for her to get away with lying.

"He makes me happy, he treats me well." She answered at last._ Unlike you._ Hermione did not say the words, but they both thought them. Severus eyed her with tentative curiosity.

"Did I not treat you well? Were you not happy with me?"

Hermione stared at him incredulously. "Oh yes, I loved having my entire world shattered in the space of a day; finding out that you lied to me and thought so little of my vision that you were prepared to have the world end as we know it, and me as Lucius' sex toy. I wouldn't define that as happy."

Severus winced, although he hadn't expected anything else from her.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it." He said slowly. "Does Armitage make you feel like I do? Can a single touch leave you breathless?" He raised his hand, his fingers almost touching her lips, but not closing the gap between them. Her lips quivered slightly, forcing herself not to lean forward into his touch, as his hand fell back to his side.

"Can one glance leave you speechless and weak at the knees?" She looked up into his intense gaze, and her breath caught in her throat at the rumble of his deep voice, and the look in his dark eyes.

His hand moved up to cup her face, and Hermione stilled, her head telling her to push him away, but something in her making her not dare to move.

"Tell me you're in love with him and I'll leave you alone once and for all." Human ears would have strained to catch his whisper, but Hermione caught every word.

"How can I love him, when I'm in love with someone else?" His dark eyes held her brown gaze, her eyes scared at what she had just revealed.

Cautiously, watching to check that his actions were alright, Severus brought his other hand up to cup her other cheek, and brought her face towards his tenderly. Hermione's breathing stilled, hardly daring to believe what was happening. And then his lips captured hers, and finally Hermione saw what she been missing with Paul, as she felt the sensation of completeness that only Severus could give her, the almost overwhelming atmosphere of enduring love that emanated from him.

Heart racing, Severus pulled back and looked at her; admiring her shining eyes and swollen lips and flushed cheeks, and wondering when the spell would break.

Hermione curled a hand around the back of neck and pulled him down to meet her lips in a kiss, fervent in their ardour. They kissed frantically, Severus' hands twisting in Hermione's hair, holding her body tightly against his so that he could feel her pressed up against him; so that he knew this was real. Hermione's hands ran down Severus' lean body, grasping at his clothes frantically, ripping through the white shirt he wore, buttons pinging off the walls.

One hand moved down Hermione's chest, grazing a hard nipple so that she moaned, arching her back so that she pressed her breast more firmly into Severus' hand, and Severus barely suppressed a low moan at the sensation of his Hermione in his arms once more. The other hand moved down around her hips, clutching her to him firmly, her body almost quivering as she felt his hard body moulding to hers.

Severus shrugged his torn shirt of his shoulders, and Hermione ran her soft hands over the newly exposed skin, pressing her lips to his chest, kissing along his collar bone and up his throat until she reached his lips again.

"You're entirely too overdressed." Severus growled, tugging at the bottom of her top until Hermione lifted her arms into the air, allowing him to remove it. His hands at once moved to her breasts, his thumbs rubbing her nipples through her bra. Hermione moaned aloud, unable to coordinate her own hands to do anything except clutch at Severus' chest blindly, her knees threatening to give way.

Severus chuckled against Hermione's lips, and held her more firmly, supporting most of her weight with one arm, the other going around her back to smoothly undo the clasp of her bra. Looking down at Hermione's hands on his chest, an odd expression clouded Severus' eyes as he took hold of Hermione's left hand, carefully sliding off the engagement ring. Hermione watched his actions silently, not reacting until the ring was out of her eye line.

Her hands moved to his belt, fumbling with the buckle until Severus laughed, that deep, glorious laugh she had missed so much, and gently pushed her hands away to unbuckle it himself.

"Severus-" She gasped, not knowing what she was saying, only that she was here in Severus' arms, and that it was _real_. This was really happening. Tears started to prick at her eyes.

"I love you so much, I've been such a fool." She gasped out the words, and Severus' grasp on her tightened, as if afraid if he let go he would lose her.

"No, I was the fool, and I almost lost you because of it. Forgive me." He murmured.

"Forever and always." The words caught in her throat as a single tear trickled down her cheek. Severus inclined his head, and kissed away the tear.

"Oh my darling," he said softly. "Darling, darling girl." He kissed away the tears from her wet lashes. "Don't cry, I'll never leave you, I'll never do anything to hurt you so long as I live. You're stuck with me forever."

Hermione smiled sweetly through her tears. "I was afraid of that!" She said with a dry chuckle, standing on tiptoes to kiss his lips again. She could feel his hardness pressing against her, and he knew she could feel him.

"It's about time these came off." He flipped open the button on her jeans, and she wriggled out of them until they were around her ankles, trapped by her boots. Severus laughed at the sight of Hermione in her underwear, with jeans caught around her ankles to complete the picture, Hermione laughed too, and would have fallen if it weren't for Severus' arm that still encircled her. He pushed her so that she was sitting on the couch, and pulled off her boots, tossing them to one side of the room carelessly. His hands ran up Hermione's legs slowly, sensually caressing her behind her knees and up the soft skin of her thighs before he slid them back down her legs to remove her jeans. Hermione shuddered at the sensation of his hands on her legs, and pulled him down to join her on the couch, kissing him with a sense of utmost urgency.

Severus laughed softly, and pulled away with reluctance.

"I think we would be much more comfortable upstairs than here on the couch." He scooped her up into his arms, ignoring her protestations and strode up the stairs easily, pushing open the door to his usual room in Grimmauld Place, and lay Hermione gently on the bed, acutely aware after having her in his arms of her jutting bones and her frailty.

"I'm not going to break." Hermione grumbled. "Now get down here and kiss me." Severus obeyed at once, joining her on the bed so that he was lying on his side next to her, watching her intently.

"You're so beautiful." He murmured, enjoying just looking at her. Hermione's eyes shone brightly, as she looked up at Severus with love. "Now where were we?" He rolled onto her, supporting his weight with his elbows, and kissed her fervently, enjoying her rapidly hastening breaths against his lips.

Hermione pushed one knee between his legs, gently against his crotch, causing Severus to jerk suddenly, clenching his legs around her own leg to still it. He trailed two long fingers down Hermione's stomach, until he reached the top of her knickers, and stroked her through the damp fabric. Hermione gasped loudly, clutching at Severus' hair. His touch stopped for a moment, and then his fingers hooked around her knickers, sliding them down her satin legs and discarding them on the floor.

His fingertips caressed her hips and inner thighs until Hermione was crying out, arching her back in her desire for him. A finger slipped inside her, then joined by a second, and Hermione cried out in pleasure as his thumb found her clitoris.

Severus bent his head, his lips taking her nipple in his mouth. He was vaguely aware of his boxer shorts being pulled down, but was entirely too caught up in his passion, and the sensations of finally being reunited with his witch.

Hermione shifted, uncomfortable in her pent up passion and desire, desperate for more, and Severus – finally – slid into her, groaning aloud at the sensation of completion. Hermione moaned, and groped blindly for his hand. His hand found hers, clutching it tightly, reassuringly. He didn't move for a moment, overwhelmed, never thinking he would have been with his Hermione again.

And then he began to move, and Hermione wrapped her legs around his waist, moaning with every thrust. Severus groaned, already dangerously close to climax, and reached one hand between their glistening bodies until he found her clitoris. Hermione cried out; Severus knew exactly what buttons to press where she was concerned, her body stiffening as her orgasm ripped through her body; her muscles clenching around Severus, swiftly bringing him to his climax also.

He lay collapsed on Hermione for a few minutes, the couple regaining their breath. Scared he was crushing her, Severus rolled off her to lie on his side, gazing down at her flushed cheeks, trailing his fingertips down her body, caressing her soft stomach.

"I love you." Hermione whispered. And then her gaze fell on her abandoned engagement ring, and she sat up abruptly, her hair falling over her bare breasts in a manner that was entirely enticing to Severus. That is, until he heard her next words.

"Oh God, Paul!" She scrambled from the bed, gathering up her clothing and then darting from the room into the en suite. Severus sat up in the bed, in shock, not sure what had just happened. Hermione returned, now fully dressed, her quick, nervous gaze darting around the room until she saw the ring. She picked it up, and turned to Severus.

"Severus, I'm so sorry to do this now, but I can't wait – anyway – I'll see you soon." She disappeared, and Severus stiffened, her words a kick in the teeth, his breathing halting for a minute until the pain in his chest made him realise what he was doing, and he exhaled loudly. He darted from the bed, still graceful even in his anger, and pulled on his clothes roughly, his hands trembling slightly in mingled fury and despair.

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When Hermione returned, white and visibly shaken, Severus had disappeared from Grimmauld Place. Confused, she apparated to his home, almost crashing into John the groom as she flew into the house.

"Is Severus here?" She asked one of the house elves, and the elf pointed her in the direction of the library. Hermione ran up the stairs, bursting into the library to see Severus staring at a bottle of whiskey, contemplating it.

"I thought you had sworn off drinking?" She asked quietly, and Severus' shoulders become rigid, although he did not turn around to look at her.

"Shouldn't you be with Armitage?" He asked cuttingly, and Hermione finally understood. She walked up to stand behind him, her hand gently massaging his tense shoulders. He shrugged off her touch almost viciously, and Hermione nearly lost her footing, grabbing hold of the top of the cold fireplace to steady herself.

"Severus – look at me." Unwillingly, he turned his eyes towards her, his emotions completely shut off. "Severus, I went to finish it. I'm sorry – I felt so terrible for doing what we did when I was still engaged to him, that I wasn't thinking straight – all I needed to do was see him and end it. I should have explained to you first, I didn't realise how my words sounded to you."

A flicker of hope entered his eyes now, and his eyes fell to her now bare ring finger for reassurance or her words.

"You mean it? You finished it? To – to be with me?" He stumbled over the last words, scared they might not be true. Hermione smiled up at him radiantly.

"Yes, to be with you. Forever and always."

"Forever and always." Severus echoed, taking her in his arms.

Her voice muffled against his chest, Hermione muttered, "I wasn't whole without you Severus, I didn't know how to go on living when we were apart."

She felt at once completely vulnerable for saying that; scared that she had said too much. Severus' arms held her tighter, his throat hoarse, and his words emotional.

"I am never going to lose you again."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Six

Hermione's eyes fluttered open, and she smiled sleepily as she snuggled deeper into Severus's arms.

"I think we should get out of bed soon, otherwise they will be sending out a search party for us," Severus said gruffly, a smile in his voice, his tightening arms around Hermione making it clear that he had no intention of getting up.

It had been three days since Hermione had ended her engagement with Paul, and those three days had been spent in Severus' bed, so far the pair had yet to leave his room, only getting up to use the bathroom. The house elves had strict instructions that all mail was to be left in the kitchen, and they were to be undisturbed except at meal times. The Daily Prophet too had been banished to the kitchen; Severus refused to see if there was anything about him, Hermione or Paul in there, and Hermione was too blissfully happy to even think about the possibility of them being in the paper. In three short days, they had become two very satisfied recluses, totally cut off from the real world.

"Hermione?"

"Mmmm?" She answered, a little wary of the tone of caution in his voice.

"We should talk about everything that's happened to us both."

Hermione sat up now, turning to look at him with an unreadable look in her eyes. The sheet covering her slid down, and the sight of her bare breasts was almost enough to make Severus forget what he had been saying. Almost, but not quite.

"Since – since that night when you – when you almost?" Her voice quavered, her words unusually sharp and broken for someone usually so articulate.

"Since the night I tried to bring back Dumbledore." Severus finished, his words as clipped and detached as hers were hesitant and filled with emotion.

"What do you want to know?" Hermione asked as she pulled on Severus' crisp white shirt that lay abandoned on the floor beside the bed. He shrugged, suddenly unsure of himself.

"Maybe it would be better if we were to get up and go down to the kitchen." He suggested, and with a groan he got up and pulled on a pair of brown silk pyjama bottoms. Hermione walked over to him, her hands roaming freely over his well-muscled chest.

"Seeing you like this will be my undoing," she said, as she rose to tip-toes to kiss the corner of his mouth. Severus raised an eyebrow at her long, bare legs under the shirt.

"I could say the same about you. And don't try to steer me off course! I know we already spoke about everything leading up to that night, but we can't pretend the last few months apart didn't exist." He smiled warmly at her, his smile crinkling the corners of his eyes, trying to put across how much he loved her, trying to reassure her as her face fell.

"I already know about you. You drank yourself into a stupor, ended up with severe burns and then turned to alcohol before going to the Druids for a complete detox. Andrew told me. And then you spoke to Dumbledore, and the rest I know. What else is there?" The rising panic was evident in her voice.

"But what about you?" He asked gently. "I did some terrible things, and I can see the toll they had on you, and how you dealt with it. But you can't just keep these things bottled up inside and pretend a whole period of your life never happened."

Hermione exhaled sharply. "Maybe I'm not ready to talk about them. I did some horrible things too." She confessed – an admission to herself as much as to him.

"Come down and we will talk." He implored, tugging at her hand almost imperceptibly.

In the kitchen the house elves were delighted to see their Master resurface after three days of worrying that they had done something wrong.

"Can we get Master and Miss something?" Triblen squeaked, his ears twitching in excitement after three days of no work.

"Coffee and some light breakfast please."

Hermione and Severus sat across from each other, Hermione steadfastly refusing to look up at him. Severus reached over and talk her soft, warm hand in his larger one.

"Hermione, what are you worried about?" He asked softly, scared of startling her.

"That you'll hate me." She confessed, and to his astonishment a single large tear rolled down her cheek.

"I could never hate you, whatever it is you think you have done." He reassured her, his mind racing with possibilities. What was it that had her so upset? He knew at once that after mulling over doing this for the last few days, this had been the right thing to do. He knew she had had a bad time of it after she had left him, and whatever it was she needed to get off her chest.

"Did you know that I slept with Blaise on the 22nd of December, and then on Christmas Eve I was already kissing you? An d just a couple of weeks after you and I finished I was already out on a date with Paul – and agreeing to an engagement not long after that?"

The muscle in his cheek twitched slightly at the mention of Blaise's name, but other than that Severus did not respond, waiting for Hermione to continue.

"Did you know I feel like an absolute slut?" She asked, her conversational casual tone belying the depth of her words. "I'm not even twenty yet and I've already slept with four men."

Four men? For a moment Severus thought wildly of Krum, and then he remembered Greyback, and had the sudden urge to shake her. But still he did not say anything, only squeezing her hand tighter.

Hermione shrugged him off, reaching for the steaming coffee that sat beside her. A hurt look crossed his face, but Hermione did not see it, the steam masking her face, hiding the quiver of her lip.

"I feel like there's something wrong with me. I thought I loved Blaise, but in actual fact I was using him as much as he was using me. I needed to feel loved after everything that had happened, and I didn't care about what I was doing. And then I really did find love, and just a fortnight after that I was already with someone else."

Hermione stopped for a moment, taking a sip of coffee as she tried to find the words to express herself.

"I just suppose I don't understand what sort of person could be so in love with someone and then do that. If Ginny got together with someone straight after breaking up with Harry I would think terribly of her."

"It's hardly the same situation." Severus remarked, speaking for the first time. "After everything you suffered with Greyback, finding someone to love you was your way of coping. It is understandable that after I hurt you as badly as I did you would fall back to that same method of dealing with things. It wasn't a matter of forgetting about me. If you had already pushed me out of your heart and moved on then I would understand what you are saying, but it isn't like that."

"Don't just say that to shut me up!" She cried, now getting agitated. "I get it, you are just saying that so that I will stay on your bed. But after what Greyback did, and how I let Blaise treat me, and then spending the night with Paul and the next night with you, even you can't say I am anything more than a filthy whore." Suddenly she bolted from the table, and Severus was instantly up and after her, flying through the halls of his home until he had caught her up, his hand closing around her upper arm.

"Hermione –" He didn't know what to say to the girl as he enclosed her in her arms. Her eyes were bright and wary, her body shaking in his firm grasp.

"I don't think that of you – I never could. Do you honestly think that of yourself?"

There was a pause, and then a muffled voice answered. "I don't know. It's what I think everyone else should think of me."

"No one thinks that of you. Come, let's take a walk."

Holding her hand and leading her as if she was a child, Severus wrapped a warm cloak around first Hermione, and then himself, and led her into the garden. He looked down with a frown as they stepped outside, realising that neither of them wore shoes, and drew his wand to rectify that.

"No don't, I like it." Hermione wiggled her toes in the grass, not minding the fresh dew that glistened on the green blades. Hand in hand they walked to the walled garden within the grounds and pushed open the gate. Hermione went to the swinging chair, sitting down at one end and drawing her bare legs up to her chest.

Severus followed her cautiously, sitting at the other end and drawing her feet into his lap, rubbing them absentmindedly as they both looked out into the garden at the blooming flowers.

"So what else did you want to know, now that we have established that I'm a crazy person?" She laughed a little as she spoke, slightly nervous of this silent Severus.

"How about why you lost so much weight?" He felt her stiffen, and with great effort she willed her muscles to relax again. But she did not reply.

"I know I did some terrible things, and I don't know how you dealt with that. But more than one person commented to you about how dangerously thin you are, and you didn't seem to care. Andrew told me how defensive you got when he brought up the subject."

"I was-" She wracked her brain for an answer that wouldn't seem to be laying the blame on him. "I was trying to forget about everything so I threw myself into my personal research. It's easy to forget about meals when so much has happened and you are trying to forget about it."

Severus' eyes shut for a moment, as he willed himself not to get upset, not to start hating himself again for what he had done to her.

"Hermione, I'm not going to start saying I'm sorry or anything like that, because you already know that I am, and this conversation isn't about me. But I'm asking you now to be honest with me. Because we both know that that isn't the truth."

"You know me too well." She smiled briefly, although the smile did not reach her eyes. "Oh, I don't know. I think it was about getting some command over my life again. Everything was spiralling out of control, and I was letting it get worse and worse. That was the only thing I _could_ control."

"What was spiralling out of control?" He asked gently, and despite his mellow tone it was starting to feel like an interrogation to Hermione.

"Everything! I was seeing a man I didn't even what to see, I had lost you, I shut out my parents, and I had lost all my friends."

"Lost all your friends?" Severus repeated, a frown crossing his face.

"It started a long time ago, when we started our research so many months ago. I started spending less and less time with my friends, and I divided all my time between you and Blaise. Millie was the only person I was really friends with. I had already shut out Harry and Ron because of all the arguments over Blaise. And then when you and I got together I just shut out everyone. You were the only person I wanted to be with."

Severus looked stricken, but Hermione didn't notice as she continued.

"We were so in love, we were spending every minute of the day together. Except when you were telling me to revise for my NEWTs. You remember how it was."

Severus did remember, and his chest tightened painfully as he recalled ordering her to revise under the pretence of wanted her to do well, whilst he was focussed on the potion, and how to bring back Albus.

Hermione shrugged then, unsure what to say. "After you and I were over, I couldn't turn to my friends – I could never tell them what had happened. Some of them didn't even know that we had been together at all. It was easier to shut them all out. With them not around it was easier to pretend that none of it had ever happened."

"They still cared about you – they still do."

"Not all of them do – Andrew probably hates me. He stood by me through everything, and he could see me better than I saw myself. But I ignored him whenever he tried to help me, and I ended up saying some really disgusting things to him. I don't know how to even begin to make it up to him."

"He will forgive you – he's that sort of person. Just take things one step at a time, and I will always be here for you. So are your friends, despite what you think."

Hermione smiled faintly.

"Thank you for listening, Severus. I hadn't realised there was so much bothering me still."

She found her legs suddenly being swung off his lap, and she was being pulled to settle next to him as Severus wrapped his cloak around both of them. Hermione got herself comfortable with her head on his still bare chest, her fingers unconsciously caressing the hair on his chest as they sat in contemplative, comfortable silence together.

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It was almost time for lunch when Severus and Hermione returned to the house, and were surprised to see Charlie Weasley pacing the kitchen, waiting for them.

"Where have you been?" he shouted, and they were both taken aback. "All your entrances are blocked, no post has been able to get in, I haven't even been able to send a message via patronus."

"Charlie – I sent word that we were alright, but not to be disturbed. Did you not get that message?"

Charlie's eyes narrows. "Yes, I got that message. But did you, in all your self-centredness not think that despite winning the battle, there might not be problems to follow?"

"What happened?" Hermione placed a gentle hand on Charlie's arm, calming him slightly as he remembered who he was talking to.

"It's Andrew. He's gone."

Hermione's face blanched of all colour, and for a moment she thought her knees would give way.

"What – what do you mean?" She asked faintly.

"We think the Deatheaters found out that it was him passing information to us."

"Maybe he ran away with Howard? He was in love with him, you know. Despite him being a Deatheater." Hermione suggested, her voice filled with naive hope.

"Hermione, we found Howard's body torn to pieces, the Dark Mark above it."

Hermione's entire body was shaking now, and Severus reached out a hand to comfort her, but Hermione shook him off violently.

"Oh God. I looked for him the night of the battle, after all the casualties were sent to St Mungo's, and we were saying good bye to everyone. I couldn't find him, and I didn't even think anything of it. I didn't even bother telling anyone, I just assumed he had gone home without saying goodbye."

Charlie tried to comfort her, to tell her that no one had noticed, but she didn't take any notice of him.

"He could be being tortured right now, and we are standing here doing nothing!"

"We have looked for days, but there's no word of him, and neither of our other two spies have heard anything either. We have to hope – for his sake – that he is dead."

Hermione inhaled sharply, holding in the breath, unable to relax her muscles and let it back out. "Merlin, and he will have died remembering my words about him loving a Deatheater ringing in his ears. Don't touch me!" She yelled at Severus, as he tried helplessly to console her.

"Are you still looking for him?" She asked of Charlie, and Charlie shook his head negatively in response.

"Not anymore. They thought he was a sympathiser with their cause, and now they see this is a betrayal. They will not have let him live."

"Fine. You all might have given up, but I will never stop looking until I find out what has happened to him."

Severus murmured a subdued thanks to Charlie for coming to tell them, and then raced after Hermione, who had disappeared upstairs.

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So after putting up that author's note about not updating for another couple of weeks due to exams, I suddenly found myself unable to concentrate on studying and I just had to get this chapter finished because it was driving me crazy!

I know it was a little shorter than usual, and had a lot of dialogue, but I hope you enjoyed it! More will follow soon I hope.

Lehayim


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Andrew shivered violently. He was locked in a small, window-less room and was no longer sure how many days he had spent in captivity. His lungs protested at the dwindling supply of air in the box-like room, and his entire body ached all over. Apparently, despite the Deatheaters being fiercely homophobic, they were not adverse to homosexual rape.

But he did not regret the path that had caused him to end up here. He had stopped the attack on Hogwarts from being a full out massacre of students and teachers, and had provided information that had led to the capture of more than one Deatheater.

No, of all the ways to go, this was probably the most worthy.

He had just one regret. Howard.

He had never thought of what he had been doing as something akin to prostitution. Severus had been a spy in the war, and Andrew did not for one second think that Severus would even hesitate before sleeping with the enemy in order to get information. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

But he hadn't expected to like the man. And he hadn't expected to fall in love with him.

He knew it wasn't right. The man was a Deatheater, there was nothing good about him. But Howard was different. Yes, being a Deatheater was part of who he was. But it didn't define him, and that was what held him apart from the other Deatheaters. It was what had made it easy for Andrew to seduce the man.

Andrew was well-practiced from the last time he had played this role. Take things slowly. Build up a relationship with nothing to do with Voldemort and the Deatheaters. They had discussed books and music and poetry. Andrew's club and Howard's business. They had debated the issue of bringing democracy to the Ministry of Magic, and the issue of compulsory ID cards which stated ones bloodline.

And all the while Andrew had carefully avoided bringing up the Deatheaters. Howard was aware that he knew; the dark mark was hard to ignore when naked in bed. But it was never mentioned. It was well known that Andrew was from old pureblood lines with Deatheater sympathies; the fact that he did not have the mark whilst Howard did seemed negligible somehow.

And all the while Andrew had refused to admit to himself that he was falling in love with this man. He _couldn't_ fall in love with him, he was a Deatheater!

When he did accept the truth, he seriously considered kidnapping his lover and running away with him to the far corners of the globe. Then he had gone to the nearest muggle store, bought a bottle of vodka, and drank himself into a stupor.

After that he hadn't know what to do. He couldn't blow his cover, so he continued to act exactly as he always had with Howard. He let his love consume him, all the while maintaining his public image for society.

He laughed humourlessly as he remembered trying to get Hermione and Severus back together. If he couldn't have his own fairytale romance then he needed someone else to for him. It was as if he could redeem his own mistakes and his doomed romance with Howard by bringing Hermione and Severus back together.

And all the while his guilt and horror and himself threatened to become too much to bear. It tortured and tormented him.

He could hear Hermione's sharp, cutting words ringing out as if she were standing next to him.

"_And I suppose you know all about soul mates? You have found yours have you? In a __**Deatheater**__?" _

Her tone and the judgement in her voice had cut him to the core. And partly because he knew that despite the unforgiving tone of her words, and how they had deliberately been chosen to hurt him and make him back off, he knew that they were true.

He thought of Howard. He knew that the man would be dead now, there was no doubting that. The Deatheaters did not take betrayal lightly.

And yet for some reason, Andrew could not grieve for his lover. He knew that he should be mourning his loss, but it was too much to take in. Without seeing a body, without having proof, his heart could not accept that Howard might be gone. That his beautiful blue eyes now stared lifelessly at the world, unseeing, his heart no longer beating.

His head had rested on Howard's chest moments before Deatheaters burst into the room on them. They had lain in bed together, recovering after consuming their passion, and Andrew had rested his head on Howard's chest to listen to the man's slowly recovering heartbeat. It was unthinkable that that heart was no longer beating. He couldn't accept it.

_But_, he reasoned with himself, as he lay on the cold unforgiving floor of his prison, _it can only be better for him if he is dead_.

After his torture of the last few days, Andrew knew this to be true.

A small smile played across his bruised and swollen features.

"If you are gone, know that I will soon be joining you there." He murmured aloud, his voice hoarse and breaking.

But it begged the question, Why was he still alive?

He had given them no information. He had resisted legilimency until his nose bled and his the pain in his head was so excruciating that he had begged for death.

"What is it you want?" He had gasped, when they had given him a momentary respite. "The Dark Lord is dead, all that's left is a few Deatheaters in hiding."

And then the Deatheaters all around him threw back their heads and laughed. And Andrew could not understand why, nor did he want to understand.

"My Lord?" One of the Deatheaters who had been trying to force his way into Andrew's mind looked at a figure to the side of the room.

Andrew had not even noticed him. He appeared insignificant, swathed in shadows at the corner of the room, watching Andrew's torture with interest, but not commenting and not taking part. Had Andrew realised sooner that this was the new leader of the Deatheaters he may have paid the figure more attention.

When the figure spoke, his voice was so hoarse that it would have been impossible to tell if he was male or female, except for the giveaway by his height and build. Weakly, Andrew wondered what had caused his voice to become like that. Scarred vocal cords? Burns to his throat? It was easier to ponder side-issues like this to himself and so almost pretend that what was being done to him wasn't real.

"Let the boys loose on him." The strange voice replied. "If he wants to be a fag, let him be a fag."

Now Andrew recoiled as he realised exactly what the Deatheater meant by 'let the boys loose'.

The voice continued, "and when you are done, bring me a pensieve of it. I will enjoy seeing him be broken."

And Andrew was led away.

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And now he was here; lifeless and bleeding on the floor, too weak to even contemplate trying to sit up or rearrange his uncooperative limbs into a more comfortable position.

He must have fallen asleep at some point, for when he opened his eyes again he was lying in a bed, surrounded by clouds of soft pillows.

"I've died."

The voice that replied spoke with mock-surprise. "Dead? Oh no, we would never let that happen to you, Mr Mayfair."

Andrew at once recognised the silky, authoritative tones of Lucius Malfoy. With effort, he let his head roll to the side so that he could look at Malfoy. He was sitting in a chair next to the bed, an open book on his lap. Andrew supposed that he must have been waiting some time for him to wake.

"What do you want from me? You know by now that I'm not going to say anything. Why have you not killed me?" Andrew's voice was by now emotionless. He would not beg Malfoy to kill him, but he could only hope that someone would.

"Why Mr Mayfair, what use are you to us dead?" And Andrew recoiled in horror.

"What do you mean?" He whispered.

"Mr Mayfair, you have good friends who refuse to give up on you whilst the rest of the Order assumed you were dead long ago."

"Long ago?"

"Mr Mayfair, you have been here for twenty days. Admittedly you were unconscious for eight of those twenty days. And would you like to know who the two people are that refuse to give up on you?"

With a sinking feeling in his heart, Andrew knew at once who they were.

"Why, Miss Granger and Severus Snape, of course. Now, you can imagine how fortunate that is for us. The very two people we want in our hands most of all are seeking us out. Of course, if you were dead and they found out it could pose a small problem."

Before he had wanted to dieto put an end to his suffering. Now he prayed to the Gods above that he would die for Hermione and Severus. And somehow, miraculously, stop them finding him.

"We aren't making it easy for them." Lucius confided in Andrew. "If we did that they would know it to be a trap. Severus was a master spy, we cannot try to trick him. No, you are in our top-security facility. It could take them weeks more to track you down, but we are willing to wait, are we not Mr Mayfair?"

Andrew looked at Malfoy blankly.

"Why do you need them both?" he rasped. He knew he shouldn't even be thinking it, but the only thought going through his head was that he could at least try to save Hermione. "Surely just Snape will do for your purposes?"

"Tut tut, Mr Mayfair. Is this favouritism I detect? I agree, we could probably make do with just Severus for our purposes. Although Miss Granger is brilliant in her own right – even for a mudblood. But it appears that my Deatheaters all want a taste of the delectable Miss Granger. And Greyback has been promised the leftovers to do what he likes with."

Malfoy grinned lecherously, and Andrew shuddered violently.

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Hermione and Severus took shelter behind a tree, taking a momentary break to regain their breath after running for their lives.

"Severus – I think – now – is the time – to stun this man – and get out of here." Hermione panted.

Once it was safe for them, Severus dropped to a crouch and unrolled the newly acquired map they hadn't thought they would ever get their hands on, and both he and Hermione peered at the dozens of black dots covering it.

"Do you think he was telling the truth?" Hermione asked of Severus. "People will say anything when they are being tortured."

"True. But the map speaks for itself." He got to his feet and carefully rolled to map back up.

"Next stop Paris?" Hermione asked.

"Paris." Severus agreed, and they disapparated together.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Eight

It took several days for Hermione and Severus to establish their cover in Paris as an ordinary witch and wizard holidaying in Paris. Hermione had used extensive spellwork to transform her hair into short, sleek auburn waves, and her eyes into a brilliant blue. And then there were all the little changes – lengthening her nose slightly, thinning her lips, adding a little fat around her breasts and buttocks.

When she was finished she looked at Severus for approval.

"What do you think?" She asked, twirling slightly.

"Very nice," he nodded. "I will miss the real you while we are here – although I could get used to this!" He pulled her towards him, his hands on her newly rounded bottom.

"What about you, Severus?" With an imperceptible sigh he waved his wand, making the complicated wandwork look easy. His hair shortened, becoming a salt-and-pepper mixture of dark brown interspersed with grey. His characteristic nose and prominent cheekbones were softened slightly, and his slightly crooked teeth straightened themselves.

"Very distinguished – and handsome." Hermione gave him her stamp of approval. Old insecurities rose within him at her words.

"You don't –" He faltered for a moment, then continued, "do you wish I would stay this way for you?"

Hermione gaped at him. "You're serious?"

Apparently he was.

"Severus! There isn't a single thing I would change about you. I hate that I can't have the old you here with me – the only consolation is that you still have your eyes."

She stood on tiptoe to look seriously into said eyes, black and intense, and kissed him slowly. Severus chuckled dryly.

"I know it's you in there, but I feel like I'm with another woman. It's horrible."

"It won't be for long, just until we find this contact."

Hermione regarded him seriously. "You honestly think the son of a Deatheater will be happy to help us?"

"If he is as anti-dark magic as we have heard, I expect nothing less."

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They found the boy in a magical club in a small Parisian side road. The club made Hermione think of Andrew more than ever, and she was determined to find him.

The magic in this club was much more intense than in _Mayfair_; half-naked witches and wizards were dancing wildly, perspiration rolling down lithe bodies, and the only way to let out their pent up energy was through the ends of their wands. Red and green sparks flew up to the ceiling before raining down, lights crackling everywhere.

"He's at the bar." Severus murmured, nodding discretely towards a boy of twenty-one ordering a drink. "Wait here."

Before giving Hermione a moment to protest, he strode off and planted himself at the bar. Hermione watched across the room, frustrated that she couldn't hear what they were saying. She ignored the attempts of several men to come on to her, still staring at the bar. After about five minutes the boy got up looking angry and stalked away back into the throng of people on the dance floor.

Hermione went over to the bar and sat next to Severus.

"I don't know what went wrong." He admitted, angry with himself for getting off to such a bad start. Hermione grinned.

"You may be a master spy, but I have one thing in my favour that you don't. I'm a woman." Taking a large gulp of Severus' drink for liquid courage, Hermione slipped off her bar stool and disappeared into the crowd.

He saw her a little while later, dancing closely with the boy. Severus took the opportunity to look at the boy properly. He was tall and slim, muscles covering his lean form. He could see this because the boy had his shirt off, sweat glistening on his chest. His hands were on Hermione's hips, holding her tight against his half-naked body. She was laughing at something he had said, and the boy was grinning down at her, clearly very taken with her.

Severus scowled, and turned his back on them to order another drink. She may not have looked like his Hermione, but seeing another man's hands on her was too much for him to bear.

He drank at the bar for a good hour, alternating sulky glances at Hermione with staring moodily into his drink. A barman gave him a piece of parchment, and Severus looked up at him, waiting for an explanation.

"A lady asked me to give it to you."

Severus unfurled it at once, instantly recognising Hermione's handwriting.

'_Severus,'_ she had written in a hasty scrawl. _'I am writing this from the bathroom – Richard and I are going to get a bite to eat in a creperie down the road. Don't worry about me, I will be back in the hotel in no more than an hour. H x'_

That was it. He read it twice, then destroyed it.

Foolish girl for writing his name for anyone to see, he thought, and then supposed that she must have been in a great rush, panicking to get word to him before the boy suspected anything was amiss. It wouldn't do to scare him off.

He threw a few galleons at the barman at apparated back to his hotel. He was inebriated enough that he landed in a graceless heap on the floor, his head spinning. He must have had more to drink than he had realised.

Using the corner of the bed to pull himself to his feet, Severus got up and into the shower, standing under the steaming jets of water for a long time. A familiar pop of someone apparating in alerted him to the fact that either Hermione was back, or they had an intruder.

Either way, he had to get out of the shower. Reluctantly switching off the powerful cascade of water, he wrapped a towel around his waist and went into the bedroom.

Hermione stood there waiting for him impatiently. Seeing her standing there, recalling the image of Richard's sweaty hands on her, Severus caught her to him, capturing her lips with his in a violent, crushing kiss.

"I couldn't bear seeing that greasy weasel with his mitts on you," Severus murmured between kisses, his hands roaming over her body, trying to erase the memory. Before she knew it her dress was a shimmering heap on the floor, her bra joined it a minute later. His hands cupped her breasts and she arched into his touch, moaning softly. His mouth latched onto a nipple, his tongue teasing it into a taut, stiff peak. Hermione clutched at his short hair, her eyes rolling back in her head.

Wait – short hair? She opened her eyes, coming back to earth with a painful thud, remembering why they were there.

"Stop!" She gasped, regaining her senses with regret. With difficulty Severus stopped himself, taking a step away from her. He drew in a long, shaky breath. Hermione picked up his discarded white shirt from the floor, wrapping it around herself and holding it shut.

"We need to talk about what I found out tonight." Hermione said. "Andrew is more important than any of this."

Severus smothered a smirk. If he were with Andrew, the flamboyant man would have told him to get laid first; wild goose chase later.

He sat on the bed, Hermione joining him there.

"Tell me everything."

"His father is a Deatheater, and he had been trying to force him to join for years. If he doesn't come to the next meeting to be initiated he will be forced to – and if he still won't do their bidding, he will be sent to Germany and never see the light of day again!"

Her words came out in one long, breathless incoherent gabble.

"Say it again – slowly." Severus said to her looking amused.

Hermione repeated what she had said more slowly this time.

"Germany?" Severus mused. "What's in Germany?"

"Do you think that that is where Andrew is?" Hermione asked excitedly.

"It's a possibility," Severus said cautiously, not wanting her to get her hopes up only to be disappointed.

He put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him, dropping a kiss onto her horribly sleek and styled hair.

"I will be glad to get your old hair back," he said, and Hermione chuckled.

She got up reluctantly, going into the bathroom to get ready for bed. She emerged wearing an old T-Heshirt of Severus' that she had long ago adopted as her favoured sleepwear. Severus was exactly as she had left him, still sitting on the bed.

He stood up, threw the towel to one side and got into bed naked. Hermione got in the other side, and he pulled her close to him.

"Not tonight." She said, feeling his growing erection against her side. Severus grunted in response, but he had not expected any better.

"Shall we go to Germany tomorrow?"

"Not yet, you should see Richard again tomorrow. See if you can get any more information out of him. But be careful – it's one thing when he's drunk and trying to get into your knickers, it's quite another when he is fully alert and wants to know why a complete stranger is asking him about Deatheaters."

Hermione smiled sleepily at him, yawning wildly as she nodded her agreement and quickly fell asleep.

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Hermione tied her hair back into a loose ponytail, her face free of all make up as she surveyed her reflection dismally. Her face looked drawn and overwrought after a night disturbed by nightmares of Andrew being tortured, and Voldemort laughing evilly before turning into Lucius Malfoy, and then into Hitler.

"Be careful." Severus warned her as she prepared to meet Richard for brunch in the centre of Paris.

He didn't have to pace the room for long – she was back just an hour later.

"I didn't get much more out of him." She yawned, throwing her handbag onto the floor in her disappointment. "He said something about being imprisoned there until forced to change his mind, but then he remembered who he was talking to her and what he was talking about, and he completely closed up."

She shrugged her shoulders, dejected at the lack of information.

Imprisonment in Germany? To Severus that sounded suspiciously like the Deatheaters had claimed the abandoned wizard prison of Nurmengard as theirs.

"Have a rest now, we will discuss our options later." He suggested. Hermione nodded thankfully and climbed into bed still fully clothed, her eyes closed before her head had hit the pillow.

When she woke, refreshed and rejuvenated, Severus was lying next to her in the big bed reading a book.

"Feeling better?" He enquired.

"Much, thank you."

Hermione watched him reading for a few minutes, although it was clear that he was not paying any attention to the words of the book.

"What are you thinking about?"

Severus looked a little embarrassed. "It's nothing important."

"Tell me."

He hesitated a moment. "I was actually thinking that the last time we slept together was over a month ago."

Hermione stared at him, and he flushed slightly, waiting for her disapproving speech about how there were more important things to worry about. It never came.

The corners of her lips curving into a sweet smile, she leant over Severus, pressing her lips to his before pulling back and saying,

"Well that is something we shall have to remedy."

He was taken aback for a moment, and then curled his hand around her neck, bringing her face back down to his. He rolled over so that she was beneath him, carefully manoeuvring them so that he wasn't crushing her.

He stared into the unfamiliar eyes. "I need to see the real you," he murmured, and Hermione reached for her wand, transforming back into her old self. Severus did the same. He pulled her hair from the elastic keeping it tied up, joyfully running his fingers through the wild curls. Her chocolate-brown eyes were warmer than he had remembered, looking at him with such a look of love that he knew at once the wait had been worth it.

He tugged the T-Shirt over her head so that it was just the long lengths of their naked bodies pressed up against each other. He caressed her breasts softly until he felt her nipples harden beneath the palm of his hand. She moaned and moved against him, sending a jolt through him. He thrust against her, feeling her wet and ready for him. Hermione jerked her hips up towards him, and Severus smiled.

"Patience is a virtue." He said, his eyes crinkling with laughter.

And then he moved further down her body, kissing his way down the soft skin of her stomach. She felt his fingers in her folds, and then he was holding her open to look at her. Hermione squirmed beneath his stare, desperate for him to touch her.

Warm breath blew on her clit, and then his tongue was in her folds, on her clit, inside her. She cried out in pleasure, not caring how loud she was, as he took her clit in his mouth and sucked on it, his fingers curling inside her, until she screamed out her climax, white spots exploding in front of her eyes.

Then he was back up at her face, kissing her lovingly as he entered her agonisingly slowly. Her muscles clenched around him, and he began driving into her, unable to control himself any longer. Her hips rose to meet his every thrust, her cries of pleasure mingling with his.

He climaxed with a roar and one final thrust, and collapsed on top of her. Their bodies were slippery against each other, and Severus knew that he should move off her. But for now everything was so perfect that all they could do was lie together, clutching at each other happily.


End file.
